9-12 Month Support Group

[[Buddie]]

[...], Glad to see you join the group.  Several of us are around the same time frame.  I am on my last week of month 9 and feel just as stuck as you are.  Now, we both know we won't be stuck here forever, but I am just as convinced as you that this might be as good as it gets.  All I know is that I've read that many people go through some brutal waves between 9 and 12 months, then turn a corner for good.  So don't worry, it is the nature of a wave to convince us that it's permanent.  But it's not.  I know that.  Isn't acceptance HARD?!!!  But it is also the last stage of grief, so psychologically if we can master acceptance we might be well on the way to helping ourselves get through this process in which we feel soooooo helpless.  Please stay in touch.  Once you are healed I don't think you will be able to "cause" yourself to have a wave.  When you're healed, you're healed.

[[Buddie]]

I really appreciate your perspective on many levels [...].

I am glad to know that the 9-12 month phenomenon is a real thing and it's not just me.  I have known on some level there was more healing to go but I didn't expect this long of a wave. Is there a place to read about the 9-12 month wave thing?

I also appreciate your thoughts on accepting this last stage of grief. That's what it feels like, grief. I experienced the pain of withdrawal and have felt it was a transformational experience for me. I learned on a deep level why I ended up on meds and how those unresolved parts of me led me to where I am. There are remaining pieces of those issues that I still work on but I really know what the source is.

And finally, thank you for saying that once we get through this final wave, that we won't be able to cause a wave because we will be healed.  I know that doesn't mean I can trample on my body, mind and spirit, but I don't want to do that anyway. 

Please know that I'm rooting for your wave to end soon and that we both can take a big sigh of relief when they are done.

[[Buddie]]

You found this thread!  What a thoughtful reply, [...].  If you google "benzo buddies and 9 month wave" you will find links to a lot of posts throughout the years.  Whenever I am searching for answers I use google instead of the BB search.  I always type "benzo buddies and ...."  whatever I am searching for.  Keep in touch and keep us posted on your progress.

[[Buddie]]

Hello everyone. [...] linked me to this thread so I will try and stay active here. I'm on my 9th month benzo free and a wave is beating me strong. I don't know if to call it a wave since i haven't had a single window since october. I just feel like my usual baseline has got worse
Wishing a happy new year to everyone and a full recovery!

[[Buddie]]

Hi [...],

I understand how awful it is to have a wave push us to the ground. I've had different waves hit me during my time off and even though I know they are part of the journey, they still throw me.

They do end. My most recent one is lifting and when I was in the middle of it, I thought it never would. Most people don't understand that a wave is much more than having a bad weeks but we do.

Waves do end and yours will too. It's not your fault, you have done nothing wrong and you will get better as hundreds of people have before us.

[...]

[[Buddie]]

Finishing month 9, and dang that was tough.  I hope month 10 is better.  I'm just pretty demoralized because I was only on Clonazepam for 4 months at low doses.  What is the matter with my system that I have to suffer like this for more than 3x as long as I took the drug?  I'm hoping things are different by a year out, but it's hard to see that happening. 

[[Buddie]]

Accidental, OMG, me too!!!  I am two days away from end of month 9 and whew, this has been a doozy!  I was a short term user too, and I am still in disbelief.  I keep holding onto the hope that I will turn a corner in the next few months but at this pace, sure doesn't look like it.  Glad you are participating in this thread.

[...], We can all use the encouragement.  Thank you for that.  Glad to hear your wave is lifting.  It is so true that when it hits us we think it will last forever.

Trendy, I don't have windows either so the wave/window thing doesn't seem to apply.  Happy New Year to you too!

We are all kind of at the same stage so we owe it to each other to get better fast!  Right?!

[[Buddie]]

I will be in month 9 in about 12 days. I just had a pretty bad time of things the past month in month 8 (depression, lethargy) but other things have gotten better. My ability to function in a "work" way one day a week at a farmer's market. I even drove in the dark on a freeway to said market....

It is good to hear that 67% recover in a year. For my own sanity, I am looking toward the 18 month mark as my benchmark but hoping for better. I was a bit surprised to be taken down by the depression so bad. But then again, I do lean that way especially during the winter, even pre-Benzos....

I will continue to post here. Thank you!

[[Buddie]]

Checking in with my 9-12 month buddies, Stupidmistake, Accidentaldependent, [...], [...], tendym3, [...].  And anyone else who comes across this post and wants to chime in.

How is everyone doing?  Any changes or improvement?  This can be a period of great improvement, and the majority of us will heal by 12 months.  Let's hope we don't graduate to the 12-24 month club.
   
As for me, my symptoms are relatively stable, with incremental and barely noticeable improvement.  It is hard to even grasp any improvement because every day is different.  Today I am especially revved up.  I seem to swing back and forth along a pendulum.  Let's say the outer limits of the swings are not as extreme as they once were, if that makes sense.  I guess I will just keep swinging back and forth til the swing loses its momentum, and finally stops.  It is so hard to articulate the experience of BWD!!! I would love to be one of those who just wakes up and it's all gone.  There are more buddies who have done that than you would think!

[[Buddie]]

[...]- I appreciate the prompt today- I think I needed it.  Today I'm revved up too.  My heart rate is elevated, which it has not been for several weeks.  I'm also shaky and jittery with the benzo chest tightness.  While I was anxious and emotional around the holidays, my hr was good and my hands steady - it was all in my head then and is more physical now. 

I might say I have a pendulum between physical and emotional and agree the extremes aren't as bad.  That said, no improvement, just movement of the sx around my body. 

I did quit hydroxyzine over the last few days bc I've been having erectile dysfunction.  39 yo no prior history of it.  I'm hoping it helps.  I might be having a withdrawal reaction, even though that's not supposed to be a thing with hydroxyzine. 

Boy, 12 months sounds nice.  I sure hope so, but the way this keeps going it's hard to be positive, though I know how important that is.