~~The Bedridden Club~~

Mama2 I am exactly where you r but also as someone else stated--I feel safe there--I think some of it is depression--My nephew hung himself in July--the same month my dr decided to retire after 20 yrs of prescribing diazepam --and the party started--I also met the love of my life around that time and so so many mixed emotions going on--My love died dec 10--Some days are so hard--and I think if this is where I feel safe and can cope with my inner and outer mayhem--Im going to--I do worry about lack of exercise--other than my weekly or less if I can swing it--grocery trips--but other times i just dont care.. Do I need anti-depressant meds--no--why mask real sorrow and loss--Instead of knocking on the door--just go in--walk thru it--because sooner or later you will have to. I am wounded--and trying to heal--no big deal--the phoenix will rise from the ashes--its not if--it is when!!

It's a shame to see so many having this problem. This is very random but I'm glad to announce the past two days I have been bed free! I guess it's a window? It's about time considering I have barely had a break since before Christmas.

 

It's hard to bring positivity in to this group, I mean what is positive about being in bed day after day?      Anyone see any good movies etc? I guess we can only do so much from bed.. I try to talk to friends on the phone as much as I can.

 

 

Hope everyone is hanging in there!

 

 

Fonz

 

 

hey fonz,

 

i got hit hard this time. i am back on the couch (bed ridden) again mostly during the day. i do get up between 2pm-5pm and eat something and try to go for a little walk. i just started stretching my body for the first time in 20 months. whhoa! still pretty limber though. i know i probably scare a few folks but i'm not gonna sugar coat what is going on with me. either i will heal or i won't. but the general consensuous around here no matter how long one is away from their last benzo and other drugs is we do all heal!

 

so that's what i am going by daily. sorry i haven't been able to chat more with you these days. you know i will when a window hits. and i am praying all the time that it does. i hope you're doing a little better. thank God for my creative mind and fantasy as it helps when one is bed ridden for so many months in a row. i know things will start changing for me when i am able to actually sleep more than 45 minutes during the night hours when you humans are mostly sleeping. 

 

ciao and cheers!

pretty

Ohhh Pretty, I certainly feel for you. When you mention not talking much during a wave have no worries, if anyone understands I do. How many friends I have said the exact same thing to ? "When I get real sick i just cant talk". It's so horrible in yet eventualy we always come out of it. I had a two day window, first decsent one since before Christmas. Im in bed right now as the WD has returned... Its always scary wondering if its going to get better or worse this time around ?

 

I dont think you should sugarcoat anything, anyone reading needs to underatand we all experience something a little different. I have yet to find anyone with my exact set of symptoms and im sure you feel the same. Regardless we all suffer in our own ways and we will all heal in our own ways.

 

Im always here so when you have a window come say hello

 

 

 

 

Fonz

i most certainly will fonz!

 

yeah, i can't even have the family around when i am like this. it's still going on too. just horrible. i sure hope this is healing  i've never not been able to 'chat' on my blog and i still haven't. just a few threads here and there. i'm glad you had a two day window. that means you are healing. my last 2 hour window was the first week on Dec. otherwise i've been dealing with this.

 

trying my best to be in acceptance mode. and still on my couch (bed) mostly all day.

 

talk soon,

pretty

Hey gang,

 

I am not technically "bedridden", but would like to join here if you'd have me.

 

The past few months of my taper have been...challenging. I still work my full time job, thankfully, as it is a sit-at-a-desk and work in silence and alone all day at a computer. I've been coming home and "couching" or bedding it. The tough parts for me are the moments that the feeling of hope & faith evade for a bit. Anxiety, panic, and the nausea/loss of appetite/loose stools that can coincide are no fun, either. I feel a special kinship to y'all, so I do pray that I can join you here even though I'm not bedridden. If not, I completely understand

 

How is everyone this evening? I'm "healing intensively" today, as I like to say I'm up for conversation if anyone else is

 

Thank you all for being here with me

 

Mrs.

Hello mrsalw,

 

Of course you can join in! No one has posted in this thread for a while, I hope everyone is doing alright.

 

The fact you have been able to work is fantastic, I know a heck of a lot of suffering can go on while trying to lead a normal life but at least you have that going for you    I'm only bed ridden half of the time now although I should not speak too soon as a wave puts me back in bed quick.

 

The feeling of hope disappearing is very horrible and can be dangerous.. Last thing we need is depression to add to all this.

