Can't stop suicidal thoughts

I've been obsessing about suicide lately.  I can't seem to stop.  Things are not getting better at all, in any way.  I just feel worse and worse.  Nothing is ever going to change.  I would say that I "just need to get used to this new me" but thats not possible.  Even though suicide is horrible, the thought gives me comfort for some reason.  I know this msg will be flagged but for the record I'm not planning to do anything I'm just really really down.  I can't see any light at all.

Hang in there Metheral66. This stuff is sooooo crazy but it does get better i promise. I felt the same way you are now and things have gotten so much better. I don't think like that anymore and soon you wont either. Is there anyone you can call?

 

Lexi 

I am so sorry Metheral66,

 

You need to talk to someone asap,even a help line.Just talking and expressing how you feel helps,then later maybe you can make an appointment with your doctor and discuss this.

There things that may help.What are your other symptoms?

Soooooo sorry you are feeling bad....The withdraws can grab us by the tale and bring us in a downward spiral. Can you get out of the house and go walking. Anything to change the mind set. Sometimes we loop into our thoughts....Call a friend or a hot line for now. Sending you a prayer and good thoughts...

 

 

  Jude  :smitten:

hey Metheral,

 

while i am not obsessing about suicidal thoughts i've been having ton's of intrusive thoughts that i could die any minute. i have to constantly say "cancel cancel delete delete" i learned this very powerful tool from a Seth book. it really works with the intrusive thoughts and obsession.

 

the more you say the more powerful and more in control you will feel about all your thoughts. and it totally cancel's it out as far as the Universe is concern. so you never have to worry. it's just your brain being imbalanced still. and trying to balance.

Hi meth, please know that this is benzo brain talking in your head! It will pass. I know how hard it is when these black thoughts hit. It's just frightening. I had this in august and I tried gingko and it lifted. I wonder if maybe it would work for u? It seemed to lift that black veil away.

        Just an idea. As others have said get some help. Talk to someone.

                Hugs Pinkee.

I had them to, just made it tru my fifth month and things are getting better, the intrusive thoughts are still bothering me sometime,s but the suïcide thought are gone.....

 

Hope this make,s you feel better.

I know it,s hard and it scary, but it wil pass,

Hang in there.....

 

Sandra.

I've been obsessing about suicide lately.  I can't seem to stop.  Things are not getting better at all, in any way.  I just feel worse and worse.  Nothing is ever going to change.  I would say that I "just need to get used to this new me" but thats not possible.  Even though suicide is horrible, the thought gives me comfort for some reason.  I know this msg will be flagged but for the record I'm not planning to do anything I'm just really really down.  I can't see any light at all.

 

 

Hi Metheral

 

You will get through this, I can remember thinking the same thoughts .Withdrawal is a dreadful experience, we think its never going to get better, and that life will never be any other way, it will change, believe me it really will. Keep distracting because you are going to see an end to this with  a little more time. 

 

Remind yourself that these thoughts are not the real healthy you, it’s the chemical changes the drug has made to your brain. Keep it simple, I found it hard to look at the bigger picture, take it “hour by hour” just live in that short time..  try distraction,  anything to get your mind off of the symptoms.  Some of us  read, listen to some relaxation tapes, I couldn’t concentrate very well so  I found that difficult. I bought jigsaws, not huge ones, 100/200 pieces, they saved me. You’ll find something that works for you.

 

I know you have said your not planning suicide, but if these thoughts get worse promise you will talk to someone face to face.

 

I am going to leave you some numbers,  Suicide and SelfHarm

 

Hang in there, it really does get better

 

((hugs))

 

Magrita

 

 

 

I feel the same way, Meth. I think about it constantly. However I think you need to think about whether or not believing that you won't get better is realistic or not. What evidence do you have that you won't heal like everybody else? Also, this may have a lot to do with your Serequel taper. How is that going?

Even though suicide is horrible, the thought gives me comfort for some reason.

 

I've heard many, many members say this same thing. I think it must be the idea that 'if things get bad enough there's always a way out' is why this gives some comfort. Fortunately most never take this way out. As you know this would be a permanent solution to a temporary situation.

 

Hang on. This will pass. I've had some very bad waves recently that I thought would never stop, but they did.

 

You're going to be ok but if you ever feel you might act on these thoughts please contact someone or go directly to the ER, Metheral.

Hi Metheral,

 

Sorry you feel this way. If the thought that there's always a way out comforts you, that's OK. I think most people, happy and unhappy people alike, feel this way. But it would be such a shame if you don't give yourself a chance to feel better. A lot of happy people have been through a bad period in their lives and luckily they didn't commit suicide. Give yourself a chance to achieve happiness again. What goals did you have before you became ill? Were there things you really enjoyed? Do you listen to music? Do you enjoy reading? For me music and books are a way to escape in someone else's story, maybe you could try that? If you want, I could give you some nice music on youtube to listen to, something to distract your mind? Or maybe something silly like online games?

 

It's hard to believe, but you're not the only one with these thoughts of failure and misery. People do survive this and it's hard to focus on success stories because most likely you'll think this won't apply to you, but that's the depression talking. You do have something to live for: your own happiness. Not anyone else's, but yours. You are the most important person in your life and you should focus on you. So what other people have nice houses, cars and a loving family. And so what other people don't have anything. They don't matter now. You do.

 

Love,

 

Nema

Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

 

Please oh please seek professional help if you think you would follow through with this.

 

When I was in w/d going off hydrocoden and fentanyl, I had these thoughts as well, but I knew I would never do it.

 

Keeping you close in thought and prayer.

