Overwhelmed with no plan, stabilization, feel like giving up, or going fast

I've made several posts about my Derealization & visual distortions 24 /7 for months.

I know we aren't doctors, but I'm just needing someone that must have ideas to help me, please. More ideas than I have. I Havnt gotten much feedback on what to do to stabilize.

I can't judge visually, emotionally, nor cognitively what's going on. I can't drive. I'm not in severe with drawl but the DR & visual distortions started sometime soon after I switched out half my clonazapam that I'm pretty tolerant to(most of its effectiveness, anxiety, panic, 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽) plus am having bad mood swings, morning anxiety, cog fog, poor short term memory, irrational irritability, fatigue. Super depression, but have good moments & longterm TRD is my thing.

I feel like I need a plan to stabilize out of the DR visual stuff & at least & then taper. I could then take a walk. Drive, look at nature & my loved ones & self & recognize what is real.

I'm awful with scales, math etc. But think scale dry cut will be my only way. Maybe learning that could help me stabilize? Like even I should weigh my .25 Xanax taken as needed during the day?

I'm feeling like at this point maybe I should just dry eyebal cut & go faster to get out of this dysfunctional state. I have so far to go to taper properly, which I don't even know what that is anymore with these symptoms.

If anyone can help or knows someone that can please chime in.

Was thinking risky but maybe need to cross all to diazepam for taper simplicity sake & to hopefully stabilize & get off these dang things. Sorry whiny bad day.

 

My other threads that might have helpful info

Think my first post on recent symptoms, others have similar, but are off or much lower than me, no plan

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=240273.msg3076903#msg3076903

Early pst on this,y symptoms

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=241311.msg3087097#msg3087097

Visuals from Xanax? Symptoms my experience explained

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=241324.msg3087178#msg3087178

Crossing from 2-1/cross back to clonazepam?

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=241396.msg3087939#msg3087939

Crossing from X & K to V

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=241784.msg3091768#msg3091768

Member suggest Ross to all V

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=241274.msg3086931#msg3086931

 

Thanks

SCAREDIE

Hi scardie

 

Sounds like you feel pretty poor.  Those symptoms are tiring.  It’s difficult to give advice, because we’re all different.  What works for one, not the other.  Trying some things can make some feel worse.  So, it’s a trial run all the way.  We know maximum reductions of 5-10% and we know go slow.  We know that symptoms fade in time. 

 

You’ve tried a variety of benzos and crossovers now.  I’m not clear what you take now and how long you’ve had this symptom? 

 

I would not recommend you cut more faster.  Or ‘eyeball’ cuts.  That’s too random.  That’s not going to help.  How do you cut your doses now?  If you can get one benzo compounded liquid, then taper using a dropper.  A doctor can prescribe and a complete pharmacy can prepare. 

Hi scardie

 

Sounds like you feel pretty poor.  Those symptoms are tiring.  It’s difficult to give advice, because we’re all different.  What works for one, not the other.  Trying some things can make some feel worse.  So, it’s a trial run all the way.  We know maximum reductions of 5-10% and we know go slow.  We know that symptoms fade in time. 

 

You’ve tried a variety of benzos and crossovers now.  I’m not clear what you take now and how long you’ve had this symptom? 

 

I would not recommend you cut more faster.  Or ‘eyeball’ cuts.  That’s too random.  That’s not going to help.  How do you cut your doses now?  If you can get one benzo compounded liquid, then taper using a dropper.  A doctor can prescribe and a complete pharmacy can prepare.

Thanks for replying.

Yes I'm not feeling well & my sxs are tiring. It's hard when my brain is trying to constantly figure out what I'm seeing or the visual distortions are too stimulating & overwhelming etc.its very hard with depression.

 

I put my meds in my sig: .25Xanax 4 times per day as needed & 1Xanax @ bed & 1.625 clonazepam @ bed

 

I crossed out half of my clonazapam that Im pretty tolerant to for equal amounts of Xanax in the beginning of December. Kept 2mg kpin, added 2mg X. I forgot your not suppose to fast cross like that, but have done so in the past with no problems. So I basically cold turkeyed 2mg kpin, but replaced it with 2mg x. I've already beat myself up over it.

I was on another med at the time that was causing similar symptoms to, so not exactly sure when they started, but probably January, February 20.

