This is too much....

I don't know if I can do this. I mean, it is so hard right now. So what I did is I took some Klonopin. I did this because I remembered that my psychiatrist in the hospital told me to not do anything to my meds before I got my sleep apnea treated. So, that is what I am going to do. Better to get one area of health done at a time, and not crossover, as I have learned the hard way now, and in the past. I am very angry with my current outpatient psychiatrist. He is so nonchalant about coming off of benzos. One question I would have is... If a Dr. tells you that if you stop taking a medication and you start experiencing symptoms that are related to what you had before you started taking them, that it is your disease showing up again, now withdrawal from the medication, is it true? Because these medications, even the other psychiatric meds that I am taking, are very powerful substances. I need to know if all of this is just a big scam and simply a profit margin for the pharmaceutical companies, insurance agencies, and government, which I have researched and have found to be true. But morally, I will accept their abuse and submit properly. But wait, I don't want to do that! That's stupid!!! That resonates WRONG with me when I go back and read that. I'm not going to be abused by people who are supposed to be caring for me. If they wanted to, they could have a cure for everything (the higher-ups in this world). But they don't want to help people, they want to hold the resources and take money for themselves. Ughh.. I just need support... Thanks guys.

Sincerely,

KD 

KD, I'm so sorry that you've found that going cold turkey from 1mg may be too rough.  Since you cold turkeyed only 4-days also, a reinstatement should work for you.  After 14-days, this might not be the case.

The nonchalant stance of your doctor related to benzo cessation isn't unusual.  This makes many of us very angry because we know first hand the suffering many people go through trying to stop taking their benzo.

As far as your doctor telling you that the withdrawal symptoms that you are feeling are your original underlying condition returning --- this is a standard line.  I can only speak for myself, but the symptoms that I suffered during my taper had nothing to do with why I was prescribed a benzo.

I know you were really excited when you first cold turkeyed your benzo.  However, now that the symptoms have hit you really hard, I believe you are very wise to explore a reinstatement.  You can always do a taper off and this should be more comfortable, if this is what you decide to do.

I'm so sorry that this is rough on you. 

Thank you very much for your support Juliea. I really and greatly appreciate your compassion and sympathy, it means a lot to me. Could you tell me a little bit about what you have gone through? The struggles, the joys, the highs, the lows... Anything that may be of encouragement to me. I would really appreciate that too. Thank you again so so much.

With deepest regards,

KD 

You answered yourself in the latter part of your post, so I'm going to waiver the BBs rules for a second and say, it is a scam. Most of the pharma industry is.

Anyway, you stay cool and post here on BBs for support.

Thank you very much for your support Juliea. I really and greatly appreciate your compassion and sympathy, it means a lot to me. Could you tell me a little bit about what you have gone through? The struggles, the joys, the highs, the lows... Anything that may be of encouragement to me. I would really appreciate that too. Thank you again so so much.

 

With deepest regards,

 

KD 

KD, I took Xanax for sleep every night for over 25-years.  This worked well for many years.  However, I did need to raise my dose as I became tolerant to my lower doses for sleep.  I wound up on 6mg of Xanax at one point.  I decided this dose was more than I wanted to take so I tapered down rather quickly to 3mg per night.  Then the 3mg no longer worked and I went back up to 6mg.  This happened several times until I decided to stay at 3mg.  This seems to work for a while and I stabilized.  I held the final 3mg dose for 2 years.  Before long, however I began to have withdrawals while still taking the medicine.  This is called tolerance or relative withdrawal.  I had no idea that the symptoms that I was suffering from were caused by me being tolerant to my Xanax dose.  I learned what a withdrawal symptom was during my taper and realized I had been having withdrawal for a very long time.  Withdrawal was what had been wrong with me. 

I decided in July of 2012 that I wanted to stop taking the 3mg of Xanax and found BenzoBuddies.  Here I met other Xanax users who had been successful in tapering off.  Learning from the experience of the other buddies I designed a taper, (link in my signature), and stuck with the taper for nine long months until I was benzo free.  I was one of the fortunate folks who felt better as I tapered off of the Xanax.  The lower in dose I got, the better I felt.  My guess is that my healing rate very closely matched my taper schedule and this is why I felt better as I tapered down.  This is the key to a successful taper, in my opinion.

The taper was tough, but manageable.  I would get 'hit' with those all too familiar withdrawal symptoms on the 4th or 5th day after I made a dose reduction.  There was no mistaking the symptoms --- they were very clearly withdrawal symptoms.  You won't have any questions of what is withdrawal and what is not when you begin your taper.  You'll know.  Now I'm 7 months benzo free, feeling well and very pleased that I accomplished getting off of a drug that caused me a great deal of difficulty during the time I was having tolerance withdrawals.

