Need help

Sorry to be so down, I m just struggling with everything. W/Ds, my marriage, my job. My wife and I went to counseling last night and He is recommending a different doc for me to see, he does not like the way my present physician is just been giving me drug after drug over the past 5 years. This other doc he is referring me too apparently likes to help people get away from meds. I guess I just need some encouragement, I want my marriage to make it. Does this doc sound like a good idea? I m hoping so. I couldnt sleep at all last night.. Tell me can withdrawals really be this difficult. I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel and its a little scary. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. I feel lost.

Waltor :'(

I'm sorry your still struggling with the w/d, Waltor.  It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life that would be upsetting whether or not you were tapering off the valium.  Where are you in your taper, by the way? How much are you taking on a daily basis?

About chaging pdocs: Are you on a lot of psych meds?  I do agree that psych docs tend to just keep prescribing drug after drug, trying to "fix" us.  I have been on at least 15 different psych drugs over the years and was taking 4 different ones at one point; they seldom made me feel better for long and some made me worse.  I have also felt better since I've been off of lorazepam. Not as depressed or anxious as when I was taking it. So, I guess what I'm saying is I do think it would be a good idea to change pdocs if the current one isn't helping you get better.

Withdrawing from benzos can be difficult but the symptoms will move in and out of your life.  Many people, including me, started feeling better after reducing our intake.  Read some of the Success Stories and other look at the posts of people who are off (on the Celebrations board) and know that one day you will be encouraging others to do the same.

Take care. 

Waltor,

The new doctor sounds good, but if you do change to him, make sure he understands the importance of a sensible taper. Don't let him yank you off, or do too rapid of a taper.

And don't burn any bridges with you old doc. You may need him. This way you will be able to get a continued supply of all your meds in case the new doc doesn't work out. This will ensure that you can taper off any or all of them carefully if that is what you decide to do.   

Thank you, right now Im in the early stages of tapering off 2mg pills of diazepam. Since I only had 90 to begin with the great people on this board came up with a schedule of tapering a 1/4 tab every 4 days, I know thats fast but its what I got to work with. Im hoping the new doc will be more helpful. Over the past 5 years Ive taken just about everything from anti psychotics anti depress ant anxiety. back and forth up and down. My brain is worn out. I dont want to do anything. All the things I used to find pleasurable are just distant memories. My wife gets angry and just tells me that I need to just deal with it. So having said that, the only med Im on right now is the Diazepam which today I taper down to 2mg morning 1mg lunch and 2mg evening..So thats where I am at...thank you for such a fast reply..Ill keep that in mind about the new Doctor.. I sure hope it works out.

Waltor

Waltor, I forgot that you were already doing a rapid taper and had a limited supply! Sorry about that. Well then, I guess you don't need that old doc after all, do you! 

It's so nice to hear there are doctors that are veering away from medicating. Is he a psychiatrist?

Hi, Waltor,

We have to dig way down into our souls to get the courage to go through the w/d process.  You are doing a pretty fast taper and I am sure the withdrawals will be more pronounced.  I am sure we have all thought to ourselves that we can't do this but just look at all the successful stories on this site.  Determination, determination, determination.  Good life, good life, good life.  Sanity, sanity, sanity.  Happiness, happiness, happiness.  And I certainly wish you to have a GREAT life.  Hang in there, Waltor.  Arms are around you.

Patty  xo

Waltor, I forgot that you were already doing a rapid taper and had a limited supply! Sorry about that. Well then, I guess you don't need that old doc after all, do you! 

 

It's so nice to hear there are doctors that are veering away from medicating. Is he a psychiatrist?

 

Yes he is, I guess I m a little nervous. My appt is not until sep 4th. I hope it goes well..

Thank you

Waltor

Thank you Patty, I really appreciate your encouragement

Waltor

I know what you mean about the lack of interest in things, and not finding pleasure in the things you used to find enjoyable. 

I tapered off of Klonopin and this Sept 6th will be my fifth month free. I did not think I would feel the same way I used to feel before benzos, and I'd read about how others got through their tapers and sometimes I would think "Well, it worked for them, but it won't for me...I'll end up being the exception." It was so hard to wait to feel better. It's hard to be patient and it's hard to feel horrible day after day after day. I would feel like I wasn't making any progress at all, until I'd think back on how horrible it was 'a few weeks earlier', and I'd then realize how far I had come. But since it happened so gradually, it didn't seem or feel like it to me.  The tapering off was the worst of all. It made me feel so low and so depressed.  I didn't want to do anything. Nothing interested me.

