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15 months and losing hope


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Feeling so bad. Unable to experience anything in a positive way. Everything is clouded by negativity and dread. Obsessive thoughts that I can't stop. Thinking this has to be something else. How can it be benzo withdrawal this far out. 
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I'll be 15 months on December 1 and some days I'm right where you are. Sucks but I have a new date 18 months. That's not far away but I do believe I'll see some improvement.  I don't believe I'll call this anything but slow to heal. 2MGs of klonopin for 10 years, l don't think the 6 to 18 month rule applies to me. If you haven't seen my post they read similar to yours. It's the bb that come  back that give that hope back to me. They do always come back to tell their success stories.  :thumbsup:

 

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Thanks Gizmo

 

It's

Really nice to hear from someone that jumped so near my jump date & to know I am not alone. I just find this all so confusing and disheartening. Several times I felt healed for a

Couple weeks at a time but it always returns

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I will be at 15 months in 7 days.  I am so sick of this.  And I do not want to hear how it is an achievement.  It was an achievement to get clean.  It will be another achievement to feel well.

 

(ok of course staying off is an achievement, but sometimes it feels better just to get angry and bitch ;)

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I will be at 15 months in 7 days.  I am so sick of this.  And I do not want to hear how it is an achievement.  It was an achievement to get clean.  It will be another achievement to feel well.

 

(ok of course staying off is an achievement, but sometimes it feels better just to get angry and bitch ;)

 

Go for it, Bro.  Scream your arse off.  You have a right to!

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Yeah I just wanna scream too. Maybe cry a little. I feel so disheartened this far out. I have seen such a revving up of symptoms lately.  Month 14 has been as bad as the first acute months. I just keep obsessing about what is wrong w me. I just want to turn my brain off
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Fifteen months is nothing, I was no better at 15 months. You need to give yourself 4-5 years for healing, only after 5 years should you even consider losing hope of full or almost full recovery.
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I will be at 15 months in 7 days.  I am so sick of this.  And I do not want to hear how it is an achievement.  It was an achievement to get clean.  It will be another achievement to feel well.

 

(ok of course staying off is an achievement, but sometimes it feels better just to get angry and bitch ;)

 

I thought this was an interesting topic in and of itself but I didn't want to derail this post so I started another thread-

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=95536.0

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Shit I thought I was out of the woods.  I had a pretty good summer accept for the heat.  But yeah I feel the kooky thoughts coming back.

 

My sex life was even getting better, but I am not even in the moodf anymore.

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Fifteen months is nothing, I was no better at 15 months. You need to give yourself 4-5 years for healing, only after 5 years should you even consider losing hope of full or almost full recovery.

Scott 15 months is a big number. Don't believe it's not. I believe if I'm not a lot better at 24 months the DOCs are right and these sx are probably caused by anxiety. I don't think that will be the case.  I don't expect to be 100% but I would settle for 50% better, at lest at that I'll be confident I'm moving ahead

  I know some folks won't agree with this but I don't think that people still having  MAJOR  sx at over 2 yrs are suffering from ONLY benzo wd sx and should be look at something else. (which most of are still doing)Just my opinion from reading 1000s of post and seeing BBs fade out, only to  come back with a positive post.

I remember reading a few posts that said, we don't know the whole story of those that come back after more than 2 yrs with little to no improvement.

 

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I'll hit six months next Tuesday. I cannot even begin to fathom how I will survive another six months of this, much less having to deal with 18 months. Hell, by then my savings will be gone and I'll be living in a cardboard box!

 

Right now, this just seems like such a waste of time.

 

I can only hope gizmo is right. I can't do this for another year. Just no way...

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Guys, I hardly seen any improvement until Month 16 and 17 so hang in there. Things were shitty for me at 15 months also. I am almost at 18 months and doing a tone better, not 100% but close.
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Guys, I hardly seen any improvement until Month 16 and 17 so hang in there. Things were shitty for me at 15 months also. I am almost at 18 months and doing a tone better, not 100% but close.

