Jumped 14 days ago. Am I still allowed to post on here?

Hi everyone. I am done with my taper. I jumped 14 days ago from 0.047 mg of Klonopin. I know that this section is for support during your taper and I am no longer tapering so I don't know if it's appropriate for me to post on here.

I have had some significant windows, but my waves seem to be much worse than they were during the taper. Is this normal? Shouldn't I be feeling generally a lot better? I'm just wondering if this is still benzo withdrawal because I did a proper taper. My hands are shaking and the terror and agoraphobia are horrific. I barely got through the day at work today. Anyone got any thoughts? Thank you.

Congratulations on your taper! Great job! I’m sure you’re welcome to post on this forum especially if you’re still symptomatic.

 

Others that have completed their tapers still post on here.  They could probably give you an idea of what’s going on post taper.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you so much. It was about an 18-month process. I managed to work through the whole thing even to jobs at times. It has been rough the whole way though. I have had significant Windows even throughout the taper with the waves have been horrific. I guess I just thought that my symptoms would improve dramatically after I jumped. I know probably Fairy Tail thinking huh?

Congrats on the jump to freedom! You’ve ‘graduated’ to Post-Withdrawal Support  so I’ll move this to that board.

I guess I just thought that my symptoms would improve dramatically after I jumped.

 

Congratulations on completing your taper.  The first 3-4 months following my taper were the most difficult of the whole taper and withdrawal process for me.  Interestingly, I started using an Alpha-Stim microcurrent device shortly after that 3-4 month frame, and immediately thought how helpful it would have been going through the entire taper.  I don't know whether or not the Alpha-Stim significantly hastened my post taper withdrawal, but I used it daily for about two years starting about that time.  It was especially helpful for settling my system down when I went into sensory overload.

I guess I just thought that my symptoms would improve dramatically after I jumped.

 

Congratulations on completing your taper.  The first 3-4 months following my taper were the most difficult of the whole taper and withdrawal process for me.  Interestingly, I started using an Alpha-Stim microcurrent device shortly after that 3-4 month frame, and immediately thought how helpful it would have been going through the entire taper.  I don't know whether or not the Alpha-Stim significantly hastened my post taper withdrawal, but I used it daily for about two years starting about that time.  It was especially helpful for settling my system down when I went into sensory overload.

 

Really? I read about that device some time ago. Will you tell me more? How much did it cost? And you used it once a day? Any side effects from it?

Hi. I want to follow your progress. I hope you start getting windows soon.

Really? I read about that device some time ago. Will you tell me more? How much did it cost? And you used it once a day? Any side effects from it?

 

Hi Thinkstopthink -- I posted fairly extensivly on other forums on my Alpha-Stim experiences.  Below is a link to one of those comprehensive posts.  I think they were going for about $800-$900 about 15 years ago.  I got a refurbished one for $580 or so.  I think they actually do rentals, but I can't say for sure.

 

Alpha-Stim

https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/alpha-stim.4722/#post-686716

 

I also talked about Alpha-Stim and HBOT in my introductory post: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=227924.0

 

.....................................................................

 

EDIT To Add: -- Just ran across another lengthy post I made years ago. 

https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/going-off-clonazepam.8565/page-2#post-161856

 

Here's the summary paragagraphs from the above linked (long) post:

 

"I heard about Alpha-Stim about a year after stopping the Clonazepam, and felt I needed to at least give it a try (either that or probably go back on Clonazepam). An Alpha-Stim session involves attaching small clips to the earlobes so that a micro-current can be delivered to the neurolgoical system. I initially did a much shorter session than recommended, and at a much lower setting as well.

 

It turned out to be way too much for me however, and I became quite nauseous, exhuasted, and woke up the next morning with a bad hangover. Interestingly, it was a hangover similar to the clonazepam hangovers I had become accustomed to over many years. This was actually encouraging to me, as it made me think that it may indeed have a similar effect of taking a potent benzodiazapine.

 

As I lowered my settings and duration times, I eventually found some optimal settings for myself (after about 2-3 weeks of trial and error). It was a long journey for me, but I feel really grateful to have come up with an effective alternative to clonazepam (with no side effects). I feel I've totally worked through all the withdrawal aspects, and am confident that I'm not becoming dependent on the Alpha-Stim as I was on the clonazepam (I've gone for several days at a time without it)."

Hi. I want to follow your progress. I hope you start getting windows soon.

Thank you. I will keep posting. Today is another bad one.

Hi. I want to follow your progress. I hope you start getting windows soon.

Thank you. I will keep posting. Today is another bad one.

 

We're right here rooting for you. You seem like a pretty tough person.

