Your Appearance in w/d

In past, I've prided myself on being slim, stylish & somewhat attractive.  When I feel good about my appearance, I feel better overall.

 

My looks have taken a big hit in withdrawal, and as I begin to increasingly feel better mentally & physically, it does bother me that I've morphed into a potbellied, poor-postured, saggy-skinned, sallow, thin-haired bag lady.  I seem to have aged ten years in less than ten months.  It doesn't help me feel any better about myself.  I have very little motivation to even get a haircut or put makeup on to try and improve matters.

 

If this seems shallow, so be it.

 

Has your appearance changed?  If so, how... and is it showing any signs of improvement with time?

Hi,  I think a lot of us feel this way several months into withdrawal.  I certainly did. And if it's physical, it will get better in time as you heal.  But in my case it was largely an illusion - my sense of self-perception was so over-sensitized that I actually thought I looked hideous, when in fact, little if anything had actually changed about my looks.  Many members have written about this kind of thing happening to them, and IMO it's a matter of distorted perception in many cases.  Also, when one feels awful they tend to think they look awful as well and that others can see that there's something dreadfully wrong with them, but that's usually not the case in benzo withdrawal.  But this exaggerated self-consciousness is often part of the extreme anxiety we feel in withdrawal, it's a kind of hyper-vigilance.  It will pass in time.

 

 

My grandmother recently told my whole family I look like a little old man. I'm 27. So yeah it's been rough lol

Oh yes, megan.  I remember that skewered self-perception in acute, and a couple months afterwards.  I wonder if it's still applicable, this far out (seven months.)

 

I swear to the heavens that my teeth have even moved.  They've been shifting/loose and my front teeth seem misaligned.  WTF.

I definitely have a distorted self-image now; I constantly think I'm uglier and generally don't feel very good about myself.  I'm even reluctant to look in the mirror sometimes.  But other than some weight loss, nobody can see anything different.

Hey, all. I think some of it is the loss of motivation and passion. It takes so much energy to do anything that the little things we all used to do to look better don't get done. I wear make-up only when I absolutely have to and I just throw clothes on that may be wrinkled and not fit. I've lost over 30 lbs in this process and I don't feel up to spending all of the time it would take to find enough clothes that fit. Shopping isn't fun anymore. So bag lady, I completely identify with that. Also the distortion. It's easy to believe I'm a cross between Medusa and the Elephant man. If someone complements me I'm shocked...and suspicious:-)

i find myself just wearing sweats every day.  It's a real effort to dress myself if I have to think about it...

In past, I've prided myself on being slim, stylish & somewhat attractive.  When I feel good about my appearance, I feel better overall.

 

My looks have taken a big hit in withdrawal, and as I begin to increasingly feel better mentally & physically, it does bother me that I've morphed into a potbellied, poor-postured, saggy-skinned, sallow, thin-haired bag lady.  I seem to have aged ten years in less than ten months.  It doesn't help me feel any better about myself.  I have very little motivation to even get a haircut or put makeup on to try and improve matters.

 

If this seems shallow, so be it.

 

Has your appearance changed?  If so, how... and is it showing any signs of improvement with time?

 

I felt like a she hag for a lot of my taper. I thought I aged from 50 years to 90. I couldn't bear to look in the mirror. I also have a pot belly, but that's due to my high thyroid that isn't under control yet. But when I got low in my taper, I started coming back to my old self. I look oh so much better now. This will happen to you too! Bets

Thank you, everyone.  The dark circles under my red-rimmed eyes thank you as well 

Well reading the posts here i think it is again quite normal for withdrawal.

 

Also it seems to be, as Megan said, somewhat of an illusion, distorted perseption. For example when i look at the mirror i can see myself handsome and next time an alwful looking. Also, which is very strange and distressful, i can see my hair getting rare and thin, while the next day it looks normal and thick. It feels like being in different reality. After that i start questioning my existance, if i am sane and so on.

... Maybe it's part and parcel of Depersonalization.  I guess that would make some sense.

 

But stuff like booze, smokes, and other drugs ravage peoples' looks, so I think benzos can most definitely do the same.

 

 

Wow!  This thread is so spot on.  I am a runner and most would (have) considered me skinny and in great shape.  Currently I hate to look in mirrors, feel huge, in part to the lovely benzo belly I seem to constantly carry (9 months off on the 12th).  I feel like 8 years has just passed me by, I'm 35.  I used to be confident, now, I'm just not.  Getting dressed is def. a thought out process instead of just throwing something on. I don't even try for attractive anymore, it's just try not to look and feel ridiculous. I still maintain my muscle mass is off.

Yeah I feel the same way.. I'm not happy with how I look which in turn makes me feel so bad about myself.. I am praying some of this reverses as we heal.. Please please please

Oh yes, megan.  I remember that skewered self-perception in acute, and a couple months afterwards.  I wonder if it's still applicable, this far out (seven months.)

 

I swear to the heavens that my teeth have even moved.  They've been shifting/loose and my front teeth seem misaligned.  WTF.

Wow. I've been mulling that over recently that my teeth feel like they're shifting. What the hell is up with that? Pretty much on point with what I'm experiencing with appearances. Swollen under eyes. Saggy skin on face.

