Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

hello everyone,

 

need your help on my worst symptom. do not know why and how this is happening.

 

every night, starts to have little anxiety feeling and nervousness. after that my brain goes into "panic attack" mode without any physical symptoms. it's just in my brain only. it's very intense and lasting very long.(up to 6 hours.)

it's like my brain has been revved up.

 

i was like this since taking the benzo.(almost a year now.)

used to take klonopin 9:00pm, and would give me a relif afterward.

been benzo free for 40 days now.

any ideas or supports will be greatly appreciated.

 

Hi Pacific O.  Are you currently working?  Do you have anything stressful going on at work right now?  Sometimes one can ruminate the night before a big project or event.  Other than that, it could just be a temporary phase as your body and mind  keeps adjusting to being off the benzo.  It can almost be like a paradoxical reaction where you start to feel calmer and your CNS says "wait a minute, I'm supposed to be anxious and so it goes in the opposite direction for a time".  I had my first mini panic attack at around 3 months off and again at 5-6 months off valium.  Never had  panic before, more of a rebound thing to being off valium I think.  It has helped me to read up on anxiety and mindfulness.  Sometimes how one reacts to these events can be as important as the inital anxious sensations to begin with.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

 

hi vertigo,

ever since taking benzo, i was homebounded.

if you don't mind, please visit the post that i made. here's the link.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=82036.0

 

Hope things will improve for you soon PO.

 

V

v

Hope the post benzo pepes have a good weekend.  Anybody doing anything special?

 

V

c

Still plugging away at weight loss program as we approach summer.  As mentioned in earlier posts, the last time I tried to lose significant weight was at 9 months post taper.  I ended up losing 30 lbs too quickly over three months, cortisol seemed to increase,adrenalin surges.. early morning wake ups... but I did manage to get my blood pressure down without medication .  But it was too much too fast and I stopped the weights all together in 2011.  Two years later, having gained back most of that weight , I find myself embarking on an exercise and low carb program again, but a little gentler and kinder this time around.  Also, my CNS is hopefully a little more able to handle it now.  Well, I lost another 1.5 lbs since Thursday.  Have now lost 9 lbs in about six weeks.  Need five more to fit in my suits this summer, seven lbs to be safe.  I didn't sleep so well last night, after doing a pretty full work out the day before, but it was worth it!  I'm going to take the day off today and resume with cardio and lower body exercises only to give the upper arms and chest a rest, tomorrow. Sleep was only so so again yesterday.  Was up at 3:30 instead of the usual cortisol induced 5AM wake ups of late, but was able to get back to sleep around 4:30 and sleep until 7:00.  After five more lbs off, I'll go much slower and try to be more moderate in losing the final ten lbs. 

 

Have a great Memorial Weekend to all who celebrate and commemorate

 

Vertigo

Anyone recently benzo free or experiencing some post benzo issues after taper ended?

Greetings again, Vertigo....(what brought you back to BB?)

...Even a year and a half Post-Ativan, I am still having many PAWsymptoms...insomnia, high anxiety, nausea, etc...and this week a WAVE of three days when I could barely get out of bed...most likely because I do not have to... 

 

do hope you are doing well...New Life

Greetings again, Vertigo....(what brought you back to BB?)

...Even a year and a half Post-Ativan, I am still having many PAWsymptoms...insomnia, high anxiety, nausea, etc...and this week a WAVE of three days when I could barely get out of bed...most likely because I do not have to... 

 

do hope you are doing well...New Life

 

Greetings New Life.  Just thought I'd report how things are going and see if this thread might be of any help to those who are post benzo and struggling or wondering if it's normal to still be symptomatic after some months post taper. 

 

Also, at about 9 months off valium, I had gone back to some poor eating habits in the summer and gained a bunch of weight, ended up with high blood pressure... ultimately deciding to go on a low carb diet and exercise program which was a little too intense and caused some cortisol issues, adrenalin rushes, and high anxiety.  I did lose about 30 pounds over about four months, but it caused a kind of setback for me by about 13-14 months and I thought it might be useful info to share. 

