in despair after so called psych appointment

Yeah I will leave a message but first I need to find out from the psych guy who wants me to meet the doctor who will be supervising my diazepam detox post discharge. I am not certain how much diazepam I am currently receiving but feel quite comfortable and functional apart from that panic attack.

 

Thanks again

 

Dandyhighwayman

Dan, sounds like it's the benzos causing your distress rather than alcohol. I say this because when they gave you the  lorazepam , you had relief. I'm not saying alcohol is not a problem, it's just I was thinking about your idea about the chlormethiazole. Perhaps this has become a much different dragon to slay, than what u went thru before.

          What a terrifying experience to go thru ,your panic/ hallucinating attack was. So glad your in hospital with the right people around you!

              Hang in there Stephen . You can do this.        Pinkee.

Pinkee

 

WHY DID YOU CALL ME STEPHEN?

 

Also "the worse I feel the better I should look"

 

You must be ******* joking I look like ****

 

Thank you

 

I have a new plan.  As soon as I get my biopsy result tomorrow. I am ordering 300 x 10 mg diazepam tablets and leave here and detox myself at home. What do you think about that?

Dandy,

 

take heed of all these wise words. Please. We have a surprising amount in common, my first detox was also with chlormethiazole, otherwise known as Heminevrin, and I can remember queuing in the hospital for my dose along with everyone else, it felt so damn good. I even managed to get hold of it when I left the hospital. That stuff killed Keith Moon, I am glad it was withdrawn.

 

I discharged myself once, and went  back to square one, and I regret that wholeheartedly, but I was a lot younger at the time.

 

Like the other posters have said, you need to make sure that your taper schedule is right for your situation, and you will need support when you get out of there. Don't see a positive result on the biopsy as a second chance to drink again, and hand those clonazepam into a pharmacy.

 

I will reiterate what I said before. You have two possible paths. Both ways lie pain. But one way lies much more pain and suffering, for yourself and your loved ones and I think you have had your share of that already.

 

I am having a tough ride with the slow withdrawal, but it's nothing compared to the hell I went through before.

 

You noticed earlier that I am not far away from you.

 

I have to put my own well being first, naturally, and have just had a bereavement in the family, but I would do almost anything to lead you away from the downward spiral that keeps entering your mind.

 

How much relief would you get if you went home, took come clonazepam and beer, and how long would that relief last?

 

take care

 

coots

coots I know all about Keith Moon. He died in 1978 after taking 32 heminevrin capsules and a few bottles of scotch. Very sad because not only did he die far too young but he was one hell of a character.

 

 

Incidentally,  these capsules are available on the Internet and very pleasant to take.

 

Take care

 

Dandyhighwayman

 

So sorry to hear about your bereavement and continuing struggle

You told me your name. And the worse you feel the better you should look is really a joke at myself. I look terrible... And I haven't ever felt worse.

        I am not trying to get up your nose Dan. I was being as supportive as I could think to be. If I have made it worse I am sorry.

I don't really care what's available to buy on the internet, been there, done that. If I relapsed, it would destroy myself and, more importantly, my family.

 

That's too high a price for a few brief moments of relief. That search for a quick fix just took my nephew.

I feel very vulnerable right now, but I don't think anything could lead me astray right now.

 

It's not courage, it's wisdom, and it took me many, many years to finally find that wisdom.

 

I feel crap, but I know I am lucky to be here, to get that second chance. There's no going back. Only forward.

 

best of luck, whichever path you take Dandy, from the bottom of my heart.

 

coots

Please can you let me know how you get on with una, and please try to stop thinking of reasons not to call her,

 

honestly d, if you could make contact with SOMEBODY who knows about benzos, REALLY knows about benzos, it would be SO helpful (IMHO).  Anyway, I am not going to remind you again, it doesn't seem to help.  PLEASe could you just ring Una today........

 

Thank you Dandy

Please forgive the joint response.

 

I accept that at some point I may have given my name now it's in the BB domain.  I don't remember doing thst as forum is anonymous. There is no need to apologise you have been very good to me. I didn't think before responding.

 

Coots,

 

I am sorry about your loss; I have two nephews and would be absolutely devastated in your situation.

 

For what its worth I just saw the Consultant and words were not minced. I won't go into detail but suffice to say I will still be in this hospital next week.

 

Again I am grateful for all your wise words and offer my sincere condolences.

 

Best wishes

 

D or S

Polenta

 

Just left a message for Una with my mobile number to call me back.

 

Thanks again

Hi Dandi,

You have to change your mental associations.

Stop seeing a capsule of whatever benzo as a thing that will make you feel good.

It it an illusion. These are the things that make you feel bad, you must know that, and you won't want to touch them ever!

I did that through my hell, and had no inclination to ever touch them, in fact I became scared of just how much harm and bad feeling, alcohol and benzos can put you into.