Really? I read about that device some time ago. Will you tell me more? How much did it cost? And you used it once a day? Any side effects from it?

 

Hi Thinkstopthink -- I posted fairly extensivly on other forums on my Alpha-Stim experiences.  Below is a link to one of those comprehensive posts.  I think they were going for about $800-$900 about 15 years ago.  I got a refurbished one for $580 or so.  I think they actually do rentals, but I can't say for sure.

 

Alpha-Stim

https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/alpha-stim.4722/#post-686716

 

I also talked about Alpha-Stim and HBOT in my introductory post: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=227924.0

 

.....................................................................

 

EDIT To Add: -- Just ran across another lengthy post I made years ago. 

https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/going-off-clonazepam.8565/page-2#post-161856

 

Here's the summary paragagraphs from the above linked (long) post:

 

"I heard about Alpha-Stim about a year after stopping the Clonazepam, and felt I needed to at least give it a try (either that or probably go back on Clonazepam). An Alpha-Stim session involves attaching small clips to the earlobes so that a micro-current can be delivered to the neurolgoical system. I initially did a much shorter session than recommended, and at a much lower setting as well.

 

It turned out to be way too much for me however, and I became quite nauseous, exhuasted, and woke up the next morning with a bad hangover. Interestingly, it was a hangover similar to the clonazepam hangovers I had become accustomed to over many years. This was actually encouraging to me, as it made me think that it may indeed have a similar effect of taking a potent benzodiazapine.

 

As I lowered my settings and duration times, I eventually found some optimal settings for myself (after about 2-3 weeks of trial and error). It was a long journey for me, but I feel really grateful to have come up with an effective alternative to clonazepam (with no side effects). I feel I've totally worked through all the withdrawal aspects, and am confident that I'm not becoming dependent on the Alpha-Stim as I was on the clonazepam (I've gone for several days at a time without it)."

 

Thanks Lane, I have some reading to do...

It's crap, hey Foolscap? 

 

I thought I would feel significantly better at 14 days too, but that was only something a doctor told me.  I had exactly same symptoms as you at 14+ days.  Some even worsened.  Mentally, physically.  Prominently mental. 

 

Seems this time, the struggle to be off becomes more interesting than the struggle to remain on..  It really does foolscap.  The struggle worthwhile, possibly for the first time. 

 

But I was not working.  Don't know I could have gotten through those early days while working.  Not, and be expected to think at the same time.  But I'm a lot older than you. 

 

Just wanted you to know that your symptoms are 'normal'.  I'm only now coming to terms with thing lasting average 18 months.  The next 12 months look a lot more interesting, not so  

 

I hope you can bat on at work, but no harm in asking for sick leave for 2 weeks?

 

It does get better foolscap.  I hope you know this. 

 

Dee

 

 

As much leave as you can get if you need it. 

 

And even though you're younger. 

 

D x

 

 

Thank you. I am. I've had to be since I was a little kid. You seem pretty damn tough as well.

Thank you. I am. I've had to be since I was a little kid. You seem pretty damn tough as well.

 

Yes I think I am, but you seem tougher. How are you doing? Dee gave some good suggestions about taking sick leave, although it's not always possible.

It's crap, hey Foolscap? 

 

I thought I would feel significantly better at 14 days too, but that was only something a doctor told me.  I had exactly same symptoms as you at 14+ days.  Some even worsened.  Mentally, physically.  Prominently mental. 

 

Seems this time, the struggle to be off becomes more interesting than the struggle to remain on..  It really does foolscap.  The struggle worthwhile, possibly for the first time. 

 

But I was not working.  Don't know I could have gotten through those early days while working.  Not, and be expected to think at the same time.  But I'm a lot older than you. 

 

Just wanted you to know that your symptoms are 'normal'.  I'm only now coming to terms with thing lasting average 18 months.  The next 12 months look a lot more interesting, not so  

 

I hope you can bat on at work, but no harm in asking for sick leave for 2 weeks?

 

It does get better foolscap.  I hope you know this. 

 

Dee

Thanks, Dee. It's good to know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be I guess? I don't know sometimes I think that this is just going to last forever and I'm permanently damaged you know?

Now I have a terrible cold. I'm cooking some chicken soup and trying to rest. I think the worst symptoms for me right now are just a constant chatter in my head telling me that it's not worth it and that I don't deserve to live, and that my life is over blah blah blah. But that has happened throughout the withdrawal process and I even had some of that before tapering- my childhood trauma shit has come up big time in this process. I posted about that before on here

I may take some time off work in a month or so. I've taken a lot of vacation time so I don't feel comfortable taking too much time off. Also, I'm 50! That doesn't seem young to me!

