Author Topic: 13 months of anhedonia...I need encouragement  (Read 392 times)

[Buddie]

13 months of anhedonia...I need encouragement
« on: April 02, 2022, 02:21:03 am »
Iíve had anhedonia for 13 months now and I need encouragement.

Iíve read here and there that it can take 2-2.5 years. That gives me hope but Iím terrified I'm stuck like this because I havenít seen any improvement whatsoeveróother than that I couldnít cry for the first month, and Iíve been able to cry now for 12 months.

I feel like an anomaly. I have my physical and cognitive abilities. I even have my personality ó my creativity, my work ethic, even my sense of humor. I can make people laugh and can completely fake being happy. And things can make me laugh. But I can feel NO joy. No desire. No desire to be alive. To do any of the things that once made me happy.

It is so painful to be alive in this state, I have to distract myself during all waking hours with work. I canít communicate with friends or family because I canít feel the love or the joy.

Itís not depression.
Itís not fatigue.
Itís not emotional bluntingóbecause I can feel the pain, the deep sadness, the fear and anger.

In a way, the "anomaly" makes sense because it's a receptor issue. My neurotransmitters are there--but they're just not able to reach certain areas of my brain involved in joy because of receptor shortages. But I also haven't come across anyone with this experience.

Has anyone been through this level of anhedonia? Or any form of anhedonia for this long?


My story:
I was polydrugged, misdiagnosed, and subsequently C/Tíd off of klonopin (0.5mg 1-2x a day ~ 2 years) and an opioid (a prescription tincture taken daily ~6 months) (both taken as prescribed) in 11 days.

I had about a week of physical symptoms (cold sweats, shaking), as well as anxiety and a resurgence of my OCD. Then those went away by week 2 and I went blank. Later came to find out itís anhedonia.

Iíve had severe depression before but this is different. On another level. I pray I'm not alone and that better days are to come.

Edit: Content
« Last Edit: April 09, 2022, 07:38:50 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 13 months of anhedonia...I need encouragement
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2022, 02:38:53 am »
Im sorry for you im having a terrible anhedonia idk if it 450
Of seroquel o 4.75 of lora or is some damage for ever
But anhedonia is de worst Iím witj you 100/
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: 13 months of anhedonia...I need encouragement
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2022, 07:43:05 pm »
You sound good in a lot of ways but I know how horrible it is to not feel a connection to yourself and others.  I found it easier to be alone too, it was too much work to be around people, and faking it is work!  I'm glad you can work though, I did too and while it wasn't easy it was a distraction, wouldn't it be awful to not be able to and be stuck with nothing but your symptoms for company?

I know you think it's going to be like this forever but it's not, your brain is working to achieve balance and it will.  I found this post today. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=267276.0
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.