 

Two years later,  I had gained back most of that weight back and decided about two months ago to get back to regular exercise and try some gradual mild weight lifting again to get back into shape and thought others might be interested in how that goes at a few years post taper.  So I've been posting some updates on that.  I've lost 12lbs so far and need to lose about another 13, but I'll be going slower over the summer.  With some trips planned this summer, although some outdoor hiking and exercise will happen, I tend to eat a little less healthy while traveling so it's probably going to take a few months to shed the remaining weight.

 

It's exactly five years since I first took that little blue pill that summer of 2008.  It's been a long journey.  It's 3.5 years since I ended the taper and about 2 years since I declared my "success story" in terms of being off the benzo.  But as some people know, the issues for which one first took the benzo may take longer to sort out.  How one eats, exercises, sleeps, works, has relationships and deals with stress can take some a lifetime to sort out.  I feel pretty good that it's only been a few years and I've made significant progress in terms of overall health, with the exception of the weight gain these past two years.  Some of it has been the ongoing stress of having a parent with cancer who depends on me, which was partly why I first took that valium five years ago .  Fortunately, my parent is still alive although out of remission again, so it's not an easy road. 

 

Any other post benzo buddies out there having any exercise issues or adrenalin issues as a result of exercising a little too intensely or too much in the first few months to a year off the benzo?

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

I am in month 11 and finally feel that I am well enough to go back to work. We I get those nasty negative thoughts, I tell myself that it isn't true and create a good thought or remember the good times. I try not to think about the past. I look to what I want for my future. Like creating a goal. I have been questioning the loyalty of my family and friends and honestly am thinking about a life without them in it. I have been thinking about moving away and severing all ties with them. They all abandon me when I needed them the most and I don't think that I can forget and forgive. But, my days are better. The pain has subsided and I have a lot more energy, so I am also starting to exercise. Exercise is key even if it means walking to the end or your block and slowly work up. Yes, I have those days when it is hard to get out of bed. But you have to force yourself to get up each morning. Take a look out the window and notice the spring flowers. Listen to the birds. Feel the suns warmth on your body. I still have my moments, but I am no longer obsessing about my symptoms. Give yourself and break.

v

 

I am in month 11 and finally feel that I am well enough to go back to work. We I get those nasty negative thoughts, I tell myself that it isn't true and create a good thought or remember the good times. I try not to think about the past. I look to what I want for my future. Like creating a goal. I have been questioning the loyalty of my family and friends and honestly am thinking about a life without them in it. I have been thinking about moving away and severing all ties with them. They all abandon me when I needed them the most and I don't think that I can forget and forgive. But, my days are better. The pain has subsided and I have a lot more energy, so I am also starting to exercise. Exercise is key even if it means walking to the end or your block and slowly work up. Yes, I have those days when it is hard to get out of bed. But you have to force yourself to get up each morning. Take a look out the window and notice the spring flowers. Listen to the birds. Feel the suns warmth on your body. I still have my moments, but I am no longer obsessing about my symptoms. Give yourself and break.

 

Congrats Trad on 11 months free and being able to go back to work .  No doubt it's rough having unsupportive family members or friends.  You can really learn who your good friends are by going through something like a benzo taper or addiction.  I too have had to let some superficial friends go, but I have also strengthened some friendships, while others I realized weren't as deep, but didn't need to terminate them completely.  As for family, sometimes you just have to try and forgive, although if they truly are mean spirited and toxic, one may need to take some space, at least temporarily.  Hope that's not the case. Good to hear you're feeling more energetic and are able to exercise.

 

Vertigo

 

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

 

yup. too many.

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

 

yup. too many.

 

How are you doing Pacific ocean?

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

 

yup. too many.

