Is getting off, being off and staying off benzos any kind of achievement?

Someone brought this up in another thread and I didn't want to derail that post so I thought I would see what everyone thought about it here.

 

For me getting off the drug wasn't any kind of achievement because I never had any kind of craving for these drugs and I didn't get hit hard with symptoms until I was a few months off.

 

I guess surviving acute wd and to a lesser extent post acute wd is an achievement considering these drugs do cause suicidal ideation.

 

But I don't feel like a "winner" in any way, shape or form. I know when someone says "congrats on being xx months off" they are only being kind, but what is there to be proud of for me? How is "existing" an accomplishment? All I am doing is putting one foot in front of the other, just like everyone else does.

 

I do believe that the longer we are off these drugs the better, so in a way each month that passes is a milestone of sorts, I just don't see much cause for celebration until I am at least well enough on a consistent basis to really be able to begin rebuilding my life.

 

I don't want anyone take this thread the wrong way. I am not trying to start a debate.....just curious how everyone else sees this. If there is one thing I have learned during this process it is that we all have our own unique situation and that we all experience this a little differently, so if anyone else tells me that they feel like any part of this was an achievement for them, that's good enough for me. I am sure just getting off of benzos or tapering a percentage of their dose is a HUGE deal for some people. I just feel like in my case there isn't much to celebrate until I reach the end of this journey.

 

What do you think?

Getting off the drug was a HUGE achievement.  The ticker seemed like a good idea at the time, but as the ticker moves it just seems to show a bigger and bigger disparity of where I actually am now and where I thought I would be. I'm certainly not saying that I am not better off now then I was earlier, just far from where I'd like to be.

is this thread serious???

"how is existing an accomplishment"?

 

Im really  happy for you that you're life is so easy, sincerely...

but for me, simply existing is an accomplishment, that Im proud Ive learn to do (so far), because all the obstacles in my life have been very hard, from beginning, to benzos, and Im sure to the end...

Getting off benzos for me is an accomplishment, it hasn't been easy, and they weren't really causing me problems (yet), I could have easily gave up and just kept taking them (Until they started to kill me like they're done to others here)

Benzy,

 

Is your tone really necessary? I keep reading different posts, which inevitably you have posted to and you are consistently snarky. What's that about?

 

WWWI

Getting off was hard, I had a lot of false starts, and it took a lot longer than I was hoping. I considered giving up or resigning myself to continuing long-term benzo use at several points during the process. So, for me, this was something I fought hard to do, therefore I take relief and some pride in knowing that I did it.

 

I don't know how I'd feel about this if I'd had your experience, though, FG.

Benzy,

 

Maybe I should have chosen a different thread title, but I was pretty clear that I believe that other people will see this differently and I am interested in hearing other people's point of view. Maybe it will make me feel a little different hearing what others have to say.

 

I am not challenging anyone's take on this, I am asking people to share their experience. Mine is that for various reasons I do not feel as if I have "accomplished" much as of yet. I didn't say my life was "so easy". I have been dealing with this in some form or another for quite awhile now, I have lost pretty much everything I had left (the economy tanking had already cleaned me out pretty good) and I am still faced with some pretty significant cognitive issues that prevent me from getting in and digging myself out of the hole that I am in.

 

 

I think I would see this a lot differently had I experienced a difficult taper. The drug was causing me problems when I was on it (which I didn't even realize until after the you-know-what hit the fan) but since I didn't see a whole lot of change until a few months off the drug tapering was not a big deal for me. That is surprising, since I cut 50% per month for 3 months, but that's the way it went down.

It's a great achievement for me.  I'd come to depend on Xanax to the point where I couldn't imagine functioning without it.  For the first eight months off I went through hellish withdrawal symptoms every day(oddly my taper, though fast, had been very smooth and uneventful).  I kept a Xanax "stash" for the first three months, and by some miracle I never took a rescue dose.  This was even more amazing since I'd gotten off and reinstated twice in the previous eight years!  At three months off I got rid of my stash, and slowly got better after that.  Very, very slowly.  It took about 18 months for me to consider myself fully healed.

 

Doing this was the hardest thing I've ever done in my long life.  Now that I know how strong I am and that I can live and function without Xanax, my anxiety level is much lower than it was ON the drug.  My self-esteem is higher than it's ever been, and my depression level is minimal.  Since depression and anxiety run in my family, this is an enormous achievement.

 

I'll believe it is an achievement once I'm off.

I think everyday I keep moving forward is an achievement.

 

I've had some nasty difficulties in my life but benzo withdrawal is up there with the nastiest.

 

Living through that is an achievement and it is far from 'just existing'.

 

Maybe Benzy's account has been hacked.  The monitors should look in to that.

 

Whoever is using that account is trolling all the threads just looking to start trouble.

 

Hard to believe that someone who is really struggling with addiction would do something like this.

