This is unreal...

This may belong in the introductions, but I have a few questions as well. I am (was) a perfectly healthy 25 year old male. I am an avid runner and trathlete. On top of those things I am a slight hypochondriac. About 6-7 weeks ago I went to an urgent care facility because I was sick. I don't why I couldn't have just waited to see my GP, but I didn't. Anyway, the doc said I was just getting over a virus I caught on a recent trip I went on, and he said I was a little stressed and gave me an Rx for .5mg of Xanax to be taken 3 times daily as needed. I began taking the drug for a few days and didn't think much of it. One day I decided to stop it and had a nightmarish time trying to sleep and felt like a train wreck the next day. Freaking out again I went back to the same urgent care place and another doc gave me a .5 (3 times/daily as needed) Rx for Klonopin... which helped and I felt great. I took the Klonopin for a few days regularly and when I stop C/T I could not sleep... literally ZERO minutes of sleep per night. Being a hypo I NEVER once considered that the drugs, even after about 2 weeks, could do this to me. I don't drink, smoke, or do any other rec. drugs. I did notice that the meds really knocked me out when I took them. So I then go see my GP (after about a week off benzons C/T) and he has no idea what is going on other than "yeah benzos can cause a little withdrawal syndrome". He then gave me an Ambien CR (12.5mg) and a Zoloft Rx and sent me on my way. The Zoloft made me so queezy I could not take it, but the ambien was great. I stopped the zoloft after a couple days.

Yesterday was 4 weeks off the benzos, and last night was my first night off ambien CR. I took the Ambien for 4 weeks solid every night. The past 4 weeks have been a nightmare. The first 2 weeks were MISERABLE... I cannot imagine what some of you longer users must be going through. Being a hypochondriac I never amounted how I was feeling to the benzos until about a week into it. I was losing my mind thinking I had all kinds of nasty diseases... the internet can be a dangerous place when it comes to symptoms searches. But, thankfully I found this place. It's so frustrating... everything was absolutely 100% until these drugs, and now I feel like I am not 1/2 the person I was even 8 weeks ago. I had this horrible burning that in my scalp/arms/shoulders/hands, anxiety that I cannot even describe, seizure feeling at night when trying to sleep, eyebrow and finger twitches that lasted weeks... the fingers/hands are still shaky, depression, difficulty swallowing that is still kind of there, ZERO energy or interest in anything exciting, lack of concentration, restlessness, the list goes on.

Anyway, I write this because I am still scared... I am so amazed the only a couple weeks of regular use could cause these types of withdrawals. I have read that ambien was probably not a good idea when getting off the benzos c/t, but it truly did help me sleep. Anyway, now that it has been 4 weeks I am feeling a little better, but with such a short duration of use, how much longer can I expect this to last? I have read that withdrawals can last months and years sometimes. I feel so cheated and am upset at myself for not doing my research beforehand, but am thankful that I did not use them any longer than I did. Reading the posts here have been a huge help/relief. I hope everybody the best... keep truckin!!!

Hi mushin77,

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!! Thanks for sharing your story! Even if you are still experiencing some w/d symptoms, you will eventually heal. No one can predict how long it will take, more likely weeks than months, since you were a short term user. Just take one day at a time! If you have any more questions, ask away!

T2

Hey, mushkin77.

It is freaky what this class of drugs can do to a person.  Some people appear to be more sensitive to them and have more withdrawal.  Dr. Ashton found that the rate of recovery was not correlated with size of dose or length of use which is kind of counter-intuitive. Are you familiar with the Asthon Manual?  It's available online and "must" reading for all benzo heads, IMO.  It probably didn't help that you cold-turkeyed but you have been off for 4 weeks now so there's no going back.  IMO the ambien CR probably did not make things worse but they have a benzo-like effect so more withdrawal symptoms are virtually inevitable.  Did you taper off the ambien cr? FYI 10 mg ambien ~= .25mg klonopin.

Hey mushin77,

Glad you found your way to BenzoBuddies and that you now know what is wrong with you. It is hard to imagine that a tiny pill can be so destructive!! So glad that you only used the benzos for a short time and not years like some of us.

