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Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted


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Hi. I'm reading this thread and I really want to work on acceptance. How do you manage to accept when you spend all night in utter fear with no sleep? Is there anything that could help me accept that? Serious question. The fear is so bad I just think I can't go on. I with acceptance could help me but I don't know how to accept something so painful. Or a few moments I accept but then a wave of fear overwhelms me again and I just can't accept. Any advice?

 

Sounds like you might not have a choice but to accept.  How do you not accept being overwhelmed?  Do you fight it?  Tell yourself it didn’t happen?  My understanding is that you’re changing your relationship with the event that happened/is happening when you practice acceptance.  Have you done everything you know how to do to cope and get through it?  Does it happen despite being careful?  Would it have happened regardless of what you do?  If so, there’s not much else you can do other than to accept it.  You could try to fight it but fighting it often leads to more pain.  It’s a bit like when you realize you’ve hurt someone else.  You have a choice to deny you did it and try to deny it happened or you can accept that it did, try and correct it and move on.  Whatever happens happens, that’s part of the acceptance too.  In benzo w/d the fear is usually worse than the outcome so when you accept, you release the struggle and move on to the outcome and on with yourself.  It happens continuously so acceptance becomes a practice, not an event.  You might find the sleep will return and the fear will diminish more quickly if you can allow yourself to accept it.

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Hi. I'm reading this thread and I really want to work on acceptance. How do you manage to accept when you spend all night in utter fear with no sleep? Is there anything that could help me accept that? Serious question. The fear is so bad I just think I can't go on. I with acceptance could help me but I don't know how to accept something so painful. Or a few moments I accept but then a wave of fear overwhelms me again and I just can't accept. Any advice?

 

Sounds like you might not have a choice but to accept.  How do you not accept being overwhelmed?  Do you fight it?  Tell yourself it didn’t happen?  My understanding is that you’re changing your relationship with the event that happened/is happening when you practice acceptance.  Have you done everything you know how to do to cope and get through it?  Does it happen despite being careful?  Would it have happened regardless of what you do?  If so, there’s not much else you can do other than to accept it.  You could try to fight it but fighting it often leads to more pain.  It’s a bit like when you realize you’ve hurt someone else.  You have a choice to deny you did it and try to deny it happened or you can accept that it did, try and correct it and move on.  Whatever happens happens, that’s part of the acceptance too.  In benzo w/d the fear is usually worse than the outcome so when you accept, you release the struggle and move on to the outcome and on with yourself.  It happens continuously so acceptance becomes a practice, not an event.  You might find the sleep will return and the fear will diminish more quickly if you can allow yourself to accept it.

 

Thank you so much for answering setzerer. I'm having very intense negative emotions that prevent any sleep because they're just too intense: fear, doom... So then I tell myself I accept this. The fact of feeling them is very painful. It's like too painful to be able to accept, I don't know if you know what I mean. Have you been there? And if so, how did you handle it? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.

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Thank you so much for answering setzerer. I'm having very intense negative emotions that prevent any sleep because they're just too intense: fear, doom... So then I tell myself I accept this. The fact of feeling them is very painful. It's like too painful to be able to accept, I don't know if you know what I mean. Have you been there? And if so, how did you handle it? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.

 

Yeah, I think I understand what you mean.  I often felt that the next thing would be to end my life but I wouldn't let myself go there so I just lived with it.  When the fear got too intense, I thought I would lose my mind so I would repeat affirmations to myself like you're not going crazy, you'll be fine, this will pass, etc.  It did eventually.  I looked and my behavior was weird I'm sure so I isolated because I was afraid I would be taken to the mental hospital.  I arranged for some of that ahead of time so I knew the person who was helping me and I told them that no matter what, don't take me to the hospital or ER and then I just held on to the belief that I would make it through.  I had to trust them to some degree.  The depression was most crushing and I would think the worst about myself.  I would try to distract and watch movies or try to do something with my hands.  Walking really was one of the only things that helped.  I listened to podcasts during and that would distract me and I would get a little bit of a mood boost after.  If I couldn't do something, I would try to remind myself that it's OK and not treat myself any worse.  I felt like the worst of the worst human beings.  I guess I was forced to accept it but would tell myself the thoughts weren't real.  I think it's still acceptance and there's very real risk involved if it gets too much so it's about doing the best you can.  Posting here and getting thoughts from others helped.

