ASHTON TAPER / CUT & HOLD SUPPORT

snow Your sig says --falling apart-- on 3/10. How are you today? I know it will take some time to stabilize.   

Cutting to 3mg on Thursday.  3.5mg went well.

 

I feel I am ready mentally and physically to cut.

Im watching to see how you do arcade Im trailing behind you. Its inspiring to see that 4mg was tough, but it faded and now you're on your way! 

 

Ingrid,

 

I am cautiously optimistic but it seems like my vitality is coming back and I am intensifying my walks outside.  I have a bit more energy and motivation.  My wife and mother made the comment that they are seeing this in me.  This might be the result of me being super stable for once or the actual Valium leaving the body.  I'll continue to take it slow and be careful because you never know when the benzo beast will rear it's ugly head again.

snow Your sig says --falling apart-- on 3/10. How are you today? I know it will take some time to stabilize.   

 

You sweet, wonderful, amazing woman. Thank you so much for asking. This morning I thought "No way can I do this." Now I'm actually sitting here doing it. My brain is my worst enemy sometimes, that's for sure. I actually told my boss today what's going on, b/c I fear for the next month I'm in for some rocky stuff ... He was very kind, and it has taken a LOT of fear away for me. I cannot stop working, and I've been so afraid I would become suddenly debilitated and lose everything. So for right now, I'm a bit better ... scary to say that, though.

 

So grateful for you right now,

 

SS 

Cutting to 3mg on Thursday.  3.5mg went well.

 

I feel I am ready mentally and physically to cut.

 

 

I hope I can feel feel as good as you when I get to where you are  .

Hi Snow, I have to work too. I have pressure up the ying yang. Not just from work but family life in general bc of a yper kid. My brain is my own worst enemy and I live in a crazy noisy world most of the time. I have decided to remove myself once in a while and indulge in things I love and just go with the yucky feeling because the harder I fight the worse they get. Some things I have no control over and I just accept that. It's nice you have an understanding boss. Try not to look to far into the future bc anxiety will only get worse. I know this from past experience and to this day I find myself doing it even as we speak.

I cut three days ago from 2 to 1.5 mg valium. Whether it's me or the meds, I don't know, but I feel alternately more clear on these lower doses and also scared that I'm about to get hit with psych symptoms again as I get closer to zero. So far I've been able to tolerate these 0.5 mg cuts. But today I can barely move out of my apartment and the sense of fogginess in my head is strong, as is the blunted feeling I have on these meds. Not desperate today, just very very unmotivated. Is that a sxs of the benzo, this apathetic, unable to concentrate feeling? I'm not even happy the weather is warmer. It feels like another indication of time going by without me being able to participate in life. So weird.

snow Your sig says --falling apart-- on 3/10. How are you today? I know it will take some time to stabilize.   

 

You sweet, wonderful, amazing woman. Thank you so much for asking. This morning I thought "No way can I do this." Now I'm actually sitting here doing it. My brain is my worst enemy sometimes, that's for sure. I actually told my boss today what's going on, b/c I fear for the next month I'm in for some rocky stuff ... He was very kind, and it has taken a LOT of fear away for me. I cannot stop working, and I've been so afraid I would become suddenly debilitated and lose everything. So for right now, I'm a bit better ... scary to say that, though.

 

So grateful for you right now,

 

SS 

 

Snow storm,

 

I had the exact feeling you had.  My boss is compassionate also.  It was a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I was also afraid of losing my job.  Still going strong.

I cut three days ago from 2 to 1.5 mg valium. Whether it's me or the meds, I don't know, but I feel alternately more clear on these lower doses and also scared that I'm about to get hit with psych symptoms again as I get closer to zero. So far I've been able to tolerate these 0.5 mg cuts. But today I can barely move out of my apartment and the sense of fogginess in my head is strong, as is the blunted feeling I have on these meds. Not desperate today, just very very unmotivated. Is that a sxs of the benzo, this apathetic, unable to concentrate feeling? I'm not even happy the weather is warmer. It feels like another indication of time going by without me being able to participate in life. So weird.

 

NYC,

 

I am starting to feel a change in me as I get lower also.  I am not 100% but feel more energetic, happier and different.  I can't tell if that I am completely stable for once or the low dose but I'll take it.  I have not experienced what you're going through so I am not sure if it's Valium w/d you're experiencing or not.  Hopefully you feel better and get out and enjoy the weather. 