But I am SO much better now off of that horrible Klonopin. I still get anxiety and I do still feel depressed about certain situations in my life, but I can say that the depression and anxiety I feel OFF of Klonopin is farrrrrr different than the depression and anxiety I felt when ON the Klonopin, and especially when tapering off.  That depression/anxiety was horrific and incomparable.  It was extremely hard for me to believe it would ever get better for me, because the depression/anxiety I felt when tapering, still felt like 'me'.  It's so hard to believe that a little pill like that can alter our thinking and emotions so much. But I know now positively that it does.

It takes time for our bodies to heal, but heal they WILL. I would try to picture being 'better', and if I could not picture it, I'd think then that it wasn't going to happen. But that isn't the case - our healing WILL happen. It just takes time. Whether we believe we will heal or not.  Believing we will heal certainly goes a long way in how we feel while tapering, but it has nothing to do with our body's true healing. That healing will come regardless of our feelings about it. Because time is all that we need to get rid of the poison that is in our systems. 

Hey Waltor,

Glad to hear you and your wife re working on it. Maybe a new doctor is the answer, But you need to be sure you're both coming from the same place. Take control of the meeting, and let them know you are in charge of your care. I sure wish you luck and hope it all goes well. Let us know. Hugs Kel

Sorry to be so down, I m just struggling with everything. W/Ds, my marriage, my job. My wife and I went to counseling last night and He is recommending a different doc for me to see, he does not like the way my present physician is just been giving me drug after drug over the past 5 years. This other doc he is referring me too apparently likes to help people get away from meds. I guess I just need some encouragement, I want my marriage to make it. Does this doc sound like a good idea? I m hoping so. I couldnt sleep at all last night.. Tell me can withdrawals really be this difficult. I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel and its a little scary. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. I feel lost.

 

Waltor :'(

Waltor, I'm with ya buddy. Trying to repair my marriage while tapering off Klonopin and it's hard as heck. We're in marriage counseling as well and I find myself so depressed but also dependent. Like if she's in a good mood, I can be but if she's unhappy, I have to be the cause of it. It has messed up my already low self esteem and I find myself doing everything that she wants to do without any sort of idea or enthusiasm or courage to do anything for myself. I know it's not all the Klonopin as I have PTSD and have always been default depressed, but it sure seems a whole lot worse these days coming off this awful stuff.

My wife gets angry and just tells me that I need to just deal with it. So having said that, the only med Im on right now is the Diazepam which today I taper down to 2mg morning 1mg lunch and 2mg evening..So thats where I am at...thank you for such a fast reply..Ill keep that in mind about the new Doctor.. I sure hope it works out.

 

Waltor

Hi waltor, 

your wife may just be frightened of the whole withdrawal thing. Sometimes fear has an appearance of anger. Lots of people are, heck even those of us who go through it are frightened of it.  Yes it can be scarey, terrifying even, but if you stick at it, everything will work out and you will get through this.  I was on lots of different psyche meds too for 20 years so i understand your apprehension and feeling of being overwhelmed.

Is it possible your wife could perhaps read some success stories?  Just so she knows that with the right help and support it can be overcome. 

Love and healing to you

Vicky

I really want to thank you all for the replies to my post. feeling alone can be very scary. I dread going to sleep at night for fear of not sleeping. I get wrapped up in a movie or a audio book just to get my mind off of things(and thats not easy, my mind is going 90 to nothing). I know its hard for my wife, but she has a knack for hitting me when Im feeling most down. I know my emotions are not visible. so when I feel a little bit safe is when she usually hits me with a " I need to get my      together" and back under the rock I go. anyhow I keep getting up and I guess thats all that matters. This board has been a great help. sharing with all of you is a great release and inspiration.

Thank you all again

Waltor

I really want to thank you all for the replies to my post. feeling alone can be very scary. I dread going to sleep at night for fear of not sleeping. I get wrapped up in a movie or a audio book just to get my mind off of things(and thats not easy, my mind is going 90 to nothing).Waltor

Waltor 

I'm glad we could be some help.  This board was my lifeline when I was tapering.