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Thank you so much for answering setzerer. I'm having very intense negative emotions that prevent any sleep because they're just too intense: fear, doom... So then I tell myself I accept this. The fact of feeling them is very painful. It's like too painful to be able to accept, I don't know if you know what I mean. Have you been there? And if so, how did you handle it? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.

 

Yeah, I think I understand what you mean.  I often felt that the next thing would be to end my life but I wouldn't let myself go there so I just lived with it.  When the fear got too intense, I thought I would lose my mind so I would repeat affirmations to myself like you're not going crazy, you'll be fine, this will pass, etc.  It did eventually.  I looked and my behavior was weird I'm sure so I isolated because I was afraid I would be taken to the mental hospital.  I arranged for some of that ahead of time so I knew the person who was helping me and I told them that no matter what, don't take me to the hospital or ER and then I just held on to the belief that I would make it through.  I had to trust them to some degree.  The depression was most crushing and I would think the worst about myself.  I would try to distract and watch movies or try to do something with my hands.  Walking really was one of the only things that helped.  I listened to podcasts during and that would distract me and I would get a little bit of a mood boost after.  If I couldn't do something, I would try to remind myself that it's OK and not treat myself any worse.  I felt like the worst of the worst human beings.  I guess I was forced to accept it but would tell myself the thoughts weren't real.  I think it's still acceptance and there's very real risk involved if it gets too much so it's about doing the best you can.  Posting here and getting thoughts from others helped.

 

Seltzerer than you so much for sharing all this. It helps a lot. Reading your signature, I gather that experience you describe was after your very fast clonazepam taper. It was almost a CT. I was tapering valium just fine, sped it up in the end and that went awfully wrong, it really felt like CT (this is my third time coming off), and I had to updose from 1 to 2.5 mgs after taking like ten rescue doses, and still I don't stabilize and have this bad mental situation (the same as you describe although at least now it's not 100% of the time. It's true that walking helps a lot. The nights are the worse though. I play affirmation youtube videos and that kind of stuff. I'm so glad you got out of these drugs and are living a life of freedom.

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Seltzerer, really nice post. What you described is what I call "faking it." My first year post Ct was a total nightmare, and the ONLY reason I did not reinstate was my extreme paranoia of doctors. I took a lot of benzos (in doses that would shock you) for thirty years. Think of Nurse Jackie and House and you know most of my story. Like Nurse Jackie I am an RN of many years and I guess I thought I was somehow immune from addiction. NOT!

During my first year off I was quite insane with perhaps 75 symptoms all going on at once. I basically just hid in my home that year. I could no longer work due to injuries I had sustained, thanks to benzos. My last injury was a whopper. I fell and fractured my right femur and also blew apart a knee replacement. I almost lost that leg, but a decent surgeon fixed it. I had to use a rolling walker for several years and finally went to a cane for another couple years. The pain was extreme, every step hurt, and then I was forced to go CT off all my drugs. Klonapin 6 mgs, Ambien 10 mgs and 2 SSRIs. All I can say is holy hell ensued.

I had been in CBT to deal with my childhood traumas, and had an decent therapist., She told me to "fake it" and explained why it would help. It helps because if you do this long enough, you actually re-train your brain to BE more positive.  At the time she told me this I already had severe "benzo brain" and I just didn't get it. But in my first year off benzo, I somehow remembered and started doing this, instinctively. It felt really "fakey" for months but I just kept trying to do this. If I found myself thinking negatively, I reversed the though and made it positive. I did this so well that when I finally wrote my Success Story, people were shocked to find out how awful I really did feel. And nthen really cool thing is that now, I AM more positive!!!! This technique worked really really well. One of my BB friends told me how to read my old posts from 2012. I was simply amazed at how SANE I sounded, when in reality I was NOT sane and felt simply awful 24/7.

 

Seltz, how are you feeling NOW? I recall posts from you that were really kind of sad, you were struggling so hard to just maintain. Fromm this post I assume you feel somewhat better now. I know I do.

east (thumbs up!!!!)(my emoticons have not worked for months now)

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Seltzerer, really nice post. What you described is what I call "faking it." My first year post Ct was a total nightmare, and the ONLY reason I did not reinstate was my extreme paranoia of doctors. I took a lot of benzos (in doses that would shock you) for thirty years. Think of Nurse Jackie and House and you know most of my story. Like Nurse Jackie I am an RN of many years and I guess I thought I was somehow immune from addiction. NOT!

