~~The Bedridden Club~~

Haven't posted in a while. I hope you are all having better days.

 

I think I feel like I lost a month and a half of progress over the last few days. Is this what they call a wave? It's been getting not so good day by day.

And the pattern has switched up. Mornings were better than evenings. But mornings feel bad too. What is this?

 

Also doctor confirmed I have fat malabsorption. Wants to run a lot of tests at a hospital. How do you know when to go or keep waiting and see if it will heal?

I'm getting hospital adversed. All I have to do is show up for a doctor to get frustrated with me.

 

Zman, what you did was amazing. An example of true bravery. I am so glad it went ok.

 

Stitch, are you feeling any better today? I hope so. Did you get your testing done?

Possible triggers in this post, just a heads up.

So yesterday  I went to gastro dr, and got scheduled for another endoscopy to check out some pain im

Having in my esophagus. Then right after, to the dentist, to have my molar extractions checked for possible dry socket. Everything went ok but I was in full panic attack mode by the time we went to the dentist. This is the most Ive done for a while. Im in a bad, bad wave right now, and it was tough to go two different appointments. I hope I can calm down.

 

Everything is haywire right now. I pray i get another window soon. Also, benzo belly is back in a bad way. Cant eat a thing without forcing myself to. Now im back in bed trying to calm myself. I keep waking up a few hrs after my night dose and feeling like I’m freaking out. I might have pushed it too hard and now I’m paying for it. The diarrhea has returned, 2 mornings now in a row. I have been holding at the same amount for a few months now… it’s so hard to keep track of time when you feel like this.

 

It’s like the minute the bloating returns, and you start having loose stools or digestive issues, I feel myself “shrinking” it’s so hard to explain. Sleep was going so well for like a month, and then bam! I start waking up from a vivid dream in a panic, begging my wife to check my vitals etc. I’m so sorry guys…. I know a lot of you said you were proud of me for going to the dentist etc and it’s one week later and I feel like I am right back at the beginning again, maybe even worse. God bless you all and I hope you are feeling much better than me. I started a blog in the buddie blogs section, but my first real post is basically just this same stuff I wrote above ^

 

Peace & Love

 

 

Z

Zman you hang in there. Everything you’re experiencing is normal and expected. I know that’s hard to hear and accept when you’re in the thick of it. But I’ve been there…others before us too. All you can do is stay as calm as possible and relax through it. I’m so very sorry that your struggling, my friend. Keep your prayers going. Take one hour at a time.

The bathroom issue….it settled down before, so it will again soon. The same for all these rotten symptoms. They come and go without warning. Until some time passes, we are stuck with doing our best to get through a day. I’m thinking of you and hope you return to better status again soon….

Big huggssssss! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🙏

Zman you hang in there. Everything you’re experiencing is normal and expected. I know that’s hard to hear and accept when you’re in the thick of it. But I’ve been there…others before us too. All you can do is stay as calm as possible and relax through it. I’m so very sorry that your struggling, my friend. Keep your prayers going. Take one hour at a time.

The bathroom issue….it settled down before, so it will again soon. The same for all these rotten symptoms. They come and go without warning. Until some time passes, we are stuck with doing our best to get through a day. I’m thinking of you and hope you return to better status again soon….

Big huggssssss! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🙏

 

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and caring. It means so much.

Zman I am so sorry.  Sending up prayers for you right now.

❤

Hi Zman.

 

No everything was put on hold. I got a concussion from whiplash. (doctor visit) I took a hit with mental symptoms. Worsen of cog fog, memory, mostly only surface thoughts, fear, and sleep took another hit. I can not sleep next to my partner now because it keeps me up.

 

If anyone one has words of encouragement I could use them.

 

I'm sorry you too are being tossed by the waves, Zman. Also, Force feeding is so painful when we already have the mental aspect of this to deal with. I am there with you and hate it. I hope it goes away for you soon. I hope you have a calm place.

 

Right now can't post much. Screens trigger akathisia. I think it's akathisia. Whatever it is I don't like it.

Hi Zman.

 

No everything was put on hold. I got a concussion from whiplash. (doctor visit) I took a hit with mental symptoms. Worsen of cog fog, memory, mostly only surface thoughts, fear, and sleep took another hit. I can not sleep next to my partner now because it keeps me up.

 

If anyone one has words of encouragement I could use them.

 

I'm sorry you too are being tossed by the waves, Zman. Also, Force feeding is so painful when we already have the mental aspect of this to deal with. I am there with you and hate it. I hope it goes away for you soon. I hope you have a calm place.

