I think it's all done. I beat it and got through.

Well, I did it.  It's been 3 weeks now with no problems.  3 weeks of feeling happy, normal, and especially calm. 

 

Just before, and after my jump off clonazepam, I was a wreck.  I was having immense panic attacks everyday.  I did get some help with those from my counselor.  After that, I did have some control over the panic attacks.  But I still had a toxic unease flowing through my body.  Felt just like I had taken a poison.  I couldn't get comfortable.  I couldn't relax.  I had tunnel vision.  Fear was painted on everything.  I was convinced for many months that I had a life-threatening illness.  Catastrophizing 24 hours a day.  The anxiety felt like a gorilla wrapped tightly around me, and there was no way of shaking it off. 

 

I failed at trying to do stuff I always loved doing.  I didn't have any mental power for creative or advanced thinking.  Anything with a negative theme was out of the question (Movies, music, etc). 

 

What got me through it was my friends.  The anxiety still followed me there, but I was able to let it sit on the backburner.  I was still in pain, but a smile or a laugh from my friends made a big difference.  I also want to say that I have a great counselor, who listens with a great open mind, and is very helpful.  She gave me tons of hope with every tool she taught me to aid in recovery.  And of course, Benzobuddies.  If it wasn't for the helpful information on here, I would have been stuck thinking that I was going crazy, and probably would have drowned in antipyschotics.  Benzobuddies gave me a clear answer as to what was going on inside my body, and also gave me the strength to get through it day by day. 

 

Every few months, I would notice a difference.  The healing was so slow and gradual, that it was hard to notice that it was happening.  But every few months, I would note how the intensity and frequency had gone down.  After 6 months, I noticed that most of my time, I was feeling ok.  I would still have a bout of a wave (more like a scrambled psychotic nightmare of fear), but then it would pass.  I learned to stay positive, I had a glass half full. 

 

I remember in the first months, there was no way to feel hope or optimism.  It really feels like you are stuck this way forever.  A person going though this just can't fathom life getting better, the poison blocks you from seeing yourself getting out of this.  But it does happen.  There is an end.  And once you feel better, you start to find out that you really were not broken.  You were there the whole time, just pushed back.  Once you heal, who you really are starts coming back again, just as good as it was before.  The hypochondria does go away, if you work hard at banning yourself from medical articles from google.  Once you feel normal, then it really does get much easier ignoring everything that your body is doing.

 

2 weeks ago, I halved my dose of Risperdal, and continued that way since.  And that is when I noticed that the waves got eliminated.  I can now find things that interest me, and I get involved in my hobbies.  I'm no longer afraid to stay alone; in fact, I welcome it.  The small pieces of my ego have finally been put together, the glue that binds it is now cured.  I am exactly the same as I was before.  I have found myself again, and living as myself.  My resistance to stress is also stronger as well (As good as it was before). 

 

It's a long wait, a painful one too, but it really does get better.  I hope you all stay strong, and await your recovery, which will come to you soon. 

So happy to hear that. 

I remember your struggle.Congratulations,God bless you.

Congratulations City,

 

Your story is hopeful for all of us.

It gives the short-term user hope, but it gives us long term users hope too….

If short-term users heal completely, then so do long term users…

 

Time is on our side.

 

Go and enjoy your new healthy life.

Come back intermittently and let us know how you are doing.

 

God Speed and healing,

Causing

Your story of hope and healing is an inspiration ……continued blessings to you    Jude

So glad you are doing so well.  I am a short term user now in my 7 mo since stopping.  Can you share a few things your counselor has told you to help cope?  I can't find a therapist who has a clue

About w/d and I need some help with the bad anxiety and with acceptance.  Thanks.

Congrats dude, I'm not too far behind you.  I'm doing pretty OK too and hopefully a few more months and getting off the Risperidal and I'll be in the same place as you.  Thanks for all your posts.  I've been following your story closely and it's been providing me with some much needed hope for the future.

I remember your struggle too.

 

Way to go congratulations!

 

 

 

 

River

Awesome TheCity! Nice to see one of my peeps healed. Hope to continue seeing many more and maybe add my name to the list one day. Take care and enjoy! 