During my first year off I was quite insane with perhaps 75 symptoms all going on at once. I basically just hid in my home that year. I could no longer work due to injuries I had sustained, thanks to benzos. My last injury was a whopper. I fell and fractured my right femur and also blew apart a knee replacement. I almost lost that leg, but a decent surgeon fixed it. I had to use a rolling walker for several years and finally went to a cane for another couple years. The pain was extreme, every step hurt, and then I was forced to go CT off all my drugs. Klonapin 6 mgs, Ambien 10 mgs and 2 SSRIs. All I can say is holy hell ensued.

I had been in CBT to deal with my childhood traumas, and had an decent therapist., She told me to "fake it" and explained why it would help. It helps because if you do this long enough, you actually re-train your brain to BE more positive.  At the time she told me this I already had severe "benzo brain" and I just didn't get it. But in my first year off benzo, I somehow remembered and started doing this, instinctively. It felt really "fakey" for months but I just kept trying to do this. If I found myself thinking negatively, I reversed the though and made it positive. I did this so well that when I finally wrote my Success Story, people were shocked to find out how awful I really did feel. And nthen really cool thing is that now, I AM more positive!!!! This technique worked really really well. One of my BB friends told me how to read my old posts from 2012. I was simply amazed at how SANE I sounded, when in reality I was NOT sane and felt simply awful 24/7.

 

Seltz, how are you feeling NOW? I recall posts from you that were really kind of sad, you were struggling so hard to just maintain. Fromm this post I assume you feel somewhat better now. I know I do.

east (thumbs up!!!!)(my emoticons have not worked for months now)

 

Lol I'm feeling a lot better, east.  Thanks for asking.  I tried not to be too sad but I tried to be honest more than anything and I'm sure the sadness was carried along, along with the crazy and all the other poor qualities that can come out sometimes.  Just came up on 11 months.  I feel I'm about recovered.

 

I would not say at the stage I was describing, I was faking it.  I was isolating and just trying to survive.  When faking it, I think of other people being involved.  There's a lot to be said for faking it though and it helps get you to those times when others can make you feel better but I think you have to get to a certain point or be ready for that.  I was faking it while I was in inter-dose withdrawal heading for worse feelings and faking it never paid off.  Now faking it leads to better outcomes.

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Seltzerer, really nice post. What you described is what I call "faking it." My first year post Ct was a total nightmare, and the ONLY reason I did not reinstate was my extreme paranoia of doctors. I took a lot of benzos (in doses that would shock you) for thirty years. Think of Nurse Jackie and House and you know most of my story. Like Nurse Jackie I am an RN of many years and I guess I thought I was somehow immune from addiction. NOT!

During my first year off I was quite insane with perhaps 75 symptoms all going on at once. I basically just hid in my home that year. I could no longer work due to injuries I had sustained, thanks to benzos. My last injury was a whopper. I fell and fractured my right femur and also blew apart a knee replacement. I almost lost that leg, but a decent surgeon fixed it. I had to use a rolling walker for several years and finally went to a cane for another couple years. The pain was extreme, every step hurt, and then I was forced to go CT off all my drugs. Klonapin 6 mgs, Ambien 10 mgs and 2 SSRIs. All I can say is holy hell ensued.

I had been in CBT to deal with my childhood traumas, and had an decent therapist., She told me to "fake it" and explained why it would help. It helps because if you do this long enough, you actually re-train your brain to BE more positive.  At the time she told me this I already had severe "benzo brain" and I just didn't get it. But in my first year off benzo, I somehow remembered and started doing this, instinctively. It felt really "fakey" for months but I just kept trying to do this. If I found myself thinking negatively, I reversed the though and made it positive. I did this so well that when I finally wrote my Success Story, people were shocked to find out how awful I really did feel. And nthen really cool thing is that now, I AM more positive!!!! This technique worked really really well. One of my BB friends told me how to read my old posts from 2012. I was simply amazed at how SANE I sounded, when in reality I was NOT sane and felt simply awful 24/7.

 

Seltz, how are you feeling NOW? I recall posts from you that were really kind of sad, you were struggling so hard to just maintain. Fromm this post I assume you feel somewhat better now. I know I do.

east (thumbs up!!!!)(my emoticons have not worked for months now)

 

Eastcoast this is an amazing success story having gone through so much. And the problem with your let on top of the withdrawal. Were you also in withdrawal when you were struggling with your leg issues and operations? It's incredible how you've overcome all this. I'll remember the "fake it" advice and the positive affirmations. I say them in my mind but my fear based body doesn't believe then and I sound like a broken record. But you say it still works right? By the way I loved the show nurse jackie. And she wasn't on bezos, which are probably as bad, if not worse than opiates.

