1 year off Klonopin and I am finally healed

After being on Klonopin for five years and finally understanding the klonopin and anti depressants were destroying my mind and my life, I finally started my long painful journey to being benzo free. I in terror discovered how addicted I was when I stopped taking klonopin. The immense terror that hit me 3 days later was shocking. It took me 48 hours to finally put together that I was going through withdrawal.

In panic I decided I had suffered already for a few days and the worst would be behind me. Lots of bad information on the Internet. Luckily I had just started taking gabapetin at the time. It most likely prevented me having a seizure.

After a week of cold turkey I wisely reinstated. However the damage of cold turkey had been done. I researched for weeks obsessed with what happened to me.

I finally discovered benzo buddies and the Ashton manual and found people that really understood what I was going through. I can't tell you what a relief it was that I was not going crazy.

I started my withdrawal reducing weekly over a 5 month period. It was horrible, the worst experience in my life. I was so strong and successful and now I was the shell of the man I used to be. I have blocked some of the terror from my mind. Maybe that is to protect myself. Voices all the dozens of mental and physical symptons.

At the end of my withdrawal I was so sick but determined to get to zero mg. Finally I was fully off klonopin. I could not sleep. I was a wreck and sure I had to file for disability. Unfortunately this is not a recognized illness. I had to keep working I was the sole provider.

1 week passed and I was not getting better. Week after week went by and I wasn't improving. I started researching how long can this last. 6 to 24 months? WTF. I was not prepared for this. What the hell is protracted withdrawal. No no way this is not over.

Months went by and slowly I would get 2 hours of sleep. Than three. As some of those Sx's were getting better, others were getting worse. I was going into deep depression and suicidal. I started researching ways to kill myself. Would my life insurance through work pay ? I was there more than two years. How do I ask. Gee, high I was wondering if my employer policy will pay out if hyperthetically I was to. Um kill myself.

At 3 months off I was getting better with sleep but not the night terrors and unimaginable fears. I tried so many things. At 6 months off I was up to 4 hours sleep depressed and suicidal. My marriage in shambles. My wife of 25 years I had stressed out to the level of her losing her hair. I was not getting better and had destroyed by best friend in the process.

Month 7 month 8 month 9 and month 10 nothing changed. I was stuck. I was not getting better but was not getting worse. All I could think of is i can't live like this. I can't go on.

I was so lost. So alone.

I was obsessed with understanding protracted withdrawal. My receptors were stuck somehow I was sure of it. I researched everything I could on how to reverse it. Started to research if anyone was doing any research I could become part of the trial.

Nothing had concrete findings and minimal research. I was so deflated.

Then I read a post on the alternative treatment thread right here on benzo buddies. Tears are falling off my face as I write this because I don't know what would have happened to me had I not stumbled on that thread. Because this one BB member decided to make a post and start a new thread I am healed. His name is Devant and he is a nursing student in Europe. I owe my life to this man. Wow got to stop here a second.

Phew ok.

Devant had a theory about glutamate and it's impact to gaba receptors damaged by benzos. It involves taking Ginkgo Balboa. There were 40 pages of posts regarding this which attracted me to the post in the first place. It took hours to read through those posts but the information was so helpful on what other benzo buddy members had learned through trial and error. Such giving members like Adie, Surprised,One Love, Devant and so many others helped me through trying this method which ultimately cured me. The Ginkgo thread is at the bottom of my post if you want to learn more.( note : the ginkgo thread is private thread-you must be a benzo buddies member to view it. Membership is free)

My marriage could not survive this but my spouse stayed with me until I was healed. I can move forward with my life grateful for a second chance. I read this statement a hundred times and every success story over and over "it does get better."

I read it and thought not in my case . It's true. I finally feel healed. I owe it all to this site, Devant, Adie and Surprised for getting me through this. I am not obsessed with what happened to me anymore and I am ready to move on. It's scarey to leave benzo buddies as this has been my crutch for so long. Writing this is kind of closure to my healing.

I wish you all the best and hope this posting will help you in your journey. This site is filled with such good people. I hope this helps you down the path to a full recovery.

Great success story.  THanks for sharing.  Have a happy life! 