Funny you guys mention the teeth shifting thing... One of my front bottom teeth has shifted forward so badly that it is now pushing my top out. I'm probably gonna need braces.. I wonder if teeth shifting is another lovely w/d sx .

My front tooth has shifted since the taper.  Seems like overnight.  I used to have perfect, straight teeth.  Until reading this I would not have attributed it to wd.  If I were younger I would straighten.  Still might but will wait and see if it gets worse.  Geez...is there no end to the strange side effects.  I, too, feel I have aged 10 years in the past year.  I am 65 so have thought it is just aging.  Perhaps lots is due to wd.  I have worn mostly exercise pants all winter.  Used to love jeans and looked good.  By used to I mean last winter.

 

I am wondering how much is perception.  I recently ran into a man I haven't seen in years.  He kept saying how good I look.  So who knows.v

I'm actually looking a lot better since coming off valium as the gym has been one of my main distractions, I used to be a skinny guy who never worked out and now I'm trim, I can run 12.5km and I can lift quite a bit of weight. I've also been using tanning salons occasionally as I read that UV light helps with depression plus my skin looks nicer too

this hell does not affect my looks,,,,,

 

my Soul is I'm worried about.....

 

 

lol I love you guys...I feel like I look awful, then sometimes I have to look and the mirror and go...well, that wasn't so bad! I don't wear makeup anymore either, but lately everyone doesn't even know if I'm old enough to buy cigarettes lol I'm 28 but apparently look 16

I work in the world of plastic surgery and when I first went of Valium and I experienced insomnia I looked like crap with bad circles under my eyes. Once I started getting some sleep I did feel better because I was exercising every day!! I never stopped any of my anti aging products while in recovery. I continued to use Retin A and Vitamin C oil. Retin A adds a little red to your cheek so I always seemed to have color instead of looking pale. My hair texture changed and it became greasy and limp and it was gross. I didn't want to wash it every day because my hair started to shed so what I did was I made sure to wash my pillow cases every day and my sheets 3 times a week. Nothing felt better than getting into clean sheets at the end of the day.

Francesca

Well reading the posts here i think it is again quite normal for withdrawal.

 

Also it seems to be, as Megan said, somewhat of an illusion, distorted perseption. For example when i look at the mirror i can see myself handsome and next time an alwful looking. Also, which is very strange and distressful, i can see my hair getting rare and thin, while the next day it looks normal and thick. It feels like being in different reality. After that i start questioning my existance, if i am sane and so on.

 

i to feel like i live in different realities. i stopped looking in the mirror for some months. i just couldnt recognize myself. i think a lot was my body posture too and i just looked haggard. its better on some days and my bad ones still don't look in the mirror ...its like i creep myself out.  what a trip this whole experience has been. i have never had so many feelings until i quit pills. its on overload. you guys take care and it will get better. we need to love ourselves no matter what. we have just been through some shitty shit and one day it will all be worth it.  :P

Hi all  others of us were talking about this the other day and way before us so were other BB members

The Good news is is DOES get better and looks and bodies get restored during healing or complete recovery

 

On this link were we are discussing this phenomena, if you look at my post there is a link on  there to a really long thread about all this and more and recovering what we've lost in physical appearance. It helped me greatly and I hope it helps you too. 

 

I wanted to ''Bump'' the thread but I can't as Its archived, but I got the link on here on my post as I said. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=129292.0#top

 

Love Nova xxxx  :smitten:

Oh, wow, nova... thanks, buddy! 

 

Longwalk, you're a sweetheart.  A lovely person.  Thanks for saying we'll all be ok and restored after this hell trip.  You've been through an awful lot.  I tip my hat to you.  Respect.  We WILL all get through this, simply because we're here and fighting for our lives.  We will be rewarded for doing what we each know is right for us... i.e., going beyond these drugs and facing ourselves head-on so we can truly begin the work of healing our lives.

 

Well... I'm off to read the thread nova referenced.  Try not to be too hard on yourselves today, and I'll do the same.

 

Peace to you all,

Serenity

A-ha... just went to the other threads nova posted about this topic & I have found this, from a member named Hope:

 

"I have : thin, wrinkled, sagging skin all over my body. It looks like my skin suddenly became 2 sizes too big and very soft and mushy.

I'm 42 now. This all started last year when I was 41. I look like I'm a sickly 52 year old. Not even a healthy 52 year old.

Dark circles under my eyes, under eye wrinkles, sagging eye lids, deep marionette lines on either side of my mouth, sunken cheeks, protruding cheek bones, MAJOR hair loss (I have what looks like male pattern baldness), muscle wasting and my hands look like serpent skin."

 

 

My heavens, this is my experience EXACTLY.  Wonder if a lot of the saggy, wrinkling, parchment (serpent) skin stuff has much to do with the muscle wasting/loss involved with benzo use & withdrawal.

SerenityNow-I work in the world of Plastic Surgery. There are a lot of wonderful fillers that can be used to restore volume to one's face and we are lucky that we have options if needed. When I first went off a benzo I loss 5 pds (it was mostly muscle) I dropped to 105 pds. I never eat carbs however I made sure to add carbs into my diet and now I weigh 107.8 pds. I have been working out so hard at the gym and I have noticed that my muscle that I lost is coming back. I'm shedding hair and quite nervous about that symptom but I am going to remain positive and pray it abates in time. I rather have a sunken face (add some fillers than end up bald) It's all relative....