It's crap, hey Foolscap? 

 

I thought I would feel significantly better at 14 days too, but that was only something a doctor told me.  I had exactly same symptoms as you at 14+ days.  Some even worsened.  Mentally, physically.  Prominently mental. 

 

Seems this time, the struggle to be off becomes more interesting than the struggle to remain on..  It really does foolscap.  The struggle worthwhile, possibly for the first time. 

 

But I was not working.  Don't know I could have gotten through those early days while working.  Not, and be expected to think at the same time.  But I'm a lot older than you. 

 

Just wanted you to know that your symptoms are 'normal'.  I'm only now coming to terms with thing lasting average 18 months.  The next 12 months look a lot more interesting, not so  

 

I hope you can bat on at work, but no harm in asking for sick leave for 2 weeks?

 

It does get better foolscap.  I hope you know this. 

 

Dee

Thanks, Dee. It's good to know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be I guess? I don't know sometimes I think that this is just going to last forever and I'm permanently damaged you know?

Now I have a terrible cold. I'm cooking some chicken soup and trying to rest. I think the worst symptoms for me right now are just a constant chatter in my head telling me that it's not worth it and that I don't deserve to live, and that my life is over blah blah blah. But that has happened throughout the withdrawal process and I even had some of that before tapering- my childhood trauma shit has come up big time in this process. I posted about that before on here

I may take some time off work in a month or so. I've taken a lot of vacation time so I don't feel comfortable taking too much time off. Also, I'm 50! That doesn't seem young to me!

 

Footscalp I'm 51. We're the same generation. It gives me so much strength to see how you have these destructive thoughts but you are able to look at them without identifying with them. I love to see that because I realize I have to do the same. I really get dragged by them and I see you don't and that I have a choice to just look at them as what they are: thoughts. They come of course with extreme fear, anxiety, depression etc. which fuels the thoughts and viceversa. I also have past trauma that loves to show up now. But it doesn't bother me so much, I suppose it's because I've don tons of therapy to deal with it already. Or maybe this I'm going through is so scary that everything else is less scary, however scary it could be. Do you sleep? I'm sorry I'm known for asking everyone how much they sleep. I feel if we get some sleep (minimum 3 hours), we can handle the rest. But when sleep is less than that it becomes impossible for me. Although I've read MTFan worked for a year of two on very very little sleep.

 

Dee, I see you there bragging about being older than us. How old?

I'm sorry that you suffered from the horrible negative self-talk as well. I wish that I was good at just observing it and not feeding into it but I feed into it a lot. The negative voice that I had prior to benzo withdrawal has just gotten way louder in withdrawal.

Fortunately I am able to sleep for the most part. I wake up throughout the night but I usually get probably a total of 6 hours.

I have found that I have had lots of illness in withdrawal. Sore throats coughing congestion. Today I have a horrible cold. I used to be that I maybe got sick once a year. I was also in tolerance withdrawal for quite a long time before I started tapering. These drugs are terrible. Every time I try to read about them online I just get pissed off because there's so much misinformation.

Sorry if I'm kind of all over the place. I feel pretty weird right now

I'm sorry that you suffered from the horrible negative self-talk as well. I wish that I was good at just observing it and not feeding into it but I feed into it a lot. The negative voice that I had prior to benzo withdrawal has just gotten way louder in withdrawal.

Fortunately I am able to sleep for the most part. I wake up throughout the night but I usually get probably a total of 6 hours.

I have found that I have had lots of illness in withdrawal. Sore throats coughing congestion. Today I have a horrible cold. I used to be that I maybe got sick once a year. I was also in tolerance withdrawal for quite a long time before I started tapering. These drugs are terrible. Every time I try to read about them online I just get pissed off because there's so much misinformation.

Sorry if I'm kind of all over the place. I feel pretty weird right now

 

Oh the misinformation on the net and of people in general and even many doctors is just outrageous. A couple doctors have told me 2.5 valium is nothing and just jump. I did in the past but now I'm kindled and the slightest move makes me non functional. I feel by what you write you're holding up pretty well in spite of feeling awful. Look, if you sleep six hours you're getting a six hour daily break and that's GREAT. The thoughts and the benzo emotions are truly hard. Especially for me are the benzo emotions. So intense. But I'm trying to just ride them as if I was on a surf board. Hang in there, we'll be supporting you.

Jumping at 2.5 mg??!!! These doctors are killing people!

Yes, sleep is a welcome comfort. I do have trouble falling asleep though.

The mental torture has been my worst symptom by far. It seems never ending though once in a while I'll get a tiny window where it's completely non existent. Then it returns with a vengeance...

