4 Years on 1mg of Ativan

Hello all,

 

I'm both very hesitant (scared) and excited to have found this board as I have felt very alone in this process.

 

The short of the long:

After 3 years of recovery from alcohol I found myself experiencing increasing and more frequent anxiety. I had always been a proponent of psychotherapy but wisely apprehensive to psychiatric medication. Reluctantly I finally went to see a psychiatrist after several panic attacks and was prescribed Ativan 'as needed'. For 6 months I used it as directed and symptoms improved. Eventually, as we all know, the panic began to increase into generalized anxiety and I found myself taking it daily without even questioning it. My shrink at the time did not have a problem with this change, nor was I aware of dependency. Suddenly 2.5 years passed, I had been switched in and out of insurance carriers, my shrinks had changed 2 more times and none of them said anything about the Ativan usage and prescribed it as usual.  Last year, I was in a good place and finally decided I wanted to get off of all medication (I had also been taking Lexapro). In the fall, I tapered over the course of 1 month to a fairly small amount of .5 and within two weeks I had my first real episode of mania and insomnia. I did not sleep for 4 days straight at one point. I was inconsolable. I lost 10 pounds from not eating. At this point I researched benzo withdrawal, the Ashton Manual and other info on long-lasting effects of even short-term use. Feeling like I was losing my mind, my doctor suggested we back up on the Ativan, introduce Trazodone for sleep and return to the Lexapro. It worked! (of course). Though my doctor has been supportive of my desires to get off medication but he has played down withdrawal. Things returned to business as usual.

 

Finally, this summer I was committed to coming off meds. In March I was on 10mg of Lexapro and 1mg of Ativan. He wanted to introduce Wellbutrin before we came off anything (which then would be reduced after). I successfully stepped down off of Lexapro in July and tapered off of Ativan over 4 weeks. By August 1 I was down to .5 of Ativan and feeling great. The second week of August I stepped down off of .5 every other day and I loving life. In the beginning of September I tapered off of the Wellbutrin. For two weeks I was so elated. My therapist and I high-fived and I was truly proud. 

 

Two weeks ago anxiety levels started to rise though it was not comparable to the previous attempt. My doctor had me go back on 150XL Wellbutrin thinking perhaps I was experiencing a reemergence of the underlying depression/anxiety. Last week was a living hell. My mania was back and I was feeling completely out of control. Contacting him (on the phone, as my mental health insurance cap has been met for the year) he thought I try Lexapro again. Desperate, and not wanting to go back on Ativan, I agreed. While my mania has subsided the last few days, my anxiety has been persistent and now the dreaded sleeplessness has set in. I fall asleep after Benedryl and Melatonin for only a few hours and wake up to anxiety. I decided to bite the bullet and see my doctor. My appointment is in the morning.

 

I wish I had found this active forum with more time before the appointment but I'm considering trying the Ashton Manual. I am in my last year of my Master's degree and work full time and this has been debilitating. I was hoping to get some advice form others that have tried this method as I am apprehensive of replacing one benzo for another. The schedule and what I've read in here and on other site suggest it has been effective. My doctor prescribed me Klonopin on Friday which I took for 3 days before reacting badly to it. He has also mentioned Gabapentene (sic) but the research I've done on that shows dependency as well.

 

Please let me know I'm not going nuts, or alone. My biggest fear is that I've caused permanent damage to my system. Thanks for any info and support.

 

Sorry this is so long,

S

 

 

Hello and Welcome to Benzo Buddies Sleep

 

First and foremost you are not ALONE, we have a huge group of supportive, knowledgeable members who will offer you support and encouragement.

 

First off here is Professor Ashton's Manual, I know you mentioned you have read it, but I'd still like to include it.

 

We also have a dedicated Ativan thread:  Tapering off Ativan Thread you'll find lots of great support and advice on tapering off Ativan here.

 

You may also like to pop a post on the Withdrawal and Recovery Thread

 

Additionally, when you have a chance, If you wish to add a signature (history of meds/doses etc) this link will show you how Click Here

 

Once again, everything you have described (as you will see as you peruse the board) is seen in typical withdrawal.

 

Take your time to have a good look around.

 

StaffyGirl

Thanks so much for your welcome. I have added a signature which includes a plan of action. If anyone can recommend a safe and successful way to step down off of 1mg for 3+ years and a fluctuation with .5 mg for the last 8-9 months. I would greatly appreciate it. Going to the shrink in a couple of hours and going to talk about where to start. Though I have to pay out of pocket, he is a very supportive and accessible shrink. 

Sleep,

 

Throw it straight onto the Ativan Thread and you should get some help.

 

StaffyGirl