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Completely Healed at Almost 7 months off After 7 Years of Klonopin!!


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Wow! I can't believe I'm writing this! I remember coming here when I started my taper, reading the success stories and crying uncontrollably. I was so envious of these people and I was convinced that I would never be normal again. I would never be able to post a success story. I could not have been more wrong!

 

I started off on this site as nomore75, but lost my information and decided to just create a new account. If you go back and see my original posts, you will see how much I suffered. Nothing could have prepared me for this experience! Even with my education and intelligence, I was clueless as to what long term benzo use and withdrawal would entail. Not many people get it. People still don't believe me when I try to tell them what I went through. How could they? Unless you have experienced this, you can't even fathom!

 

So these are some of the things I went through. The last year on Klonopin, I was a complete mess! I had terrible agoraphobia, major panic attacks, constant dizzy spells, heavy DP/DR, migraines, and depression. I had no idea what was going on! I was constantly at the ER, convinced that I was dying. I payed numerous visits to my doctor. Not one doctor suggested that it could be my meds making me sick! Not one!!! I was told to up my dose because my anxiety was out of control. I was so lost. I needed to find out what was wrong with me. I was always a very strong, independent and outgoing woman so there had to be something going on. I went online and researched anxiety and panic. My research eventually led me to this site. I was so relieved to find people going through the same thing and the reason why. It was the Klonopin! As relieved as I was, I was also terrified! After reading many posts on here, I decided to start tapering. I wanted off so bad! I wanted my life back! I did this without my doctor.

 

What a nightmare I went through tapering! I made big cuts and quick. There was no way I was going to drag this out. My worst symptom was dizziness/vertigo. It was awful and so debilitating! I was sure I would be dizzy forever. The extreme fear was next in line. I was terrified all the time for not particular reason. I would feel it in the pit of my stomach and it would consume me. I can't put into words how scared I was. The morning was the absolute worst time! I couldn't think about my past and couldn't think about the future. It was too overwhelming! I would watch people living their lives, working, laughing, socializing and I was so envious and jealous at the same time. While they went on with their lives, I was struggling to get through an hour. It's unbelievable the thoughts you have when in withdrawal. I will tell you now, if you feel like that, it's just the benzos lying to you. You will not feel like that forever. I had deep, dark depression too. I would cry for days. I have never felt depression like that before. I wanted to die so many times.

 

I'm going to post this now so I don't lose everything I typed, then I will continue.

 

 

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This is incredible! Thank you for sharing this. I am very happy for you! I am almost there myself. I am waiting for a few lingering sxs to leave. I can't wait to hear more of your story.  ;D
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I should also mention that I'm a single mom. I have 2 boys and I raised them on my own through this. I couldn't work, couldn't attend school meetings, no sports, couldn't drive, couldn't go out. This whole process was a terrible mind$&@*! The DR/DR was unbelievable! Aside from the mental stuff, I had nausea, headaches, muscles aches, blurred vision, tinnitus, awful akathesia, jaw pain, gut pain, insomnia, inner vibrations, etc....  I had pretty much every symptom all the time!

 

When I jumped in May, I figured it couldn't get any worse. Ha!! Acute withdrawal was pretty intense. I was spinning out of control. Anxiety and panic were brutal! For 6 weeks, all of my symptoms were exaggerated. I did not leave the house.

 

After 6 weeks, I started to feel better. The anxiety lifted and I began leaving the house. I started going into stores, attending appointments and driving short distances. I still had many symptoms and my thinking was still flawed, but I felt better. I was more awake. The fog was lifting. All of a sudden, colors seemed more vibrant, the sky was beautiful, the trees were amazing. It was like I was waking up from a long sleep. Soon, feelings started coming back. I felt love again. I felt joy and excitement. I started to laugh and have fun with my kids. I was able to watch tv again and listen to music. My life was coming back. Slowly, my symptoms started  disappearing. I had huge windows and nasty waves. The waves were so discouraging, but I kept fighting. My longest lasting symptoms were dizziness, blurred vision, insomnia, and akethesia.

 

Now, at almost 7 months off, I have no symptoms. I am free!! I work full time and I am very busy. I am a hockey mom, a soccer mom and a basketball mom again. I can do anything now! I have no anxiety, no depression. I am happy and grateful for everything. This experience has made me a better person. I am not afraid of anything anymore. I love life. I can handle stress. I sleep like a baby. I am connected to people again.

 

For those of you in the thick of this, fight and know that one day it will feel like a bad dream; a distant memory. Remember that your thinking is flawed right now, so don't believe the lies your mind is creating. You will come out the other side stronger, happier and grateful for being alive. As difficult as it is, believe that. You will do all the things you love again. You will feel again and you will love life again. I promise! I suffered greatly and I am great now.

 

Stay strong and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

:smitten:

 

 

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This is incredible! Thank you for sharing this. I am very happy for you! I am almost there myself. I am waiting for a few lingering sxs to leave. I can't wait to hear more of your story.  ;D

 

Thank you. :). I know how important it is to share success with other members. I know I needed to hear things like this. Congratulations to you. Can't wait to read your success story.

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Your story gives me hope, which I sorely need today. Thank you for sharing it.

 

You're welcome. :). You will get through this. I'm her if you need advice or support.

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Congratulations Morechocolate…

I needed to read this today.

Trying to stay positive through all of this is hard to do on a daily basis.

 

I am so happy for you…..Go and enjoy your Benzo Free life and all the healthy benefits that go along with this.

 

Much love and healing,

Causing

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wonderful news and i bet your 2 boys are so happy to have their Mum back.

must have been a real struggle for you as a single parent.

all the best to the 3 of you and thank you for sharing. :smitten:

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Congrats morechocolate! :)

 

My last two months have been with little progress and yes, I'm wondering IF I'll ever get better. Really wondering as my stomach churns and I'm so beaten feeling.

 

I hope to atleast see some more progress at 7 months but healed would be heaven on earth

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Congratulations, Morechocolate!!

You've done a fine job and I am so encouraged that you posted this.

A humble thanks you...

all my bestest,

Iggy  :smitten:

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Who took care of your kids when you couldn't work or drive? I am very much in the "I can't do this" phase right now. I want to believe it will get better soon but I am only sleeping a couple of hours a night. Your story gives me a glimmer of hope. I want to believe.
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That is wonderful Morechocolate! 

 

I am thrilled for you and your two sons that your healing feels so good! 

 

Enjoy your Holidays.  May they be the best ever for you and your family.

 

Love,

 

Lily

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Dear Morechocolate,

  Your story has helped me believe in healing again, thank you! Your words are inspiring. Best to you.

Warmly,

Carita

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God bless you for posting this Morechocolate,these types of posts are lifelines for people who are still in the thick of it.God bless you.
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Thanks everyone for posting here. It's a beautiful, snowy day here in Canada. :). One day closer to complete recovery for everyone.
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