 

Best Wishes

Hi all!

After " many days" of awful- yesterday I felt desent to the point I thought of cutting. 

I decided to wait and see if this feeling better is going to hold.

When I am slammed it is hard to remember feeling OK and visa versa.

I am going to meet someone for lunch in a few hours -which means LEAVING MY HOUSE AGAIN!

If that doesn't set me back then it is time to cut. Tomorrow. Or the next day.

Hope all is well with all of you!

I cut three days ago from 2 to 1.5 mg valium. Whether it's me or the meds, I don't know, but I feel alternately more clear on these lower doses and also scared that I'm about to get hit with psych symptoms again as I get closer to zero. So far I've been able to tolerate these 0.5 mg cuts. But today I can barely move out of my apartment and the sense of fogginess in my head is strong, as is the blunted feeling I have on these meds. Not desperate today, just very very unmotivated. Is that a sxs of the benzo, this apathetic, unable to concentrate feeling? I'm not even happy the weather is warmer. It feels like another indication of time going by without me being able to participate in life. So weird.

 

 

 

Hi NYC, Remember what I said about the Zyprexa? I have been on that stuff too so I know . Once you are off the Benzo I would consider getting off the Zyprexa and I bet you will feel more motivated, clear headed etc...   I'm still at 10mg so I can't say much about lower Bezo doses, however it makes sense that one has more clarity and lust for life so looks like you are on your way!

Hi all!

After " many days" of awful- yesterday I felt desent to the point I thought of cutting. 

I decided to wait and see if this feeling better is going to hold.

When I am slammed it is hard to remember feeling OK and visa versa.

I am going to meet someone for lunch in a few hours -which means LEAVING MY HOUSE AGAIN!

If that doesn't set me back then it is time to cut. Tomorrow. Or the next day.

Hope all is well with all of you!

 

 

Hi Ego,

 

I just got back from meeting a friend for lunch and I survived . I'm coming out of a awful place too and feeling better but I'm all set to hold for another week so I will cut next Sat. I hope you had a good time at lunch. I think getting out is good and should not set you back. I remember having bad acrophobia for a long time. Sometimes I had to go to the store and it felt like the shelves were caving in on me. Sometimes when I go to Fred Meyer (your an Oregon Girl right?) I still feel that way bc the place is so overwhelming. You will continue to get better and try go go out ore often if you can .

Hi Ego,

I just got back from meeting a friend for lunch and I survived . I'm coming out of a awful place too and feeling better but I'm all set to hold for another week so I will cut next Sat. I hope you had a good time at lunch. I think getting out is good and should not set you back. I remember having bad acrophobia for a long time. Sometimes I had to go to the store and it felt like the shelves were caving in on me. Sometimes when I go to Fred Meyer (your an Oregon Girl right?) I still feel that way bc the place is so overwhelming. You will continue to get better and try go go out ore often if you can .

This agoraphobia has been plaguing me since last summer– It started when I crossed over to Valium. But it's better than klonopin anxiety!

I am an Oregon girl!

 

While I was out to lunch I got a call from an Imaging Center wanting to know if I would like to speak to their manager tomorrow about the possibility of an on-call position. (IDK how they found me )

I would very much be interested in an on-call position :it would be an easy way to get back to work and make a little money and get out and about.

BUT I'm terrified of the drug test. I was the Director of Diagnostic Imaging in the hospital for 10 years and I know how they think. Heavy equipment and radiation they want staff to be drug-free even if you have a script. Of course there are exceptions. But now days attitudes towards benzo's have changed.

I left my job ( called it retiring to save face) because I was slacking and afraid they would find out hw sick I was. In retrospect I should have taken FMLA but my head was not working at all on 8mg K every day!

My biggest fear is if (!!!!) I failed the test and they don't accept the prescription I will be screwed for future employment there. There are only two medical centers here.  I don't know what to do.

Hi Ego,

I just got back from meeting a friend for lunch and I survived . I'm coming out of a awful place too and feeling better but I'm all set to hold for another week so I will cut next Sat. I hope you had a good time at lunch. I think getting out is good and should not set you back. I remember having bad acrophobia for a long time. Sometimes I had to go to the store and it felt like the shelves were caving in on me. Sometimes when I go to Fred Meyer (your an Oregon Girl right?) I still feel that way bc the place is so overwhelming. You will continue to get better and try go go out ore often if you can .

