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Worried at month 4


[ma...]

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I'm so worried there is permanent damage to my leg muscles. Still, my legs are so weak especially in the mornings, I have to sit down after my shower to dry my hair and finish dressing.  It feels like my legs are just going to collapse.  I have been trying to push myself by walking more and going to the store.  I wonder if I'm overdoing it.  I don't read of anyone having this at 4 months out.  It will lift a little on some days late in the day.  My legs ache something terrible.  I also have still have the boaty feeling 24/7, which I don't see a lot of people having. I feel like I'm being pushed and pulled.  My stomach is still out of balance, I guess.  It seems when I get hungry, the boaty feeling is worse, then right after eating it is more intense too.  I can't seem to eat enough.  I'm wondering if it is worse for the older ones.  I don't know, maybe I'm just in a bad wave from pushing myself too hard.

 

I apologize for repeating the same question every few weeks.  I'm just looking for others with the same symptoms this far out.  I understand that 4 months is still early, but I would think the weak legs would be abating some.

 

Mama2

 

 

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Hey Mama2.  Good to see you, but so sorry that you're still feeling rough.  You are not alone in your symptoms, so please don't think that you are.  Many people are still quite symptomatic at 4-months out.  For some people, even though the acute phase of withdrawal is usually in the 3 to 4 month range, the recovery that occurs after this period of time is slower than we would hope for.  The fact that your problem with your legs lifts at times, is a very good sign.  I was also extremely weak during the most difficult part of my process with Xanax.  As you know, there are lot's of GABA receptors not only in the brain, but also in the digestive tract.  The down regulation of these receptors during benzo use are what are thought to account for many of the GI issues that we see on the forum.

 

I would continue to walk and do things as I tolerated them.  Exercise is actually thought to be a great deal of help during this process, for many.  I would just keep the exercise I did very easy so as not to over stress myself.  Anything I could do to reduce stress, I would do and I'd get lot's of rest too, to help the process along.

 

A lot of people that I've seen post, say that as they are going through the time they can't see that they are improving at all.  However, when they look back on the time period, they can see that they were slowly improving.  This is because our bodies are repairing ever so slowly.  But rest assured, we are recovering as time passes, we just wish it wouldn't take so long to get there.  Hang in there dear.  :hug:

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Thank you so much Juliea!  Your words are always such a comfort to me.  That is exactly what I thought, I just needed some reassurance.  It's so frightening not to be able to stand.  When I have a bad wave I tend to forget how far I have come.  I think I will just take a few days and rest. 

 

Glad to hear you had a nice vacation!

 

Mama2

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I had horrible leg weakness starting in month 4. I could barely walk around the block at times. It was quite bad until month 6.

 

My legs are still relatively weak, but most of my strength has returned at this point.

 

Epsom salt baths helped my legs. Vestibular exercises helped get rid of the boaty feeling. Here is a link to the exercises I used.

 

http://www.umc.edu/uploadedFiles/UMCedu/Content/Education/Schools/Medicine/Clinical_Science/Otolaryngology__Communicative_Sciences/Handouts/VestibularExercise.pdf

 

Wish you well! :smitten:

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[2f...]

I'm so worried there is permanent damage to my leg muscles. Still, my legs are so weak especially in the mornings, I have to sit down after my shower to dry my hair and finish dressing.  It feels like my legs are just going to collapse.  I have been trying to push myself by walking more and going to the store.  I wonder if I'm overdoing it.  I don't read of anyone having this at 4 months out.  It will lift a little on some days late in the day.  My legs ache something terrible.  I also have still have the boaty feeling 24/7, which I don't see a lot of people having. I feel like I'm being pushed and pulled.  My stomach is still out of balance, I guess.  It seems when I get hungry, the boaty feeling is worse, then right after eating it is more intense too.  I can't seem to eat enough.  I'm wondering if it is worse for the older ones.  I don't know, maybe I'm just in a bad wave from pushing myself too hard.