 

 

I can't remember was that you in your avatar?

 

 

All the best,

 

 

 

 

Fonz

My grandmother is in my avatar

 

THANK YOU for responding. I am in need of friendly conversation, Fonz.

 

SO good to hear that you are not completely bedridden anymore! Not speaking too soon, of course Are things improving a little, even if slight? I'd love to hear some encouraging news

 

Thanks again for being here

 

Mrs.

Hey gang,

 

I am not technically "bedridden", but would like to join here if you'd have me.

 

The past few months of my taper have been...challenging. I still work my full time job, thankfully, as it is a sit-at-a-desk and work in silence and alone all day at a computer. I've been coming home and "couching" or bedding it. The tough parts for me are the moments that the feeling of hope & faith evade for a bit. Anxiety, panic, and the nausea/loss of appetite/loose stools that can coincide are no fun, either. I feel a special kinship to y'all, so I do pray that I can join you here even though I'm not bedridden. If not, I completely understand

 

How is everyone this evening? I'm "healing intensively" today, as I like to say I'm up for conversation if anyone else is

 

Thank you all for being here with me

 

Mrs.

 

hello Mrs!

 

i'm so happy to hear that you are "healing intensively" today. and yes it sure is possible to still work throughout a taper. my mother has been tapering valium very slowly for a while now with minumal symptoms. me on the other hand -- mostly still bed ridden but lately been getting up for about 3 hours to do some errands and go walking.

 

i wish you continued healing

 

pretty

Oh pretty, I am sure that kindling plays a role on your healing pace, but it doesn't change the fact that you ARE healing Everyday Look how far you've come in the timeframe since you quit! Incredible I know we've never really chatted before, but I've been following some your posts for (at least) the past year now, and its neat to see how far you've come What an inspiration you are, sweets

 

Thanks for accepting me here, by the way Its a blessing to have buddies who can relate and understand the truly "tough" that can happen in withdrawal. My hope and prayer is that this isn't the "real me" emerging, but that it will continue to get better and better as time passes and I become drug free Just gotta keep moving forward and believe for the best

 

Hope y'all are doing better! Looking forward to our future chats

 

Mrs.

Oh pretty, I am sure that kindling plays a role on your healing pace, but it doesn't change the fact that you ARE healing Everyday Look how far you've come in the timeframe since you quit! Incredible I know we've never really chatted before, but I've been following some your posts for (at least) the past year now, and its neat to see how far you've come What an inspiration you are, sweets

 

Thanks for accepting me here, by the way Its a blessing to have buddies who can relate and understand the truly "tough" that can happen in withdrawal. My hope and prayer is that this isn't the "real me" emerging, but that it will continue to get better and better as time passes and I become drug free Just gotta keep moving forward and believe for the best

 

Hope y'all are doing better! Looking forward to our future chats

 

Mrs.

 

Hi Mrs.,

 

thank you for the encouragement. today is another bad wavy day. i've been following your posts too it's funny when you follow someone's post that you don't normally talk to but say inside your head that you would like to at some point. that's how it's been for me

 

yes the kindling sure does play a role i guess. and even though i do know that i am healing, i wish that another big corner would turn and major shift take places by now. i feel (and i could be wrong about this) that i've been stand still for the last 6 months. that's just how it feels.

 

well, i'm probably going to just stay on this forum no matter how long it takes me until i am healed or mostly there of.

 

i feel the same way about 'this isn't the real me" yet. and i'm excited and waiting to meet her again. i wish that for you too as time passes and many windows that never ever close

 

love, pretty

Well, shoo! We should've spoke a lot sooner! Oh well Must be a reason that the time and place is now

 

Last night was goofy, and this morning was a hair better than last night, and this morning through the afternoon things settled into a moderate window. Early evening my husband and I went to the grocery store and ate supper together (they have a grand buffet to choose from). We go there often because its enough variety of healthy items for me to choose from, but I giggle because its me & my hubby, both 32, and the rest are mostly senior citizens But it works for me, for now

 

Tonight I'm resting and laying low, keeping a low profile and really guarding my mind from anything even slightly off color.  Have you ever been in that place? Its...different

 

Anyways, I hope you're feeling better soon Big 'ole window Thanks for chatting with me Pretty I really appreciate it

 

Mrs.

