Looking for more support in my rehabilitation

I am trying to recover from opiate (subutex) and xanax addiction. I've decided to stop about 5 months ago. I've had a few relapses with subutex, xanax, and ambien. I was on xanax for about 1 and a half yearsto 2 years. I had gone to an addiction specialist who made me jump off both medications cold turkey prescribing me numerous medications which haven't helped me at all. These include depakote for seizures, but I still had about 7 seizures in the past 5 months. Also naltrexone which made my insomnia and anxiety worse. I've been eating healthy foods such as oatmeal and lean meats. I've also been walking on the treadmill whenever I feel up to it. I see a drug counselor. I can't seem to be able to sleep, I'm always tired, have no motivation or drive to do anything, very irritable, muscle aches, nausea, headaches, anxiety, fear, hostility, aggression and some more symptoms that I can't seem to remember right now. It seems like recovery is making me feel worse but I am ready to live a sober and drug free lifestyle. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I've tried everything. Any advice or tips would be appreciated.

Welcome to the forum, JustWantToSleep.

 

Good forum login name, many of us just want to sleep and sleep can be pretty elusive for awhile. 

 

I withdrew from Xanax too, though I did taper off.  Cold turkey withdrawal can be pretty brutal and most if not all of the symptoms you describe can be attributed to the withdrawal process for quite some time after you become benzo free.  At this point you have five months of healing (whether it feels like it or not) under your belt and time is the healer now.  It takes awhile for the central nervous system to repair itself after benzodiazepine use and withdrawal.  You will heal from this, it's just a long process sometimes.

 

Here's the best place to start posting for support: Post Withdrawal Support and you may want to try  Insomnia as well.

 

Here's a link to the Ashton Manual Ashton Manual for more online reading.

 

Please include your benzodiazepine information in your posts.  To make that easier by adding it to each post automatically, you can go up to Profile, choose Forum Profile, write the information in the text box and click Change Profile.

 

Take care,

Challis

 

Thank You for your advice, do you think it will be counter productive to jump back on xanax or valium and taper. Or would it be best to just keep going, in your opinion.

Thank You for your advice, do you think it will be counter productive to jump back on xanax or valium and taper. Or would it be best to just keep going, in your opinion.

 

This is just my own opinion and probably what most other members here would say, and that is to keep going.  The worst is behind you, believe it or not.  I know it can take a long time to see even a little bit of progress in the early months benzo free.  I had to look back a few months to see small improvements, that's how slow it can be for awhile.  Then healing comes a little faster though sometimes you might have setbacks under stress.

 

Can you think of any symptoms that are gone now?  Or lessened?

No longer have cold sweats but still have to have an air condtioner running most of the day and havent had a seizure in about 3-4 weeks. Im currently not working, as its very difficult with the lack of sleep and anxiety. I have thought about inpatient rehab but my insurance only covers a few rehabs and im pretty sure all of them are 12 step programs which i have been court ordered to go to when i was 18 for alcohol which i had no problems getting off of, no withdrawal, even after 3 years of a liter of vodka every day. Once i got out of rehab, i had been clean for about 2-3 years. 

Hi JustWantToSleep, sorry you are having a rough time, the hardest part is not sleeping but it will come.Keeping yourself distracted as best as you can to get through the day . Congratulations to you ct is very hard but very worth it.Peace and love to you my friend...Diane

Thanks for the advice, I will do my best.

So, looking at your signature, you c/t'ed from 6mg of Xanax? 

Yes, that was what the addiction doctor/psychiatrist told me to do. The first time i went to him, he prescribed 6 different medications Naltrexone, Zanaflex, Phenergan, Depakote ER, Trazodone, Protonix. I had no luck sleeping and anxiety only got worse so i went back in August and was prescribed tizanidine, Prazosin, Desipramine, Trileptal, Seroquel, Protonix. Nothing has helped for sleep or anxiety, the medications made me feel worse, had gotten side effect from every single medication. I even tried taking one medication at a time at a very low dose. Eventually, I felt like there was something wrong when i woke up and stared at 6 different bottles of medications, so i threw everything out. Also, my insurance didn't cover the visit.

Your doctor seems to be throwing every possible drug at you...good grief! I am glad you threw them out. That took courage and strength.

 

I identify with a lot of your story. I went cold turkey off a large dose of Klonapin - and I used to drink a lot. I have a 30 plus year history of this nonsense. I went into a detox, but did not find it helpful at all.

