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~~The Bedridden Club~~


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Hello all,

 

I figured we needed a group like this here. I had been bedridden a lot during the last 25% of my taper. Now at almost 2 months out I am more sick than ever and find my self on my back 80% of the time day in and day out.

 

I have literally had to crawl to the washroom at times, it's been hell.

 

I can certainly describe my symptoms further.

 

 

Anyone care to share there symptoms and story?

 

 

:)

 

 

 

Fonz

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Fonz...so sorry you are at such a low. I follow the 1-6 months off support group and the '2 month ' slam is a very common song. So many of us who are somewhere in the 2-4 month out zone are having tough time with acute w/d. I am experiencing crushing dark....really dark depression ( I had this kind of depression in between divided doses of ativan). The end taper and first 5/6 weeks of recovery was encouraging and then I got slammed hard. The depression lasts from one day to the next.

. .On the upside my sleep and most of my physical s/x are at least 50% better...consistantly.

..I think the only thing we can do is support each other and get through it one day at a time. I am giving it until June ( that will be my 6 month off anniversary(..It just has to bewtter by then I try to remember the windows I had in the first month...I too am in bed again more than I want to be.

....Wishing you a better day tomorrow,Fonz...keep going we 'LLC get there coop

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Coop,

 

Nice to see you posting here. I'm wondering if you are on a SSRI ?  Although I'm anti drug I know the danger of depression. To me depression is the most "dangerous" symptom besides the obvious(seizures etc), it can be so powerful it can take control over ones normal thinking and actions. I have hit the dark place various times during my taper and several times since jumping including today. I don't want to post what the "dark place" means but feel free to PM me if you'd like to discuss anything. I find it nice to have someone there to relate with. I'm interested in knowing how you deal with the situation when you hit a "dark place". For me it's about planning ahead of time because by the time I'm in a bad state it's too late to have thought about certain per cautious. Feel better! 

 

:thumbsup:

 

 

Fonz

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Great idea Fonz!

 

There is nothing more telling about the severity of one's withdrawal than being bedridden.  As far as symptoms go, I would consider my horrible withdrawal to be the exception, not the rule.  But we shall see.  :)

 

:smitten:

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I did not see the section for "Support Groups", I'm glad to see it in there!

 

BabyRex, sorry to hear your WD is so horrible. May you heal soon!!  ;D

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Hi Fonz,

 

I'm so happy you started this thread, as I have felt so alone since I came to BB since I have been bedridden.  I was bedridden since about last June during tapering.  I was never able to stabilize.  I have often felt I was the only one bedridden.  In the past month I'm not sure if it is windows, or I just said," enough is enough," of being in the bed, and I have pushed myself to get up even though I don't feel like it.  I have been able to drive and go to the store on some days, mostly because I have no choice.  I also feel alone because my symptoms are more physical, and it seems the majority of stories I read for someone this far out are struggling more with anxiety and or  depression.

 

Mama2

 

 

 

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Fonz...that k you..I have not yet considered antidepressants. I never ...ever want to take another psycho drug. Ativan was my first and only experience with psych meds ..never again. When I say 'dark depression " I am not referencing suicide. I could not do that to my family ( although I now have a much better understanding of how serious depression can become). I had such good progress and sunbreaks and windows during the first 6 weeks off...I have to believe I will make it...I am at the very least not throwing in the towel until June ( my 6 month off anniversary).

During this weewk of depression I have been telling myself that I will go one more day and if it isn't better I will take a rescue dose...so far I have made it one day at a time. I am not suggesting this to anyone..at this point it is just a mental strategy to get from one day to the next. The depression seems to lift a little towards evening. Also, like mamma I am forcing myself to do some things..that helps Yesterday was the only day I felt like I just couldn't get up at all, but I had to at least take my dog out. My depression loops around dark themes of regret.  grief.  guilt..a feeling that I should be thinking about the meaning of life....When the depression lifts all those thoughts are gone ..strangely , when the depression lifts I can't really remember the depression or the dark thoughts. So weird. When the depression hits I can't really remember the window or my 'normal ' outlook on life...which before ativan was really positive and energetic. What a mess my mind is...I thought mid-taper was going to be the worst of it.I was so wrong. ..this is just like mid-taper without the 'next ' dosebin 5 hours....