 

How are you doing Pacific ocean?

 

not so good vertigo.

mental/physical symptoms changing everyday. have a pattern through out the, and does not want to change.

worst symptoms are insomnia, night time torture, and brain has not been fully returned yet.

other many symptoms are somewhat tolerable.

it's been too long like this. (1 year now.)

need a major break very soon to continue.

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

 

yup. too many.

 

How are you doing Pacific ocean?

 

not so good vertigo.

mental/physical symptoms changing everyday. have a pattern through out the, and does not want to change.

worst symptoms are insomnia, night time torture, and brain has not been fully returned yet.

other many symptoms are somewhat tolerable.

it's been too long like this. (1 year now.)

need a major break very soon to continue.

 

It's common to take several months post taper and for some symptoms even longer to improve as the CNS heals.  Average healing time is 6-18 months so you are still healing.  Hang in there. I think you signature says you finished a taper off something just a couple months ago?  If you are feeling very depressed, perhaps some counseling could be helpful.  If you have any thoughts of self harm, please contact a family member or 911 and get some help. When you say it's been a year, do you mean since you began your taper? If you finished your taper just in April, it is normal to feel pretty symptomatic at a couple months off.

 

V

Any more post benzo buddies recently off or several months off taper and still symptomatic?

 

yup. too many.

 

How are you doing Pacific ocean?

 

not so good vertigo.

mental/physical symptoms changing everyday. have a pattern through out the, and does not want to change.

worst symptoms are insomnia, night time torture, and brain has not been fully returned yet.

other many symptoms are somewhat tolerable.

it's been too long like this. (1 year now.)

need a major break very soon to continue.

 

It's common to take several months post taper and for some symptoms even longer to improve as the CNS heals.  Average healing time is 6-18 months so you are still healing.  Hang in there. I think you signature says you finished a taper off something just a couple months ago?  If you are feeling very depressed, perhaps some counseling could be helpful.  If you have any thoughts of self harm, please contact a family member or 911 and get some help. When you say it's been a year, do you mean since you began your taper? If you finished your taper just in April, it is normal to feel pretty symptomatic at a couple months off.

 

V

having a depression, but not to the degree of self harm. have daily meeting with a pastor. much better than a counselor or psychologist. i was symptomatic and non-functional since taking the benzo. has been homebounded like this for a year now. that's what i meant.

I have been Benzo-Free for about 6 months,after almost 4 year,very slow taper from Valium.

The first couple of months off were pretty good for me,with a seemingly gradual decline in sx.

A couple of not too nasty waves moved thru during the 3-4 months first off,but were diminishing.

I had the usual...low-grade anxiety,sleep pretty good,not great,and general low engergy levels.

Any exertion drove me to the couch,and this,among I'm sure other reasons,has led to alot of flab,most settling around lower gut and groin.

I should mention...am 56,male.Benzo belly come and went for a while,both before and after jumping,but it seems to have stuck for good now.

I work as property management in cottage country,so my days are a mixed bag of driving and meeting with clients,to light construction and other maintenance tasks.

At times,these tasks are impossible for me.

Especially over the last 3 weeks or so.

Seems I have hit a wall of sorts.

Anxiety levels upped to about a constant 6/10....most of this due to ramp-up of our busy season,and my worrying about my general state of health.ANY little(or large) ache or pain sets me off obsessing about my health....the anxiety ramps up,and y'all get the idea. Brain fog had cleared for many weeks,but has also returned,5/10.

There have,in the last few weeks,been a few days where I was felling great...normal even!...and others where I couldn't get past 11 am.

I have had a few 'spells'....sort of a dizzy thing,like standing up too fast...very short lived,about 6 of them in the past few weeks.I usually attribute these to food intake,and always feel better and more relaxed after eating...another contributor to the extra weight.

But they are a bit scary.

I almost always end my day around 3-4 pm after a not too early start...I basically can put in a slow-moving,low effort,6 hour day...at best.