Dear Colorado, Congratulations!!!  :clap: :balloon: Love reading this. You have learned invaluable lessons on your journey. You are strong and courageous. Way to go 

 

Love Jackie 

So Happy for you Scott.

 

My situation with the c/t and re-instatement had me worried I would end up as you described - stuck and not healing but the ginko thread and your success has provided me with hope.  When my taper is done I plan on joining the ginko club and hopefully will not have to go through any protracted w/d at all.

 

I feel like you are one of the trail blazers and a lot of members will owe their lives to your experience and dedicated posting of your progress and ultimate success!

 

Congrats and much success in your future!  :clap:

Hi ColoradoPAWS,

that's fantastic, I'm totally wrapped for you, and am proud to have been part of it!

I hope you can sort out something with the Ex wife or another even better person!

We can win!!!

 

Congratulations on your healing!!

 

It's hard to come out of this process unscathed so I am sorry to hear about your marriage.  You will have a bright benzo free future ahead of you, enjoy all that life has to offer.

 

pianogirl 

Hi ColoradoPAWS,

 

Absolutely wonderful news, absolutely wonderful!! 

"Long and Widening Road", eh?!

 

 

Cheers,

Adie

Congratulations

 

hi ColoradoPAWS; so sorry about your marriage but cool that you are healed.

what a big price to pay. sad.

just one question , for how long do you intend to keep on taking the ginko ?

 

its just that my aim is to get my helath back and live without any meds or supplements. will this be

possible do you think? thanks and all the best . very supportive your success story.

Are you still taking the Ginko supplements? Do the symptoms come back if you've stopped taking them?

Are you still taking the Ginko supplements? Do the symptoms come back if you've stopped taking them?

 

there is a thread going on the chewing the fat section about ginko. might be helpful

to you Daniel.

Having read so many of your posts, and the horror you have been through...THIS IS THE POST THAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

 

I knew it would happen for you. You have been such a help to many here and will truly be missed. Please continue on and I wish many great things for your future!! You truly are an inspiration for the rest of us, and I now know that I will one day write my own success story. 

 

Denise

After being on Klonopin for five years and finally understanding the klonopin and anti depressants were destroying my mind and my life, I finally started my long painful journey to being benzo free. I in terror discovered how addicted I was when I stopped taking klonopin. The immense terror that hit me 3 days later was shocking. It took me 48 hours to finally put together that I was going through withdrawal.

In panic I decided I had suffered already for a few days and the worst would be behind me. Lots of bad information on the Internet. Luckily I had just started taking gabapetin at the time. It most likely prevented me having a seizure.

After a week of cold turkey I wisely reinstated. However the damage of cold turkey had been done. I researched for weeks obsessed with what happened to me.

I finally discovered benzo buddies and the Ashton manual and found people that really understood what I was going through. I can't tell you what a relief it was that I was not going crazy.

I started my withdrawal reducing weekly over a 5 month period. It was horrible, the worst experience in my life. I was so strong and successful and now I was the shell of the man I used to be. I have blocked some of the terror from my mind. Maybe that is to protect myself. Voices all the dozens of mental and physical symptons.

At the end of my withdrawal I was so sick but determined to get to zero mg. Finally I was fully off klonopin. I could not sleep. I was a wreck and sure I had to file for disability. Unfortunately this is not a recognized illness. I had to keep working I was the sole provider.

1 week passed and I was not getting better. Week after week went by and I wasn't improving. I started researching how long can this last. 6 to 24 months? WTF. I was not prepared for this. What the hell is protracted withdrawal. No no way this is not over.

Months went by and slowly I would get 2 hours of sleep. Than three. As some of those Sx's were getting better, others were getting worse. I was going into deep depression and suicidal. I started researching ways to kill myself. Would my life insurance through work pay ? I was there more than two years. How do I ask. Gee, high I was wondering if my employer policy will pay out if hyperthetically I was to. Um kill myself.

At 3 months off I was getting better with sleep but not the night terrors and unimaginable fears. I tried so many things. At 6 months off I was up to 4 hours sleep depressed and suicidal. My marriage in shambles. My wife of 25 years I had stressed out to the level of her losing her hair. I was not getting better and had destroyed by best friend in the process.

Month 7 month 8 month 9 and month 10 nothing changed. I was stuck. I was not getting better but was not getting worse. All I could think of is i can't live like this. I can't go on.