Please, everyone, let's just stay on the subject of the thread.

Please, everyone, let's just stay on the subject of the thread.

 

Megan,

 

Look at the crazy stuff the user of the account was saying on the other thread.  I have a suspicion the account has been hacked.

 

They started saying all this unprovoked stuff about sexual orientation, etc.  At first I thought it was joking but it went way off track.  Really weird.  Seemed like something from an adolescent joking around.

Please, everyone, let's just stay on the subject of the thread.

 

Megan,

 

Look at the crazy stuff the user of the account was saying on the other thread.  I have a suspicion the account has been hacked.

 

They started saying all this unprovoked stuff about sexual orientation, etc.  At first I thought it was joking but it went way off track.  Really weird.  Seemed like something from an adolescent joking around.

 

No, the account hasn't been hacked.  I would strongly suggest that anyone who cannot keep on topic here cease posting on this thread because this back and forth is extremely childish and has to stop.  This is an interesting topic and it deserves to be discussed seriously.

I was being serious, if my wording was wrong it was a honest mistake..

I seriously don't know how anyone could not think that getting off isn't a huge accomishment, and I said "sincerely" meaning I am very glad maybe his life had been easy, mine wasn't...

 

WomanWithIssues and JC, I wish you guys and your other members if you posse would stop following me around trying to read things into what I've said and trying to ause trouble with me, ie about had enough..

 

Both of you know about what happened on the other thread, stop playing innocent, you both only said what youve said here to bring the problem here, I've about had it with your group.

Leave me the hell alone. It's not either of your place to say anything to me period..

Benzy,

 

I doubt seriously anyone cares enough to follow you around. However, you have posted on virtually every post I've encountered today.  I gave you the benefit of the doubt but now I am just going to anticipate that you intend to be problematic and argumentative.

 

You seem ignorant of the fact that much of what you are saying is just mean. But by your writing it's clear to me that you are smart enough to know exactly what you are doing. 

 

I don't know what you motivation is, but, and I can only speak for myself, I really wish you would stop.  You are adding stress to my life and I'm guessing I'm not alone in that.  Why not try to add to the conversation without this need you have to cut people down?

 

 

I feel exactly the same way about you, so why dont you stop? why keep going?

 

Fine. I'm done. This will be my last post about this.  Can you say the same?

Both of you need to knock it off. It's not helpful for you to point out negative trends they observe in this way. Any time you believe a post is problematic, please use the "report post" function and it will be dealt with. Please do not go back and forth with other members in threads in this way, it creates more problems than it helps.

when other members start things with me that aren't true, and/or call me out when they dont have a right too, then I will respond and represent myself,,,,, so yes, if its your last comment to me, it will definitely be my last to you..

last word

 

by smiff

like I said, simply existing for me is a accomplishment 

I'd come to depend on Xanax to the point where I couldn't imagine functioning without it.

 

It amazes me just how different people's experiences can be with this. I never gave the benzo any more than a passing thought. I even told my doctor at one point that I didn't feel like I needed it for its original purpose (social anxiety) but since I told her it really helped me sleep she said "Well you just keep right on taking it then!" and that's what I did- I took .5mg most nights right before bed, then somewhere along the way I bumped it up to 1mg (I was prescribed 1mg 2x/day PRN).

 

I have to wonder how much alcohol played into this. I wasn't escalating my benzo dose but I think my body was subconsciously compensating for tolerance wd with alcohol. I wonder if I hadn't been a drinker if I would have ever picked up alcohol. If that were the case my experience with the benzo might have been totally different.

 

Doing this was the hardest thing I've ever done in my long life.  Now that I know how strong I am and that I can live and function without Xanax, my anxiety level is much lower than it was ON the drug.  My self-esteem is higher than it's ever been, and my depression level is minimal.  Since depression and anxiety run in my family, this is an enormous achievement.

 

 

Oh yea....this is the hardest thing I think most of us will ever have to go through.

 

I do believe that I will also be stronger than ever when I make it through this. At that time I'm sure I will see this as a huge accomplishment. It's just hard to look at it that way now.

This questions seems obvious for myself. It is a huge accomplishment. Coming up against so much suffering and handling it and learning from it and helping others endure it... It's a HUGE accomplishment. Also the knowledge I will never fall into psychiatry's hands again is an accomplishment for me. 

I think I would see this a lot differently had I experienced a difficult taper. The drug was causing me problems when I was on it (which I didn't even realize until after the you-know-what hit the fan) but since I didn't see a whole lot of change until a few months off the drug tapering was not a big deal for me. That is surprising, since I cut 50% per month for 3 months, but that's the way it went down.

 

Yah, that's definitely a fast taper.  You didn't have a whole lot of w/d symptoms while tapering?

 

One time when I tried to reduce by 50%, I was sick as a dog.  That didn't last long.  I went back up to 1mg/day.