How do I reinstate?

did it help?

Good luck IslandGirl! I pray the valium kicks in soon and you are able to get some relief and regroup. Much better luck the next time if you decide to try again, a slow taper might just do the trick. In the meantime I hope you are able to stabalize   

Bezy,

 

I took 2.5 mg valium at 4 am. It did help some. I was able to take a shower today. It has been over 2 weeks that I was well enough to do that. I actually was able to cook something for myself today instead of being feed. I could actually see a little better today. I took a small nap and that has not happened for 9 months.  The shaking is still real bad, but I am not walking. The skin cancer is hurting. Most if all I did not kill myself.  I think it was a good day.

 

With that said I am scared. When do I take another dose? Dr maybe mad too...  maybe I should switcg to klonopin.  I just want to get to a managable point. I dont need pain free I do need rest. Then I can taper proper.. I hope this works more than a day. My luck this year is not good.

 

Love you all  IslandGirl

Island girl,

 

I do hope you can find a solution here. There is no question that this detox alone was very hard on you.

 

When I look at the other meds used in conjunction with the detox, i can't help but think that they too have influenced the awful sx you are experiencing.

 

And it is not clear if you tapered off those or just stopped taking them. It may be that you will also need to recover from the use of those also. I will send you a PM.

 

Intend

It's good to hear from you IG. I hope taking that valium helps you.

 

Don't take too much notice of what's gone on over the last half dozen pages or so. Just go right back to the beginning and read Allen's post. That's the only one you need to take any notice of. The rest just became a bit of white noise after a while.

oh, you're doing this without your Dr?? you might should have them involved..

Im so glad you feel a  bit better, I dont know what to tell you though...

Id suggest you PM the Allen guy, he seemed to know what youre going through the most..

Best wishes..

Benzy,

 

The dr knows I am doing this he just wants klonopin or xanax and I think I want valium.  Just not sure and who trust Drs anymore.  I trust my BB family more..

 

love ya  IslandGirl

ok good..

PM Allen, he seems to know about reinstating, Im sure he'll be happy to tell you about his experience..

It's good to hear from you IG. I hope taking that valium helps you.

 

Don't take too much notice of what's gone on over the last half dozen pages or so. Just go right back to the beginning and read Allen's post. That's the only one you need to take any notice of. The rest just became a bit of white noise after a while.

 

dont be too down on yourself, we all get sucked into heated debates at different times during our taper/withdrawals...

actually I dont mind it when people offer up a bit of "white noise" myself, as long as it doesnt get ugly...

stick around, you'll get the hang of it..

Sorry to hear that IG. Your quality of life is the most important thing. Do what you need to do to regain some. Its no shame to reinstate if it makes you feel better. No one deserves what you've been subjected to.

 

This sure has been a year from hell for most of us.

 

Tex, most of us here really do have too much time on our hands . But what's the alternative as most of us are too sick at the moment to take salsa dancing classes or enrol in a Chinese major?

 

Just sitting in front of the computer all day, constantly nauseas and never far from the toilet for a good vomit, is a sad, sad life. Its been like this for two months now without respite. Its nearly Summer downunder but I wouldn't really know.

 

Had a 5mg valium tablet in my hand, can't bring myself to throw them out, but didn't take it. I promised myself I have to last a year before conceding that I'm a benzo 'lifer'. Not looking good.

Hello IG . I have been following along and just let me say ,I am so sorry this has been so horrendous this is for u. Poor dear girl.

          U say that u want to go on Valium rather than other benzos on offer. Is that because of the half life being longer? Or is it because that is what u were on when u began tapering? For what it's worth I feel Xanax is up there with the most evil. I became suicidal when I was in tolerance on Xanax . It is a very insidious drug. Can make u feel really wonderful at first . Then it bites u . Hard.

          I am so hoping that whatever u do , u gather as much information as u can. Pros and cons.

  After all that's why we are all in this mess , not enough knowledge. I can see u are doing just that by asking the buddies opinion. Keep searching dear IG.