 

I agree with Challis....and this is my opinion only - you've been off since May, so I would just keep going. You are past the "acute" phase of withdrawal (the time when seizures are much more likely). That doesn't mean you're supposed to feel good - hardly. Some people, for reasons unknown, find benzo withdrawal to be very unpleasant, and it can last quite a while.

But - withdrawal from a benzo does get better. It just takes time, and it helps if you start to learn about what is causing all the weird symptoms. There are several excellent articles on this forum about this - if you are interested, Ill give you links to them. I found these articles to be very helpful. I had reached the point of thinking I was either insane or had some terrible disease. I didn't...I was in withdrawal. Period. And I have, for the most part, healed from it.

 

Don't give up - keep going, and start learning new ways to cope with things like insomnia. Yes, there are things you can do to help it without taking a drug. Insomnia has been one of my biggest challenges, and this is what I had to do.

east

Yes, links would be helpful. Anything beats sitting around doing nothing. Thanks 

Here's one I really liked. It gets a bit technical - don't let that bother you. Just try to absorb the basics.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=66397.0

 

east

 

This one gives ideas on how to cope with symptoms....very helpful.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=79096.0

 

east

Thanks, east... I just added this http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=79096.0 to my list of great links.  Hadn't seen it before!

The one I want to find is Perseverances article. I found it invaluable. It has always helped me to have a tiny bit of scientific knowledge backing up what I felt and experienced.

east

I don't know where this one came from but it's good:

 

Recovery Tips

 

1. Recovery from bei ng an accidental addict to benzodiazepines is serious business. It takes time for the central nervous system to heal and for neurotransmitters to stop being sensitive. None of us had the faintest idea that this kind of situation lay in front of us. So we are dealing with shock at what has happened as well as the real physical and mental/emotional symptoms of withdrawal.

 

2. Recovery is not linear, as it is with other illnesses or injuries. If we cut our hands, we can actually see the cut heal and the pain diminish over time. In benzo withdrawal we can be well one day and very sick the next. This is normal and we have to look at our healing differently.

 

3. Recovery is an individual thing, and it is difficult to predict how quickly symptoms will stop for good. People expect to be completely better after a certain period of time, and often get discouraged and depressed when they feel this time has passed and they are not completely better. Most patient support programs tell clients to anticipate 6 months to a year for recovery after a taper has ended. But some people feel better a few months after they stop taking benzos; for others it takes more than a year to feel completely better. Try not to be obsessed with how long it will take, because every day you stay off benzos, your body is healing at its own rate. If you do not follow this particular schedule, it does not mean there is something wrong or you are not healing. Even if you are feeling ill in some respects, other symptoms may disappear. Even people in difficult tapers see improvements in symptoms very early on. So don’t let these time-frames scare you. The way you feel at one month will not be how you will be feeling at three months or at six months.

 

4. It is very typical to have setbacks at different points of time (these times can vary). These setbacks can be so intense that people feel their healing hasn’t happened at all; they feel they have been taken right back to beginning. Setbacks, if they occur, are a normal part of recovery.

 

5. When people are in recovery, they have a lot of fears. One is that they will never get better. Another is that their symptoms are really what they are like — perhaps what they have always been like. Both of these fears are stimulated by benzo withdrawal. In other words they are the thought components of benzo withdrawal, just as insomnia is a physical component.

 

6. There is no way around benzo withdrawal and recovery—you have to go through it. People try all sorts of measures to try to make the pain stop, but nothing can shortcut the process. Our body and brain have their own agenda for healing, and it will take place if you simply accept it.

 

7. When you are having a bad spell, healing is still going on. People typically find that after a bad spell, symptoms improve and often go away forever. Try to remember this when times are hard.

 

8. There is no magic cure to recovery, but you can help yourself by comforting and reassuring yourself as much as possible. Read reassuring information, stay away from stress, ask your partner, family and others for reassurance, and go back to the things you did at the beginning if you are experiencing really tough symptoms.

 

9. When we start to feel better, it is very typical to try to do too much. We are grateful to be alive and we have energy for the first time in weeks or months. But this can be a dangerous time. When we do to much and take on too much too early, it re-sensitizes the nervous system. It doesn’t prevent healing in the long term, but it can make us feel discouraged. So try to pace yourself, even if you are feeling good.

 

10. You do need to respect your body during recovery, although you don’t need to make drastic changes to your lifestyle. Exercise, in any form is critical—even if you can only walk around the house or to the end of the block. Eating well and avoiding all stimulants is crucial. Regular high-protein snacks can help with the shakes and the feelings of weakness we have during withdrawal and recovery.

