Just cant defeat this thing

2 1/2 month taper, after a c/t attempt, 12 months off almost. Was in bad tolerance w/d for a few months while on. This is just getting grueling at this point. Havent been anything near myself in 2 years. This seems like some sort of cruel joke. Ive fought so hard to heal, i never could of imagined this.

I hear ya OneLove24...at 14 months off the loneliness the angst the fears~quite unbearable at times. A friend of mine called yesterday (have not spoken with her in over a year.) I had to feign joy and enthusiasm. I look around at the Xmas decorating I did last week and I have to tell myself how pretty it looks because that natural aspect of joy is simply not available to me at this time.  The only thing that saves me everyday is coming to this site. I never knew how important this site would become to me. So I think I feel your pain. My new motto is "carry on no matter how the hell I feel."