Always feel great after a nap late afternoon,but am an immovable lump on the couch from 4 pm on.

Getting my butt moving is one of my worst 'symptoms'......no energy..none.And I seem to spend alot of mental energy trying to figger out how to get thru my day with the least amount of exertion....exertion sets my head spinning,and I drop to the couch.I guess there's some fear involved in this too....Afraid to do much cuz it hurts,y'know?

And all that sets the anxiety wheel spinning...and the other sx set in.

So...6 month out,and I am still in a heavy state of recovery.I never thought it could go on like this.

I read other posts and find there are many who just walk away after jumping....And then there's the rest of us.

So it's not unusual to go thru this for 1-2 years?...Wow is all I can say to that.

The frustration of not being able to get this normally very active and reasonably fit body to move has become ultimately depressing.

Any input into the fat around groin and lower belly issue would be appreciated..I have seen little posted on that,and it is a worry.I do have some arthritis in my hips,which could be a contributor,but I have trouble with aspirin,and the pain seems to work it's way thru with some movement.All systems down there working fine....like clockwork!...In fact,all systems,internally I mean,seem to working fine,aside from hemmorroid act-ups.

I am eating better now than at any time of my life...at least I have benzo withdrawal to thank for that awareness!

I am thinking,from reading other posts,that my progress is "abnormally normal".

Confirmation of that would go a long way to settling my fuzzy mind....So replies would be apreciated!

Thanx for reading my early morning ramble.

Macone you sound a typical case of Benzo withdrawal. I feel like a couch potato as well and always used to have an active, full life. Our energy will return as our new, rather rotund bodies readapt and become sylphlike again. Keep positive and as active as you can.

I have been Benzo-Free for about 6 months,after almost 4 year,very slow taper from Valium.

The first couple of months off were pretty good for me,with a seemingly gradual decline in sx.

A couple of not too nasty waves moved thru during the 3-4 months first off,but were diminishing.

I had the usual...low-grade anxiety,sleep pretty good,not great,and general low engergy levels.

Any exertion drove me to the couch,and this,among I'm sure other reasons,has led to alot of flab,most settling around lower gut and groin.

I should mention...am 56,male.Benzo belly come and went for a while,both before and after jumping,but it seems to have stuck for good now.

I work as property management in cottage country,so my days are a mixed bag of driving and meeting with clients,to light construction and other maintenance tasks.

At times,these tasks are impossible for me.

Especially over the last 3 weeks or so.

Seems I have hit a wall of sorts.

Anxiety levels upped to about a constant 6/10....most of this due to ramp-up of our busy season,and my worrying about my general state of health.ANY little(or large) ache or pain sets me off obsessing about my health....the anxiety ramps up,and y'all get the idea. Brain fog had cleared for many weeks,but has also returned,5/10.

There have,in the last few weeks,been a few days where I was felling great...normal even!...and others where I couldn't get past 11 am.

I have had a few 'spells'....sort of a dizzy thing,like standing up too fast...very short lived,about 6 of them in the past few weeks.I usually attribute these to food intake,and always feel better and more relaxed after eating...another contributor to the extra weight.

But they are a bit scary.

I almost always end my day around 3-4 pm after a not too early start...I basically can put in a slow-moving,low effort,6 hour day...at best.

Always feel great after a nap late afternoon,but am an immovable lump on the couch from 4 pm on.

Getting my butt moving is one of my worst 'symptoms'......no energy..none.And I seem to spend alot of mental energy trying to figger out how to get thru my day with the least amount of exertion....exertion sets my head spinning,and I drop to the couch.I guess there's some fear involved in this too....Afraid to do much cuz it hurts,y'know?

And all that sets the anxiety wheel spinning...and the other sx set in.

So...6 month out,and I am still in a heavy state of recovery.I never thought it could go on like this.

I read other posts and find there are many who just walk away after jumping....And then there's the rest of us.

