CT 5 Months - Barely hanging on... Need Some HOPE PLEASE PLEEEEEZE

Hi B Buddies

I'm 5 months out from my cold turk of K (detox ctr) and I'm suffering tremendously. I need some support, encouragement, hope, something, anything to inspire me. The light at the end of the the tunnel is dim. Yes' I've had some windows in the last few months, days when I could see movies, ride the subway, take long walks. However, I have not slept more than a fe w hours since last Saturday night. Sleep has been my #1 issue throughout this process (not before drugs). Lack of sleep leads to so many other sxs, GI distress, vomiting, anxiety, terror filled panic and repeated bouts of agoraphobia. Not to mention extreme lack of energy, appetite, no joy and weight loss and weakness. How can this be dragging on for 5 months. I feel worse this week than I did at 3 to 3 and half months. Ive not been able to even go for a walk since Tuesday evening. When i don't leave for a day or so my agora sets in again (something i never had pre-drug). I'm at my witts end here. I'm hanging on the the last rung in the ladder but I'm down to one pinky finger. I'm scared out of my med, majorly drug sensitive so Traz, Seroquel etc are not options for me. i've tried so many alternatives, tart cherry, poppy, melatonin - and sick as a dog if i take valerian. I need some inspiration. Was anyone this BAD at 5 months off. I mean I was puking on the floor again at 3am (that left in Feb and now came back! whaaaah! i don't know how to help myself or my husband, he cried endlessly seeing me suffer. No sleep, on my hands and knees praying for mercy.

Please share some stories of those who have been here and made it out alive and well. Thank you, Chris (Melo)

Chris,

 

Yes...my husband was really, truly that bad at around 5-6 months...we couldn't believe it...it just seemed to get worse.  It was a very hard time, but he made it thru...only one day at a time....and I also often thought I couldn't stand it one more minute. 

 

This morning he was up early just like his pre-benzo days, eager to get to his shop and work.  He is actually a happier man now than before this happened...I'm truly amazed at that.  I'm having a harder time recovering than he is. 

 

That's not to say he is fully recovered, but all of his lingering s/x are totally bearable and he can ignore them...for the last month or so.  He hasn't been able to work thru any of it...so he's trying to catch up financially and he seems to have the energy to do it...I'm amazed.  He didn't take any supps. after 6 months and he never had medical help after the detox nightmare...I'm not recommending that just giving the background info.

 

His improvement happened pretty suddenly...one morning all the rage was gone and little anxiety...we kept waiting for the window to close and it hasn't yet...he also says he feels different like it won't close and is planning trips...that's huge...he wouldn't even think of it in previous windows, scared that it would all come back.

 

He was where you're at now....and it took some time but the nightmare part is over...it really does end.

I hope your husband can take some encouragement from this too...it's hard for the spouse to keep proper perspective when there is no outside help. It will be over soon..it doesn't last forever...although it feels like it will while you're in it.

 

puffin

Chris-  I am almost at 4 months and freaked out about how much worse I feel now than I did a month ago.  I feel exactly as you do-  extraordinary pain and suffering.

 

And My poor husband cried yesterday too.  

 

Puffin-  God bless you for your words of hope and encouragement.

 

Chris -  we will get through this.

I'm so sorry, Chris.  It seems so unfair to have come so far and still feel so miserable.  I tapered off slowly and still ended up with a lot of uncomfortable and some scary symptoms up until about the 7 month point.  So I had my 6 months of tapering plus another 7 months of mostly feeling really bad. The only symptoms left over from those "bad old days" is the tinnitus which may have more to do with my age than benzos.  You will get your life back but you have to hang on and let the time pass.  It also helps to support your body with a good diet, as much restful sleep as you can manage and exercise - you know, a healthy lifestyle.  You will get there. 

Hey Chris:

 

I pm'd you. I rambled on for ages, but hope it helps. Any yes, just to reiterate, I WAS that sick at 5 months.

 

Here is a post I replied to someone at nearly 6 months.

 

Nuala

 

217  Benzodiazepine Withdrawal Support / Withdrawal & Recovery Support / Re: Starving  on: March 28, 2010, 02:55:24 PM 

Same here, Bob.