 

I apologize for repeating the same question every few weeks.  I'm just looking for others with the same symptoms this far out.  I understand that 4 months is still early, but I would think the weak legs would be abating some.

 

Mama2

 

Hi Mama, please know that I had the terrible leg weakness and the boaty feeling, dizziness for a very long time. I used to be very active running and mt biking. I had to sit down half way up a flight of stairs and hold onto things to keep my balance. It will get better. There are lots of people who have this past 4 months. I forced myself to walk every day even when it felt like there were cement blocks on my feet. One step at a time. I do think it's good for us. Not saying it was easy b/c it wasn't. It felt like I was trying to retrain my brain.

 

Hope this helps and stay strong  :smitten:

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I have the same problem with only my left leg. It is sore and weak during the day and aches something terrible during the night. It keeps me up. In the beginning ibuprofen worked great. Now it doesn't even touch the pain. Ouch!!  ???:o
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My mom had the jelly legs for the first 3 months, but she tapered for 4 months.

She was 74 years old.

This will go away and it is not permanent.

It is a very scary symptom.

 

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Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

It is comforting to know it will go away.  It is so frightening.

 

I had it even while tapering, so it has been around for a long time is what is concerning me.

 

Mama2

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Mama2,

 

I was just about to start a new thread when I read this.  I'm 5 months after c/t from Xanax.  My legs feel like heavy tree trunks.  I made a commitment to walk every day at least a half hour.....mostly because my dogs desperately need to walk and I have to find an excuse to get up and get out there.  But, my legs hurt and feel very, very stiff & heavy.  I also have fibromyalgia so maybe my symptoms are worse because of it....BUT what you said about being hungry also applies.....

 

This morning I woke up with intense muscle pain in my jaw, neck and arms.  I also felt extremely queasy.  I could hardly stand.  I felt starving but nothing I ate seemed to alleviate the feeling.  It was like I was craving something but still can't figure out what.  Had a healthy breakfast but still feel like I've eaten nothing and stomach still very unsettled.

 

Also, as far as the shower:  I never stand in the shower.  I always sit on the floor of the shower.  When I stand, I see white lights swirling around me.

 

I sound like a crazy hypochondriac to anyone not on this forum.  And on the days when there are slight windows I honestly think I was crazy on the other days or was making a big deal out of minir symptoms. 

 

I have been depressed and very irritable, lashing out a little at others and feeling like I should stay locked up in my rooml. I feel like I'm back in the acute stage today.

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Hi Mama,

 

Regarding the hunger.  You describe it exactly.  I went to the doctor today for labs and had to eat before going.  Couldn't even fast.  The appointment took so long when it came time to draw the blood I was so weak they had to lie me down.  I'm having to eat a minimum of every two hours.  I had lost weight, but today I had gained another three pounds. 

 

Again, and every time I go to the doctor, I get told you were on such a low dose I don't see how this could still be w/d's.

 

I have been pushing myself to move and honestly, I feel like I'm back in acute the last few days.  I don't know whether to keep pushing /making myself walk or not.  The all over muscle pain is back, which I thought was gone for good.  It is so disheartening when you read how long this can drag on it is scaring me.  The leg weakness use to let up some at night, but has not in the past few days. 

 

Do you have the boaty feeling?

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Mama2,

 

So sorry you are suffering. I can't really give any advise on the leg pain. I experience mostly back, neck, shoulders, arms and head pain. Lately I've been getting an amazing shooting pain in my spinal cord. Oh, it so scary. Reading how long the healing process takes is so heart breaking. I'm only 6 days out and got slammed into acute withdrawal. My entire upper body hurts so much. Took Advil and an epson salt bath. Relieved a tiny bit of pain but it is still here. I hoping to sleep well tonight and let my body heal as I sleep. I wish I could take all the pain and suffering away from everyone on BB.