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VNM,

I did go through a really bad wd, but I am not at all sorry I did. The very fact that I am now healthier, happier and free of depression and most anxiety is truly amazing. This old nurse had NO IDEA benzos could cause so much damage. Well, now I do know!!!

When I was still on benzos and ADs I spent a lot of time in hospitals and rehabs. But I did not start to feel better until I went CT off benzo and SSRIs. My wd was awful. ButI no longer need to tell people how it was so bad. It is history and done and I am a happy person now, free of drugs.

Nurse Jackie and House were addicted to narcotics, which act on the brain a lot differently from benzos But their stories do ring true for anyone who accidentally becomes addicted to a drug. The denial, the struggles to obtain the drug, the fear of not GETTING yo9ur drug, etc. All ring true. Narcotic wd is a lot different from benzo wd! Benzo wd is MUCH more concentrated in your brain in terms of thought, feelings and sensations.

"Faking it" does work. Absolutely sure it does. I began doing this early on and nit really did make huge difference. On benzos and ADs, I was negative, pessimistic and sad. I got off all those drugs and began faking it. Yes, it felt "fakey" for a while. I had felt so negative for so long that any change from that felt fake.

I did "faking it" for months and you know what? Eventually I did BECOME a much more happy and positive person. Tis really works but you have to do it a lot and keep on doing it.

east

 

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Benzo lie: I’ll never be able to quit. I must accept that I ‘have’ to have this every day.

Benzo Lies

 

I was talking with a friend about the lies that benzos tell us and thought it would be a good idea to start a thread on the topic.

 

Here are some benzo lies that I previously posted on my blog and thought it would be good to start this thread off with.

 

Please add some of the lies that you used to believe and now know to be untrue.

 

This will be very valuable for those who are still under the spell of the lies that benzos tell us. My experience is that our thinking is fundamentally altered by benzo action during tolerance withdrawal and during tapering, and that we are not actually thinking – we are at the effect of chemical storms in our brains. And we think that these are our thoughts. And worse yet, we BELIEVE these thoughts. But what we are experiencing is chemical and electrical processes that occur during the body’s attempt to adjust these chemicals and processes on the fly.

 

 

Now that I am feeling better, it’s easy to see some of the lies the benzos tell us. They are plain to see in hindsight. But for those of you who are having troubles with taper symptoms, or pre or post-taper symptoms, I wanted to help you to see  some of the lies that the benzos have told me, and may be telling you too.  Hopefully, you will be able to use this to understand more about your experience and maybe you could use this post as a template for reality.

 

Benzo Lie # 1. There is no hope.  This one is nasty. Do not believe this lie. It can take you down fast. It is not true, even though it feels very true. For me, this hopelessness was a result of benzo created chemical imbalances coloring my thinking into a perceived end of time. I could not imagine time extending for more than 3 months into the future. There was no way I could think of any possible outcome at all – not even a negative one, and all of my imagined outcomes of less than 3 months were negative. If you cannot imagine a positive future for yourself, know you are under the trance of lie # 1.

 

Benzo Lie # 2. My Life is ruined.  Do not believe this lie. You are in a temporary state of withdrawal. It is an awful state, but it is temporary and you will move out of it and have a life that you can mold into what you had before or one that is better than before. When you can think clearly, you are able to fashion a life that is better than what happened to you when you were tranquilized and your life fell apart as a result of being drugged. When you are out of withdrawals and free from the effects of their symptoms, you will be in a better position to solve problems instead of having them take you down.

 

Benzo Lie # 3. These benzo effects will last forever.  I see this lie as being conditional.  The lie part is that if you are making decisions that will move yourself toward health and away from benzos, it will not last forever. There WILL be an end to the benzo-related troubles. As you get further away from benzos and their effects, the less the benzos will act on you.  If you make benzo related decisions that move yourself away from natural health and into benzo use, you may end up in a never ending loop of having side effects being confused as diseases, and having benzo symptoms being medicated with more benzos, and in turn, more and more drug and symptom interactions and more and more suffering.