So it's not unusual to go thru this for 1-2 years?...Wow is all I can say to that.

The frustration of not being able to get this normally very active and reasonably fit body to move has become ultimately depressing.

Any input into the fat around groin and lower belly issue would be appreciated..I have seen little posted on that,and it is a worry.I do have some arthritis in my hips,which could be a contributor,but I have trouble with aspirin,and the pain seems to work it's way thru with some movement.All systems down there working fine....like clockwork!...In fact,all systems,internally I mean,seem to working fine,aside from hemmorroid act-ups.

I am eating better now than at any time of my life...at least I have benzo withdrawal to thank for that awareness!

I am thinking,from reading other posts,that my progress is "abnormally normal".

Confirmation of that would go a long way to settling my fuzzy mind....So replies would be apreciated!

Thanx for reading my early morning ramble.

 

Hi Macone.  Congrats on being benzo free for six months.  I found that I felt much better (about 80%) by that point.  Yes, it did take about another year to diminish and alleviate a handfull of symptoms, but I was functional from that point, even at 4 months.  Yes, there were a couple setbacks here and there like when I dived back into some poor eating habits, reintroduced wine... a little too early at 7 and 8 months, then I had an angry CNS when I overdid exercise and weight lifting at 9-12 months... but by 15 months, things seemed to settle down.  Again, just because it took me 18 months to write a "success story" does not mean it will take you that long nor does it mean I was down and out for 18 months.  I was about 90% by a year despite the setback, much better than before I took the benzo.

 

My goal has always been to feel better and have much better coping skills for stress than before I took the benzo, which is not so easy because I had anxiety and insomnia before benzos for some years. So it was not just a matter of stopping the benzo.  There were issues to address once the acute phase of benzo withdrawal was over.  Due to anxiety, I also tend to get tired by afternoon and can usually feel refreshed after a nap on days where I can have one, even for 30 minutes.  Remember, we're in good company with Winston Churchill and others who saw the benefits of an afternoon nap.  I can stay up til midnight no problem and usually have quite a bit of energy from 6Pm to midnight.  I also have good energy from 6AM to 1PM.  It's the 2-5 period that's rough.  I wonder if I'd be better off in a foreign country where they practice the Siesta .

 

  I don't think your progress is abnormal at all.  Six months is a good measure of progress but depending on how long you were on the benzo, other health factors, level of family support, age, how much stress you are under, work hours, how much sleep you get, exercise, nutrition...  how quickly you came off the benzo and many other factors, it can be normal to take a year or slightly longer to truly feel significantly better than before.  Sounds like you are improving your nutrition which is great.  Do you exercise at all?  I recently started back on a lower carb diet (which I don't recommend doing at six months off, got me into a bit of trouble at 9 months) but you can lower the carbs a bit and start doing some exercises to work on that post 50 gut.  I am in my fifties and also carry most of my weight in the abdomen.  I recently started back with some light weights and cardio and have lost 12 lbs in the last few months, still have another 12 to go.  I recommend a recumbent exercise bike if you can afford it or maybe find a gym that would be economical to join and use the bike.  It can help your cardio and take some of the weight off the abdomen.  I also had dizzy spells at about 3 and 6 months off, found that it was related to elevated blood pressure.  You may wish to get checked out by your doctor, although he'll probably recommend a beta blocker or another pill like mine did.  I decided to lower my carbs and get on the bike and within a few weeks, the BP was back to normal.  Always check with your doctor about exercise programs if you are overweight or experiencing dizziness.  You might wish to get a full blood chemistry, check cholesterol too.  I take a low dose statin due to a family history of cardiac issues.  I did get a stress treadmill and coronary CT scan for peace of mind before embarking on exercise.  The important thing is to start up gradually and not do too much too quickly.  Even a five minute walk is a good start.

