Forlorn tonight couldn't recall memories.

Hi folks,

I had a bad day and thought someone out there may have some sage words.

I had to go to a soccer birthday party for one of my 13 year old son's friend.  I'm not a "soccer mom" nor have I ever wanted to be.  I never really felt I "fit in" with that crowd. Don't get me wrong, there are some terrific parents.  You know, just not my usual crowd.

My husbands and I sat in the restaurant with many parents at this celebration. Much talk was about the kids' and their lives with sport.  My husband chimed in and talked about what it was like coaching our children's team and many other special memories I could not access.  I was close to weeping so I sought refuge in our car.  I either could not retrieve these memories. 

I came home and sobbed in despair.  I'm still crying. What remorse and deep sadness I feel.  I want my life back.  I want lovely memories back not these stinking intrusive ones that barge in at a moments' notice day or night. 

I think I need to listen to some music composed by, in my opinion, a beautiful man, George Harrison.  His words reverberate with me these days..."give me hope, help me cope with this heavy load coming to meet and great you with heart and soul."

Peace friends.  Hoping for a window amidst this sorrow.

Love, me.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I know how terrible it feels. This type of episode it what got me to stop taking klonopin cold-turkey. I was beginning to have a hard time with instant recall of my niece and nephews names and my own children and parents middle names. I'd be on walks thinking, but no longer able to recall things that should have come so easily.

Now 8 months later, and my recall has improved. Memories are clearer at times. It can be a long process, but it will all come back again someday. The memories you had are still there waiting, it's just that the paths to access them have gotten a little bit messed up by the benzos. Once we stop the benzo the paths slowly repair and we have our clear thinking once again. Take care 

Thank you Innadaze.  I like your name.

Hugs and peace.