 

Benzo Lie # 4. I will never be happy again  This lie broke my heart. I let this lie rob me of my dreams. I am living proof that you can totally believe this lie and live to prove it wrong. I never thought I could ever be happy ever again. I’m not only happy now, but happier than I was before I started on benzos. I feel like I have just vanquished a dragon, and there is a great deal of satisfaction in that. Now, I am happy. I am happy just because I exist and because life is available to me. There is such joy in coming back from the edge and being able to function again.

 

I felt like there was no way happiness could ever be attained by someone who is going through all of this suffering and torture and ineptitude, and now I’m happy.  I am the guy that was scared to death of my cat for 2 years. I was freaked out because the gardener was going to come on Wednesday and scare me with the noise of his equipment and today it’s Monday and I’m worried about it already. I couldn't drive for over a year. . . and on and on.

 

If you are feeling that your happiness is behind you, do not despair. You cannot absolutely know that your best days are behind you. The effects of benzo action will make you believe you cannot be happy. It is not true. After your body begins making the feel good chemicals and you are out of wd, your life can get wonderful again.

 

 

These are just a few of the benzo lies that have I have busted for myself. And there are many, many more.

 

Try this on - If it makes you sad, it's probably a benzo lie.

 

You CAN be happy again. It will feel great, and you’ll love it more than ever.  :thumbsup:

 

 

Please post the benzo lies that you have busted so others can learn from your experience.

 

 

 

River  :smitten:

 

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'You'll never have Friends again' - status : BUSTED  :thumbsup:

 

Hi everyone,

 

Let me share with you one detail that proves that healing DOES happen. I am 26 months off as of yesterday, a bad case of polydrugging for 13 years, and it's been a long road with little improvement in the way I feel. My most debilitating symptoms aren't yet fading - so let me accentuate the positive, and share with you another common benzo lie which has been totally busted.

 

From the very first day, meds took away the colors of life. I stopped feeling anything and became a zombie. I withdrew from the world and let all my Friends go. I lost interest in human interaction and soon became a recluse. Months, then years passed. I tried to get back to life but you know how that goes. If your brain is under the influence of meds, you can run to another country and start everything from scratch... well you are still on meds and the root of the problem hasn't been addressed. So yeah, I went back to university and made new ... 'acquaintances'... but again I went off the radar and ended alone. That was the time I started tapering. It took 2.5 years during which I was totally alone. I'd barely talk on the phone with family, perhaps once every few months at best.

 

Goodness, looking back... how did I get there?!  :o

 

Well my friends, let me tell you how things are two years and two months on.

 

I started reconnecting with people, slowly but surely right after I got off the drugs. I just felt I needed to. It started with family, and I even moved back with them three months out, which meant moving out of my flat in England and back to Paris where I was originally from. It soon became clear that I needed to do things, in contrast to spending my afternoon passed out on a sofa, which had been my life for so many years, and not just do things by myself, I needed to connect with people. So I started going to Meetups and joining group activities while going through the throws of withdrawal, mostly mental symptoms as well as akathisia. Having something 'to do' every single day has enabled me to get through this mess. Far from easy, but I made it this far.

 

The turning point was when I found an acting group. I discovered an activity which was so intense that I can't possibly be thinking of wd while actively 'in a scene'. Not only is acting a wonderful distraction, it enabled me to meet very nice people which whom I started getting together aside from classes to work on our scenes, have a chat and a non-alcoholic drink.

 

And that is exactly how a beautiful Friendship began. I had never anticipated that. A new young lady had joined the group shortly after me and we were soon paired up to work on a scene together. She suggested meeting up to discuss our roles, and so we got together for a nice chat and some work. We were soon planning to meet the following week to resume where we'd left off, and that happened again and again until our Tuesday evening meetings became 'a thing'. We chatted and chatted, and I eventually told her about my med ordeal. That's something I choose not to disclose, or very rarely, as I feel like people have preconceived ideas and when I'm trying to distract, the last I want to be doing is trying to convince somebody that it's still wd after all this time. So anyway. My new Friend's reaction to me sharing my story was just... beautiful. Her eyes filled with tears and I hugged her. I couldn't have been happier to have shared with her, as this brought us so much closer.

 

So guys, all I wanted to say, is that YES, YOU WILL HAVE FRIENDS AGAIN. Even if you don't feel the need for people from where you are standing, and only like the idea of it, the idea of 'normalcy'.