 

Hang in there Macone,

 

Vertigo

You know, vertigo, I think it's really sweet that after all these years you still come back to support people. I like reading your posts because they are helpful and kind. 

Thanx so much for your extensive reply...much appreciated.

Every time I go thru a rough spot in this journey,I do the same thing....look for blame.

Usually it's food or nutrition in general.

Rarely I can  pin it down,but being a guy,we tend to be so darn repetitive,cuz we are basically creatures of habit.

And most times the symptoms are the same.This time it's the fat collecting around the groin that's the new twist.

Quite uncomfortable actually.

A burning/numb sort of thing.....I feel like I'm sitting on a squishy heating pad.

The lethargy is not new however.

I think this has been my major battle these past few months.I just can't get motivated.I try hard...very hard.I have to.... got kids to feed

and a house to run,and being self employed,there's no other option.

I also find the workings (if you can call it that) of the brain (if you can call it that) kinda odd, this far along from jump date.

I seem to be emotional...more than usual...a bit obsessive too.Wierd dreams at times as well.

My time of addiction was not long.I was given Ativan as a remedy for severe anxiety brought on by a gut problem about 4 years ago(resolved).I have a history of alcohol abuse(many many years ago) and have been told that this is what led to my very sudden addiction.

Taper was a long slow one,3 years from 50mg Vallium,ending with liquid,and tiny .1mg cuts.So I did take it easy.....had to work.

And I am a bit of a baby.

But here's one factor.....

I rarely have work for about 4 months of winter.

And I think being "down" this past winter got me down.And I am more than a bit of a worry-wart.

Exercise has been very minimal....almost non existant for 3-4 months.And now with demands being made,I am back working....as I said before,short days.Some of the work can be fairly physical,and I do have a couple young guys working for me,but I seem to get wound up

so much just in the planning of a day,that the day never really goes along that well.

Which of course leads to the endless anxiety wheel turning!

So...Lethargy-7,Anxiety-5,Fog-5,Fat...let's not put a number on that one!

That's where I am now.

And a whole lotta wrung out.

I know this will pass...but my patience is running low.

One would think that living in the north,and having a very quiet life (st least compared to most town dwellers) would lead to a stress free environment.Nothing could be further from the truth!

And I know I bring much of this stress upon myself...I can feel myself doing it.

Great group here....allows me to go on and on.... and vent endlessly!

 

Hey Macone.  I hear you.  I wonder if you got a vitamin D deficiency from living up north and not having as much sun in the winter?  How far up north are you?  That's a fairly large dose of valium you came of of, but it sounds like you did it very gradually, so my hats off to you.  Lethargy can be a side effect of having anxiety.  All that worrying can be tiring!  I had anxiety most of my life (not sure it was a "disorder" but definitely higher than average).  I don't and didn't have panic attacks, although I had what I call a mini panic at about five or six months off, triggered by some dizziness and fluctuations in blood pressure.  It's all good now.  I also have acid reflux, had an ulcer twenty five years ago... I guess you and me both carry some of our stress in the gut.  In any case, keep venting when you need to.  Hope it starts to improve for you soon.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

c

You know, vertigo, I think it's really sweet that after all these years you still come back to support people. I like reading your posts because they are helpful and kind. 

 

Thanks babyrex, I feel like it's important to have a thread where folks who are symptomatic after a few months or longer can see that it's not "abnormal" to have symptoms wax and wane throughout the first 18 months as one gets back to "normal" life, tries more active lifestyle, reintroduces things like exercise or more vigorous physical activity, alcohol if that is a choice one makes... the CNS takes time to heal.  Most folks, not all, took the benzo for a reason, so there are often pre benzo issues to address once the CNS is over the acute withdrawal and recovery phases.  I wish there were a designated section on the forum for post benzo buddies, but for now, it seems there are only a handful of threads to address this population, so I've taken the lead, even after moving on with a pretty busy life now,on trying to keep it active so others might benefit.

 

 

V