I dont want to suffer any more

It seems all I do is try to survive.  My whole existence is just experiencing really bad physical and emotional pain.  I hate it.  I dont want to do it anymore.  And the worst part is never knowing if it will stop.  There is nothing to look forward too.  Everything is tainted by my depression or anxiety or dissociation.  And nothing seems to get better.  I never have real Windows.  I want to scream and cry but I just feel trapped in my body.  Its like this overwhelming pressure that builds up and I have no way of releasing it.

hi metheral. Is there anything you enjoy? To give you something to look fwd to.

i like Baseball so im watching world series.

i get depressed, too. i feel trapped but we have to keep going.

 

what kind of pain are you in? and did you get off all meds now?

 

Hi,

I feel you! My days are quite similar....wake survive sleep. It's no way to live as I'm sure you know. Everyday I get out of bed is me trying, trying to heal, trying to get better. I haven't really found anything that helps. Although recently I started taking lavender oil as an oral supplement and it seems to have made a small shift for the positive in terms of mental and physical anxiety. Good luck to you...god knows we all need it

I have it easy. I have a lifetime of experience with just trying to survive. It sucks. I just try to find something, anything to hang onto and I focus on that. Anything that can act as a lifesaver now that the friggin ship has sunk. A pet, a blanket, Mr.Bean, ... anything. Suffering day and night is no picnic, but I keep telling myself that so many others have done this, so why can't I do it too? So I hang on, sometimes minute by minute, sometimes hour by hour. I do walking meditation when I start to crawl out of my skin. I watch comedy. I post on BB. I grocery shop. I make myself get through it because I hold to the belief that it does get better. Each person has to find their own way to cope with this. I hope you can find a way to hold on too. There are so many of us on here right now struggling. A year from now there will be a whole new set of names. We will have moved on.

How were you before benzos? Were you depressed then as well, or is this just from your benzo withdrawal? If so, Ashton assures us that we will heal, sometimes it takes a little more than a year, according to her, but most heal quickly, or little by little, but they do heal...

I do know how you feel, I just exist, and if I didnt have people depending on me Im not so sure how well I would be doing that..

One foot in front of the other, at times, most times!

I'm so sorry.. I feel exactly the same way. You describe it perfectly.. I think I may explode!!

How were you before benzos? Were you depressed then as well, or is this just from your benzo withdrawal? If so, Ashton assures us that we will heal, sometimes it takes a little more than a year, according to her, but most heal quickly, or little by little, but they do heal...

I do know how you feel, I just exist, and if I didnt have people depending on me Im not so sure how well I would be doing that..

One foot in front of the other, at times, most times!

 

I had periods of minor depression.  Looking back at it, it was absolutely nothing compared to what I experience now.  There was never this intolerable terror that I feel now. 

It seems all I do is try to survive.  My whole existence is just experiencing really bad physical and emotional pain.  I hate it.  I dont want to do it anymore.  And the worst part is never knowing if it will stop.  There is nothing to look forward too.  Everything is tainted by my depression or anxiety or dissociation.  And nothing seems to get better.  I never have real Windows.  I want to scream and cry but I just feel trapped in my body.  Its like this overwhelming pressure that builds up and I have no way of releasing it.

 

Yes, you've summed up how I feel quite well. I've run out of things to do or hope for, so I trudge along day after day hoping things change. So sorry you and all of us are experiencing this. It has to end one day. 

It seems there are a group of us at about the 5-7 month range who are just treading water -- not really healing but merely trying to stay afloat.

 

I've been on a "plateau" for a month now. Nothing is really good, but nothing is really bad. Things do go up and down and symptoms change, but it's just kind of a life of "crap." I get no enjoyment out of this. I'm just marking time, waiting for something to happen.

 

I'm hoping that this "plateau" is a sign my brain is "taking a break" and at some point will re-engage and begin healing some more. For now, it's just one BORING challenge to go from day to day to day.

 

I still have non-stop "brain buzz," which is really annoying. While I have anxiety, I am able to get out and do things. My wife and I went to Costco yesterday afternoon and I was nervous on the way there, but once inside that cavernous structure packed with people, I was actually OK.

 

Today my goal is simply to endure... And tomorrow will be the same. Saturday I hit five months. FIVE LONG MONTHS. Four months of grief, followed by one month of sheer boredom...

 

This is how I feel: 

wow this is crazy how so many of at around the same frame are just ''surviving''.  I had an anesthetic from the dentist with epinephrine in it.  Pretty much a straight up shot of adrenaline to the blood stream.  F*** horrible.  Can't even describe.  My body has just been vibrating for 72hrs.  Made all my sx 100x worse.  F*** ME!