 

OK, let me bust another lie : 'I will never do anything again with my life' - being busted  :thumbsup:

I can't list all the crazy activities I've done out of a sheer need to cope, from yoga to acting, from dancing to guided visits, from organized group walks to meetups about self-development... I've also recently discovered creative writing, and as the group organizer was taking time off for a vacation, I suggested stepping in to organize and lead a couple of sessions myself! The first session went really well, I got great feedback, and the second session, taking place tomorrow, already has a waiting list. My friend, the group leader should be back next week, but I'm already thinking of organizing my own workshops and looking into a new concept to mix things around...

 

...so Life is happening  :thumbsup:

 

Keep on busting!  ;D

 

Healing Hugs  :smitten: 

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Julz,

Thank you for this inspiring post. You said it really well and I  agree with you. Benzo wd has the ability (if you let it) to teach you some really wonderful lessons. But you do have to open your mind to new things. It isn't all just getting off benzos! There are REASONS why we ended up on these drugs. One has to be willing to look deeply at WHY we did, admit this, accept this and then slowly move on to a far better life.

None of this is easy but it sure is a good thing.

 

For me the BIGGEST benzo Lie was "You will always need these drugs in order to sleep at all." Thirty years of benzos had lied to me very, very much. I truly thought that back 7 years ago when I went CT off benzos and SSRIs. Turned out to be a huge lie! I now sleep just fine and I do not use benzos anymore. Talk about a LIE!

east

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Possibly the biggest two benzo lies are these ones which relate to my fear of seizures or hylephobia:

 

"You are going to seize." - From when I'm actually experiencing DP/DR.

 

"Benzos will prevent you from having seizures." - This is why I hit dependence with Valium. Of course, I was none the wiser and thought they were safe. How wrong I was.

 

Dave.  8)

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  • 1 month later...

'You'll never have Friends again' - status : BUSTED  :thumbsup:

 

Hi everyone,

 

Let me share with you one detail that proves that healing DOES happen. I am 26 months off as of yesterday, a bad case of polydrugging for 13 years, and it's been a long road with little improvement in the way I feel. My most debilitating symptoms aren't yet fading - so let me accentuate the positive, and share with you another common benzo lie which has been totally busted.

 

From the very first day, meds took away the colors of life. I stopped feeling anything and became a zombie. I withdrew from the world and let all my Friends go. I lost interest in human interaction and soon became a recluse. Months, then years passed. I tried to get back to life but you know how that goes. If your brain is under the influence of meds, you can run to another country and start everything from scratch... well you are still on meds and the root of the problem hasn't been addressed. So yeah, I went back to university and made new ... 'acquaintances'... but again I went off the radar and ended alone. That was the time I started tapering. It took 2.5 years during which I was totally alone. I'd barely talk on the phone with family, perhaps once every few months at best.

 

Goodness, looking back... how did I get there?!  :o

 

Well my friends, let me tell you how things are two years and two months on.

 

I started reconnecting with people, slowly but surely right after I got off the drugs. I just felt I needed to. It started with family, and I even moved back with them three months out, which meant moving out of my flat in England and back to Paris where I was originally from. It soon became clear that I needed to do things, in contrast to spending my afternoon passed out on a sofa, which had been my life for so many years, and not just do things by myself, I needed to connect with people. So I started going to Meetups and joining group activities while going through the throws of withdrawal, mostly mental symptoms as well as akathisia. Having something 'to do' every single day has enabled me to get through this mess. Far from easy, but I made it this far.

 

The turning point was when I found an acting group. I discovered an activity which was so intense that I can't possibly be thinking of wd while actively 'in a scene'. Not only is acting a wonderful distraction, it enabled me to meet very nice people which whom I started getting together aside from classes to work on our scenes, have a chat and a non-alcoholic drink.

 

And that is exactly how a beautiful Friendship began. I had never anticipated that. A new young lady had joined the group shortly after me and we were soon paired up to work on a scene together. She suggested meeting up to discuss our roles, and so we got together for a nice chat and some work. We were soon planning to meet the following week to resume where we'd left off, and that happened again and again until our Tuesday evening meetings became 'a thing'. We chatted and chatted, and I eventually told her about my med ordeal. That's something I choose not to disclose, or very rarely, as I feel like people have preconceived ideas and when I'm trying to distract, the last I want to be doing is trying to convince somebody that it's still wd after all this time. So anyway. My new Friend's reaction to me sharing my story was just... beautiful. Her eyes filled with tears and I hugged her. I couldn't have been happier to have shared with her, as this brought us so much closer.