I was so lost. So alone.

I was obsessed with understanding protracted withdrawal. My receptors were stuck somehow I was sure of it. I researched everything I could on how to reverse it. Started to research if anyone was doing any research I could become part of the trial.

Nothing had concrete findings and minimal research. I was so deflated.

Then I read a post on the alternative treatment thread right here on benzo buddies. Tears are falling off my face as I write this because I don't know what would have happened to me had I not stumbled on that thread. Because this one BB member decided to make a post and start a new thread I am healed. His name is Devant and he is a nursing student in Europe. I owe my life to this man. Wow got to stop here a second.

Phew ok.

Devant had a theory about glutamate and it's impact to gaba receptors damaged by benzos. It involves taking Ginkgo Balboa. There were 40 pages of posts regarding this which attracted me to the post in the first place. It took hours to read through those posts but the information was so helpful on what other benzo buddy members had learned through trial and error. Such giving members like Adie, Surprised,One Love, Devant and so many others helped me through trying this method which ultimately cured me. The Ginkgo thread is at the bottom of my post if you want to learn more.

My marriage could not survive this but my spouse stayed with me until I was healed. I can move forward with my life grateful for a second chance. I read this statement a hundred times and every success story over and over "it does get better."

I read it and thought not in my case . It's true. I finally feel healed. I owe it all to this site, Devant, Adie and Surprised for getting me through this. I am not obsessed with what happened to me anymore and I am ready to move on. It's scarey to leave benzo buddies as this has been my crutch for so long. Writing this is kind of closure to my healing.

I wish you all the best and hope this posting will help you in your journey. This site is filled with such good people. I hope this helps you down the path to a full recovery.

Incredible stuff CP. A great inspiration to many here. Thank you for leaving us all with hope. =)

 

Robb

Thanks for writing a great success story, full of hope.

I am so happy for you.

Go enjoy your healthy life ahead of you.

 

Best to you,

Causing

Hi ColaradoPAWS, thank you for posting your success story. We all need hope and you have given it.

I hope find lots of happiness in your new life.

Love and light

Towards.

 

Hi ColaradoPAWS,

 

Great news!!! I am so happy for you.I was folowing your progress on the ginkgo thread from the very beginning and i am so glad it helped you to heal!

Wishing you all the best! Be happy and enjoy life!

very good story and your a brave man to have survived all you did.  congrats your an inspiration !!!! :thumbsup:

Colorado Paws,

 

Are you still here?  I am so sorry for the hell you endured, but happy that you came out the other side and are still with us.

I relate to your experience, mine sounds somewhat similar, at least in the beginning.  I was hospitalized for a totally (Benzo) unrelated medical issue, and had surgery.  Long story short, due to the negligence of the hospital, I was 7 days C/T.  Like you, it wasn't until about 48 hours into it until I realized what the hell was happening to me!!!  I was literally going out of my mind and it felt like I was having hundreds of seizures one right after another, yet the Doctors and nurses seemed completely OBLIVIOUS!

 

As soon as I was discharged I reinstated at the same dose, but now it seems like I am in "Tolerance W/D" as my dose prior to Cold turkey seems to only be staving off the demons and does absolutely nothing to help me sleep (like it USED to) I am curious, if you or any other members could expound on what you mean by "the damage of cold turkey had been done"  Perhaps the tolerance I described above

I am definitely checking out this Ginkgo Biloba supplement.  Peace, marybeth

Hi marybeth2519,

Have a look on wikipedia on kindling!

It's scary stuff, but perhaps it is to some degree what has happend to you.

It can happen with alcohol and benzos.

Basicly you bounce on and off a drug, and that drug can actually start doing the opposite of what it should.

You may be able to capture yourself again with a higher dose and then taper back down, but see what others say!

Good luck...

 

*bump*

ColoradoPAWS has started a support group for anyone who wants to learn about and try the Ginkgo Method that healed him and others who were still sick with symptoms  3 to 24 months after being Benzo free before you can try it . The heading says 3 to 18months off but  anyone up to 24 months are suitable candidates

 

3 to 18 month off Benzo Ginkgo Healing group http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=157348.0#new

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

Congratulations!

Bump