Also, panic attacks are, like it or not, a very normal part of WD.

When you're in one, tell yourself that this is perfectly normal and to be somewhat expected.

Also.

Yes, tell your brother to get rid of all your stash, and don't omitt any.

and stay in hospital as long as possible.

You are safe and in good hands, and during this time of heavy taper you need that.

The effects of alcohol and benzos are very very closely related, and one will affect the other very much.

Stay with it, Yes, it's going to be really bad sometimes, but the alternative is a slow and terrifying death, keep with it, and don't fall to temptation, and you definitely will pull out of it, and have your own life totally back.

It has to be worth it, surely!

 

 

surprised 1

Deep down I know that you are so right. I also know all about kindling when each time you go on a bender the w/d isworse each time. I have been hospitalised about 12 times in the past 2 years after imbibing massive amounts of alcohol and clonazepam.

 

You are absolutely right. I saw the Consultant this morning and he didn't mince his words so therefore it is likely I will be in this hospital next week. An ounce of good news is that ultrasound and blood tests indicate my liver is damaged but not cirrhotic and therefore reversible as long as I abstain. The biopsy is just a confirmation procedure.

 

I will give serious consideration about my so called 'stash' because my brother is not fully aware of my benzo use and I need him onside. He is however fully aware of my alcohol situation. Likewise I was not aware of his chronic smoking habit which arguably is just as likely to kill you. It is a quid pro quo situation.

 

Best wishes

 

 

Dan, I am really glad you are staying in the hospital for the time being. Yes, please stay as long as you can. It screws up your sleep terribly, I know this, but it really is a small chunk of time comparatively speaking. I know this is a benzo forum, but I truly think if you stay away from alcohol 100% you will be far more likely to stick to stick with the diazepam taper upon discharge. As soon as the outpatient taper plan is in place, it would be really good to ask your brother to get rid of the clonazepam before you get home. I know you can get more on the internet, but I hope you will choose the 'life' fork as Coots is correct in this. It really is a matter of life and death here, and the 'death' fork would be miserable and horrifying. You've already had a taste of it, and it's bitter. Stay the course and you will finally get a chance to taste life again, which is much sweeter even with all it's inevitable ups and downs. I am rooting for you my friend. From across the pond,

 

Isee

Thank you for letting me know about Una - I hope she gets back to you soon, but it may be a few days.

 

I am glad that the words were not minced, I think you have time to  recover and be well for the rest of your live (eventually) at this point, but I don't know how many more chances you can take with your poor brain and liver.

 

Anyway, I am thinking of you and hoping for you too.

PS I hope you ignored the message about the "help line" number and left your message on Una's phone. 

 

(No need to acknowledge this post)

Isee, 

 

Firstly I will suggest to my brother that he gives up his chronic smoking habit which kills over 100,000 people a year in the UK.

 

Polenta

 

I accept there is a problem with my liver but I resent the implication that there is a problem with my brain or my intellectual or cognitive function.

 

Take care

Yes, smoking is awful for one's health. I quit when I stopped drinking. Replaced smoking with nicotine gum which is far less harmful. I still chew it. Working on a plan to quit. Maybe you could suggest the gum to your brother 

100, 000 poor souls die yearly from the direct effect of smoking. 40, 000 per year die from alcohol abuse.

 

I would  suggest that if both these addictive substances were invented now they would not be legalised.

 

Conversely diazepam is the mainstay to prevent seizures in people suffering from alcohol abuse.

 

Of course barbiturates used to be the primary treatment before roche invented librium in 1961.

 

Cheers

Very accurate statements. Have you managed to get any sleep yet? 

I had very bad insomnia during my taper but after I was off the meds it righted itself.

Isee

 

I have mentioned it many  times but in  the end  it is his informed choice and not for me to interfere with his lifestyle. .

Hopefully he will quit. How old is he?

I think his age is personal and he has no desire to stop.

 

I believe in personal choice and it is not right in my view to interfere further. For example I think there are about 5000 elderly people over 90 years  old still driving in the UK having satisfied statutory safety requirements would you have them taken off the road because their reactions are inevitability slower.

 

Take care

I was simply stating facts Dandy, my brain and cognitive functions are still impaired by 28 years on benzos, and I have been off them for years.

 

If yours are not, I suggest you contact Big Pharma asap, you will make a fortune.

 

I hope your brain has not been impaired, but the fact that you are having panic attacks is an indication that it has, to some degree

 

Anyway, I am not here to argue with u, I was here to support you, but if you  misinterpret my posts, there won't be much point, will there?  I haven't got the energy to keep on explaining.

 

very best

Yes, I agree with personal choice also. I have to get ready for a job interview, I am quite nervous. I hope you get some sleep.