 

Right now can't post much. Screens trigger akathisia. I think it's akathisia. Whatever it is I don't like it.

 

Thank you for the encouragement, I am starting to think this is the worst I have felt since all this madness started. I’m losing hope rapidly and my symptoms are getting worse and worse and I’m still holding at like 8mg since feb.

I am really trying to think about the fact that I was finally having windows, but this recent wave is so bad…

It really kicked in/started the day after I had my two teeth extracted last week… I started noticing my symptoms were flaring back up and now it’s progressed to where I’m hardly able to move again, muscles so tense and weak that I am stuck either writhing in bed in pain, or five feet away from my bed using the portable toilet. Now I’m jerking awake from weird dreams every five min if I try to go back to sleep after my initial “jolt” awake a few hrs after falling asleep. I am so severely depressed about not being able to sleep again. I don’t feel physically strong enough to deal with this… I literally a vegetable now. Terror comes with every thing I try to do, even using an iPad brings on this horrid sensation of dread. I feel like I may have dropped about 5-8 more pounds. I am drowning in a pool of self-loathing and the stark reality I am facing is a constant reminder. You simply can’t distract when you are this physically ill. I think thoughts like “God, if I could just go to sleep normally again…” because when I was getting 6-8 hrs sleep for that brief time, I felt SO good compared to now. The last week and a half has made me question everything….  I have other heath issues too, like my aneurysm and blood pressure…. Why did this have to happen to me at this point in life? I’m sorry for all the wallowing, I just can’t take this. It’s not like a normal wave it seems. It seems worse and I barely have the capacity or ability to stand up at all now. Just enough to hobble over to the toilet. I used to be kinda cool, my wife genuinely admired me for my creativity and intelligence… I could tell she did… now I’m this hideous creature. Hope is becoming a fleeting memory. I’m so sorry guys, I just needed to tell someone what I’m going through. Nothing seems to help.

Hi Zman.

 

No everything was put on hold. I got a concussion from whiplash. (doctor visit) I took a hit with mental symptoms. Worsen of cog fog, memory, mostly only surface thoughts, fear, and sleep took another hit. I can not sleep next to my partner now because it keeps me up.

 

If anyone one has words of encouragement I could use them.

 

I'm sorry you too are being tossed by the waves, Zman. Also, Force feeding is so painful when we already have the mental aspect of this to deal with. I am there with you and hate it. I hope it goes away for you soon. I hope you have a calm place.

 

Right now can't post much. Screens trigger akathisia. I think it's akathisia. Whatever it is I don't like it.

Stitch my heart goes out to you dear. It’s ok that you can’t sleep next to your partner. This happens to many on here to not disturb your partner. It is temporary and things will settle down in time for you to return to your partner. So for now, wherever you’re sleeping ( or not sleeping) just make it into a nest like area. Comfortable soft blankets and pillows, a comforting stuffed animal or something to cuddle, plenty of water / liquids, something to read, something to do with your hands, a journal to release thoughts/ fears/ mental stress, family albums to look through, a jig saw puzzle, a wooden birdhouse you can paint, etc. The idea is to make that space a calming space instead of it being a dreaded place you hate. A table top fountain near it is also very soothing especially in a wave. If you can stand it, a soft scented candle or aromatherapy diffuser nearby will give you pleasant scent to stay relaxed. Baby powder, rose, lavender or linen scents are ideal. Or you can place lemon or orange peels in a pot bringing to a boil then pour some in a cup. Place next to your space.

I’m sorry that you are struggling. I would suggest pulling out ALL of your comforting coping tools around the clock. Including controlled breaths as you listen to ocean waves or waterfall sounds ( even birds in a Forrest). Keeping the mind focused on something else is very helpful. I have also used body circles as I listen to rain and piano music on YouTube. I did this by laying on my left side legs drawn up toward the belly then with a pillow between my knees, starting with the top of my forehead at the hairline I took all my fingers of one hand and drew a small circle SLOWLY and soft as if touching a baby’s skin while focusing on how it feels. Repeat a few times then do the cheek that is not against the pillow. Then do that to the inside of the arm that is laying palm up on the bed ( below the wrists. Then do the same to the open palm. Keep your focus on the circles. Breath very easy and slightly slower than normal while doing the circles. This has helped me through my worst of the worst! I pray it helps you too. As well as anyone reading this.

