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ChinaDoll Escapes from Wonderland!


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China Friend, AWESOME job telling your story. I've been so severely muted for the last few days that I have to hold my MUTE OFF button to get the words out. I related to a ton of things you wrote about.

 

I especially tuned into the part about your having had anxiety since way back. That's what I have been trying to express lately. I was never a poster-child for mental health, and I've always had a Rabbit Hole, but when I tried to get off Klonocide it was like I would go into my old Rabbit Hole, but there was a hole in the entrance that took me into a pit never knew existed.

 

I'm really glad you put it all out there. There has been so much of your story that was a mystery. As for kids, Cosby said it many years ago - they ALWAYS come back again. Only now in this Brave New World they also come "home" on drugs and without jobs. :(

 

Gary  :smitten:

 

Thanks Gary for your ongoing support and encouragement! 

 

I hate that you have been so frustrated lately.  I wish there was something I could do to help.  All I can offer is a hug!

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Friend Donkey))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

:smitten:

China

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Dear sweet China,

 

I'm so happy for you that I don't even know how to put it into words! I never knew your story until now and it makes me so sad and mad that you had to go through what you went through to get to where you are today. I really hope that the saying 'everything happens for a reason' is true because you really, really didn't deserve all that stuff happening to you, you know? And whatever the 'reason' is, it better be a good one, dammit!  *hugz!*

 

But look at you. Would you just look at yourself? OMG, you are SO done with this &*^#! and so ready to move on with your life that, uh, I think a lot of people better move out of your way.  :o  ;)  Actually, really, they better move out of your way because it doesn't sound like you're going to be putting much more onto your plate without a fight. And that's a healthy attitude and is definitely as it should be!  :thumbsup:

 

 

So here's to a whole new chapter in your life, my friend:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May it be filled with love, happiness, magic and dreams come true!

 

 

 

So much love, China!

 

 

 

http://i1331.photobucket.com/albums/w591/koko375/glitter-heart_zps3e8a0508.gif

 

 

 

 

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

Thanks koko!!

 

I have asked myself the "what could possibly be a good reason for this never ending crap" question myself a million times.  I have always believed in that but lately I am not so sure.  :-\

 

Thanks for being my buddie koko!!

 

:smitten:

China

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WOW China, what a story, it gave me the goose pimples. so happy this poison

did not destroy you and you had the strength to be yourself again and fight. :smitten::thumbsup:

 

Thanks Morreweg!

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Amazing healing story...Thank you and many happy days ahead!!

 

 

Thank you and your welcome!  It's always good to be reassured this crap really does have and ending somewhere!

 

:smitten:

China

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Yes, withdrawal definitely sucked!  But it was so worth it to get off that poison and be a in a position to rebuild my life.  I have a ton of rebuilding to do but I have a plan.  I can’t thank the BenzoBuddies Team enough for keeping this place going.  I don’t know where I would be right now if it had not been here.  And big hugs to my special buddies for keeping me sane through all of this.

 

 

Thank you so much ChinaDoll for sharing your story with us and so glad you are doing well.

Wish you the best! :smitten:

D21

 

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Congratulations China!

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story...it's amazing just how closely other's descriptions and lives match my own. Note my handle...I've felt like Alice since I started this evil stuff!  ;)

 

I know you'll do a great job of taking care of those grandbabies...children make life worth living!

 

Take Care XXOO

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Yes, withdrawal definitely sucked!  But it was so worth it to get off that poison and be a in a position to rebuild my life.  I have a ton of rebuilding to do but I have a plan.  I can’t thank the BenzoBuddies Team enough for keeping this place going.  I don’t know where I would be right now if it had not been here.  And big hugs to my special buddies for keeping me sane through all of this.

 

 

Thank you so much ChinaDoll for sharing your story with us and so glad you are doing well.

Wish you the best! :smitten:

D21

 

Thanks D...  :smitten:

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Congratulations China!

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story...it's amazing just how closely other's descriptions and lives match my own. Note my handle...I've felt like Alice since I started this evil stuff!  ;)

 

I know you'll do a great job of taking care of those grandbabies...children make life worth living!

 

Take Care XXOO

 

Thanks Other Alice!

 

I noticed from your sig you had to find out about benzo w/d from here also!  That is such a shame.  I don't think I will ever fully trust the medical community again. 

 

:smitten:

China

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Way to go ChinaDoll!!! :thumbsup:

 

I'm new here, but like you once were, I am trying to fight my way out of that Klonopin Koma.  Also thought that the K was the answer to my prayers, giving me relief from chronic lifelong insomnia. 

Your story inspires me.  I am hoping for me things will be pretty linear as well.  I am sorry your son and DIL are adding to your stress but it sounds like you really got a handle on things now!  So awesome! Thanks for sharing your story!!

peace, marybeth

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Way to go ChinaDoll!!! :thumbsup:

 

I'm new here, but like you once were, I am trying to fight my way out of that Klonopin Koma.  Also thought that the K was the answer to my prayers, giving me relief from chronic lifelong insomnia. 

