Tell pdoc DR Visual Distortions? Get New Pdoc? Don't tell anyone?

Hi & TIA to all who take time to read. Looking for support, brainstorming ideas.

Here's the beginning of my current predicament.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=240273.msg3076903#msg3076903

Don't know if should tell psychiatrist about my Derealization, visual distortions, & cog fog, just keep to self & slow wean, or try & get a new P doc??

I Havnt told my p doc about my symptoms of Derealization, visual distortions, & cog fog. Doc is not benzo wise, but doesn't push wean, so I've stuck with him, scared of what another p doc May do, even prior to this.

I'm too scared to tell him about my symptoms, as he's not benzo wise, can spook easily(like, one day, be like-do whatever you want', & then totally flip to the opposite, if he gets spooked. Like he's forgotten what we had discussed was ok at one point. Im not sure what he would do. Send me inpatient? Cut me off? Force a fast crossover back to klonopin Or fast taper? I don't know. I think in the very least, if I told him, instead of allowing me to hold, he'd start an aggressive taper.

But I hate being untruthful & not having my doc fully in my court. He's kind enough & doesn't push antidepressants on me, after Ive failed them all thrice over. But is no pharmacological whizzard either. After a few failures with him & my history of TRD, he suggested ECT. I declined. I Havnt gotten better, but worse under his watch. I'm just now, believe it or not, realizing how bad of an impact benzos have had on my mental health & how dangerous they can be.

I don't think he could help me. He could cause more harm. And I don't think I could tell him it's been going on for months(although I didn't think it was benzos), but another med, he wanted nothing to do with. Thoughts on how to do that? as the cross may be what triggered this.ugh..I'm not sure he'd even realize this happens with benzos..But it's stressful with him not knowing.

It's a problem for more than one reason: 1. I don't have p docs support nor transparency. 2. If I don't tell p doc, I can't tell other docs. IE I need an eye exam soon for script progressive glasses  I feel I need to tell this doc. But I can't because he'll ask if I've told p doc, what's being done etc. Also, should I even get an eye exam for progressive script glasses while having visual distortions?-would love to askeye doc that...other specialist, MS Nuero doc that really should know, MRIs & appointment coming up soon. He would ask, what does my p doc say about my symptoms? I can't be transparent with any docs, if p doc doesn't know. Legal & trust ramifications for both of us? I can't even drive. Can't explain that to anyone.

3. I can't get a therapist, if pdoc doesn't know, I can't tell a therapist my issues And this gets scary, along with many issues. Loved ones can only listen & support so much.

My plan was to try and get a new 'benzo wise doc', that also understood the other med that I thought was causing this, too(It could have triggered this-It's been long discontinued) Switching pdoc s is so risky & who knows what they would do? If I went to interview a new p doc & told them my symptoms, would they be obligated to tell my current pdoc!? Anyone know? I could end up in much worse shape than I am taking that gamble. Or I could end up with  knowledgeable, kind pdoc that would help me Ashton method & wean at proper pace wth knowledge & support. Possibly help me stabilize out of my symptoms. 

Just researching possible new p doc, will take much out of me & much time, with my fatigue, cog fog, depression, DR, visual distortions etc.

Preparing to talk to either new or old p doc will be very difficult in my current condition. It takes so much effort to do anything, like gathering Ashton method materials, staying on track with sharing my info, I'm having very poor short term memory, being able to focus on & read my notes-sometimes I'll write notes for a doc appointment, but when I get there, my brain is just overwhelmed by it all, it's too much, too visually busy, to take in & I'll end up rambling off the top of my head.

It's very difficult doing this at all, being like this day in & day out, none the less without any medical support.

