Tapering off Ativan, change of consciousness.

Hello everyone, I have just gone through 4 days of hell. For twenty years I took 8 mgs of ativan a day. Started my taper 3 months ago.

I have been at 6 mgs. for 2 1/2 months. On thursday during therapy I broke down and cried. It seemed like it was time for me to allow myself the freedom to leave my job which has been killing me for a long time. On friday, I started to get real anxious. So anxious that all I have been able to do is to lie down, stomach churning, muscles tight, eyes closed, being very still. But how was I going to tell my supervisor that i would be leaving mid-year and leave my co-workers my work load ? How was I going to be able to celebrate christmas with my children and my grandchildren when I was in such a state. My anxiety kept increasing and while I know this could be a function of the lower dose it has me incapacitated. So I up dosed to 7 mgs and my thinking became clear, my emotions settled, life slowed down, again. I quit smoking 20 years ago. That was my first addiction. I quit drinking 12 years ago. That was my 2nd addiction. Now the monkey on my back is ativan. And it has dire consequences at my job. I never went to work drunk. Never drank during lunch. But I have started my days off with 4mgs of ativan for a long time. Some folks on this forum suggested to me to even out my doses so I went to a 1.5 mg dose 4 times a day. But it didn't protect me from my crippling anxiety. I never imagined that this addiction was has such affect on the life and career. Has there been anyone here on such high doses for a long time ? And if so, how has that affected their work? Any response would be much appreciated. Thanks. Charliev123

Hi, Charliev123.

I was never on more than 3mg/day but that was enough, over time, to lead to debilitating depression and impared my memory and other cognitive functions.  Leading up to my taper, I went on 3 months family medical leave and reduced my work hours to 20/week but finally had to resign.  I didn't discover until much later that the depression which made me unable to work was likely made worse, if not caused, by the Ativan.

Are you getting any therapy for anxiety, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?  The most importatnt thing I did for myself while tapering was learning to lessen and manage my anxiety.  Sometimes it was very intense and it was all I could do to not go back up in dose.  You really need some strategies to get through periods like that so you don't yo-yo with your doses. 

As for your question about anyone else being on as high a dose, you might want to start a thread/topic with the dose in the title and ask that question.  The Ativan Taper board might be a good place to post it, or General Taper Support.

Try not to project too far into the future (like days ahead, for instance).  All it does is raise anxiety which can become incapacitating.  If you are financially able to quit your job, that may be what you need to do to save your self and get your life back.  Your coworkers may not like it but you need to do what's best for you.  Ultimately, your family will be glad when they get to live with the new you. 

Charliev123:  Welcome to rebound anxiety, amplified anxiety due to the holidays and having to reinstate.  I am so sorry.

I have been on Xanax for around 23 years.  I have been unable to work steadily for years and have not been able to work at all for the last two years.

Hang in there.

Thanks Beeper and Raven for your insights.appreciate that you took the time to respond. happy holidays.

charliev123