Sometimes just taking a simple long deep breath then letting it out with a low volume “ ahhhhh” is very powerful especially if in between you tell your brain “ I will be alright. This is just a wave. I am ok. It’s time to relax. Relax. Calm. Relax.” Keep your body limp while doing this.

 

Zman,

I am really trying to think about the fact that I was finally having windows, but this recent wave is so bad…

It really kicked in/started the day after I had my two teeth extracted last week… I started noticing my symptoms were flaring back up and now it’s progressed to where I’m hardly able to move again, muscles so tense and weak that I am stuck either writhing in bed in pain, or five feet away from my bed using the portable toilet. Now I’m jerking awake from weird dreams every five min if I try to go back to sleep after my initial “jolt” awake a few hrs after falling asleep. I am so severely depressed about not being able to sleep again. I don’t feel physically strong enough to deal with this… I literally a vegetable now. Terror comes with every thing I try to do, even using an iPad brings on this horrid sensation of dread. I feel like I may have dropped about 5-8 more pounds. I am drowning in a pool of self-loathing and the stark reality I am facing is a constant reminder. You simply can’t distract when you are this physically ill. I think thoughts like “God, if I could just go to sleep normally again…” because when I was getting 6-8 hrs sleep for that brief time, I felt SO good compared to now. The last week and a half has made me question everything….  I have other heath issues too, like my aneurysm and blood pressure…. Why did this have to happen to me at this point in life? I’m sorry for all the wallowing, I just can’t take this. It’s not like a normal wave it seems. It seems worse and I barely have the capacity or ability to stand up at all now. Just enough to hobble over to the toilet. I used to be kinda cool, my wife genuinely admired me for my creativity and intelligence… I could tell she did… now I’m this hideous creature. Hope is becoming a fleeting memory. I’m so sorry guys, I just needed to tell someone what I’m going through. Nothing seems to help.

 

Zman I feel you. I was also loved for my creativity and love of life. Now I lay in bed. My body has no will to eat, I don't feel the urge to pee, I never get sleepy. I have anhedonia where I can't enjoy things. I do not remember what comfort feels like. And now I have lost my cognitive function. I'm just a woman sitting on the bed, staring at my wall, wonder when this will end. Wondering if my body has the will to make it in this state. When you said "I am facing is a constant reminder. You simply can’t distract when you are this physically ill." I understood it. My coping skills are sleep, which I can not get as I want, and these forums.

 

This feels like a deep hole. Can't even look at screens long enough anymore. And we wonder, how can something that gets this much worse get better. how do we continue without hope? I told my brother, I will never get better. He replied,"A lot can happen between now and never".  I have never said this out loud but there is a person on here who is in the shittiest of shitty. When I see that they have posted or logged on I think, "They made it one more day. They made it in that hellish state. Stitch, If they made it through one more day, the least you can do is try.".

None of asked to be brave. It is a situation we were all forced into. If we had the option to run we would all do so. But we are brave because we have no choice.

 

Quote from To kill a Mocking Bird: "Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what."

 

I don't feel brave. I don't have hope. I'm not a fighter. But I push on. My pushing is, laying in bed all day and forcing myself to eat. It sounds like nothing to most people, but it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have made it days that way. I have made it through quite a few tomorrows to get to today.

 

And maybe with enough tomorrows, we will feel human again.

 

 

 

LadyDen,

Thank you for taking the time to bring hope. The fact that you replied in itself makes me feel like I'm being heard in this world. You are a beautiful shining light. And this forum is blessed by it.

 

 

Zman,

I am really trying to think about the fact that I was finally having windows, but this recent wave is so bad…

It really kicked in/started the day after I had my two teeth extracted last week… I started noticing my symptoms were flaring back up and now it’s progressed to where I’m hardly able to move again, muscles so tense and weak that I am stuck either writhing in bed in pain, or five feet away from my bed using the portable toilet. Now I’m jerking awake from weird dreams every five min if I try to go back to sleep after my initial “jolt” awake a few hrs after falling asleep. I am so severely depressed about not being able to sleep again. I don’t feel physically strong enough to deal with this… I literally a vegetable now. Terror comes with every thing I try to do, even using an iPad brings on this horrid sensation of dread. I feel like I may have dropped about 5-8 more pounds. I am drowning in a pool of self-loathing and the stark reality I am facing is a constant reminder. You simply can’t distract when you are this physically ill. I think thoughts like “God, if I could just go to sleep normally again…” because when I was getting 6-8 hrs sleep for that brief time, I felt SO good compared to now. The last week and a half has made me question everything….  I have other heath issues too, like my aneurysm and blood pressure…. Why did this have to happen to me at this point in life? I’m sorry for all the wallowing, I just can’t take this. It’s not like a normal wave it seems. It seems worse and I barely have the capacity or ability to stand up at all now. Just enough to hobble over to the toilet. I used to be kinda cool, my wife genuinely admired me for my creativity and intelligence… I could tell she did… now I’m this hideous creature. Hope is becoming a fleeting memory. I’m so sorry guys, I just needed to tell someone what I’m going through. Nothing seems to help.