...We will get there. if we can get out of bed. Thank you for starting this thread I think there are. many of in recovery who have waves that put us back in bed...feel better Fonz.. there are many of us supporting you. from our pillows quilts and cable TV...cooper

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Mamma2...you are not alone...we are all here for you. Many of us are struggling to get of bed. I am inspired by your resolve to get up when you don't feel like it and don't feel well. I hopeyou come on BBs as much as you need to through recovery. You are going to get through Mamma.

....Wishing you a better tomorrow....coop

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Mama2, I'm sorry to hear of your problems... I'm very interested in what your exact symptoms are as I too suffer from a lot of physical symptoms. Although anxiety/panic can be an issue for me the physical stuff is what keeps me in bed most of the time. To think of it the anxiety would not exist if it were not for the physical symptoms causing it all.  Nice to hear you have had the opportunity to leave the house, pushing our selves is key although on bad days I can push all I want, I just can not sit up.

 

Cooper, Thank you for the support!  I don't blame you for not wanting to touch another Psych med, I certainly will not. I only mentioned the SSRI in the event you were suicidal, in which case an SSRI is better than "going away". I'm currently on a low dose of an SSRI, not by choice but I have been on them for 10 years also and need to cut that out after my Benzo recovery.

 

I'm fortunate to have BB on my phone so I can lay down and post, I'm actually sitting up at my computer right now but this wave is pulling me back down.. When I'm bad I can't even watch a movie or Tv, my brain turns in to Jello.

 

Hope everyone keeps posting!!!

 

 

 

Fonz

 

 

 

 

 

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Lol...mine was a couch, but for months I went from bed to couch to bed again.  My hairstyle was a snarled up knot of hair in back, I wore sweats 24/7 and showered every couple of days.  Hated exposing my skin to air or water of any temperature,

 

Just recently I realized I loved showers again, long hot showers that could go on forever, they felt so good.

 

I'm now 21 months out after 31 years of prescription use and doing pretty good.  No complaints except a slight lack of energy still.

 

Challis  ;)

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I just had 2 days of the bedridden benzo flu CFS sx & it brought back those many many months of groundhog day existence.

 

Mama2, all my sx were physical & probably because I am a 2nd time rounder after a bad CT, complete healing is taking some time.

 

I found it a real boost once I started getting windows of complete normality, (it's always been extremes for me, perfectly fine or completely trashed).

 

Wishing you all enough windows to restore your faith in full healing.

 

Challis, I also did a good rats nest in back but somehow the idea of having to shave my head was enough of a motivator to drag out the comb every 5 days or so.

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Sounds rough!

 

Challis, I know what you mean by getting slack with image, I didn't shave for 2 months, haha.. Needless to say I looked like a hobo but it was kind of interesting ;)  Now I'm clean cut again and like to think I can go back to being Mr. Stud when all this clears :) haha..  ;D  I will be a new man!

 

 

:thumbsup:

 

 

Fonz

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Hey Fonz,

 

Checking in to see how you are doing, my bedridden friend.  I thought more people would have been here by now, but I guess not very many get this sick.  If you are feeling despair, please read the success stories of cedartree and lostdog.  They were both extremely ill and bedridden for months.  Yet both have made complete and full recoveries WITHOUT being horribly blindsided by rogue waves months or years down the line.  I still believe pain = healing in the respect that our bodies are adapting and changing neural pathways.  We both did slow and sensible tapers; we will start to see real progress soon.

 

:smitten:

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[6b...]
I'm pretty much bedridden right now too, might be for the rest of my taper. I feel safer in my bedroom and while I know this isn't "healthy" I feel like my body is telling me to rest right now. When I try to push too much I get very anxious and feel anxiety so most of my time is spent in bed on my laptop.
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Hi Time,

 

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself.  Take others advice with a grain of salt.  Chances are those who are out in the world vigorously exercising and working are not experiencing the same withdrawal symptoms as you.  Don't beat yourself up; concentrate on healing.  And don't waste your time comparing your taper to others. 

 

:smitten:

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Babyrex,

 

Im in bed right now as I type, I will certainly check out those success stories!

 

I know in reality being bed ridden for months from a slow benzo taper is pretty rare, it's hard not to want to compare ones situation with another but in the end its pointless. I know we each have 1000 variables that could affect our personal experience but it's comforting to see we are not alone. Im curious, have you had any medical testing done?

