Was originally posted in the Rapid and Xanax sections;
Well an update since I haven't been on for a bit...
Made the decision with my Pdoc to go to the 7 day Rapid Detox Center on 10/29.
At the Center, they switched me to Valium and began.
Released 11/5. Oh boy... Could hardly walk, visual perception was Way off, hardly recognized the world in a way.
Panic was extreme, hearing auditory issuses began (ears popping, everything sounding like coming through a tunnel, even Myself!)
Muscle jerks, sometimes locks, shakey, etc...
Didn't eat since 11/5.
No Sleep since discharge. Eyes became extremely bloodshot, pupils dilated. Different visual issues in general. (Depended on which hour or min.)
Auditory issues became worse and changes in waves.
Things continued to change, for the worst. Extreme Withdrawl (Horrid!) set in. Don't know how to explain that. Eyes continued to look crimson red, haven't shut them for 4 days. Muscles did what they wanted to, sometimes meant doing nothing, or firing off at random. Color changes, visual isssues with Eyes continued to get worse.
Diarrhea began the next day and wouldn't let up, or be stopped.
Nervous system? Shot. Completely shot... Talking to myself, thinking wierd things, nerves like being on fire. All I can was sit and wait for each new pounding issue to arrive. And they did... Vise like crushing headache, everything smelled the same and not a good smell either. Numb through body that sometimes I didn't know i had lungs, etc... There were times I had to crawl. Walking 5 feet would exhaust me. Fingers and leg muscles would kind of lock up on me. (Either shaking or that locking up stuff.)
Basically a Ton of every other Withdrawl issues. Something new each day.
Those who have ever went through this, I'm sure you know what I mean. What I went through could only be decribed as Horrid!
More disappointing, my Pdoc kept telling me over the phone it was mostly Me. I needed to get out to counseling, etc... I said I would love to, When I could even walk!
To make a long story short, because most who have gone through rapid CT's, expecially at doses like mine were, know the mind shattering, phyiscal Horrid experience that I'm talking about...
Had my brother take me to the next towns ER on 11/08. My Pdoc had called before we left and said I was in Trauma, told you it was going to be hell for awhile, etc... Then she basically started on me, also saying it's mostly my panic. Dimissed most other things as being a cause from this. I was going to have to ride it out, get busy, etc... That hurt!!! I thought she of all people, being an addiction specialist, would under the True Withdrawls. Not dismiss them. Agreed that I should go to ER and have blood work done to se if i was dehydrated, but hoped they would take me in Pschy unit for a few days, then out to somewhere to continue is this condition.
At the ER, once in the back and the Dr. came in and saw me, he tried to ask me a few questions to which I sounded off to him, then just looked at me, spoke to my Brother and asked if this was me or since the Detox? Then immediately said, "You are coming out!" I was in crisis mode, couldn't believe i hadn't had a seizure yet. But brought me 10 mg of Valium. Explained to my brother how Dangerous shape I was in and how these meds have to tapered slower. Mentioned about doing a Valium detox as Outpatient there. But when time for discharge the nurse said he changed his mind and wanted to Ativan instead after he looked it up on their computer. 2mg 4 times a day on day 1, 3 the next, 2 and then 1. I told my Brother that was insane! It's not a slow taper... I had already began to got back into a half out and in stage, which the nurse said he was only getting me out of crisis stage.
So now I'm stuck!
The Ativan only works a little, plus seems to take 2 hours or more to do anything, thta's mostly to put me to sleep. (That part I don't mind since I hadn't in almost a week. Hearing, taste and smell issues still come and go aften, Hands and legs very shaky still. Muscle will still jerk at times.
And today she called and went after me again. Wanted me to get on Seroquel XR, call the mental health place here to see if they could get me to one of their hospitals, and how most of this was just anxiety, Very little WD!
(I had hoped and mentioned about going back to Valium like was done at Detox, and stablizing me and began a Long Taper. Nope! Take the Ativan as the ER said and get into mental health. Did i want to be a drug addict, yada? I said of course not! Said I still had several Xanax she wrote to get me to the Detox place right on the counter, and through everything I had just gone through that I never thought or wanted to pick them up and take them. I was going to die, so be it.)
But that is her plans/wants for me. Blows me away after 14 years of cut up great relationship. I thought as an addiction specialist, she of all people, would not discount Benzo Withdrawls. The vision issues, Auditory issues and small change, etc... was just Me! I said well you should have been Here to watch what had happened the past 4 and a 1/2 days. Only took the ER Dr. 1 min to look at me and pull the plug. I'm in shock now, by her...
I have read others on here and various boards talk about having to go through the similar thing with their Dr's. "Can't be just the Wd's, etc..." Just never thought it happen to me and my Pdoc.
So now a decision, and will have to be a Fast one!
Try and hold until tomorrow and begin calling around to other Pdocs around here to see if they will help with a crossover and long taper, (I'm 200 miles from my current Pdoc, why I mentioned around Here.) I have enough Ativan to try and get into another Dr. early this week.
Or let her now antipschy me up and try and get me into Mental Health Hospital?
All thoughts would be appreciated.
I couldn't even begin to explain the WD's that were happening in detail. Just that friends had saw me and they just dropped their jaw. I know some of you do know, especially after a 6 Day Rapid Detox from 6 mg of Xanax that had built up over the summer due to other health issues and tons of steriods from the Lung Dr., 4 mg since 2002, 3 mg between 1999-2001, and .5 in 1999.
:And my reply to someone who mentioned the possibilty of kindling:
Technically I guess I've already reinstated. ER Dr. gave me 10 mg of Valium which almost instantly brought me half way back to life. (Audio issues cleared, smell and taste cleared, I Slept! wheww, so good. Finally Eat something today, first time in a week.
ER Dr. mentioned at the time that we (me and him, or the Hospitals Outpatient program), would do a Valium taper from there. Yet when dischared the nurse came in and said he changed his mind.
Wrote Ativan 2mg. 10 pills. 4 day 1, 3 day 2, 2 day 3, 1 day4. She said he had looked it up on their computer and decided we wanted this. I could barely see after we left, but my Brother said he had detox from Alcolhol on the sheet. (Now I see that he just plugged into the Hospital Addiction site to come up with this.) Nurse said he just got you out of Crisis mode, not all the way. The 10 mg of Valium given at 10pm had started to give way around 4 am next morning. So I'm using the Ativan right now, just not at his directions. His taper seems about as Insane as, well, another more Rapid detox.
It's working ok. Perfect? No. Have to dose the Ativan a lot more frequent. Hands are still a big issue with the shakiness, and occasionally the sound and taste will break through.
So, tomorrow I'm going to call around to some Dr's here in the UpState of SC and began asking questions. Get an appointment, whatever... As long as it's a Dr. who will do a Valium Crossover and plan with Me about how and when to make cuts. (I'm looking for, the Slower the better.)
I can't handle going Right back into that fire at the moment. (Nor do I think anyone around me want to see that again.) Still trying to not think about it.
I'll D/C my current Dr. No need for me to try and get someone to have me put in a Mental place because she doesn't fully know about Benzo Withdrawl? My body and nerves were on 100% alert if that makes sense. Don't know how to describe it in words. Horrid WD's. Enough that the ER looked at me and within 30 secs said, "You're coming out!" That how dangerous that is, and tapers were the correct way, not Shock and Awe.
Thanks for the tips on what to ask.