 

11. Recovery is all about acceptance, but this does not mean passive acceptance. Set small goals for yourself that are achievable. Try to keep exercise happening. Work at your recovery even if that means accepting you are sick—for now. You wouldn’t be hard on yourself if you were in a traffic accident and had injuries; you would work at rehab. Try to take the same attitude and approach to benzodiazepine withdrawal.

 

 

Yes, that was what the addiction doctor/psychiatrist told me to do. The first time i went to him, he prescribed 6 different medications Naltrexone, Zanaflex, Phenergan, Depakote ER, Trazodone, Protonix. I had no luck sleeping and anxiety only got worse so i went back in August and was prescribed tizanidine, Prazosin, Desipramine, Trileptal, Seroquel, Protonix. Nothing has helped for sleep or anxiety, the medications made me feel worse, had gotten side effect from every single medication. I even tried taking one medication at a time at a very low dose. Eventually, I felt like there was something wrong when i woke up and stared at 6 different bottles of medications, so i threw everything out. Also, my insurance didn't cover the visit.

 

Hi just,

 

Did your doctor explain how any of these "medications" would facilitate your withdrawal?  If so, consider yourself lucky.  Many here are poly-drugged without any explanation.  Good on you for rejecting the current medical model that supports treating the side effects of medications with more medications.    Stay the course; it's not easy but you can do it! 

Thank you all for all the reading material. Its very difficult for me to process that much information right now. Im not sure how far the relapse on Monday set me back, i was just so desperate for sleep  So officially 4 days 100% sober from xanax and ambien. Speaking of which, ive heard stories of people saying ambien is a benzo and some saying it doesnt show up on a drug test as a benzo so its not, its a hypnotic, etc. what are you guys opinions on ambien, i myself can only take it one or two nights at a time or else i just get worse anxiety and worse insomnia. So far, what ive heard helps the most is eating healthy and aerobic exercise. I walk on a treadmill for atleast 20 minutes before breakfast, then i eat a typical bodybuilding diet, oat and eggwhites, brown rice and chicken breast, flounder, sweet potato, protein shake if hungry before bed. I was wondering what are some natural sleep aids that help, ive dried diphenhydramine (benadryl) and that doesnt work at all. Also any advice on ambien usage setting me back?

 

-JustWantToSleep

Ambien is not technically a benzo but it acts like one, has the same effects and works on the same gaba receptors. It might as well BE a benzo, for all the differences it has. It can have a nasty withdrawal, too. I took it for 12 years, and got off in a very rapid taper, at the same time I was cold turkey'ing off Klonapin. Thus, I will never know how much of my symptoms were from the benzo or the Ambien. I am not positive about this - but think it WILL show up on routine drug tests. When I took it, I always reported taking it so I wouldn't get in trouble on a drug screen. To sum up, yes, I do think taking Ambien will set you back.

 

Don't be TOO obsessive about the diet and exercise stuff. Nothing will heal you faster or take away symptoms of withdrawal. But eating well and exercising should help you feel better in general, of course.

 

Benedryl is fine, so is Unisom, Melatonin and a couple of herbal preparations  like Alteril. Just use them according to the directions, and you will be fine. None of those worked for me, but I seem to be a tough case when it comes to sleep issues.

east

I dont mind actually, ive eaten junk foods for so long, the new foods gives me a change.

That's a great way to think about it. How are you feeling today?

east

Anxiety still killling me. Slept from 1120pm-120am last night then 530am-630am. I have tried phenibut in the past and thats just a horrible drug in my opinion, and ive also tried kratom, which did make me feel ok the first day or 2, but then it just turned to nausea so i dumped it. Ive been reading that kava kava really helps to sleep, any one have experience with kava kava?

Walking to the store to grab some kava  and hopefully be able to help my anxiety and insomnia. Ill post back tonight or tommorow.

 

 

 

Be careful with the kava kava-I came up with liver damage after using it for insomnia when I had what I realize now as interdose withdrawal.  My doc goes, 'Elevated liver enzymes?  Any idea what that's about?' And I knew right away.

 

There is no magic bullet-people spend lots of money trying to find a way to cope with the withdrawal symptoms-taking another pill to counteract the effects of the first pill gets to be a hampster wheel-like proposition.

 

Breathe~ride the wave~

 

and come back here when you need to talk!

Thanks for posting this, cookienose. I agree. Many people are so used to taking a pill for whatever bothers them, and nearly everything has its risks.  It is hard for many people to accept that there really is nothing they can do to make this stuff feel better and go away quicker.

east