Well, shoo! We should've spoke a lot sooner! Oh well Must be a reason that the time and place is now

 

Last night was goofy, and this morning was a hair better than last night, and this morning through the afternoon things settled into a moderate window. Early evening my husband and I went to the grocery store and ate supper together (they have a grand buffet to choose from). We go there often because its enough variety of healthy items for me to choose from, but I giggle because its me & my hubby, both 32, and the rest are mostly senior citizens But it works for me, for now

 

Tonight I'm resting and laying low, keeping a low profile and really guarding my mind from anything even slightly off color.  Have you ever been in that place? Its...different

 

Anyways, I hope you're feeling better soon Big 'ole window Thanks for chatting with me Pretty I really appreciate it

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs.,

 

what place? the grocery store for dinner? i eat at my local health food store sometimes all natural and organic foods. when i lived in the Valley i use to go to this place called "Follow Your Heart" and they had a great little restaurant in the back that i use to eat at all the time. i miss that place. it also was a little health food/grocery store. ever hear of it. it's kinda famous.

 

that's good that you're resting and laying low. that's about all i can do these days. i did play the piano for the first time in months and that was nice. but my brother had to make a stink about it 'cause his little girl is going to sleep even thought they can't hear it downstairs. i am upset about that tonight. don't like him for that.

 

can't wait to perform again.

 

hope you're healing and having a good evening!

 

pretty

Pretty,

 

The grocer is called "HyVee". Its a popular chain grocery store in the Midwest.

 

Yes, rest, especially mentally, seemed to be pretty important with where I'm at these days. I've tapered slow & steady, and from a low starting dose, so I'm very much hoping that this will mean a minimal intensity withdrawal & post-benzo experience. These past few months in the low doses have been surprising in symptoms, so I'm holding tight to hope and faith in that it will flip around soon here and get easier and easier. I've transitioned recently from a patterned and structured taper into a symptom-based taper. I'm going to give it a month or two doing this, and see what kind of progress has been made. If it shows I'm "stalling out", then I'll probably move back into a scheduled taper and just get off, despite the symptoms. I'm currently at 0.05mg alprazolam / 1mg valium equivalent, so to semi-rapid taper at this point might be painful, but shouldn't be traumatically damaging to my brain/body. I would much rather gently squeak my way off, though, and not "ruffle feathers" so to speak I'll give it some time

 

Hope you slept well! And hope everyone on this thread is doing well, too! Thank you all for being here

 

Mrs.

mrsalw: Hey, someone from the Midwest!    Hy-Vee is where I shop all the time.  The one I go to has a small organic grocery section, which is nice.

 

OK...I don't belong in this thread...outa here! 

 

PD

mrsalw: Hey, someone from the Midwest!    Hy-Vee is where I shop all the time.  The one I go to has a small organic grocery section, which is nice.

 

OK...I don't belong in this thread...outa here! 

 

PD

 

PD, that's cool Nice to know I'm not alone!

 

Mrs.

 

 

I was bedridden for long amounts of time during taper, while in bed and after. I calculated about 16 - 18 months in bed. I'm no longer in bed, in fact, I have been out of bed for months. Of course I'm now 26 months out and healed.

 

I know how laying in bed constantly is. It was a living hell for me. I also had allot of nerve pain while laying in bed. Derealization as well. I laid on a heating pad constantly.

 

It gets better. I'm no longer in bed at all during the day, only when I sleep now, or take a nap. LOL, in fact, I kind of despise the bed.

 

It gets better, it really does.

 

If I had known then what I do know, I would have got up more and attempted to do things.

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm back to being bedridden.  My legs and arms feel so weak.  In the mornings if I don't watch it when my blood sugar starts dropping I feel like I will collapse.  This happens when my blood sugar only drops into the 90's.  After eating it doesn't get any better, sometimes it will get a little better late in the evening.  I'm having stomach pain and burning.  I'm seeing a gastroenterologist tomorrow for a consult, if I can make it there.  I've already had one upper endoscopy a little over a year ago and nothing was found.  I'm wondering if there is something wrong with my stomach other than withdrawal making me so weak.  I'm having a difficult time typing my arms are so weak.  It seems to be getting worse.  I've gone from  being bedridden throughout much of my taper, to just a few months ago being able to go grocery shopping and getting out more.  Now everything seems worse. 

 

I wake up with my arms and legs aching.  I'm assuming this is from the cortisol rush.  I seem to be the only one with these symptoms.  Have any of you experienced this?  I feeling so hopeless.