This agoraphobia has been plaguing me since last summer– It started when I crossed over to Valium. But it's better than klonopin anxiety!

I am an Oregon girl!

 

While I was out to lunch I got a call from an Imaging Center wanting to know if I would like to speak to their manager tomorrow about the possibility of an on-call position. (IDK how they found me )

I would very much be interested in an on-call position :it would be an easy way to get back to work and make a little money and get out and about.

BUT I'm terrified of the drug test. I was the Director of Diagnostic Imaging in the hospital for 10 years and I know how they think. Heavy equipment and radiation they want staff to be drug-free even if you have a script. Of course there are exceptions. But now days attitudes towards benzo's have changed.

I left my job ( called it retiring to save face) because I was slacking and afraid they would find out hw sick I was. In retrospect I should have taken FMLA but my head was not working at all on 8mg K every day!

My biggest fear is if (!!!!) I failed the test and they don't accept the prescription I will be screwed for future employment there. There are only two medical centers here.  I don't know what to do.

 

 

 

I guess if I was in your shoes I would pass if they really are that ignorant and narrowed minded about Benzo's. You are close to being off and then you can go back to work. In the mean time I would look for something else to do. Have some fun looking into other types of PT employment, volunteer or go to lunch .  I feel the pain like you do and sometimes I feel so crappy and have to work or go shopping but it is a diversion. When you are off this stuff I bet a job will come along . 

Hi gang!!!  Im having trouble with dry/irritated eyes and they get worse when I look at a computer screen, so Im taking a hiatus. I have to work on computer for our business too.    I will update my sig when I cut. Good luck everyone. 

Blah. Hard night last night. I felt like I was falling and had to keep reminding myself that I can't fall because I am already lying down. Busy day to get through today. Just when I was thinking maybe j could hold 10 days instead of 14. Oh well.

Just S, I hear you that's all I can say. I am going to try to do .002 cuts for a couple weeks and see if that helps at all (that will be a little bit over .25mg cut in 14 days)

 

This is miserable

Do you have liquid Lainey? Maybe it is just the 4mg barrier and once we get through it we will be in the sunshine with arcade?

not willing to try liquid

Hey JKS and Lainey,

 

I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time. Me too . Have any of you had a bunch of sxs's at once over a long period of time? My doc will not let me hold more then 3 weeks or can I cut less then .5 and no other doc in town so nothing I can do there. I have migraines, fatigue, depression/anxiety, yucky, doom and gloom and fear it will not end.

 

I have to be on top of things because I have my responsibilities and if I lay around on the couch I go mental and feel worse anyway. I hate the fact that my body is giving out on me.

 

I have gained weight so I'm doing the low carb diet and was wondering if maybe I should just eat more proteins. I really don't like the foods so I don't eat much .

 

I too want to be in the sunshine and roses with Arcade :'(.

 

Arcade you said you have no history of GAD, Depression or Bipolar so does that make a difference?

 

What did your Doc say?

 

 

How are you doing small cuts without liquid? Sorry to be nosey. Nail file? I feel like we are wandering off ashton topic here! I don't like the homemade suspension methods because there is no guarantee the drug is easily dissolved.

 

Valley- I don't look for reasons anymore. It makes me feel too much like it is my fault. I am cutting the 2mg pills into 1/8ths to do 0.25 cuts. Seems to be working most of the time.

Hey JKS and Lainey,

 

I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time. Me too . Have any of you had a bunch of sxs's at once over a long period of time? My doc will not let me hold more then 3 weeks or can I cut less then .5 and no other doc in town so nothing I can do there. I have migraines, fatigue, depression/anxiety, yucky, doom and gloom and fear it will not end.

 

I have to be on top of things because I have my responsibilities and if I lay around on the couch I go mental and feel worse anyway. I hate the fact that my body is giving out on me.

 

I have gained weight so I'm doing the low carb diet and was wondering if maybe I should just eat more proteins. I really don't like the foods so I don't eat much .

 

I too want to be in the sunshine and roses with Arcade :'(.

 

Arcade you said you have no history of GAD, Depression or Bipolar so does that make a difference?

 

What did your Doc say?