 

So guys, all I wanted to say, is that YES, YOU WILL HAVE FRIENDS AGAIN. Even if you don't feel the need for people from where you are standing, and only like the idea of it, the idea of 'normalcy'.

 

OK, let me bust another lie : 'I will never do anything again with my life' - being busted  :thumbsup:

I can't list all the crazy activities I've done out of a sheer need to cope, from yoga to acting, from dancing to guided visits, from organized group walks to meetups about self-development... I've also recently discovered creative writing, and as the group organizer was taking time off for a vacation, I suggested stepping in to organize and lead a couple of sessions myself! The first session went really well, I got great feedback, and the second session, taking place tomorrow, already has a waiting list. My friend, the group leader should be back next week, but I'm already thinking of organizing my own workshops and looking into a new concept to mix things around...

 

...so Life is happening  :thumbsup:

 

Keep on busting!  ;D

 

Healing Hugs  :smitten:

 

I’ve read this post quite a few times and it never ceases to amaze me and fill me with hope. I relate so much to all the actions and details of Jules life on meds from isolating and being on the couch. I have weaned off all my meds too, another case of horrific poly-drugging. At 29 months, I looked at meetup groups and signed up for several. But I have gotten a weird ear infection thing that makes socializing even more difficult (very difficult anyway due to benzo-damage cognitive issues). So I haven’t gone to anything yet.

 

But I will. I’ll probably never feel %100 but if I keep putting myself out there and trying, I’ll be amazed at what I can do. I’ve already come so far.

 

Stay patient, maintain hope, be loving and kind to yourselves. Progress is happening one moment at a time.

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  • 1 month later...

When I was a newbie here, I discovered RiverWolf's Blog. Benzo Lies didn't make sense to me at first, as my brain was just too fried. But a few months later, it all began to make such sense to me. I would go back to his Blog often and re-read this stuff, because I sensed it was really important for me to get the concept.

 

As I slowly healed, I realized even more that benzos lie to us in so many ways. They whisper to you: "You miss me, you NEED me to sleep and get through stress." And if you believe that, you will reinstate and the horror show will continue.

 

Benzos will tell you that all of your withdrawal symptoms go away if you go back on them. Now that is such an enormous lie...… but people fall for this lie all the time.

 

It has been 7.75 years since I went cold turkey off benzos and SSRIs. I am so much healthier now. EVERYTHING got better for me once I got through a really bad withdrawal. I do know my case is a bit extreme, but nevertheless, I managed to heal and grow.

 

July 2012 is when my journey started. I got through it and somehow managed to heal and grow. You will too.

east

PS RiverWolf: thank you again. Your words taught me so much and made me think which was a real blessing.

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When I was a newbie here, I discovered RiverWolf's Blog. Benzo Lies didn't make sense to me at first, as my brain was just too fried. But a few months later, it all began to make such sense to me. I would go back to his Blog often and re-read this stuff, because I sensed it was really important for me to get the concept.

 

As I slowly healed, I realized even more that benzos lie to us in so many ways. They whisper to you: "You miss me, you NEED me to sleep and get through stress." And if you believe that, you will reinstate and the horror show will continue.

 

Benzos will tell you that all of your withdrawal symptoms go away if you go back on them. Now that is such an enormous lie...… but people fall for this lie all the time.

 

It has been 7.75 years since I went cold turkey off benzos and SSRIs. I am so much healthier now. EVERYTHING got better for me once I got through a really bad withdrawal. I do know my case is a bit extreme, but nevertheless, I managed to heal and grow.

 

July 2012 is when my journey started. I got through it and somehow managed to heal and grow. You will too.

east

PS RiverWolf: thank you again. Your words taught me so much and made me think which was a real blessing.

 

Yay, Annie!

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Here's a sad myth

I'll never be able to go out again

Well, I busted this myth three times during my taper:

  • I went to an R&B gig with close to 25,000 people, lights, lasers, loud music etc. It was Hell for my CNS, but hey I'm still here!
  • I went interstate (got my sister and her partner to drive the car) to Horsham in Victoria, South East Australia for a holiday and a wedding.
  • I went to a wedding in the Grampians (close to Horsham, Victoria) and had a great time without alcohol. I took photos and videos. I had in-and-out DP/DR with small windows when I was on the dancefloor (weird, hey?)

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Dave.  8)

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  • 3 months later...

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