 

 

 

Time - I too spent a lot of time in bed during my taper, at the time my main issue was a flu like sick feeling that made me nausious when sitting up.

 

 

Hope everyone can feel better soon!

 

 

Fonz

 

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Hi Time,

 

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself.  Take others advice with a grain of salt.  Chances are those who are out in the world vigorously exercising and working are not experiencing the same withdrawal symptoms as you.  Don't beat yourself up; concentrate on healing.  And don't waste your time comparing your taper to others. 

 

:smitten:

 

:thumbsup:

 

Baby,

 

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

 

Mama  :smitten:

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Babyrex,

 

Im in bed right now as I type, I will certainly check out those success stories!

 

I know in reality being bed ridden for months from a slow benzo taper is pretty rare, it's hard not to want to compare ones situation with another but in the end its pointless. I know we each have 1000 variables that could affect our personal experience but it's comforting to see we are not alone. Im curious, have you had any medical testing done?

 

 

 

Time - I too spent a lot of time in bed during my taper, at the time my main issue was a flu like sick feeling that made me nausious when sitting up.

 

 

Hope everyone can feel better soon!

 

 

Fonz

 

I was tested extensively BEFORE I started my taper.  I have been very ill for years due to tolerance withdrawal.  I had all sorts of health problems including pre-diabetic, hypothyroid and a positive ANA (lupus).  It was all caused by the poison.  Of this I am sure.  I will get retested when I start to feel better, but I'm not worried at all.  I'm not telling you not to get tested.  Medical testing can be a lifesaver!  Just try not to overthink the symptoms after you've been given the all clear. 

 

I don't have the energy or inclination to write all the physical symptoms I have gone through.  Lostdog gives a detailed list of his personal hell.  Except for spontaneous bleeding, I've had the rest.  This just sucks.  That being said, things are getting a tiny bit better.  :). We'll get there!

 

:smitten:

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Hi Time,

 

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself.  Take others advice with a grain of salt.  Chances are those who are out in the world vigorously exercising and working are not experiencing the same withdrawal symptoms as you.  Don't beat yourself up; concentrate on healing.  And don't waste your time comparing your taper to others. 

 

:smitten:

 

 

 

:thumbsup:

 

Baby,

 

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

 

Mama  :smitten:

 

Hey Mama!!

 

I'm so happy you went to Walmart!  That is the ultimate challenge for benzo brain!  And on a Saturday, no less?  You are brave, woman!

 

Hugs,

 

:smitten:

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Babyrex,

 

Im in bed right now as I type, I will certainly check out those success stories!

 

I know in reality being bed ridden for months from a slow benzo taper is pretty rare, it's hard not to want to compare ones situation with another but in the end its pointless. I know we each have 1000 variables that could affect our personal experience but it's comforting to see we are not alone. Im curious, have you had any medical testing done?

 

 

 

Time - I too spent a lot of time in bed during my taper, at the time my main issue was a flu like sick feeling that made me nausious when sitting up.

 

 

Hope everyone can feel better soon!

 

 

Fonz

 

Fonz

I spend most of my time in bed too, on good days I can go out for a walk, but most of the time I am in bed with my computer and TV.Started hating my bedroom so moved to the guest bedroom for a change of scenery.After I am done the first thing I am going to do is change the wall color in my bedroom and redecorate.

So you are not alone extreme fatigue is not rare during w/d.

Be well.

D21

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Hi, joining in because though not bedridden, I am housebound most of the time and couch ridden. Can still walk short distances and stand for short periods but if too much my legs hurt like a bitch. This is unreal. And real depressing. Can't wait for the rest of my taper (not).

 

Ks

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[6b...]

Hi, joining in because though not bedridden, I am housebound most of the time and couch ridden. Can still walk short distances and stand for short periods but if too much my legs hurt like a bitch. This is unreal. And real depressing. Can't wait for the rest of my taper (not).

 

Ks

 

Feel lucky you aren't bedridden. I'm bedridden and I've only been on the crap for a month, and I haven't even started my first cut.  If I stand up for too long my heart starts racing like I just ran a mile, my muscles ache like I worked out at the gym for too many hours and they twitch like crazy.  Isn't this fun?!

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