 

Sending you lots of love and a big hug. :hug:

 

BT

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I'm 42 days out from c/t and I have the leg weakness two. I call it jelly legs.  All the symptoms you all described I also have.  Sometimes it feels like I can't even stand or take a step.  I walk my dog, but can't go far with legs like this.  I use a cart at the store for balance.  So sad, I used to walk 2miles 3x a week before all this.  I've decided to try the Ginko protocol to see if I can't jump start the healing process.

Also, I'm Hungary too, but have a horrible metallic taste in my mouth.  The only thing that taste good is ice cream.  Consequently, I've gained 10 lbs.

 

We will heal, just have to hang on.

 

Korbe

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I'm 42 days out from c/t and I have the leg weakness two. I call it jelly legs.  All the symptoms you all described I also have.  Sometimes it feels like I can't even stand or take a step.  I walk my dog, but can't go far with legs like this.  I use a cart at the store for balance.  So sad, I used to walk 2miles 3x a week before all this.  I've decided to try the Ginko protocol to see if I can't jump start the healing process.

Also, I'm Hungary too, but have a horrible metallic taste in my mouth.  The only thing that taste good is ice cream.  Consequently, I've gained 10 lbs.

 

 

We will heal, just have to hang on.

 

 

 

Korbe

 

 

Mama & Korbe:

 

The "boaty" feeling I assume you mean feeling like you're a bit seasick and trouble walking straight?  Yes and yes.

 

I ALWAYS head straight for the shopping carts no matter how little shopping I intend to do.  Being able to lean on the cart brings great relief and a sense of security for me.

 

Walking the dogs: my only motivation to exercise right now even though I KNOW it's the healthiest thing supposedly.  And I've been full of self-hate for gaining weight (not useful or helpful or very nice).  So much of it is that I feel so humiliated having kept my weight so stable for many years, and within the last six months, lost control it seems.

 

I have to eat every few hours too.  Not much, but something.  Raw nuts, plain Greek yogurt, a piece of fruit.  I'm staying away from sugar, like candy, which I did indulge in during the holidays and which has NEVER served me well.  If I'm sensitive to anything, it's sugar, and I would do well to stay away from it forever, which really hasn't been a problem.  I'm one of those "just don't take the first bite" " just don't have that first drink" kind of folk, and if I live by that, I don't have the cravings.

 

My legs sometimes kind of buckle up underneath me, and I do have weird cramps that feel like they are in my bones! (Is that even possible?). Must be actually in the nerves.

 

I also am breaking out in skin rashes....my body's tavorite thing to do to deal with toxins.  I hate it.  I have to stay fully moisturized & loaded up with calamine lotion so I don't scratch. 

 

Eff this!  I'm so tired of it.

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Mama,

 

I have the cracks and bleeding at the corners of the mouth.  I have had it for over a year now.  I've been to a dermatologist and have tried everything recommend and it won't go away.  I 'm trying to get some nutrient testing done to see what I might be deficient in.  It is very painful.  The skin is constantly peeling off there, even while using moisturizers.

 

The boaty feeling to me is the rocking sensation, being pushed and pulled and very off balance.

 

Korbe,

 

I hope things will improve for you soon.  Sorry you are having to endure this too.

 

Mama2

 

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Mama,

 

I have the cracks and bleeding at the corners of the mouth.  I have had it for over a year now.  I've been to a dermatologist and have tried everything recommend and it won't go away.  I 'm trying to get some nutrient testing done to see what I might be deficient in.  It is very painful.  The skin is constantly peeling off there, even while using moisturizers.

 

The boaty feeling to me is the rocking sensation, being pushed and pulled and very off balance.

 

Korbe,

 

I hope things will improve for you soon.  Sorry you are having to endure this too.

 

Mama2

 

Have you tried bagbalm? It comes in a green tin. It's very old fashion, but heals dry skin.

 

 

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Mama 2,

Your skin problem could be a Sx.  I got psoriasis of the scalp about 3 months into my taper.  I thought I must be allergic to sulphates, so switched shampoo.  Now that I'm off the Valium the psoriasis has completely disappeared. However, you should check your moisturizer to make sure there is not skin peeling chemicals in it, like salicylic acid.  I got the mouth thing from a face cream that ad that in it.