            Meanwhile have u tried gingko? There is excellent results found in alternative supplements . Also I can't praise magnesium powder enough! Just my own feelings on it.

 

        I send u a big hug .    Pinkee 

Gussy I sent you a PM, hope you dont mind..

Hi IG....hope you remember me. I have also had the akathesia for many months. I read all the responses. No words of wisdom here just want to know if you were able to buy the massaging pads??  We all eventually have to decide how much pain and suffering our bodies can endure but I do wish you would try one for few days before reinstating. I'm sure that I would have started drinking without it (I have several.) I also stopped drinking alcohol Aug. 2012, I was a daily, heavy drinker for 30 yrs. My GABA receptors are a mess. I used benzo's  and Ambien (one of the Z drugs) for 16-17 years. Enough about me. You are in my thoughts  :smitten:

I'm glad you feel a little better, IG. Valium can take longer to build to therapeutic levels in the blood so it's a good sign that it seems to have helped somewhat already.

 

Setting a reinstatement dose seems to be largely a matter of trial. You could increase by small increments to a point where you feel your sx are manageable.

 

There are lots of BBs tapering from v so you would have plenty of tapering advice. Do you have enough valium to updose with until you see your doctor again?

islandgirl,

 

I am really sorry that you are having such a tough time. I would not think that xanax or klonopin is the answer. Valium really helped me for a long time. Not helping much right now. Well I actually do not know if it is helping or not. I am feeling worried about the remainder of this as it seems to be bowling me over. Just when we have had enough it keeps going. Benzos are the gift that keeps on giving.

Hi all,

 

Thanks so much for caring. I took a valium today otherwise it was kill myself or go to physc ward. I just cant do it. I appreciate all the input and love. I cant handel all the shaking, no calm and no rest. I never sleep or rest, just walk until my legs give out then I crawl.  Dr said klonopin or xanax and I think valium.  I know it is 50-50.  It is my only chance. My vision is poor and hearing is bad coupled with sever depresion and extreme pain makes distracting myself impossible. I am in a living hell. Guess that is what 18 years a ct and bad detox will do to you. This is my last chance or it is the physc ward.  I tried, i was off all meds for 4 months before i broke, i tried alternative meds no luck, i tried accupunctur, breathing, you name it and i keep getting worse.  Wish me luck....I have run out of options

 

Thanks all for the love and support, I will not forget you.  Love IslandGirl  :smitten:

 

IslandGirl don't you be sorry and feel you have to explain yourself one bit!

There are plenty of people who have reinstated and gone on to successfully come off without the pain and torture you are currently experiencing.

The C/T and cocktail of serious detox drugs was always going to bite. There is no shame in admitting that and moving on with your life.

May it be easier. Do tell us when you feel you are stabilising and take care xxx

Had a 5mg valium tablet in my hand, can't bring myself to throw them out, but didn't take it. I promised myself I have to last a year before conceding that I'm a benzo 'lifer'. Not looking good.

 

I don't want to veer off topic again but Gussy not being able to cope with the effects of a 6 month taper off 10mgs is not the same as being a benzo lifer. I don't think I'd cope with the outcomes of a 6 month taper but I don't for a second think that makes me a benzo lifer. I just think it means I'd need to taper slow enough that my brain can keep up/heal

Thanks Smiff.

 

These tapers take so much out of us in everyway. Most of us can attest to that. If I fail this time and reinstate that's it. I wouldn't put myself through it again. Not voluntarily anyway.

For me, reinstatement was a big let down. A devastating let down. One thing that sustained me through out the taper was that no matter how awful things got there was still a kill switch. I could just start taking it again and things would be "OK".

 

Well, that's not been my experience. I've kept all my symptoms, all I avoid is the meltdown episodes. Some things have got worse.

 

It's become pointless. So I just use it in emergencies. I would try to keep whatever dose you reinstate to as low as possible. To keep your powder dry so to speak and also because, of course, unless you are going to be a"lifer", you're going to have start the process again at some point.