There's one other option. I could chance telling my pcp & asking if he'd be there to catch me if pdoc drops me or goes Rambo on me, if I chance telling current pdoc.  Pcp kinda already knows but is NOT benzo wise & didn't think this was benzos, when I brought up im having issues, but didn't know what it was(thought it was the other med, that I did) He was talking about making cut by cutting a pill in half! & doing a very planned, stick to it taper, where he thought large cuts were ok. He did mention weighing it though, which was nice, but he doesn't understand how difficult EVERYTHING is for me right now(ie scale) We left that off that he didn't know what was causing my symptoms, but that he was ok with that for now! And that I should talk to pdoc about benzos. But is very nice & Tries to support & advocate for me, I think. He might bend if I bring in ashton material. Don't think he'd want this burden-2 benzos plus the DR visual stuff. I have an upcoming appointment with him & he's going to ask what the status is of all of this. I don't know what to do. He's been my ally, but doesn't know all answers. I don't want to lie to him...or anyone. I'm terrible at it & hate doing it.

I really want someOne who knows there pharmacology, is benzo wise, patient, Not too overbearing & kind.

What would you do? Or have you done? Anyone have DR DP & or visual distortions & tell there pdoc & or switch to a new one while in that condition with a good outcome?

What about my upcoming doc appointments-I don't even think I could find a new pdoc by then...which leaves me with, either cancel eye exam(reschedule)?or go & don't say anything(I think unwise, but possibility)?telling current pdoc? somehow-have to do nuero appointment & really want to tell that doc. What happens if I tell these other docs? Aren't they obligated to contact my pdoc? Wouldn't I get into trouble? Red flagged?

Oh and I have no idea how I should wean, try to stabilize, maybe move some kpin back to day? Am I in interdose kpin withdrawl. At this point, with no guidence nor stability, I figured the best thing to do is come up with a plan & taper my way out of this hell. It feels like that's my only option. But what if I could stabilize? And what if these symptoms could be medically relevant to these other docs. I feel horrible about witholding information, Etc, so please, don't judge, am already beating self up & suffering much.

I have DR & visual distortions 24/7

Much thanks kind folks

Scaredie

Hey Scaredie  .  You have a pretty complicated situation going on, I read your post several times, hoping to understand better.  I know you are desperately wanting a really good benzo Dr, but there are so few of them, finding one maybe impossible.  We all would like one , believe me.  That you have the one Dr that allows you some leeway in what you do, is actually one really good thing.

He obviously isn't a great benzo Dr but is willing to give you what you need. 

What a lot of us do on here, is get our help off bb, and the meds from the Dr.  Many of us don't tell the Dr how we are tapering.  I do, but I have a very understanding doctor. 

Have you put the eye symptoms in the search engine on bb?  I know they are a very common wd symptom and you may can find information about others, on whether or not getting new glasses now is a good idea or a waste of money.  I would really like to hear from some people that needed to taper 2 benzo's and the best way they found to do it..  Then if a plan that fits your needs can be found, maybe you can do it with meds from your Dr and help from bb.  I believe you get more benefit from the Xanax but the Klonipin lasts longer?  Could you tell us, what is your schedule each day for the Xanax and the Klonipin?  We need to get you on a steady schedule to get you started and then have you hold there awhile.  That's just my opinion.  What is that other med you were taking?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to make sure we understand everything. 

I am sorry you are going through so much.  I believe there are people on bb that can help you with the tapering of 2 benzo's.    Good luck my friend, let me know how you are and I will be reading posts also.  LY!!  🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏

Hey Scaredie  .  You have a pretty complicated situation going on, I read your post several times, hoping to understand better.  I know you are desperately wanting a really good benzo Dr, but there are so few of them, finding one maybe impossible.  We all would like one , believe me.  That you have the one Dr that allows you some leeway in what you do, is actually one really good thing.

He obviously isn't a great benzo Dr but is willing to give you what you need. 

What a lot of us do on here, is get our help off bb, and the meds from the Dr.  Many of us don't tell the Dr how we are tapering.  I do, but I have a very understanding doctor. 