Hope you did ok today. I actually managed to read a bit and start a painting,  though the racing, dark thoughts were relentless.

Jumping at 2.5 mg??!!! These doctors are killing people!

Yes, sleep is a welcome comfort. I do have trouble falling asleep though.

The mental torture has been my worst symptom by far. It seems never ending though once in a while I'll get a tiny window where it's completely non existent. Then it returns with a vengeance...

Hope you did ok today. I actually managed to read a bit and start a painting,  though the racing, dark thoughts were relentless.

 

Hi Footscalpfire, how are you doing? Are you going to work? Sleeping a bit? I hope you're getting sleep. That makes all the difference. I know that mental torture, I was tapering at quite a fast rate considering I am very kindled and I hit a wall. I took a long time until I updosed waiting to get better, which I absolutely didn't. During a month and a half I was like you say. It was constant terror except for very very short windows. Sleep was almost nonexistent. Maybe if I had been getting sleep I would've held the dose, but sleep was so scarce I couldn't function. What I mean is I know that state of acute wd. It's very tough. You're certainly one of the tough ones. Just keep us posted. Do you have some kind of support system, however small?

Hey. I'm sorry about what you've been through. No one will ever understand this hell unless they go through it.

I had the day off today for Labor Day. I have a pretty bad cold. Eating chicken soup I made and eating lots of honey and fresh garlic. Gotta work tomorrow and the rest of the week.

I got some good sleep last night thank God. I have a very difficult time falling asleep, and I never stay asleep throughout the night. I was up and down all night but I ended up being able to sleep until quite late this morning. I think it's because I'm sick. Are you still having a lot of trouble sleeping? Yeah I think God that I'm able to sleep for the most part compared to other people.

I have a few very close friends and my sister. I have a very close friend that I met on one of the Facebook benzo Pages who lives in New Jersey. We talk everyday throughout the day. She was cold turkey in March of 2018, and is still suffering horribly. She has become my best friend. I am well respected at work, and just got a promotion a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how I'm able to function at the level I'm able to in my profession. The work that I do takes a lot of critical thinking and advocacy. I work with victims of domestic violence.

Hey. I'm sorry about what you've been through. No one will ever understand this hell unless they go through it.

I had the day off today for Labor Day. I have a pretty bad cold. Eating chicken soup I made and eating lots of honey and fresh garlic. Gotta work tomorrow and the rest of the week.

I got some good sleep last night thank God. I have a very difficult time falling asleep, and I never stay asleep throughout the night. I was up and down all night but I ended up being able to sleep until quite late this morning. I think it's because I'm sick. Are you still having a lot of trouble sleeping? Yeah I think God that I'm able to sleep for the most part compared to other people.

I have a few very close friends and my sister. I have a very close friend that I met on one of the Facebook benzo Pages who lives in New Jersey. We talk everyday throughout the day. She was cold turkey in March of 2018, and is still suffering horribly. She has become my best friend. I am well respected at work, and just got a promotion a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how I'm able to function at the level I'm able to in my profession. The work that I do takes a lot of critical thinking and advocacy. I work with victims of domestic violence.

 

Hi footscalpfire. I'm so glad you're sleeping and I'm so glad that you have your sister, a few friends and this great fb friend who had to CT in March 2018. Why people are forced to CT I will never understand. It's amazing that you're even being promoted  through this hard time. I tell you you're really a tough one. You job is very vocational and you will be even better at it with this benzo wd experience because it does make us have more compassion. Well, at least some of us react like that. I hope you get some windows to make it through the week. It's great that you could find some drive to even paint. It's difficult to enjoy anything in this state isn't it?

Dear foolscap, only just saw your reply. 

 

I have same.  This is never going to end.  I'm screwed.  Permanently damaged.  But we're not. 

 

I developed verbal tic.  Uttering random words, uttering gobbledygook words.  Able to suppress it outdoors, and around other people thank goodness.  Totally whacko.  Embarrassing, even to myself.   

 

It's improving, and that's all I care about now. 

 

The jobs not done yet, foolscap, but it will be. 

 

Dee

Dear foolscap, only just saw your reply. 

 

I have same.  This is never going to end.  I'm screwed.  Permanently damaged.  But we're not. 

 

I developed verbal tic.  Uttering random words, uttering gobbledygook words.  Able to suppress it outdoors, and around other people thank goodness.  Totally whacko.  Embarrassing, even to myself.   

 

It's improving, and that's all I care about now. 

 

The jobs not done yet, foolscap, but it will be. 

 

Dee

 

Dee at least you can say you're off the drug, and it's improving and it will keep improving.