Being a hypochondriac I never amounted how I was feeling to the benzos until about a week into it. I was losing my mind thinking I had all kinds of nasty diseases... the internet can be a dangerous place when it comes to symptoms searches.

Gosh, can I relate to this! For a whole year, I was tolerant to 2mg of klonopin and I would search the internet to try and figure out what was wrong with me! It just makes a person like me with hyponcondria, even more scared to read about symptoms of diseases! I can't tell you how many diseases I had diagnosed myself with!!

I feel so cheated and am upset at myself for not doing my research beforehand,

I can get frustrated that my psychiatrist was so flipant about giving me klonopin and raising my dosage over time, but I was mostly upset at myself, also, for not doing research on something that I was putting in my body!!

I hope that you get back to your "normal" self real soon! Before you know it, you'll be back to running those races again!! Wishing you the best and if you need any kind of support or want to vent, you've come to a great place to do it!!

Lori

Hi mushin,

I too, only took a benzo (Ativan) for about two weeks before I realized the health problems I was having were a direct result of it.  Did a one week taper, and Friday will mark 4 weeks off of the drug completely.  

Like you, my withdrawal symptoms (mostly joint pain, muscle spasms, anxiety, palpitations) are still there, but have lessened much, over the past two weeks especially. And indeed, the first two weeks were hell.  I had a rapid heartbeat constantly, and every doctor I went to simply thought I had an anxiety disorder, didn't believe in withdrawal and wanted me to see a psychiatrist!

But the good news is we're both getting better.  No idea how long it will take to get back to 100%, but we'll get there.  Let's keep tabs on each other and see how it goes.  

Hi mushin,

I want to welcome you to BB, also.  It's amazing what these drs. will give someone at the drop of a hat.  I used to trust them without question now I don't trust anything they say!

You will completely heal, don't worry over each symptom as they will come and go and then eventually just go...

Welcome!

Yes...it IS very unreal...isn't it.  Be very glad you discovered the dangers of benzos before wasting years of your very young life.  I know it feels like an eternity...but it has been a very short time that you have been off of the drugs.  It will keep getting better and better!  Hang in there and you WILL heal....I promise!

Love,

Jen

Thanks for the encouragement everybody!!! It is such a great thing to have a place like this where there are others who understand how you are feeling. Before this I would have had zero understanding of how to help somebody going through withdrawal.

On a side note... it is crazy how much worse the mornings are for me. I wake up thinking about what symptoms will show up first, which is a bad idea obviously. As the day progresses I get less and less anxious. Now if I can only get the sleeping figured out.

On a side note... it is crazy how much worse the mornings are for me. I wake up thinking about what symptoms will show up first, which is a bad idea obviously. As the day progresses I get less and less anxious. Now if I can only get the sleeping figured out.

That is very common, mushkin77.  You might be interested in this information about morning anxiety:

MORNING ANXIETY

"Yes, depression and anxiety are worse in the morning. That is when your body's cortisol level is the hightest(cortisol is stimulating) and that accounts for probably part of what you are feeling. Cortisol is the stress hormone, your body produces when you are under stress.

The paradox of stress/cortisol is that anxiety produces cortisol, which produces anxiety which produces more cortisol, which causes you to feel more anxious...etc....

Soon you find yourself in this never ending cycle of anxiety and depression.

What you must do to get well is ACCEPT your anxiety. You must ACCEPT your feelings and not try to fight them. Do this long enough and an interesting thing happens, the anxiety goes away."

Deanne Repich from her article Understanding Early Morning Anxiety says,

"Another reason why symptoms can be worse in the morning is because your blood sugar is low when you first wake up. You have gone all night without food.

It's important to maintain a constant blood sugar level because the brain uses sugar, also known as glucose, as its fuel. If blood sugar levels are too low or drop too fast, then the brain starts running out of fuel.

This causes the brain to trigger the "fight or flight" response. The "fight or flight" response sends a rush of adrenaline, cortisol, and other neurotransmitters through your body to prepare you to fight or flee the perceived threat (low fuel).

This process can trigger physical reactions ("symptoms") such as trembling, rapid heartbeat, sweating, panic attacks, fatigue, insomnia, mental confusion, nervousness, dizziness, and more."