                      Angel your a dream come true.Thanks for coming back . You wouldn't believe how many buddies are desperate for post like yours.

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Tex67

Hang in there. I haven't felt this way the entire 15 months. There were several months that I felt pretty good. Not 100% but doable. I just hit a real rough spot

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Scott 15 months is a big number. Don't believe it's not.

 

15 months is a big number for most people but the point is you shouldn't get discouraged if you aren't healed by then because the fact is that it can take longer for some people.

 

I know some folks won't agree with this but I don't think that people still having  MAJOR  sx at over 2 yrs are suffering from ONLY benzo wd sx and should be look at something else. (which most of are still doing)Just my opinion from reading 1000s of post and seeing BBs fade out, only to  come back with a positive post.

I remember reading a few posts that said, we don't know the whole story of those that come back after more than 2 yrs with little to no improvement.

 

The same could be said about someone who is 3 or 7 or 12 months off.

 

What do we know about that person? Is it possible that there could be something else going on? Sure it's possible, but I think a good number of people are like me and they have no doubt what is going on with them. It's the same stuff we have been dealing with since day 1. All classic benzo wd symptoms, most of which we have never experienced before this, and it all started after we came off the drug. Why would I waste my time and money trying to figure out what is wrong with me at 2 or 3 years off when it's the same thing I couldn't get any answers for at 1 year off?

 

Benzo wd doesn't give a damn about any of these arbitrary time frames. It will leave when it is good and ready to leave, and unfortunately for some of us that can take some time.

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Scott 15 months is a big number. Don't believe it's not.

 

15 months is a big number for most people but the point is you shouldn't get discouraged if you aren't healed by then because the fact is that it can take longer for some people.

 

I know some folks won't agree with this but I don't think that people still having  MAJOR  sx at over 2 yrs are suffering from ONLY benzo wd sx and should be look at something else. (which most of are still doing)Just my opinion from reading 1000s of post and seeing BBs fade out, only to  come back with a positive post.

I remember reading a few posts that said, we don't know the whole story of those that come back after more than 2 yrs with little to no improvement.

 

The same could be said about someone who is 3 or 7 or 12 months off.

 

What do we know about that person? Is it possible that there could be something else going on? Sure it's possible, but I think a good number of people are like me and they have no doubt what is going on with them. It's the same stuff we have been dealing with since day 1. All classic benzo wd symptoms, most of which we have never experienced before this, and it all started after we came off the drug. Why would I waste my time and money trying to figure out what is wrong with me at 2 or 3 years off when it's the same thing I couldn't get any answers for at 1 year off?

 

Benzo wd doesn't give a damn about any of these arbitrary time frames. It will leave when it is good and ready to leave, and unfortunately for some of us that can take some time.

The reason at 2 and 3 years you might want to figure out what  else could be wrong is,  your CNS may have healed and the sx left could be straight anxiety or something treatable with something other than  rx or maybe rx. I don't think you should ever rule out or stop going to the specialist,  especially if your sx aren't noticeable better at all, at any point in this journey.  I'm not saying be obsessed with going to the doctor.

  At some point, being right now I'm at one week shy of 15 months, l may have to make that decision.  If it comes to that point and at 2 yrs I'm no better than I am today, I don't plan on reinstating but I will do something and that may include an RX, it may be wait another 6 months. I will take my time on making a decession and will look for advice from BB.     

  Sorry floridaguy

  I disagree that most of us are sure this is benzo wds. (I also believe it really is benzo WDs) I think most of us believe it is benzo wd when we're not hurting or in a flair or wave but when we are in a flair or wave I think most of us doubt and question till we are doing better or reassured buy bb

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The reason at 2 and 3 years you might want to figure out what  else could be wrong is,  your CNS may have healed and the sx left could be straight anxiety or something treatable with something other than  rx or maybe rx.

