Wish I came across this board 4 years ago

After my first c\t. When i got off easy and was 90% in a week and 100% in 6 months. But here i am 2 c/ts later and another year and a half worth of being on the pills. My cns and ans got shredded. Im not sure people like me ever heal. At 12 months off this is becoming more apparent. Its not a matter of up regulation but more receptor damage. Some kind of restructuring. And maybe with a lack of gaba the nervous system tore itself apart. My personality is still pretty much there. Mainly physical symptoms left. I dont think my ans knows what its doing anymore. I think almost everyone who c/t once or tapers once are definitely gonna heal. And anyone who never had symptoms till off prolly heals. But those like me , 3 c/ts, bad tolerance with w/d symptoms while still on, 12 months off still messed up. Who knows. I just regret not living life up when i could. I was the healthiest person i knew and capable of anything. Maybe I should just accept myself as a statistic and lesson to others.