 

I cut my pills with my fingernails, with my poor distorted vision. My clonazapam crumbles in a pill cutter & I wasn't too worried about splitting my ,5 Xanax as needed during the day that way, as no prob in past & its oval doesn't cut well in pill cutter.

All is so hard right now with my brain & other health issues. I have a scale, but not sure f I could do it even with much help...maybe, though. Need some way to get thinggs more steady. My doc won't write compounds as doesn't understand how, even if walked through from help here, just not comfortable with it & last time I took liquid compound, it felt like placebo & I didn't understand how to dose it, had to be hand held daily on how much to draw up, not enough understanding & control, but is nil unless new doc & that is not looking like will happen anytime soon. Slim Pickens & my doc not benzo wise, but doesn't force the taper either, so switching risky.

Someone suggested moving some clonazepam to the day as perhaps I'm having interdose withdrawl from that since the cross, but I don't want to take x & k together during the day, but maybe I'll have to to get out of crazy land,I don't know. I have so far to go & I can't go all the way like this.

That's all I've got.

Maybe with this additional information someone will have some more ideas for trial & error stabilizing.

Thanks

SCAREDIE

Scardie, you mentioned having taken another med that produced side effects.  If I remember right, you're no longer taking it.  If it isn't too forward of me to ask, what was that med?  How and when did you discontinue it? 

 

I ask because, in previous posts, you said you were unsure if your DP/DR effects are a holdover from that med or if they're caused by some aspect of your benzo regimen. 

 

If it was an anti-depressant, recent studies show that they can have more severe and persistent post-WD effects than even benzos do.

Scardie, you mentioned having taken another med that produced side effects.  If I remember right, you're no longer taking it.  If it isn't too forward of me to ask, what was that med?  How and when did you discontinue it? 

 

I ask because, in previous posts, you said you were unsure if your DP/DR effects are a holdover from that med or if they're caused by some aspect of your benzo regimen. 

 

If it was an anti-depressant, recent studies show that they can have more severe and persistent post-WD effects than even benzos do.

Thanks for caring. It's not too forward. I'm typically an open book.  It's not a med I'm comfortable discussing online. I'm sorry. It's not an antidepressant. But I've taken almost all of those & fast crossed back & forth between benzos before as I did this last time & have never experienced anything like this in my life. It will provoke too much unnecessary conversation & makes me paranoid about the future of my healthcare. It has no discontinuation sxs. X SC

Hi scardie,

 

How’s it going today?  Have you figured out any of your concerns about what to do?

I know you don’t want to hear this bit I don’t think there is a way to stablize once the brain is kindled, sensitised, stuck in withdrawal and the only thing to do is to steadily taper off at a rate that literally doesn’t make you kill yourself if at all possible.

 

Everything you have is withdrawal.

 

You could try holding for 6 months, a year - sometimes ppl get stable eventually.

I can’t do that because dosing now causes horrific symtoms as do all meds and supplements and some foods.

 

Most ppl don’t seem to stablise.

 

So all there is to do is taper - going quickly will most likely make it worse very quickly but might not.

For me the symptoms change a bit as get lower but it is utterly horrific.

 

I have dozens of terrifying symptoms but there is literally no way out but to get off and hope that over a few years things can recover and that I can stay alive long enough for that to happen.

Hi scardie,

 

How’s it going today?  Have you figured out any of your concerns about what to do?

Hi healing,

Thanks for checking in & asking. Not really. Just to get my doses stable for now & then I suppose figure out how to taper while still DR & visual distortions, is what's suggested. Feeling beat For today. But I'll definitely need help with taper plans & or possibly maybe trying to move some k to daytime to see if that helps, but really don't want to take x & K during day together.

Hope you are well

SC x

Ok, I hear you.  One day at a time.  Some people do stabilize, even if kindled.  Even if in tolerance.  Stable doesn’t mean symptom free.  It means better and maybe as best you can get.  For now. 

Ok, I hear you.  One day at a time.  Some people do stabilize, even if kindled.  Even if in tolerance.  Stable doesn’t mean symptom free.  It means better and maybe as best you can get.  For now.

Much thanks. I think I'm starting to see & accept that. Be well SC :)

Will reply ASAP. Thanks SC