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A little hope for those struggling.


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Hey everyone,

 

I have been on benzo's half my life, 22 years... and my taper has been hard from day one, I am now down to almost 2.9 mg Valium equivalent and I have been tapering so very slowly.

 

I just wanted to say that I have made big improvements in the past year, the dense fog that I was in at one time has lifted by about 70% at it's worst I was totally disconnected emotionally from everyone and everything... that has really improved a great deal.

 

Also, last month, I gained yet more clarity of mind... I went downstairs one morning and I felt everything was sharper and more real... I have had this a few times in the past year such as colours becoming more vivid and rich but these improvements were subtle... this was a big improvement, at first I was a little concerned as everything seemed a bit too "real" but it settled down and nothing bad happened... in fact, I would describe it as being like a dimmer switch to a light being turned up quite a few notches... everything became brighter... everything had more clarity.

 

I suspect this will happen a few more times as I taper down... I have had a rough taper and I still get anxiety with almost every cut but when I get stable I am better than I used to be.... healing is happening.

 

I would imagine that as I taper down lower, I will get some bad days but eventually I will experience more of the "dimmer switch" effect where life will become brighter in stages... it is healing and it is real.

 

If I can heal from this, you can too... it takes some of us a very long time but healing is happening and it will get better... when I look back now, I can tell I am making progress now... sure, for me it is slow but I am gaining my mind back, I hate that I have to keep going through the anxiety and headaches etc to get there but that's healing...

 

The pay off for all our pain is the reclaiming of our minds, bodies and spirits... it's hard but healing happens so don't quit, the more pain, the more healing happens, I am convinced that waves are serious healing taking place but go slow and never push ahead when you feel bad, it is the worst thing anyone can do...

 

I think i have so far to go but in reality, I will probably feel a lot more of my mind returning this coming year and although it is very slow, it is great to be getting "me" back after all these years... and I could not have done it without the support here... I get bad days and think this is never going to end but it gets better, it really does... so ride those waves and get stable, use holds and often and above all else, be patient, this is often a very slow process... but it does get better.

 

If you see me posting manically in a week or two's time feeling bad, it is because I am feeling a cut and for a week I can feel as helpless as anyone here but it passes... the fact is my baseline is better and my mind is returning... it's just a little bumpy at times getting there... but after all these years, it was never going to be easy but it is happening and it will for you too.

 

Time heals us all... we will all get there, sometimes you just got to hang on and allow better days to come but they will and one day this will all be over...

 

Happy Christmas everyone.

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PS: and no, I am not in a window... just letting you all know that this long term user is feeling healing... I despair at times also but when I really think about it, I am definitely getting some of me back... and maybe now it has started, it will gain momentum... I sometimes have to just have faith it is happening but the fact is, healing really is happening and that is something I need to remind myself of... with the waves the good stuff comes after...

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Hi Oscar, just popped back for a visit, lovely to see you are well on the up - I had a similar thing with the colours - in my dreams too!

 

take care, you are going great :smitten:

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My healing has been a slow one also...clear window, wave... dim window... wave.. good window..., my CNS has a mind of it's own. I get discouraged but keep going, thats all I know how to do. Always hanging tough,seems that is the only way through to the other side. The up side is when the glorious window makes an appearance....Merry Christmas....Jude :smitten:
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That's great news Oscar !  Glad to hear that you are feeling some healing ! 

 

Merry Christmas and may 2014 be a great year for all of us !!

 

Patrick

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:yippee: :yippee: HAPPY XX OSCO  :yippee: :yippee:

 

Hey Benzy, Happy Christmas !!! ... just think, you are almost done with this stuff... better days ahead for sure.  :thumbsup:

 

Try and enjoy the holidays.  8)

 

 

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