43 days post xanax jump

Can I get some insight from some veterans? I was on xanax for 4 weeks with a 2 week taper. I took about 4mg the first day, but after that it ranged from 1mg-0mg. Sometimes I wouldn't take any and I would get rebound anxiety(not knowing what was happening) and then would take it again so I don't think I kindled. I finally realized what was happening at the 4 week mark and I went to a clueless Dr and she gave me a 2 week taper schedule starting from .5mg and I ended at .125 at the last day. My acute phase was horrific, I was borderline suicidal and put myself in a psych hospital after being off for 10 days. While I was in there they put me on 15mg of Remeron. The symptoms I had when I went into the hospital were dominated by the head rocking sensation, but I also had depth perception issues, derealization and depersonalization, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, insomnia(the remeron helped with that) and neuropathy towards the end. I had about a 2 week window but was hit with a bad wave like a week ago. Now its been 43 days since coming off and the symptoms I have are fairly limited, terrible brain fog, headaches,  anxiety, crying spells, depression, insomnia, and neck back and shoulder pain. Would you say that I am going to heal quickly from this? I feel like I already know the answer is yes but, yesterday I was crying and screaming begging for it to stop, so clearly I am struggling a lot and am grasping for any positivity because I am not sure how to keep pushing myself.

Are you still taking the Remeron?

Yea, I am. It seems to be helping with the anxiety a bit. I know a lot of places say I shouldn't take antidepressants during this but I am at a loss.

I bet you will heal pretty quickly. It is helpful that you weren't on long. It's so tough, though! I've been off for 9 weeks now. Hang in there! 

Withdrawl is really hard but it is in your favor that you weren't on benzos very long.  The dose you jumped from doesn't sound very high but in the scheme of things, it was higher than most of our members jump from.  And of course, a two week taper is very short.  I can't help but wonder if the Remeron is not agreeing with you, though??

I unfortunately tried to come off of the remeron and I felt horrible, like acute panic attacks came back with a vengeance so I had to up the dose again.

We have a thread in support groups for those dealing with Remeron in case you'd like to check it out.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=80102.0

If it helps I was on benzos and alcohol for like 10 years. I’m 13 months off some hours during the day I feel 100 percent healed some hours or days I feel 75%. If I did it you can do it. It’s just going to take some time.

Thank you guys, I am just so anxious all the time now. When a wave hits me it feels like my anxiety is just growing inside me and I get this dizziness in my head that makes the anxiety even worse. I also had a very brief period of neuropathy in my left wrist last night but it was gone by this morning. Last time that happened, it took a few days for it to go away. I am trying to remind myself that I am having significantly less intense symptoms than other people seem to be having on here so I will most likely heal quickly, but the last 44 days have been sheer hell. I usually have a window in the middle of the day and right before I go to bed too.

 

 

Edit: Profanity

Hi Catsforlyfe,

 

I'm so sorry you're in the thick of rough withdrawal symptoms. It feels especially unfair since you were on Xanax so short term.

It sounds like anxiety is the worst symptom for you - this is a hallmark of benzo withdrawal.  Benzos alter brain chemistry and it can take some time for the brain to recalibrate.  This is what occurs as we heal.  The amygdala is the fear center or flight/fight center of the brain and as it recalibrates it our anxiety can become stratospheric.  It's brutal -  it was my worst symptom and I remember it well.  Over time, as you take the best care of yourself you can, your system will heal and those windows you have will begin to expand. Time and self care are the ticket.

 

Wishing you much healing,

Brighterday