 

The boaty thing for me is just off balance feeling, but not sea sick.  I just walk very slowly and carefully.

 

Do any of you have the really stingy skin?  It's awful, it like a very severe sunburn and I can't let anything touch my skin.  Shorts & tank top in the winter = high heating bills.

 

This too, shall pass.  Stay strong.

 

Korbe

 

 

 

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Mama 2,

Your skin problem could be a Sx.  I got psoriasis of the scalp about 3 months into my taper.  I thought I must be allergic to sulphates, so switched shampoo.  Now that I'm off the Valium the psoriasis has completely disappeared. However, you should check your moisturizer to make sure there is not skin peeling chemicals in it, like salicylic acid.  I got the mouth thing from a face cream that ad that in it.

 

The boaty thing for me is just off balance feeling, but not sea sick.  I just walk very slowly and carefully.

 

Do any of you have the really stingy skin?  It's awful, it like a very severe sunburn and I can't let anything touch my skin.  Shorts & tank top in the winter = high heating bills.

 

This too, shall pass.  Stay strong.

 

Korbe

 

I very carefully choose moisturizers and make sure there is no fragrance and, specifically no salycilic acid because I can't use it with the fibromyalgia (that's another story)

 

What I get are little red bumps here and there, most likely folliculitis.  I have to really leave it alone or it spreads.  Got it in the scalp too.  My skin feels very sensitive and tight, like it needs to be moisturized all the time, which I can't possibly do.

 

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The boaty feeling to me is the rocking sensation, being pushed and pulled and very off balance.[/quote

 

mama,

 

can you believe i've had the boaty feeling for 20 months straight now? it's unbelievable!! don't worry, you won't have it that long. i call it "undulating" and has been one of my worst symptoms. but lately, it's becoming less and less, everyday in fact it's becoming a little less. i still have the 'jelly' and weak legs though. and major squeezing neuropathy in my knee's which is really annoying and makes it hard to walk.

 

the cracks in the corner of your mouth could be a vitamin C deficieny. but please get that checked out by a doctor first before you go taking bunches of Vitamin C. some do okay with Vit C and some get reactions. and it just could be a possibility or just another symptom of benzo withdrawal.

 

pretty

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Hi Pretty,

 

Thank you for your comments.

 

That is the first time I have heard of vitamin C being the culprit for the cracking at the corners of the mouth.  I always heard it was a lack of vitamin B2 or Biotin.

 

I'm can't wait for the weak legs and rocking sensation leaves.  I'm just taken aback that I was on a small dose, and used for almost 3 years, that I can be this sick.  Have you found a correlation to the undulating and eating?  Mine seems to get worse after my stomach is full.

 

I hope you keep improving.  Sounds like you have had lots of healing taking place.

 

Mama

 

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HI Mama2,

 

I have had cracks in the corners of my mouth on and off for a year or two also. I think winter makes it worse cause it is so dry, but I would have to say that it is another benzo bonus as I also had rashes on the palms of my hands that were very itchy and nothing I used would clear them up. The rashes started healing about 3 months into my withdrawal and are almost gone now. It is insane what this crap can do to our bodies !

 

Patrick

 

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hi mama,

 

i would think it is a biotin deficieny as well. it's probably more than anything just the affects of this crazy withdrawal.

i'm experience some new and very strange symptoms lately. it will all balance out. everyday we are healing even when

we don't think we are and boy there are times when i don't think i am . but i have to tell myself that even with the horrid

symptoms that are so revved up and disturbing that i'm helaing.

 

that truly does suck that you were not on these pills for a long time and feeling so badly. i don't feel a correlation with eating and the undulating as i do with the brain feeling revved up like there is a dish washer on the highest setting after certain foods, not all foods. mostly foods that are highest in glutamate is when i will feel an instant revving inside my brain.

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