 

Zman I feel you. I was also loved for my creativity and love of life. Now I lay in bed. My body has no will to eat, I don't feel the urge to pee, I never get sleepy. I have anhedonia where I can't enjoy things. I do not remember what comfort feels like. And now I have lost my cognitive function. I'm just a woman sitting on the bed, staring at my wall, wonder when this will end. Wondering if my body has the will to make it in this state. When you said "I am facing is a constant reminder. You simply can’t distract when you are this physically ill." I understood it. My coping skills are sleep, which I can not get as I want, and these forums.

 

This feels like a deep hole. Can't even look at screens long enough anymore. And we wonder, how can something that gets this much worse get better. how do we continue without hope? I told my brother, I will never get better. He replied,"A lot can happen between now and never".  I have never said this out loud but there is a person on here who is in the shittiest of shitty. When I see that they have posted or logged on I think, "They made it one more day. They made it in that hellish state. Stitch, If they made it through one more day, the least you can do is try.".

None of asked to be brave. It is a situation we were all forced into. If we had the option to run we would all do so. But we are brave because we have no choice.

 

Quote from To kill a Mocking Bird: "Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what."

 

I don't feel brave. I don't have hope. I'm not a fighter. But I push on. My pushing is, laying in bed all day and forcing myself to eat. It sounds like nothing to most people, but it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have made it days that way. I have made it through quite a few tomorrows to get to today.

 

And maybe with enough tomorrows, we will feel human again.

 

 

 

LadyDen,

Thank you for taking the time to bring hope. The fact that you replied in itself makes me feel like I'm being heard in this world. You are a beautiful shining light. And this forum is blessed by it.

 

This really touched me, Stitch. Thank you so much.

Stitch and Zman my heart hurts so bad for both of you.  I wish I could take all the benzo pain away from everyone on here it is so torturous!  We will get better I believe that we just don't know when and that is so hard.

 

Thank you Ladyden for all you encouraging and comforting words.

 

Love and prayers to all❤

zman, those jerks while you're sleeping will stop.  I had them too.  They'll go away.

I just tested positive for Covid 19

 

I’m already so weak from latest wave

 

And I am immunocompromised with no vaccine

 

Lord, please help me

Zman praying it's very mild...sending lots of prayers ❤

Zman praying it's very mild...sending lots of prayers ❤

 

Thank you DD, still praying for you and others in this group as well. I hope it’s mild too. My son caught it and he’s feeling better after four days, but with my body in the shape it’s been in, and my heart problems etc I am full of anxiety. Need all the prayer I can get right now

zman, I think the COVID strains out there now don't make people as sick as the other ones do.  I'm sure you'll be alright.

zman, I think the COVID strains out there now don't make people as sick as the other ones do.  I'm sure you'll be alright.

 

Thanks Beck, I sure hope so

I just tested positive for Covid 19

 

I’m already so weak from latest wave

 

And I am immunocompromised with no vaccine

 

Lord, please help me

I’m praying for you Zman. How are you feeling? I’m sure it is scary. I’m so glad you are not alone at home.

Big hugs 🤗

I appreciate you all….Stitch Dianne, Zman and whoever is praying or supporting us. You guys are the best too! Don’t think that I’m not just as grateful for all of you. Words can’t express the comfort I feel when I read your posts. I know you’re wondering….how? When the posts are about suffering? Well, for example the quote Stitch said from to kill a mockingbird as well as what she said about the tomorrows stacking up anyway in spite of what’s going on in our bodies. And I totally agree that those tomorrows will add up to the normal us. In most cases better than before! You know what, friends? There’s always something we can take away from each other to get us through those days. Even if we are moaning, whining or just plain old venting. I was feeling like crap one morning 2 weeks ago. I came on here and Dianne and Zman was worse than me. That immediately made me appreciate the healing that I’ve had so far. I felt bad complaining when someone else was worse. That’s why having support on this forum is important. A place where we can relate to what’s going on with each other. And you know what else….light is so much brighter when you’ve been in the dark for so long. 