 

 

I know exactly how you feel.  I think you will notice over time that these thoughts will come and they will go.  They are terrible and very scary.  You should tell someone about them, like your doctor.  But just keep reminding yourself that its the withdrawal talking, you are going to get better, and remember that there are many people going through the same thing right now.  I'm one of them.  And we will get through this.

thank you all very much for your support.  I'm going to just keep going.  Its just the depression and the dp/dr and thoughts that are really doing a number on me.  I just feel like I'm dead inside.  There is just nothing there.  Its a terrible feeling. 

This withdrawal is such a drag Meth. It's tough to see the distorted world go by while we are suffering. I feel the same as you quite often. We have to believe it will pass.

 

When I get down, I watch this.

 

 

Hope it helps you!

Metheral,

It sucks that we are both 4 months and almost 2 weeks off and things are really crappy now, when not too long ago they seemed to be getting better.

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with depression and S.I. (suicidal ideation). Someone above recommended calling a help or crisis line. If things really get bad, I would strongly suggest you call some crisis center and talk to them. Sometimes just having someone listen while you talk about your deepest, darkest feelings really helps. I'm a retired psychiatric social worker. I used to work part-time for a crisis line and I know that 99 percent of the people who called just needed to ventilate, and the other 1 percent were folks who were referred to our crisis hospital for a short 3-day stay and, if needed, would then be transferred to a longer-term inpatient facility.

 

I don't think you need to be in a hospital, but I also want to make sure that if you begin to seriously think about ending your life that you have some sort of intervention plan in place so you can take action before you do anything serious. For instance, even if you don't call a crisis line, please look up the number and write it down and put it in a prominent place so if you do go into crisis you will see the number and will call it.

 

We're both at the same place out and we've got to keep one another's backs. I'm having a tough time with emotions that are bubbling to the surface for the first time in years. I had an "emotional bubble" that was so intense that it woke me up at 5:15 a.m. and I couldn't get back to sleep for a couple of hours. It's not fun to have been off benzos this long and to still be living in hell. But have faith, please. THIS WILL PASS.

 

Take care of yourself and feel free to PM me any time you need some support.

 

Best wishes,

 

Tex67

 

OMG, Metheral, I just read your blog.

 

You are an amazingly strong person to go through everything that you've gone through.

 

There's no doubt in my mind after reading your blog, that you can get through this tough time, as well.

 

Hang in there, my friend.  I know you can do this.

 

Sending you a hug

OMG, Metheral, I just read your blog.

 

You are an amazingly strong person to go through everything that you've gone through.

 

There's no doubt in my mind after reading your blog, that you can get through this tough time, as well.

 

Hang in there, my friend.  I know you can do this.

 

Sending you a hug

 

thxs Disney 

Metheral,

 

I have just prayed for you,you need to stay very strong now for the sake of returning back to your old self and for a better future.You have already done a huge work and results are about to come!

You need to find a way to stay busy,this is the only way.Anything...whatever would keep your mind busy.Have you tried playing online video games? This can be a very good thing to keep yourself busy.Or anything else that you like.Time runs so slow when you suffer,i know how it is.Only occupying your mind with something else helps to make it run faster.

 

Sending you a hug and healing thoughts! 

 

J

Not a day goes by for me that I don't think about self-euthanasia. I too fight these thoughts. But, my rational brain tells me that this is all a benzo induced state and I think about the thousands and thousands of people that got through this with even worse symptoms than I have. I hold onto the true and real knowledge that this IS not forever, and put another day behind me. Please feel free to PM me. I understand. I have fought depression since a child. God knows I've been there. If you need my help, just reach out. All of us here I am sure, will and do support you.

Thank you all ^^^  it really is nice to onow ppl care and have hope for me.  U have no idea what your words mean to me. 

Hang in there, I had it also, please stay strong, it passes. I'll be praying for you.

 

 

Armando

Hey Metheral,

 

Put most of what I had to say in your other thread but just wanted to pop in here. I had these kinds of thoughts for the first time ever last year on different a/d's and again very recently in  cute benzo w/d and then carried on until 5 or 6 months out. Must be used to the suffering now because these thoughts have kind of drifted away.  It wouldn't surprise me at all if the seroquel w/d was adding to this. Some of the a/d's they had me trying last year made me feel crazy emotional swings and terrible lows I'd never experienced previously.

 

Try to remind yourself it is all the chemicals in your brain that got messed up and that they are going to return to balance as soon as they can. It won't hurt you even though it is so painful. Be strong buddie, I know you can do it! 

Hey Metheral,

 

Put most of what I had to say in your other thread but just wanted to pop in here. I had these kinds of thoughts for the first time ever last year on different a/d's and again very recently in  cute benzo w/d and then carried on until 5 or 6 months out. Must be used to the suffering now because these thoughts have kind of drifted away.  It wouldn't surprise me at all if the seroquel w/d was adding to this. Some of the a/d's they had me trying last year made me feel crazy emotional swings and terrible lows I'd never experienced previously.

 

Try to remind yourself it is all the chemicals in your brain that got messed up and that they are going to return to balance as soon as they can. It won't hurt you even though it is so painful. Be strong buddie, I know you can do it! 

 

thanks Innadaze.  I just read on a site that suicidal thoughts and feelings is one of the main symptoms in serequel withdrawal.  I just don't know if I'll be able to continue tapering.  I thought coming off it would be a breeze but its turning out to be almost as bad as benzo's.  Its very discouraging.  Maybe its just so hard right now because I'm right in the thick of things with benzo withddrawal.  I dono.  The only problem is that while I'm on this much serequel its almost impossible to feel any real improvments with my healing from benzo's.  I'm just so drugged up.  I went from 500mg to 450mg but it almost killed me.  So I don't know what to do. 

If in doubt, hold on your seroquel taper until you recover from benzo w/d if possible.