So glad you are doing so well.  I am a short term user now in my 7 mo since stopping.  Can you share a few things your counselor has told you to help cope?  I can't find a therapist who has a clue

About w/d and I need some help with the bad anxiety and with acceptance.  Thanks.

 

My counselor has heard of benzo withdrawal, but we didn't talk much about it.  She counselled me as if I had an anxiety/panic disorder, and I decided to take her advice.  That doesn't mean she didn't believe me, just that with her expertise, it made sense to counsel me in that way. 

 

I listened to her advice and techniques which were based on CBT, ACT, WRAP, and ABC therapy.  I also attended group WRAP sessions.  She really helped me by teaching me how to accept, and also how to deescalate fear, and taught me that the brain can be trained to think in better ways.  She showed me some critical thinking skills, and taught me that practice and patience was key.  WRAP focuses on finding activities that help with recovery, and how to maintain well-being.  She counselled me based on her experience with depression, anxiety, and panic. 

 

Yup.  It really is all gone.  The benzo withdrawal is over.  There hasn't hardly been even a glimmer of anxiety at all.  Everything seems normal again.  I feel healthy.  I feel like myself and I'm enjoying life. 

 

I may not have been on benzo's as long as some on here, but I did go through quite a struggle with it.  I remember thinking that I was stuck that way forever, and I was beginning to reason that something tragic and permanent happened to me, and I had a hard time coping through all of it.  It is an extremely painful experience, but in the long run, when it's all over, it doesn't leave you broken.  Everything falls back into place again.  The brain reaches homeostasis, and it feels good to be happy once more. 

 

Now that it's all over, I have to start thinking about everyday challenges again, like working, and maintaining relationships.  At least I have a good head on my shoulders again 

Whatever you do, please do not start drinking alcohol for awhile.

Klonopin and alcohol bind to the same receptors.

 

Good luck City.

Come back and visit every now and then and let us know how you are doing.

 

God Bless,

Causing

thxs for sharing very helpfull,and congratulations to you!

Awesome post TheCity ! VERY well written and very uplifting for us benzo brains. Glad you are better !

Happy for you, City!  I always get something out of a success story, even when the story is very different from mine.    In yours I was struck by "resistance to stress."  That is something I need to build on.  Also, sounds like you have an A-1 counselor. Good luck!

I'm still doing very well.  I'm right into my hobbies again, and mostly feel very calm and like myself.  After about a year of chemical torture, it is great to feel back restored again.  I still won't drink alcohol or do any drugs or anything. 

 

I'm sorry for not being on this forum at all lately.  I now see what everyone means, when they say after we heal, we move on in our lives.  Keep up the good fight, the reward will be worth it in the end!

There have been people here who were doing fine for awhile and then drank alcohol and it put them back into the worst wd for a long time.

 

 

Be careful, ok?

 

 

As in don't chance it.   

 

 

 

River

Well done!  So happy for you!!  And thanks for coming back to share and spread hope!

 

May 2014 be your best year yet!

There have been people here who were doing fine for awhile and then drank alcohol and it put them back into the worst wd for a long time.

 

 

Be careful, ok?

 

 

As in don't chance it.   

 

 

 

River

 

 

I promise, I won't touch alcohol for a long, long time.  I'm not only worried about withdrawal resurfacing, it also does other funny things to me that lasts a good while longer after drinking. 

 

However, I did drink too much tea containing valerian a week ago.  One of my hobbies that I just got interested in is performing magic, and to calm myself down, I drank a few big cups of valerian tea.  It did help with the performance, but for a couple days after, I felt a little edgy and anxiety.  I'm fine again now, and I have learned to use the tea sparingly and responsibly. 

 

It's a good idea to find self-talk and therapy techniques to help manage anxiety.  I only get slightly nervous in specific situations, like performing, or being in a large crowd of strangers.  I'm learning by changing my beliefs and perspective, and it helps immensely with these situations. 

 

Again, I would like to thank everyone on this forum for helping me get through withdrawal.    It really helps to know that this condition is real, and that I'm not alone.  Also, that it really does resolve itself in time.  Keep the faith in your recovery strong!

Glad to hear things are going well for you City. I used valerian during my taper but havent tried it since jumping.

The best line of this success story is

- I have found myself again, and living as myself. -

 

Thank you TheCity for these golden words .We all here on BBs are waiting for this moments