We will shine like a diamond! Whatever you all do, don’t you dare give up on your healing. Just get through today then repeat that the next.

Today is the tomorrow that we worried about yesterday….and it’s alright because we made it. We won’t be in these beds permanently. Believe that! I’m a witness ( someone that you all know). You all know very well how debilitated I was. And on top of that I was completely abandoned with a child to take care of while totally bedridden. Look at me now. I can bathe myself, cook, walk around, watch tv, etc. yes I’m still limited but no where near completely bedridden. One of these tomorrows, you won’t be feeling like you are now. Until that day comes, keep fighting. Give yourself some credit….this is beyond hard but you are still alive. I’m so very proud of us! This is a life changing battle we were forced to be a soldier in. But we are not unarmed! ⚔️ 🗡 Keep your swords out and fight! It’s sooooooo indescribably hard but unlike other battles….this one is won. It just has to manifest with time. Frustratingly slow but it’s so anyhow!

 

:smitten: Love you all and praying 🙏

I'd like to share my symptoms so far that is. I'm 13 months out currently.

 

 

1 - Loss of hair (regrew)/ hair texture changes like cotton candy texture hair and thinning

 

2 - short term memory issue, I remember there was a entire week where I couldn't Remeber my own age for the life of me

 

3 - unexplained Ear infections

 

4- Skin issues, pimples, flushing easily and at random moments for no reason, rashes, skin looks older look and pimples

 

5 - Benzo flu w/ nausea

 

6 - Tinnitus and visual disturbances like hearing my name when no one called me

 

7 - Jerking in sleep and random neck tics

 

8 - Blood pressure issues both decreased and increased

 

9 - Rapid heart beat, heart palpitations lasting days to sometimes weeks, chest pressure like a band was squeezing my chest. I still remember the pain I felt like I was on the edge of heart attack this lasted for a good 15 days, I thought I seriously had the MS hug. This was back when I thought I had MS

 

10 - Body Temperature imbalances and irregularities

 

11 - Exteme sweating no matter what I did.

 

12 - Convulsion and two seizures

 

13 - Chills and cold sweats

 

14 - Chemical sensativity to damn near everything for a while including my normal medications

 

15 - Food sensativities

 

16 - Dental illness, loss of teeth

 

17 - afraid to drive

 

18 - afraid to be looked at, keep in mind I never had social anxiety issues before I hit tolerance.

 

19 - random tremors/shaking for no reason

 

20 - either difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep or fear to go to sleep. Again never had insomnia issues until tolerance.

 

21 - Drowsiness like I took a antihistamine or something just out of the blue

 

22 - extreme dry mouth and metal taste

 

23 - nightmares and paralysis and this old woman looking at me in the corner and I couldn't move

 

24 - Paradoxical effects and adverse effects to the Ativan, I'd take a dosage when suppose to when tapering and in 5-10 minutes I'd have these sensations of being out of body or extremely lightweight with my head feeling like it was too heavy, weighed down

 

25 - Depression. At the worst I'd lock myself in my bedroom for weeks

 

26 - suicidal ideology and this over whelming urge to harm myself which still freaks me out. I can't explain how it felt it really scared me.

 

27 - over whelming fear of leaving the house (there's a word for this I can't think of it as I write this list)

 

28 - social anxiety (never had it before tolerance)

 

29 - dimmed/heightened emotional status

 

30 - increased anger and easily frustrated

 

31 - Apathy (feeling no emtions, a shell of who I was void of characteristics and personality trades

 

32 - feelings of doom/dread

 

33 - increase in underlying conditions

 

34 - Dizzy/lightheadedness/heavy headed, if I'm in a car I'd get these weird and uncomfortable sensations of feeling wobbly and like I was spin and leaning over while the car was moving (I'm in the passenger seat I'd never endanger another person)

 

35 - Cognitive impairment and fog, forming thoughts and ideas felt like I had a mental block. Like getting to a conclusive thought was like moving in extremely thick liquid...the further I went the thicker my mentality got

 

36 - difficulty speaking, pronouncing words, difficultly finding the right word, constructing sentences and executing sentences

 

37 - Inability to form thoughts or visualize what would be a good word for this conversation. I use to be cleaver and sharp

 

38 - Heightened anxiety/

Anxiety conditions I've never had such as health anxiety, OCDP, Catastrophizing,overthinking intrusive thoughts and chemical embalanced/induced anxiety where cooking could send me into a alerming state of being

 

39 - Feeling wobbly and off balance especially wheil lying down

 

40 - sensation of being drunk when I wasn't

 

41 - Sensation of extreme weakness in over all body, wobbly legs, couldn't lift arms

 

42 - Sensation of weakness not able to leave my bed

 

43 - Akathisia three times.