 

Ativan worked better, but even then I needed to take handfuls of the stuff. I was given this in hospital. I don't think these long half-life meds, like Valium, have enough of a punch once you've developed a benzo brain.

 

 

 

Hi Island girl:

 

I've been in the boat your in. I cold turkeyed off 8 mg of K after 20 years use. After 7 months I just couldn't take the ungodly 24/7 w/d. I was suicidal. I had to reinstate. I was in such bad shape.

 

I can only tell you what I did. I reinstated to a smaller dose ( in my case 1 mg) . I kept going up slowly 0.25mg at a time till I stabilized on 2 mg. even at 2 mg it took me a while to stabilize because I was so bad .  Once stable , I have SLOWLY  tapered my dose down . I cut and hold for 6 weeks. I am down to 0.75mg and am functioning. Some days are rougher than others but NOTHING like it was those 7 months after I cold turkeyed.

 

I have also added excersise and very healthy eating into my recovery. I can only excersise now though because I stabilized . I also have added supplements such as fish oil , vitami d , magnesium and some other supplements that I find helped me. Also , I had to go on an A/D due to the severity of my depression once I c/t'd off such a high dose of K. It has helped.

 

I believe , and others may disagree, that if someone is not getting any relief whatsoever months after an abrupt w/d to the point where they simply cannot take it anymore , that they have exhausted all their coping mechanisms as I did then they should reinstate and very very slowly taper off the drug.

 

Good luck to you Island girl

 

My story is similar so I can relate so much to Allen's story. 

 

Island girl, keep it as low as possible and only you will know how much it takes for some relief.  Hold as much ground as you can. I had to hold for 2 months just to settle my CNS down.  Also a taper is possible after this point and it's actually pretty easy if you go real slow.  Again, try to keep your dose low or you will be kicking yourself in two months from now.

 

Wishing you luck.

I dont understand why anyone that chooses to stay on benzos for life is even on this site..

I dont have a problem with someone doing that, but I dont understand why theyre here..

Theres plenty of people here qualified and willing to say that some people can be in a position to do so, so we dont need someone whos going to stay on benzos for life hanging around just to represent those few people...

If I was going to stay on benzos, I wouldnt be here....

I can understand someone being here, until they decide which road theyre going to choose, but after that, if you're going to stay on benzos, why come here?

If its to offer help to those that might decide to stay on benzos, like I said, theres plenty of people here to help them make that decision.....

I dont get it...

 

I totally agree. Being on benzos and having no plan to get off and coming here is like taking a bottle of whiskey to an AA meeting. I find it offense that people who are pro-benzo are here. And if their benzo is 'working' so well for them why be here anyway?

 

This is not directed at you IG, you have suffered far more than I have and you are doing what you feel you need to in order to save your life. I am sorry for you suffering and I hope you can find a way out. From what I have read Valium is a much better choice and K binds the tightest to the GABA-1 receptor so it's really hard to get off of. Unfortunately it was my poison.

I don't really understand why fruss or anyone else would want to exclude people who have decided to stay on benzo's.

 

Anyone who comes here for any reason that is in some way related to benzodiazepines should be welcomed and supported. Everyone has their own reasons for finding solace in this site and its not for others to judge.

 

If not then this site is little more than a cult and we don't want that, do we?

 

Fruss, I like you, but I do think your being a little zealous. I also don't agree with the bottle of whiskey to the AA meeting analogy.

 

Since when is whiskey medicine?

 

I don't really understand why fruss or anyone else would want to exclude people who have decided to stay on benzo's.

 

Anyone who comes here for any reason that is in some way related to benzodiazepines should be welcomed and supported. Everyone has their own reasons for finding solace in this site and its not for others to judge.

 

If not then this site is little more than a cult and we don't want that, do we?

 

Fruss, I like you, but I do think your being a little zealous. I also don't agree with the bottle of whiskey to the AA meeting analogy.

 

Since when is whiskey medicine?

 

 

Well said, Gussy!