Your story inspires me.  I am hoping for me things will be pretty linear as well.  I am sorry your son and DIL are adding to your stress but it sounds like you really got a handle on things now!  So awesome! Thanks for sharing your story!!

peace, marybeth

 

Thank you Marybeth,  I am glad my story could help.

 

Stay strong with your taper.  It may be a bit of a rocky road but it is so worth it on this end.

 

:smitten:

China

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  • 1 year later...

Thanks Marj.... wishing you all the best also.......... :smitten:

 

Guess it is time for a bit of an update.  I can say I am 100 cured of benzo withdrawal, however, I do have some lingering physical issues I believe are related to taking so much klonopin for so long.  It is mainly muscle weakness and aches.  I am hoping they will eventually resolve but they may always be a lingering reminder that you can not find answers to life's problems in a pill. 

 

I don't come here much anymore but I do think of the people here often.  Benzo withdrawal was the most bizare experience of my life.  So absolutely crazy while I was going through it.  But looking back on it now it seems almost like a hazy dream.  :idiot:

 

If I were to offer any advise at all it would be to eat this elephant one bite at a time.  You are stronger then you think you are and it will eventually pass.  Stay positive and don't judge yourself by others symptoms.  This journey will be unique for everyone. 

 

And although I know this is not a popular opinion on this board I will also state for the record that I believe faster is better.  The sooner you get the poison out of your system the better. 

 

:smitten:

China

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Thank you! Your update is inspiring. How lovely you feel so well! Thank you for returning to let us know. Much happiness to you.

 

Carita

 

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Guess it is time for a bit of an update.  I can say I am 100 cured of benzo withdrawal, however, I do have some lingering physical issues I believe are related to taking so much klonopin for so long.  It is mainly muscle weakness and aches.  I am hoping they will eventually resolve but they may always be a lingering reminder that you can not find answers to life's problems in a pill.

Doll, I don't come here much either, and the reason is - I have to be honest - is that when I feel even OK, I want to get on with my life. You talk about how long you were on the drug. I was on it for 35 years. I did find answers to my incredible headache pain, so I can't regret that part of it, but in the last few years anything good K did started was gone, and I did not even know it. You can't be on anything for 35 years without it stopping working.

 

Sometime in the last week I posted once in my blog to report that nothing got better, that it was all an illusion. That happened during the worst wave I can imagine, and for a few days I was right back to the beginning of it all, horrible anxiety, nightmares, much more. My blood pressure shot up. I continued to work, and I did not even somewhat let on to my wife how bad it was. Before that mostly things kept getting better. Yesterday it mostly let up, so I could at least say that it was not all hopeless. Then today I was back in a window.

 

I am writing this to you, here, because you were one of the most important people in my lif while I was going through the worst of the nightmare of withdrawal.

 

If you are 100% over it all, that's great. But I am simply mentioning that IF you aren't, and if you get a bizarre wave, it will pass.

 

Much love from the donkey...

 

:smitten: :smitten:

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Guess it is time for a bit of an update.  I can say I am 100 cured of benzo withdrawal, however, I do have some lingering physical issues I believe are related to taking so much klonopin for so long.  It is mainly muscle weakness and aches.  I am hoping they will eventually resolve but they may always be a lingering reminder that you can not find answers to life's problems in a pill.

Doll, I don't come here much either, and the reason is - I have to be honest - is that when I feel even OK, I want to get on with my life. You talk about how long you were on the drug. I was on it for 35 years. I did find answers to my incredible headache pain, so I can't regret that part of it, but in the last few years anything good K did started was gone, and I did not even know it. You can't be on anything for 35 years without it stopping working.

 

Sometime in the last week I posted once in my blog to report that nothing got better, that it was all an illusion. That happened during the worst wave I can imagine, and for a few days I was right back to the beginning of it all, horrible anxiety, nightmares, much more. My blood pressure shot up. I continued to work, and I did not even somewhat let on to my wife how bad it was. Before that mostly things kept getting better. Yesterday it mostly let up, so I could at least say that it was not all hopeless. Then today I was back in a window.

 

I am writing this to you, here, because you were one of the most important people in my lif while I was going through the worst of the nightmare of withdrawal.

 

If you are 100% over it all, that's great. But I am simply mentioning that IF you aren't, and if you get a bizarre wave, it will pass.

 

Much love from the donkey...

 

:smitten: :smitten:

 

 

Dearest Friend Donkey,

 

I hate to hear it has been so rough on you lately.  Here is to hoping your "window" is really the back door!!  It has been months since I have even had a twinge of the w/d crap so I am hopeful it is really over.  I even had 3 molars removed under twilight anaesthesia which uses a benzo and it did not set anything off.  I was a afraid it would but the teeth had to come out and I was too petrified to do it with just Novocaine.  Lesser of two evils ya know... >:D

 

I can't even imagine being on the klonopin for 35 years.  The last two of six for me I almost lost myself in the fog.  All I did was sleep, eat and barely make to work.  What little time I wasn't working or sleeping I sat in a darkened TV room with the clicker.  If I had not stopped when I did I am sure I would have disappeared altogether.  It is so nice to love the sunshine again. 

