Tried a taper, failed. Have been dosing 5 mg valium as needed for 8 months, help

I don't know what to do, i tried a taper from 25mg down to .50mg daily. my doctors said i was going too slow so i stopped at .50 and didnt take anymore. I made it a month then reinstated as needed about 5mg. I didn't have a doctor so i've been getting pills myself and just taking enough so I don't crack so that I can work and pay bills.

 

I can't do it anymore, everyday I wake up I wish I wasnt here, I have 2 kids and a girlfriend though. I know my only issue isn't benzo which is why I thought i could just stop taking it, I try still, i'll take 5mg then think it's the last time, took it two days ago and hoping I don't have to again.

 

I have adrenal problems, low stomach acid, bowel problems, fungal infection(which creates alcohol!). I have constant pain under right rib cage that's worth with digestive enzymes/HCL. But i need it to help me feel better. I'm tired of all the weird symptoms and going crazy and constantly anxious and wanting to cry.

 

I feel nothing, no love or sympathy,  I only feel anger and it's bad, very irritable and i'm such an asshole. I feel so dead inside, so depressed and don't care about anything. All i want to do is play video games.

 

I have insurance now, but no doctor seems to wantt o tackle the benzo  issue cause i've been on it so long. And they still can't figure out my other health issues, the pain in my stomach or food problems, brain fog/eye floaters/feeling like stuff crawling in my head. Bad pain that moves around my body.

 

doc put me on testosterone shots for my energy/fog, it was low for my age(28). Helps a lil with energy/sex drive.

 

I'm in portland oregon, I have providence preferred network insurance.

 

I've been trying to write this post for 3 months now, i've finally worked up the strength to do it and face that I can't continue like I am.

 

And they still can't figure out my other health issues, the pain in my stomach or food problems, brain fog/eye floaters/feeling like stuff crawling in my head. Bad pain that moves around my body.

Sounds like pretty typical benzo-related symptoms to me. Doctors are always going to be clueless.

Taking as needed will most likely to continue to cause problems. Most here would suggest you reinstate at the chosen dose and taper off slowly. That's how many people do it. Sounds like you jumped from 0.5mg valium at one point and then went back on? After a sensible taper and jumping from a low dose some people are going to have uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms, there is no avoiding that unfortunately. Maybe next time get some help on the tapering board here and go lower before jumping. I can't offer any advice there as I went cold-turkey from the equivalent of 10mg valium. Good luck, many people have done it and you can too!

As long as u r on a benzo, u will never feel good.

If u r looking for an outside problem to your symptoms, the benzo's would further exacerbate it.

Doing a slow daily taper at a stable dose can help manage symptoms, but it will not get rid of them completely.

There is no drug or supplement that will take away benzo withdrawal.

 

Taking more benzo can reduce symptoms, but it makes us more dysfunctional.

Look at Bart or OMGWTH's slow taper to see if what they are doing can help you.

 

Going off too quickly can cause protracted symptoms that can last one or more years.

Our GABA receptors need to create more and to reduce the amount of glutamate receptors.

This takes time and slow reductions can give the brain a good chance at repairing the receptors at a manageable rate.

 

Here is the slow taper group

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=96564.0

 

I wouldn't mind reinstating and tryin to taper again.

 

but how am i supposed to find a doctor that's gonna prescribe me the pills? they love handing it out for a month or two, but once you're dependent they pull it from you.

I wouldn't mind reinstating and tryin to taper again.

 

but how am i supposed to find a doctor that's gonna prescribe me the pills? they love handing it out for a month or two, but once you're dependent they pull it from you.

You are so right about them prescribing them just long enuf to get people addicted.

Here is a list of benzowise drs.

http://www.benzodocs.com/

 

Looks like there maybe a dr 1.5hrs away.

My mom had to go to a benzowise dr because no one would prescribe to her either after her pdoc refused to refill her script.

 

Jonny, your doctor doesn't have to be benzowise -- you can educate him/her. You don't need to drive to The Dalles . .  but of course you can if you want to.

 

So the first step, if it were me, would be to get a local doc. As you are in Portland, that should be no problem. I bet Providence has lots of docs willing to take new patients.

 

For example, my doc just quit the Samaritan system. She wasn't benzowise so I educated her. Gradually. Now I have to transfer to another clinic and a new doc. I am willing to bet that he knows zero about benzo withdrawal. I will educate him. You just have to be patient, seem knowledgeable, be sincere, and ask your new doc to work with you. Every doc wants his/her patient to get better. Don't make judgments  about docs liking to hand out pills but not wanting to help you get off them. That's not helpful. Be positive with your new doc. Assume he/she wants to help you.

 

IMO you need to read The Ashton Manual to prepare for your doc visit. Go here. http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

 

Also IMO you probably need to reinstate you valium at the dose you took off and on -- I think you said 5 mg and plan a sensible, slow taper.

 

The Diazepam Tapering  Blog is a good place to visit. You will see many folks there who are doing slow tapers and some may help you plan yours if you ask for help. Read their signatures to see how slow slow really is. To find the blog, look for members etown or eliz or Bart and follow their posts to the blog.

 

OK, the above are my suggestions to get you started.

 

Congratulations for getting up the guts to post and ask for help. That was the hard part. Now, the rest is all logistics!

 

Hope this helps,

 

Okatz

(yes, I'm in OR too)

My mom went to a local dr and he said he doesn't prescribe tranquilizers and that she needed to go into a hospital to be put on phenobarbitol and taken off the benzo in 2 weeks.

We left immediately, after presenting him with the ashton manual where he refused it's legitamacy.

He said the reason there were no psych drs in our state practicing outpatient withdrawal is because it doesn't work.

He charged her $360 for 15 minutes of nothing.

 

Her new dr is benzowise and took her last minute.

We drive 2 hrs to get there and he only sees her once per month.

He allows her to dose at her own pace.

Thanks everyone, looks like I got some calls to make, and print some stuff out and take it to my current doc.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

 

what did you say was the cause of the pain under your ribcage, and how do you treat it? I have had that too for a long time, mostly on the left/middle side..

Yup...

 

Before I was just prescribed Temazepam

 

Now.. because I'm trying to get off.. I have a 'benzo problem' in the words of one recent medical professional.

 

Funny I didn't have a benzo problem after 2 years of prescription use. I have a benzo problem because I am now trying to get off. Ironic really. I'd say I have the problem if I wasn't trying to get off.

 

Anyway enough of me Johnny:

I agree what the fine BB's before me have suggested about going to a dose that is stable and trying your taper again. Your first taper was pretty quick. And continuing to use as you are now won't get you anywhere. It will just continue to feel yuck and the dependence remains. I don't know if you'll have to fully reinstate thought considering you  have been using as needed on 5mg for a while - although it hasn't been pretty. The Diazepam withdrawal support thread and the Slow taper thread are good places if you are looking for a taper this time around that may not be quick but will be a little less painless (hopefully).

Hopefully also you find a Dr that is willing to help. They may be more likely to prescribe valium then xanax.

 

Goodluck

Peace

Smiff