I too am considering reinstatement and exactly how to go about it. Off for just over 4 months and too sick and non functional to take it any more. However I really have done enough research to suggest that some people will need to reinstate for life. Coming off benzo's is just not possible for everyone. Some will be so sick for years, possibily the rest of their lives. If your still sick after that long surely its time to realize you are one of those that needs to be on benzo's for life. Reinstating with the view to taper slowly makes no sense at all. You were already off it for a long time and proved you can't live without it! Thats nothing to be ashamed of. A diabetic needs to take insulin in the same way.

 

IG, the do gooders here will have you believe that everyone can recover from benzo's but the truth is different, sadly. I've known of many, many people who literally years after ceasing benzo use had to reinstate, for good, because life off benzo's was such a living hell. After reinstating they were suddenly 90% better. I'm convinced benzo's do something permanent to your brain if your unlucky. I know I'm one. In that case you need to go back on for life for some quality of life or battle out the rest of your life in abject misery for the sake of an ideal. Life is too short.

 

Hey Gussy,

 

This is probably one of the rare posts I have read on here that seems to be in line with how I am thinking, I have been on over 22 years and I am tapering down so very, very slowly... am I healing? Yes but it is so gradual and any attempt to speed my taper up will present acute symptoms out of the blue... I am always on very thin ice... every single day.

 

I am at almost 2.9 mgs Valium but at the rate I am tapering it could take me years to get off (I am talking 6 years to lose just under 3 mgs of Valium). Whilst that time frame sounds completely insane, trust me, if I taper any faster at this moment, I get hit with anxiety which is other wordly (my worst symptom), the dread I feel is just crazy and I go from semi functional to non functional, I have not left my house in over 2 years now and I swear this is no life at all.

 

Some think that a slow taper solves everything... it doesn't necessarily work that way... despite tapering slowly, in my first year at this I became bedridden, fatigue was absolutely crushing, could barely take a bath or manage the stairs... it was awful and I lived in a surreal fog for many, many months and hit walls where panic and palpitations and facial tics appeared along with massive bodily vibrations and fear that was off the charts... monophobic to the extreme, could not be left alone for even 5 minutes at one point... THIS is why I have to taper at a snails pace... the alternative is too horrific.

 

Looking about on here and in the protracted boards, I often think I have simply been on this drug too long... I am NOT making much progress at all with my taper and I sort of know it but my head is buried in the sand regarding that matter, I vowed to crawl to 2 mgs over the next 2 years but in all honesty, despite the fact some symptoms have lifted, in many ways this is harder than ever, the anxiety is a living hell when it appears, I don't get out, I look terrible and I cannot barely function in the home and I ask myself if this is all worth it.

 

I think you are right, I think for some unfortunate people, quitting these drugs is simply an impossibility... life IS too short to be constantly feeling like a nervous wreck, I do not want to reinstate but I sure as heck think it might end up being a better option, I was OK on the drug and it sure as Hell beats feeling like this... it really does... If recovery from these drugs can take years, I am wondering if I even want to carry on trying... here at 29 months it's not getting any easier... and being a long term user, all I can see is a protracted and painful recovery and I am not even convinced I would make it if I tried... I think, at this point, I would be almost grateful to be back on the damn things... at least I had a life back then... I have tried everything and nothing helps... I quit sugar, tea, coffee, MSG, processed foods, sweets to try and help... I have not had a cup of tea or coffee in over 2 years...

 

As much as I hate to say it, I do believe some of us are going to find that recovery is elusive... the question I ask myself is am I prepared to keep fighting for 5 years or even more? I don't think I know the answer to that yet but a big part of me thinks this is too difficult and is taking too long... so I'm not sure... I need to think it over very carefully.

 

 

Oscar (I am talking 6 years to lose just under 3 mgs of Valium)

 

I have not left my house in over 2 years

 

Oh Oscar, I have read quite a few of your posts but I did not realise it was this bad for you. I am so sorry. Is there no one who can help you and get you off this stuff quickly? I know you already realise this, so I am probably stating the obvious, but this is stealing your life away.

 

I really hope you can get some medical help.

 

Xana