 

Yanno Donkey, you and the rest of the "gang from the basement" will always be special to me and I wish blessings and happiness on all of you.  We are like war buddies.  No one else in our lives will ever be able to truly understand what we went through together.  If y'all had not rescued me from the doom and gloom I am not sure I would have made it through this mess with my sanity intact (or at least as intact as it may have been before the K.  :idiot: )

 

Maybe we should plan a reunion party!!  We can charge $9.99 admission to paythedoll.com and I promice to keep all the money for my new Barbie Dream house with matching pink Corvette split the profits with you.  ;D

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

 

Doll

 

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So glad to read your update, China!  :smitten:

 

Most bizarre experience here, too. Oy....  :wacko:

 

Thanks NoNo... soooooooooooo when can we expect to hear from you??  ::)

 

Donkey and I are planning a reunion... wanna come??  I will let you play with my new Barbie Dream House!  But hands off of Ken.  He's mine.  :-*

 

 

China  :smitten:

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Thanks NoNo... soooooooooooo when can we expect to hear from you??  ::)

 

:-\

 

Donkey and I are planning a reunion... wanna come??  I will let you play with my new Barbie Dream House!  But hands off of Ken.  He's mine.  :-*

 

 

China  :smitten:

 

Count me in on the reunion. :yippee:

 

And you can have Ken. I always preferred GI Joe, anyway. :P

 

:smitten:

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China, I’m so thankful marj bumped your story! You posted it before I joined BB, and somehow, like many things, I never knew it existed.  It would’ve been a real loss to have missed it. Thanks for the update too.  :clap:  You were incredibly kind to me when I first joined the forum. I was so naïve, and had no idea that my taper was only the first step to recovery. :o  My first few months free were terrifying, and your one-liners and funny pictures always made me feel less afraid. To this day, when I need some relief from this business of healing, I go back to your blog and read a few pages – and I laugh like a kid with a comic book.  :laugh: Gifted by you; not a bad legacy, eh? 

Aft

:smitten:

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Thanks NoNo... soooooooooooo when can we expect to hear from you??  ::)

 

:-\

 

Donkey and I are planning a reunion... wanna come??  I will let you play with my new Barbie Dream House!  But hands off of Ken.  He's mine.  :-*

 

 

China  :smitten:

 

Count me in on the reunion. :yippee:

 

And you can have Ken. I always preferred GI Joe, anyway. :P

 

:smitten:

 

Yes a reunion sounds like fun!!  Altho I think I was funnier with benzo brain..  :crazy:

 

And I do understand the GI Joe attraction... Ken can be a bit of a wimp...  ;)

 

:smitten:

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China, I’m so thankful marj bumped your story! You posted it before I joined BB, and somehow, like many things, I never knew it existed.  It would’ve been a real loss to have missed it. Thanks for the update too.  :clap:  You were incredibly kind to me when I first joined the forum. I was so naïve, and had no idea that my taper was only the first step to recovery. :o  My first few months free were terrifying, and your one-liners and funny pictures always made me feel less afraid. To this day, when I need some relief from this business of healing, I go back to your blog and read a few pages – and I laugh like a kid with a comic book.  :laugh: Gifted by you; not a bad legacy, eh? 

Aft

:smitten:

 

Time sure does fly when your having fun... don't it. 

 

I am glad my lil story and my schtupidy have helped you.  A lot of peeps just find it annoying .. LOL.. I do try to stay upbeat and positive, look for the good and all that.  Not that popular around here which is why I seem to have drifted away more then I thought I would.  That and real life has been time consuming..  ::)

 

If there is anything I can ever do for you, plz feel free to PM me. 

 

I do hope you are doing well on this journey.

 

:smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

China

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Chinadoll,

 

I just read your amazing success story. Congratulations on your climb out of the rabbit hole and inspiring so many with your very eloquently written story. You are an excellent writer:)

 

Wishing you continued enjoyment of each precious day, now that you have come out of the fog. Leaving it behind is so very wonderful...with a continuing new appreciation for all the simple pleasures this world has to offer:)

 

 

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China doll, what a wonderful story of healing!! I love how real you are. You have fought through hell and it's so hopeful to read withdrawal is just a part of your past!

 

Aft, I was naive like you. I thought once finished with my taper I would be healed and have no withdrawal. My first six months were acute hell. I'm almost at eight months off now and out of acute but still in withdrawal. I had no clue this could happen especially because I was told by doctors it couldn't. Thank God for BB!

 

Thank God for success stories like your Doll! Thank you for sharing it!!  :smitten:

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