 

I do have a UTI and have tried two different antibiotics which cause me to feel horrible and terrible diarrhea.  I have a script for another one, Microbid, I'm supposed to  start today.  I'm fearful of taking it.

 

Mama2

Hey Mama

 

Macrobid is probably the gentlest of the three; this should help ease some of your digestion troubles.

 

Are you taking a probiotic? This can help stop diarrhea associated with antibiotics. You can often buy dairy drinks or yogurt that are cultured with probiotics, if you don't want a supplement form

 

Are you feeling any better yet? I hope so

sorry your feeling badly again mama! seems like your weak spot during this w/d is your tummy.

 

i am still in a bad revving burning squeezing wave and feel like everything is worse again. i'm having a very difficult time hanging in and just heard bad news that i have to find a new home for myself. my parents are out of money and in a wave that is the scariest thing i think i've ever heard. i just wish these waves would end.

 

i really don't think there is any else wrong with your stomach other than w/d but good that you're getting things checked out. remember that there are millions more GABA receptor's in the stomach and the burning really does mean that it's healing. i have to tell myself all the time as i've been having severe burning all over my body -- on the inside --burning away. horrible feeling but when it lifts i can feel that there has been healing.

Hey Mama

 

Macrobid is probably the gentlest of the three; this should help ease some of your digestion troubles.

 

Are you taking a probiotic? This can help stop diarrhea associated with antibiotics. You can often buy dairy drinks or yogurt that are cultured with probiotics, if you don't want a supplement form

 

Are you feeling any better yet? I hope so

 

Hi Mrs,

 

I started on the Macrobid today.  I can't believe I'm so nauseated. Going to tough it out, I have no choice.  I'm hoping maybe it will abate, after my body gets used to it.  The diarrhea stopped when I discontinued the Amox.  I'm taking a probiotic and I do eat yogurt.

 

Are you feeling better this week?

 

Mama

 

sorry your feeling badly again mama! seems like your weak spot during this w/d is your tummy.

 

i am still in a bad revving burning squeezing wave and feel like everything is worse again. i'm having a very difficult time hanging in and just heard bad news that i have to find a new home for myself. my parents are out of money and in a wave that is the scariest thing i think i've ever heard. i just wish these waves would end.

 

i really don't think there is any else wrong with your stomach other than w/d but good that you're getting things checked out. remember that there are millions more GABA receptor's in the stomach and the burning really does mean that it's healing. i have to tell myself all the time as i've been having severe burning all over my body -- on the inside --burning away. horrible feeling but when it lifts i can feel that there has been healing.

 

Hi Pretty,

 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I'm sending support, prayers and healing thoughts your way. I hope today finds you a little better.

 

I saw my gi doctor today.  Of course, he wants to do another scope.  He said the withdrawal should be only confined to the head and the receptors in the gut should have come back by now.  We know better.  Anyway, I just don't know weather to put my self through another scope or not, but this weakness is frightening.  Something else that is freaking me out is my family is starting to believe it isn't benzo withdrawal, because every doctor I see says so. 

 

Mama

Mama,

 

I call these my "Heavy Appendage Syndrome" days.  Today, when I was voting, I sat in a cheap plastic chair and began to fill in the little ovals.  Suddenly, my body became numb, and I could barely lift my hand.  When I leaned foward to stand, my legs nearly buckled beneath me.  It lasted for about five minutes and then ended. 

 

I'm sorry your family is not believing you.  I have been blessed with an understanding family.  It does help that my husband is suffering whilst on a simultaneous taper.  It becomes much harder for family and friends to deny. 

 

Hugs,

Geehz Baby,

 

I'm so glad that only lasted five minutes. That is weird.  I'm so afraid of falling.  I'll have to use the "Heavy Appendage Syndrome" on my family. 

 

It would be so much easier if they actually believed me. 

 

That is great you felt up to going out and voting.

 

 

Mama

 

 

I am in bed everyday until 4-6pm. I do not sleep while in bed I just lay there and suffer. I do not stay up that late either so Im in bed for 16-18 hrs a day. This began when I went into tolerance wd and I didnt know why I was getting so lethargic. Cant eat much so very weak also from lack of nutrition and the wd. Im going to try to make a cut tonight. I have to move forward on it I really cant imagine being much worse when I jump than I am right now. Spring and summer are coming and Im so depressed already. Assuming I wont be able to enjoy the warm weather really bums me out.