 

Both docs said that my sensitivity to meds is working against me even though I haven't been on it that long.  What has got me through the symptoms is constant distraction, constantly telling myself the symptoms will go away and mindfullness.  Attending regular counseling and learning these techniques made a difference for me.  Not letting the physical symptoms take over my mind.  Plus knowing that when we get through this we'll be tougher in the end.  Normal anxiety will be a breeze for us.

 

I cut to 3mg today so we'll see what happens in about 5 or 6 days.  Hopefully the 4mg was the last wall to climb.  Seems like Ego hit the 4mg wall also.  Boulders said it was easier for him after 3.5mg.  Maybe these are the magic numbers?  Everyone is different.

 

I can tell you that I am seeing more clear, less fogginess, getting my energy back and intensifying my workouts.  I am cautiously optimistic though because I still have a ways to go from 3mg but I am enjoying this as long as I can.  Things can turn on a dime but you never know, just have to keep plowing thorugh.

 

 

Hey JKS and Lainey,

 

I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time. Me too . Have any of you had a bunch of sxs's at once over a long period of time? My doc will not let me hold more then 3 weeks or can I cut less then .5 and no other doc in town so nothing I can do there. I have migraines, fatigue, depression/anxiety, yucky, doom and gloom and fear it will not end.

 

I have to be on top of things because I have my responsibilities and if I lay around on the couch I go mental and feel worse anyway. I hate the fact that my body is giving out on me.

 

I have gained weight so I'm doing the low carb diet and was wondering if maybe I should just eat more proteins. I really don't like the foods so I don't eat much .

 

I too want to be in the sunshine and roses with Arcade :'(.

 

Arcade you said you have no history of GAD, Depression or Bipolar so does that make a difference?

 

What did your Doc say?

 

Both docs said that my sensitivity to meds is working against me even though I haven't been on it that long.  What has got me through the symptoms is constant distraction, constantly telling myself the symptoms will go away and mindfullness.  Attending regular counseling and learning these techniques made a difference for me.  Not letting the physical symptoms take over my mind.  Plus knowing that when we get through this we'll be tougher in the end.  Normal anxiety will be a breeze for us.

 

I cut to 3mg today so we'll see what happens in about 5 or 6 days.  Hopefully the 4mg was the last wall to climb.  Seems like Ego hit the 4mg wall also.  Boulders said it was easier for him after 3.5mg.  Maybe these are the magic numbers?  Everyone is different.

 

I can tell you that I am seeing more clear, less fogginess, getting my energy back and intensifying my workouts.  I am cautiously optimistic though because I still have a ways to go from 3mg but I am enjoying this as long as I can.  Things can turn on a dime but you never know, just have to keep plowing thorugh.

 

 

 

Thanks for the encouragement Arcade .  I feel better already. I have had a lot of counseling and studies mindfulness so I have all the tools. I think sometimes I have weak moments and loose hope because I'm still at 10mg. I just need to remind myself of the power they do hold. I remember you had your bad times and did plow through so I'm doing to do the same . You remember those migraines? . Hope you don't get anymore.

 

Lainey and JKS mindfulness does help .

10mg was the worst for me (I started at 14 this time). 10mg was the pit of despair. I cut to 9.5 and it got better, then worse again until 8. It could happen to you!

How are you doing small cuts without liquid? Sorry to be nosey. Nail file? I feel like we are wandering off ashton topic here! I don't like the homemade suspension methods because there is no guarantee the drug is easily dissolved.

 

Valley- I don't look for reasons anymore. It makes me feel too much like it is my fault. I am cutting the 2mg pills into 1/8ths to do 0.25 cuts. Seems to be working most of the time.

 

 

You make sense. I analyze too much  . I will have to fight with my doc about smaller and they crumble to much anyway so I have committed to the .5.  I will fight to hold if I have to.

 

Thanks 

Happy Friday the 13th  . I hate to be Debbie Downer however, I need some support here. Now I the one who can't stabilize so I now know how it feels  :'(. 

 

I have been at 10mg for 2 weeks and I'm going another week but then I will cut so I have to suck it up.

 

It's so funny how this whole thing can takes it's toll on your state of mind. Still wonder if it will end. Trying to meditate, work and stay positive.

 

Just looking for encouragement again  .

 

I hope you are all doing well and don't feel anywhere near as horrible as I do now.

 

Hugs  ,

VG