There is a way to get ourselves free from these drugs and I believe the way is to taper in a way that is slow and incremental.  A way that allows us to stabilize between cuts.

Right now I would concentrate on getting myself on a stable dose again.  A dose where I felt as well as possible.  Then I would begin the process of gathering the information I needed to design my taper plan.  The buddies here will be more than happy to help you.  Hang in there.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train.   

Thank you very much Juliea, for your time and sharing of experience.

Right now I just feel so hopeless. I stopped taking my Klonopin, went from 2 mg to 1mg in 2 weeks, and 1 mg to none right after that 2 week mark, but then went back up on it (and boy did I go up on it, I took 10 mg in about 6 hours) yesterday. I want to be benzo free soooo sooo badly. Today I have taken 2-4 mg, not sure. But I don't want to be like this. I want to be able to be free of benzos. I don't want to be taking the benzos. My question is what do I do now that I have relapsed? I want to just CT right now... Please... Any thoughts....

KD 

KD,

Are you taking the Lithium for bipolar? Concerned about you.

Human

Dear Human,

Yes, I am taking the Lithium for bipolar. I am taking Invega for Schizophrenia. I'm a good looking, 26 year old guy. I shouldn't be having these problems. WHY MEEE. And to make things worse, I have been drinking, and smoking cigarettes and even weed.  I feel so hopeless.

Dear Human,

 

Yes, I am taking the Lithium for bipolar. I am taking Invega for Schizophrenia. I'm a good looking, 26 year old guy. I shouldn't be having these problems. WHY MEEE. And to make things worse, I have been drinking, and smoking cigarettes and even weed.  I feel so hopeless.

KD,

It's not hopeless. I promise. I really feel for you. You are one of those posters whose humanity really speaks clearly through your posts.

A loved one worked in a hospital psych unit for many years, so I think I have a somewhat unique perspective based on that as well as my own psych history.

I hope I can help a bit. I know what it's like when your brain isn't working well and it's hard to see the big picture.

First of all, I think you need to keep your meds as stable as possible. I know it's not easy, but stopping and starting things abruptly has the potential to make things worse.

Second, what kind of psych doc are you seeing? Is this a psych doc working in the hospital? I'm concerned that they are "throwing everything but the kitchen sink" at you in terms of psych meds. I've seen it happen so many times with hospital psych docs.

I want to know because I am concerned that you might need a new psych doc. Here's something to consider. Many, many psych docs are actually now aware that prescribing a daily benzo is a terrible idea. So, I am suspect of any psych doc that still does that. Make sense?

Hang in there!

Human

Human,

No, I do not see a hospital doctor. My OUTPATIENT (NOT IN HOSPITAL) Dr. is not the Dr. I saw in the hospital.

But I do still need a new one and have been in search of one for weeks.

KD

Human,

 

No, I do not see a hospital doctor. My OUTPATIENT (NOT IN HOSPITAL) Dr. is not the Dr. I saw in the hospital.

But I do still need a new one and have been in search of one for weeks.

 

KD

KD,

Like Bob Marley said, "Everything's gonna be all right." Keep it all in perspective.

It's not easy to find a good psych doc, in my opinion! The only good ones I have ever seen have come from referrals from people I really trusted ... particularly from good therapists (not many of those out there either, unfortunately!)

But I think it is critical for you to have both a good psych doc and a good, caring therapist. Are you seeing anyone for therapy?

As far as the psych doc, some of these issues may be beyond my medical understanding ... but I just cringe when I see that patients are so overmedicated. I mean, they think you are BOTH bipolar and schizo-affective and god knows what else they can thumb through the DSM and diagnose you as? My common sense says no. Not saying one of those diagnoses may not be correct, but you need a good psych doc that knows their stuff.

I am certain that prescribing a daily benzo for anyone is wrong, wrong, wrong. I can tell you that any GOOD doctor knows that. Even some of the bad psych docs I have seen would never prescribe a daily benzo.

You deserve to have intelligent, reasonable, caring care from both a good therapist and a good psych doc who is not med happy.

Having said all that ... don't stop anything cold turkey again! Not safe.

Last thing, if you are going to lay off anything not prescribed (e.g. you mentioned weed, cigarettes and alcohol) I would strongly recommend to lay off the alcohol. Alcohol is a dreadful drug that has ruined countless lives. It's a depressant and it works similarly to benzos.

Take good care,

Human