My mom needs help, but I can't drive her around

Hi:

 

I am currently tapering from 10 mg of K, and as of today have dropped it to 6.25 mg. I also have been crossing over to 20 mg of Valium per Ashton and am on 60 mg of BuSpar, along with 500 mg of neurontin. Since my taper I have had severe memory loss, blurry vision and terrible cog fog. In the morning I feel as if I'm in a dead zone. I can barely take a shower. My vision is so blurry I can no longer read the paper. I am having trouble reading and writing this post.

 

My mom is going to have her hip replaced tommorow as she broke it when she fell yesterday. She's gonna have to go to rehab and docs appointments daily for months, and I simply am too blurry eyed and have such memory loss and cognitive impairment that I can't drive myself more than a couple of miles. She's gonna be far away at rehab and I cant't imagine trying to drive there by myself. I haven't been able to drive since I began my taper six months ago.

 

It's important to me that to take charge of my mother's declining health, she's 82 with a broken hip, but just trying to drive down the block with cars in front of me, well, I can't drive in a straight line. I've been trying to get behind the wheel for short trips to see if I can manage but I can't. My brain feels like someone dumped a bucket of sand in it.  The whole thought really scares me and am afraid I'll get into an accident.

 

I'm the only one who can do this. My one brother has to work and the other is so unreliable that he says he'll drive but I know he just won't bother to show up.

 

My other brother, the one who is going back to work after the surgery, says I'm making up my symptoms, am self absorbed and can drive. My doctor says that since I didn't complain to him about my problems before (which I did but he does not remember), that I should stop being focused on myself and just focus on my mother. He says I should have no trouble driving, even when I can't get any sleep, which makes me worthless and foggy headed the next day. I just can't sleep and I can't imagine getting behind the wheel of a car with 0 sleep. My doc tells me to get with the program and that I only don't want to drive because of anxiety, which I'll just have to deal with. He told me I might as well turn in my license.

 

I can handle the anxiety fine, even when it's bad, as long as I can focus on the road and the cars in front of me. My memory loss is so bad I can't remember how to get to the easiest places I have been before many times.

 

I really have no choice except to take a cab everywhere, which is impossible since we'll have to go from place to place daily. I'm fairly confident I'll get into an accident at some point because I simply cannot drive properly. Help is needed here!

Do you have Handibus or subsidized taxi for seniors where you live? Would your mom be eligible for this service? That might be an option, and maybe if they pick her up and take her to her rehab and appointments you'd be able to ride along too?

 

Oh I'm so sorry you're not getting the support and understanding that you need. I'm hoping the one brother could at least take turns with you in getting your mom to and from these appointments. Maybe you could work out a schedule that he'd stick to?

 

You're very kind to look out for your mom's needs. Don't forget your own, okay?

 

I hope her surgery goes well tomorrow.

 

Chinook

You said that you are the only one who can do this but that is not true. You CAN NOT do this. It is unsafe for you to drive and very irresponsible for you doctor to tell you to do it. Does your Mom have the same doctor?

 

Where I live there are community organizations that will provide rides for the elderly to medical appointments etc. We also have a mini-bus system that takes disabled people around. Ask around, call local authorities etc. If your Mom didn't have a daughter she would have to get around some other way and she would find a way.

 

Does she have friends who could drive her? Is she mentally competent?

No, I've checked and we don't have any service that would spcifcally pick her up from the rehab center to a doc's office. My mom's doc and mine are different. Mine is my psychiatrist who made those  comments.

 

My mother is kind of out of it and need someone there at all times to be her advocate. Make sure she'll being properly medicated and receiving the proper rehab. The facilities around here, no matter how good they are, often ignore the elderly and just medicate them. She needs someone around to make sure she's taken care off.

 

She just can't be dropped off somewhere and left to fend by herself, not even at a doc 's office. Someone has to be around her all day long, if it meens just sitting there in her room and checking in the with front desk from time to time. And I have night blindness and can't drive at night. It gets dark here around 4:30 so I couldn't be with her in the late pm.

 

I've texted my dpoc to meet with him to go over my problems again in person this time. We just texted each other last night. I think he's mad at me and won't text me back with an appt. He teaches at Yale on Thursday and Friday so today would be the only day I could meet with him. By Monday, my mom will be in rebah and it will be too late to do anything about it, except for me to try and drive there. I'm at my wit's end.

I don't think you are going to get anywhere with your doctor, how about talking to your Mother's doctor about her care? It sounds like she needs to be in a facility that can take care of her from here on. A broken hip is often how people get into one of these places.

 

You can't even drive her let alone take care of her, she needs too much supervision from the sounds of it. Were you looking after her before she broke her hip? Can you hire someone to take care of her?

Have you thought about maybe finding a room nearby?  Most of those rehab places have reasonable accommodations near them.  Sorry to hear about your Mom.  Best wishes for her speedy recovery.

 

China

Hi:

 

Thanks China and Frus333 for your comments. Luckily, my mom is going to be sent to a rehab place about three miles from my home instead. She was completely able to take care of herself before this mess. She had the surgery today and the docs say it went very well. So sigh of relief. Her doc is a surgeon so he's out of the pix until she goes for follow ups. Her PCP does not know whats going on and he's a jerk anyway. No help at all.

 

I was reading a thread about how you can get a DUI if you have benzos in your system and get stopped by a cop. Now that worries me. Just what we all need; a DUI. I got some sleep last night and was able to drive around town with little problem, just some blurry vision and cog fog. I remembered where I was going so I didn't get lost. I stayed waaay behind the cars in front of me. Didn't go far but it was a step. If I can sleep, which has been hard to come by these days, I can make the trip of 3 miles, at least I hope so. Driving too far away docs appointments is another story. If I don't sleep, I'm in a dead zone.

 

 

You should contact your county department of social services. You cant possibly do this. Its not safe and the attempt will set you back. You are still on a ton of benzo with symptoms of tolerance already. You are in a tight spot and you should focus on your own survival. In my opinion, for people on high doses who are already symptomatic, detox is the best option. That's what I did. Best of luck

I'm so sorry to hear about the lack of support you have during this most stressful time.

 

I'm in a different time zone so I don't know if you'll even read my post. 

 

I know of two options 'round here that have helped some in despirate situations like yours.  I called my insurance company...many have 24 hour emergency services and can help arrange enmergency transportation.  Often, if you can get a sympathie chemical depency counselor they can help you with rides.  They don't want you on the road either.  The other option I have used is to call the hospital and beg for help with your situation.

 

Golly gosh, I wish I could have read your post earlier today.  I could have given it more thought. I was at the ER with my very sick child.

 

It never ceases to amaze me at the lack of support in our medical community.  Let alone the pain of not getting help from our families.

 

You are not selfish. You are looking out for your mother.

 

Please keep us posted if you feel like it.

Hi:

 

I think the neurontin and BuSpar are causing my blurry vision. That is typical side effects from the drugs. And the high dose of benzos is causing terrible cog fog and memory loss. So, thinking hard about my history and progress report, I don't think its the taper that's causing problems. It's just that I'm on such a high dose of benzos with the resulting side effects. In reply to the comment of doing a detox. No thanks!  Been there twice with C/T of very high levels of xanax and became pyschotic. That's why they put me back on K immediately. I'd never walk into another detox center again. As for me, I'm just going to have to wing it the best I can. Try and drive the short distance; if I cannot, then I'll take a cab. There's no other choice. I'll check in with the rehab palce and see if there's transportation to and from the docs offices. Thanks for all of your comments.  I apprreciate them.