About the sleep: I remember that dread of going to bed very well. Being afraid I couldn't sleep became a self-fulfilling prophecy that kept me going in a sleep=deprived circle. I,too, use reading and audio books to take my mind of unhelpful thoughts and now I pretty much go to sleep listening to an CD book every night.  Another thing that has helped me when that dread thing crops up again is to get either into the recliner or on the couch with an old movie on tv and decide I will stay up all night and watch tv.  Within the hour my eyes are heavy and, before I know it, I have slept several hours.  Often I can then go to bed and finish the night.  Just an idea. 

Take care.

Hi Waltor,

I was wondering how you're doing. I hope things are starting to smooth out a little for you. Wishing you well. Kel

:'(Time is all messed up today has been very rough, started out with a very bad dream. I woke up very freightened. dont meant to be so down I dont know what else to do...

Waltor

:'(Time is all messed up today has been very rough, started out with a very bad dream. I woke up very freightened. dont meant to be so down I dont know what else to do...

 

Waltor

Hi Waltor,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down today. You have to realize that your bad dream is caused by the meds and the withdrawal and just leave it at that. As it was a dream, although frightening, thankfully it was just a dream. Try not to keep thinking about it. Maybe you should force yourself to go for a walk, that always seems to help others as any kind of distraction is helpful. I think you are also over anticipating having to go back to work tomorrow. I think once you get there and quit dwelling so much on your thoughts you may find that everything is going to be okay. Take care!!

T2

Thank you very  much T2 for your comfort..It helps me put thing in perspective...Why is it so much easier to feel bad than good? Why cant side effects of w/d be good ? its all messed up.. I want nothjing more than for all of us to feel good...thanks again for your support...

Waltor

Thank you very  much T2 for your comfort..It helps me put thing in perspective...Why is it so much easier to feel bad than good? Why cant side effects of w/d be good ? its all messed up.. I want nothjing more than for all of us to feel good...thanks again for your support...

 

Waltor

Unfortunately, I think we are born that way. You know some people are happy every day and never have a bad day (my husband is like that), he being the optimist and of course me being the pessimist, always finding the worse in things and always wondering "what if". Guess that's why they say opposites attract, huh? We pessimists have to work extra hard to find the good in things!! Hang in there!!

T2

Thank you so much T2, your words are comforting. Its weird because I used to be one of the most optimistic people you would ever meet. I dont know what happened. I see that person every now and then and then (mostly in my dreams) and then it quickly fades.. I want that back

Thanks T2

Waltor

Thank you so much T2, your words are comforting. Its weird because I used to be one of the most optimistic people you would ever meet. I dont know what happened. I see that person every now and then and then (mostly in my dreams) and then it quickly fades.. I want that back

 

Thanks T2

 

Waltor

You will get there, Waltor. It just takes time to heal. Have faith, you will be back to your old self, it's just the meds working on you.

T2

Well T2 its another day and once again depession and anxiety are hand in hand waiting foe me when I wake up. I just want o sleep until its over.. This roller coaster is no fun, I only try and look forward to possible good moments. When they happen their nice but like I said mornings are the worst. I guess thats common...I just wanted to get that off my chest before I leave for work..I hope you have a good day. Ill talk with ya later

Thank you

Waltor

Well T2 its another day and once again depession and anxiety are hand in hand waiting foe me when I wake up. I just want o sleep until its over.. This roller coaster is no fun, I only try and look forward to possible good moments. When they happen their nice but like I said mornings are the worst. I guess thats common...I just wanted to get that off my chest before I leave for work..I hope you have a good day. Ill talk with ya later

 

Thank you

Waltor

Hi Waltor,

Yes, mornings are the worst for most. I hope you feel better as the day goes on. And I insist that you HAVE A GREAT DAY! Talk to you later!

T2

Well since you insist, I will do my best...This morning was kind of yucky but after a while I was able to get a hold of things and once again made it through the day.... Thanks for the encouragement

I hope you are having a great day as well..

Waltor

Waltor 

I think you are getting close to acceptance of having yucky mornings for a while.  You are getting through the day successfully, doing your work, soldiering on.  One day at a time, friend.