 

44 - Aches and pains in weird places for no reason

 

45 - Tightness in head

 

46 - Depersonalization/derealizarion

 

47 - Adrenaline rushes

 

48 - Sensation of extremely weighed down or the opposite of feeling floaty

 

49 - Sensation of falling within my mind, and when lying down I felt like there was no bed beneath me like was just sinking

 

50 - Sensation of room expanding and Hallways gaining length

 

51 - sensations of visual environment staying still while I move/walk as if my visual environment did not move to meet my perception

 

52 - Hellucinations such as seen shadow people, tasting what I haven't had in years and food not tasting the same

 

53 - Sensation of brain feeling heavy/weighed down

 

54 - Blurred vision

 

55- Light sensitivity, got so bad all I could do for 5 months was sit in a dark room with a blue towel over my eyes

 

56 - Seeing yellow or blue spots

 

57- Dim vision

 

58 - Visual snow

 

59 - Flickering vision

 

60 - Visual auras

 

61 - sensation of Eyes feeling weird

 

62 - Seeing flashing lights when eyes closed with patterns and sensations of vertigo when eyes are closed

 

63 -Vivid vision

 

64 - Uncontrollable visual focus like I'd be locked onto a object at a frightening degree of focus with zoom inhanced

 

65 - Sensation of extreme dryness in skin or the opisite, like my skin is extremely flaky or sand like in texture

 

66 - Sensation of skin being pulled apart or crawling

 

67 - Face dropping especially my eye

 

68 - Sensation of burning in cheeks, skin around eyes and burnt lips or the oppisite of numbness in my cheeks and lips but normally on my left side but it could switch sides

 

69 - Sensation of brain moving

 

70 - Sensation of a object in throat

 

71 - Sensation of choking

 

72 - Air Hunger especially when laying down

 

73 - Tics in neck or involuntary movements

 

74 - Extreme chest pain and squeezing

 

75 - Sensation of numbness in left arm and pecs

 

76 - Fingertip pain and numbness

 

77 - sensation of palms feeling like sandpaper

 

78 - inner shakiness in hands, arm and neck without producing shaking exteriorly

 

79 - Sensation of extreme tightness in left arm (Tri/Bicep) and wrists

 

80 - Sensation of electric shocks in wrists, elbows and muscles

 

81 - Weird to painful nerve pain

 

82 - Abdominal pains/sensations not on skin but inside include:

83 - 1) pinching in intestinal                      track that moves

84 - 2) swelling and inflammation

85 - 3) burning sensations to verious degrees, from sensations of a sun burn to being branded in areas such as stomach, liver, kidneys and lower abdominal in pubic hair area

86 - 4) extreme iching inside, lower abdominal and penis

87 - 5) back pain I never had before

88 - 6) Pelvic pain

89 - 7) stabbing sensations all over abdomin

90 - electric shocks in intestinal track.

91 - 9) swollen abdominal section

 

92 - sensation of muscle in leg being pushed down

 

93 - weird rash in legs

 

94 - pain in left foot primary left food but can alternate side to side like most symptoms

 

95) - weakness in left food that would switch sides

 

96) - nail cracking, splitting

 

97) - spider vains in legs

 

98) - sensations of burning, numbness in both feet especially at night

 

99) - sensitivity to heat, I'll get dizzy or feel pins and needles on skin

 

100) sensation of super smooth, almost uncomfortably smooth skin like my poors, oils and any resistance skin on the face should have, completely gone with mild itching or it could go the other way where my skin feels more pounced and rough, like sand

 

101) Eye twitches and burning on chin

 

102) intestinal sandpaper. This one is difficult to explain but it feels like my intestines are sandpaper, very rough and sore.

 

 

103) whenever I get nervous, sometimes excited my body feels extremely weak, my limbs feel like jelly and wobbly, my neck shakes and shivers, my hands shake. This is completely different then what you'd experience in a panic or anxiety attack. I could never explain fully what this feels like

 

104) when I wake up in the morning, my sight needs time to adjust like most people but I see eventhing in micro squares and my eyes feel really weird

 

105) muscles difference, I couldn't stop losing muscle. Theres a word for this. But I eventually got it all back, like the hair loss it took a minute but I got it back and then some.