 

While this might be the case for some people there is no doubt in my mind that what I have has nothing to do with anxiety or anything of the sort.

 

I have a theory of my own.

 

I think it really sucks to be dealing with an illness that there is no cure for other than time, especially when there the answers of how long it might take to heal are unclear. So what happens is that people have a tendency to want to find something else to blame. Something that can be controlled or treated.

 

I think most of us believe it is benzo wd when we're not hurting or in a flair or wave but when we are in a flair or wave I think most of us doubt and question till we are doing better or reassured buy bb

 

Exactly. When you are able to think rationally it's pretty easy to see it for what it is. When you slide into a wave that's when you start to question things. The same goes for whether or not we will heal. It's very easy to be optimistic during a window and almost impossible when you are in a wave.

 

 

 

 

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Guys, I hardly seen any improvement until Month 16 and 17 so hang in there. Things were shitty for me at 15 months also. I am almost at 18 months and doing a tone better, not 100% but close.

                      Angel your a dream come true.Thanks for coming back . You wouldn't believe how many buddies are desperate for post like yours.

Glad to help because I use to be one of those people searching for people that were healed!

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I think it really sucks to be dealing with an illness that there is no cure for other than time, especially when there the answers of how long it might take to heal are unclear. So what happens is that people have a tendency to want to find something else to blame. Something that can be controlled or treated.

 

i think this is true. and the fact that we don't have control is the bigger problem instead of really having some kind of acceptance about everything including losing a life. it's hard and i can't do it. but i think it could possibly make things a little easier.

 

i also think that once in a window, you will know exactly what is going on with you, whether or not there are underlying issues or other disorders or disease's to contend with or if everything is all benzo related. when i had a one hour window the other night, i could see how much i have healed from this. and now i can't since i am back in wave. but i made a mental note during that window that made me know it is true; healing does happen. sometimes slow.

 

Fifteen months is nothing, I was no better at 15 months. You need to give yourself 4-5 years for healing, only after 5 years should you even consider losing hope of full or almost full recovery.

 

sad to say, for some people this has been the case. at least the healing does happen.

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i also think that once in a window, you will know exactly what is going on with you, whether or not there are underlying issues or other disorders or disease's to contend with or if everything is all benzo related. when i had a one hour window the other night, i could see how much i have healed from this. and now i can't since i am back in wave. but i made a mental note during that window that made me know it is true; healing does happen. sometimes slow.

 

Exactly. I never really doubt what is going on with me but when I go into a window everything becomes crystal clear.

 

To my knowledge benzo wd is pretty unique in the way symptoms can completely disappear and reappear the way they do and when a window comes along it's easy to see that this is the exact same thing everyone else is going through. Whether I am a few months off or a few years off makes no difference. The chances that I developed some kind of neurological disease or whatever that mimics the benzo BS I have been dealing with all this time are virtually zero.

 

And it sucks to have no control over it, but oh well. It's not like I would get back on the med train anyway.

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Guys, I hardly seen any improvement until Month 16 and 17 so hang in there. Things were shitty for me at 15 months also. I am almost at 18 months and doing a tone better, not 100% but close.

 

I am going through the same exact thing Angel35.  I have been in a wave since mid August. Then out of the blue I got a blessing last week. I got a nice window.  I am 16 1/2 months off and right now I am feeling 90% at the moment.  I think I would be feeling better than 90% but I took on some extra hours at work and did not sleep a lot.  This is a vast contrast from the way I have been feeling for the past three months.  I pray that it just keeps getting better and better.  So just hang on Scott you window is coming.

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Cat, 15 months is not that far out for a one year taper (pretty fast). Give it more time. 

 

I'm planning on a 2 to 3 year taper. So far I am enjoying life while cutting slow. Not really so painful but I do have rough patches like everybody here. I also have many good weeks in-between too.

 

You will heal  :smitten:

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