 

I was sick in the beginning, and not eating. Then at 3 and 4 months out I was ravenous, which scared me becasue I did not want to gain weight knowing I could not excercise. I ate everything in sight and lots of carbs to boot. Now, at 5 months +, I am pretty sick again, and anything I eat seems to make me more revved up and sicker. I just don't want to run myself down any further. 

 

Nuala

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=18891.msg289075#msg289075

 

 

 

hi melo,

 

At 5 months out I felt like I dropped back to square one. By the 3rd month things seemed to ease up and I thought I'd keep feeling better, then month 5 came and I felt lousy again, maybe that's just the nature of the beast.

Once I got to the 6th month I started to feel true mending going on, I still have waves but they're not as bad.

 

Hang tough, you're almost at that turning point, try to distract yourself and get through it, things will subside and you should start to turn a corner soon.

 

 

Chris-  So sorry you are having such a rough go.  I am just at 3 months off of a/d and klonopin.  The past few days were really rough, I threw up in the yard this morning, god, this is phenomenal what we go through.  All of must hold on, I say this to you and to myself a hundred times per day.  Every morning between 2 and 6 am I am going nuts,  want to go to the hospital, shaking, quaking, crying, struggling, and then somehow it lifts.  I force myself to walk, no matter how bent over and shaking I am I go outside and walk and it always helps, does not always fix things, but helps.  I know that the insomnia is the absolute worst thing for me, and it sounds like for you as well.  The nights are so damn long, no one is awake, and the floor has a groove in it from my pacing.  I actually bought a head lamp to use during the night when I have to walk.  Good luck to night, I will send you some good thoughts.  Feel free to pm me at any time.  I am up every night (pacific time)  this board keeps me alive.  Lori

Thank you all so much for your replies. Those of you healed who take the time to inspire those of us in the trenches and those down here with me still trying to dig yourselvrs out.

It's been a rough week, I forced a walk before sunset and if did help ease the pain a bit.

Boy this has sure been one h3ll of a ride, I'm ready to get off the benzocoaster!

Tonight I'm going to bed at 11pm, typing this from my phone. No computer two hrs before bed.

I've rubbed with feet and head with Peace and Calming essential oil and were using a nice lavender oil in the bedroom. I'm not sure what else to do, had light protein snack before bed and I'll be praying quite a bit.

Lori you're in my prayers too! Hang in there. Insomnia has been the worst symptom ever!!!!

If I could get a full nights rest I'd conquer the rest of the symptoms.

I'm thinking about neurofeedback, reg seems to be getting good results.

Why not. I've tried all the supplements and no go.

I'll keep you posted.

Sweet dreams buddies! Much love

Melo

Chris

I too am suffering from extreme insomnia at the moment, the last two weeks have been the worst time for me in this whole process.  Like you I believe that if I could just get some sleep then everything else would be a lot more bearable. I have had some nights when I have had no sleep but lalely I am managing an hour or two and I am grateful for that.

Two things I believe are helping.  I started acupuncture last week and I think that has helped and also eft.  I dont know if you know about that but if you get it right it can be very powerful. There are alot of youtube clips specifically on insomnia. I use the david childerley one and it certainly helped to calm me last night and  did help me get a bit of sleep.

Good luck

Silvia

Dear buddies

thank you for the replies, I'm thinking to try eft, I say a video with Paula kovacs, a former benzo sufferer.

I was doing acupuncture early on but as my sxs increased through the cold Turk I was able to leave the house less and less. Lack of sleep causes this weird return of agoraphobia.

I slept more last night and i'm not complaining, but it's like this weird dream state all night.

I'll take what I can get. The lavender oil seemed to help, not burning it but diffusing 100% essential oil.

I've been doing some reading and there's quite a bit of research that says lavender oil lowers cortisol.

I've definitely got revved cortisol at night, thru the night and then this morning vice grip.

I'm guessing that the morning sheer pain around abdomen and lower back is just adrenaline gone wild. I deep breathe to try and slow it down. I don't get why my body thinks I'm in fight or flight on my couch drinking chamomile and lavender tea! Wth.

With love your friend Melo