 

106) Swelling in all areas of the body. Randomly for no reason

 

107) my palms would feel like there was sawdust and extremely dry

 

108) pelvic pain, penile burning, itching and stinging

 

109) sometimes I will think about a symptom I experienced and it'll come back around for a few minutes to a few hours

 

110) Electric painful zaps in intestinal track. (very scary symptom)

 

111) Air Hunger. I'd get air Hunger with arm tightness and numbness primarily my left arm.

 

112) Burning in feet, bottom of feet feel on fire but the worst is my big toe on my left, the middle section feels like it's burnt, little sensation like numbness. Like if you touched a stove, that after effect

 

113) Now my soles of my feet burn, my fingers feel tingling and like they've been pressed against glass... There's a certain rash type of feeling to them but very dull

 

114) scared to be home alone, I'd feel this sense of doom whenever someone was over and said "Alright man I'm heading out", I'd often start crying because my emotional response was so over the top

 

115) breast pain, aronnd the nipple

 

116) Difficulty losing Adrenaline. If I have a panic attack I shake uncontrollably and it takes hours to come back to a normal state even with a lorazepam in my system I still extend the physical symptoms of extreme panic

 

117) Weird and scary vibration/inner movement/shakey and weak sensation in my neck primarily at the back

 

118) feeling like I'm On the edge of a horrible possible experience. Example would be my eyes,if I'm having visual disturbances I also have this secondary sensation and effect like I'm just on the edge of blindness.

 

119) weird sharp feelings. Example, I had this sharp pain like I was stratched by a cat on my lower abdomin near my pubic hair. But there's no marks or visual marks.

 

120) extreme burning and itchy, lower abdomin by pubic area and tip of my penis head but the burning and itchy felt like I was coming from within, not on the skin. All tests came back clear

 

121) burning and painful sensations that moves around inside my body from my liver, kidneys to intestinal track. One day it'll effect my liver and the next it'll effect my stomach area and the next some other organ.

 

122) left leg and arm scary sensation. My upper arm (Bicept area) and upper left leg felt like they were on the edge of giving up. Felt tight sure, but more so loose and weak. My hand and ankle on the left side also felt this. It would build up gradually and there seems to be a cap that it wouldn't go past. At the same time I felt very lightheaded like I was leaning which ever way my head was pointed towards.

There's so this pressure in my head making me feel like I was going to pas out.

 

123) Liver heat: the best way I could explain this sensation is my liver felt like constant friction, or a sun burn was being applied to my liver. Scary stuff but all tests came back clean.

 

124) sharp and burning pain in my lacrimal car uncle (small pink part of eye in the corner, had to look up the name) very sharp pain I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It was bad

 

125) grainy, hazzy and wobbly visual disturbances especially at night

 

126)feeling like my brain is being pulled in one direction.very scary sensation

Arm and hand feel like they are floating in place.

 

127) multiple dreams in a night. A brief period throughout this experience was having multiple dreams a night, six and beyond in most cases which freaked me out heavily... I haven't even heard of anyone having multiple dreams. I heard about nightmares but never multiple dreams.

 

128) My body felt like it was leaning to one side, primarily my left. And my mind also made me feel like I was falling in that direction as well.

 

129) Recent visual disturbance, a hypo focus where my field of vision seemed to be moved towards me with a sensitivity to light, or if reading the test was much closer then appeared or the text seemed to move and stretch off the page towards me

 

130) Tingling that shoots down my left arm from shoulder to wrist

 

131) eating food now triggers my most disturbing symptom where my head feels tight and heavy with some mild to extreme pressure. When I lay down I feel like im falling into the bed which I already listed this one above but these times it's more pronounced. If that was bad enough my left arm feels tight, heavy like and overly weak. Like it takes me effort now to move it and its so scary. Other times it can be the whole body that feels this way making it difficult to move

Hey everyone, I’m still here. Just still suffering with Covid. I’m on day 10, and I had the bebtelovimab monoclonal antibodies on day 3. I felt a lot better for a few days after getting the antibodies,  but now I feel like crap again. Very weak, extremely achy and spaced out feeling. Still testing positive. They say this omicron variant isn’t as rough as the earlier ones, but I’m not so sure that applies to someone in my condition as well as going through a rough benzo taper. Please pray for me, I’d sure appreciate it. I hope you guys are managing, and you are all in my prayers.