Have you put the eye symptoms in the search engine on bb?  I know they are a very common wd symptom and you may can find information about others, on whether or not getting new glasses now is a good idea or a waste of money.  I would really like to hear from some people that needed to taper 2 benzo's and the best way they found to do it..  Then if a plan that fits your needs can be found, maybe you can do it with meds from your Dr and help from bb.  I believe you get more benefit from the Xanax but the Klonipin lasts longer?  Could you tell us, what is your schedule each day for the Xanax and the Klonipin?  We need to get you on a steady schedule to get you started and then have you hold there awhile.  That's just my opinion.  What is that other med you were taking?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to make sure we understand everything. 

I am sorry you are going through so much.  I believe there are people on bb that can help you with the tapering of 2 benzo's.    Good luck my friend, let me know how you are and I will be reading posts also.  LY!!  🙋🏼🙋🏼😘😘🙏

Thank you Mary for your kind, caring, & honest reply.

I understand what you're saying about my pdoc, that's why I stayed with him, after I joined here 2 years ago.

I'm grateful for your help.

I know it's a big risk. But i feel it's different now that I'm having these sxs, I think. And my co morbid health issues. More urgent.

Hubby wants me to have a new p doc. Thinks this one is pill pusher & said nothing is going to change if I stay with this p doc. He's being so supportive, but doesn't understand the benzo dilemma, when it comes to tapering & docs.

You're probably right, though. It's probably best to stay with this pdoc & hopefully get help on BB.  But what about risking telling pdoc my symptoms? Thoughts on that? Would relieve much stress if he knew & continued to script my meds. Then I'd be safe to tell other providers. I think?

But thing is-I CANT tell my other providers if I don't tell pdoc. I don't think? Can I, & expect confidence? One problem is that my symptoms from my MS are intertwined with benzos. So a doctor needs to be aware of what's going on. MS: spasticity is & will be affected by tapering benzos, my poor cognition could be in part due to worsening MS, not just benzos, my vision & could be affected by MS & I know fatigue is, other things as MS attacks the brain & spinal chord, so I need to tell MS doc my symptoms & need a pdoc that can be supportive of all of those issues, too, I think? I think it's important eye doc know my sxs.

I'm sure I've searched & ive posted in withdrawl support. Good idea. I can try again, about the eyes. Thing is I really need new glasses right now, too, but geese. IDK? Thx

I posted in direct simple taper support this am about help tapering 2 benzos. No replys & not sure if right place. Good idea.

Yes, I think Xanax give me more anxiety relief & maybe even keeps my depression more level with less sedation than kpin & helps insomnia as I'm more tolerant to klonopin. I think klonopin May cause me more depression & definitely more sedation. I'm starting wonder though if Xanax causes worse short term memory fir me or if it's just the cocktail I'm on & condition I'm in or a different brain problem, cause it's never been this bad before. As I try to wean caffeine, I'm finding myself feeling over sedated & over medicated on some days, so thought could take advantage of that & try cut l3-0rd or 4th x dose of day. But I can't cold turkey caffeine, so I still need to be careful not to have too much of the synthetic caffeine water I've had to switch to because I can't have acidic drinks. But it's hard to tell I the state I'm in. Klonopin has a much longer half life than Xanax.i don't know the numbers.but before the switch in December that preceded these sxs, I was taking klonopin around the clock. Now only at bed.

I also wonder if my sxs could be in part from the medications themselves? I've read they can cause the sxs I'm having while on & while tapering.

Sorry, I'm not comfortable talking about that other med online.

Ok, I'm definitely thinking I'm starting to get oversedated/medicated from the X without The coffee. That's a step, right? Like a possible taper starting point?

My benzos

Day

6am  .25X

10am .25X

2pm .25X

6pm  .25X

Bed 1X, 1.5K 9:30-10pm

Ok, hopefully I covered everything.

Sorry for the ramble. That's a new thing too. Due to Xanax? The Derealization? Both?

Thanks again for all of your support.

XX😘❤️

SC