 

God bless

 

Z

Mustang hello 

What you’re describing although scary is normal wd symptoms. I’ve had many of those on your list. Some I still do but they’re milder now. I’m 23 months today! Wooohooo! Time is the best advice I can offer you as well as being of a support by simply understanding. At 13 months off it is normal to have symptoms get a bit more intense or get new ones. There’s also milestone waves in which around a year is common to feel like you’re back in acute. I have no idea why this happens but they’re common. I also had them. And had another at 1 and half year milestone. Will I get one at 2 years….lord I hope not! I’m leaning more toward being at the end of this recovery. My symptoms ( the ones I have left) are milder but kick up when I have a wave. Lately I’ve been having more waves with little new ones popping in and out….rapid cycling. It feels like I’m going backwards in my healing but that is an illusion. It actually is doing fine tuning. Which is definitely progress. I have always loved the phrase on here that says feeling is healing. When our brains don’t get it right, it goes to work to fix it. Unfortunately in most cases that fixing is slow and little by little. I’d like to encourage you to stay distracted using your hands as best as you can. This will definitely serve several purposes to help as you heal. It keeps us from being focused too much on our symptoms. It helps pass the time. It gives the brain an exercise/ task to perform as good practice in the healed normal state we will be in. Also it promotes positivity and oftentimes the body follows the brain’s mood. It’s my opinion that it should be something you enjoy but not to frustrate you. In the meantime what I also do to cope with my symptoms is set a daily schedule. My goal is to only get through that day. I make a list of things to do…strictly follow it. What time I eat, when I watch tv, laundry, walk, etc. This helped my cognitive skills and made it easier to not forget things. If a wave disrupts it, I simply pick back up at whatever time it is and keep going. I hope this can be of help to you too. I’m sorry that you are having a rough time. Please hang in there. Time is truly your answer. Also meditation may help especially calming music like spa music. It’s amazing how it can take you to a nice place if you close your eyes while listening in the darkened room. 

Zman I’m praying for you. So happy to hear that you are not doing worse. Thanks for the update my friend! Big hugs!

Mustang hello 

What you’re describing although scary is normal wd symptoms. I’ve had many of those on your list. Some I still do but they’re milder now. I’m 23 months today! Wooohooo! Time is the best advice I can offer you as well as being of a support by simply understanding. At 13 months off it is normal to have symptoms get a bit more intense or get new ones. There’s also milestone waves in which around a year is common to feel like you’re back in acute. I have no idea why this happens but they’re common. I also had them. And had another at 1 and half year milestone. Will I get one at 2 years….lord I hope not! I’m leaning more toward being at the end of this recovery. My symptoms ( the ones I have left) are milder but kick up when I have a wave. Lately I’ve been having more waves with little new ones popping in and out….rapid cycling. It feels like I’m going backwards in my healing but that is an illusion. It actually is doing fine tuning. Which is definitely progress. I have always loved the phrase on here that says feeling is healing. When our brains don’t get it right, it goes to work to fix it. Unfortunately in most cases that fixing is slow and little by little. I’d like to encourage you to stay distracted using your hands as best as you can. This will definitely serve several purposes to help as you heal. It keeps us from being focused too much on our symptoms. It helps pass the time. It gives the brain an exercise/ task to perform as good practice in the healed normal state we will be in. Also it promotes positivity and oftentimes the body follows the brain’s mood. It’s my opinion that it should be something you enjoy but not to frustrate you. In the meantime what I also do to cope with my symptoms is set a daily schedule. My goal is to only get through that day. I make a list of things to do…strictly follow it. What time I eat, when I watch tv, laundry, walk, etc. This helped my cognitive skills and made it easier to not forget things. If a wave disrupts it, I simply pick back up at whatever time it is and keep going. I hope this can be of help to you too. I’m sorry that you are having a rough time. Please hang in there. Time is truly your answer. Also meditation may help especially calming music like spa music. It’s amazing how it can take you to a nice place if you close your eyes while listening in the darkened room. 

Zman I’m praying for you. So happy to hear that you are not doing worse. Thanks for the update my friend! Big hugs!

 

Congrats on 23 months LadyDen, you’re a conqueror

Ladyden thank you as always for your encouraging words they help so much. 

 

Zman we keep praying for you!

 

Mustang bless your heart you have suffered so much.

 

Prayers for everyone.  I'm not feeling my best but just wanted to check on everyone.

 

Hugs💕