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not sleeping makes me feel crazy


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  I am having some real trouble lately, with sleeping, and I;m not completely sure that it is due to withdrawel. I have been off of benzos for a few weeks now, and I thought I was doing very well up until now. What has started as a night here and there of very little sleep, resulting in the next day feeling completely tired and out of it, has turned into 2 or 3 nights in a row at times. I am left feeling completely strung out from it, and less and less able to function during the day.

      It is 7am right now, and I’ve been awake for the past two hours. I did sleep about 5 hours before that, so I am getting some sleep, however at this moment, as I post this message, I feel a sort of restlessness seeping out of my body, that I have never encountered before. I am so anxious, worrying about everything, and I’m starting to wonder if my brain has forgotten how to handle stress without the aid of benzos and other medications. I was on them for so long… how does your brain relearn this stuff after being “assisted” for so long?

 

I’m not sure exactly what the point of posting this is, other than to ease the feeling of loneliness that comes from being the only one awake for several hours on end.

 

Hope you all are sleeping well.

 

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Marie,

 

Sleep is a very big issue for most of us. I am almost 6 months off benzos and still find sleep to be a big problem. The early days were horrific. Many nights I had no sleep at all. I did a way to fast direct taper from Klonopin and was hit very hard at around day 5 of stopping the drugs. From there on out I have been lucky to get 5 hours of broken sleep a night. This is just the nature of this beast we are dealing with.

 

I can tell you that eventually sleep will return.. I have been through this twice in my life time. The first time was many years ago and on a different benzo. Was the same with the sleep and many other symptoms.. I recovered 100 % but did take many many months.. At about one year off I was better.

 

You have to be very patient with this stuff because it is not like any kind of healing. It's like one step forward two steps back for quite sometime. However, eventually you will have days of feeling better and sleeping better.  Just takes lots of time and taking the sleep when you can get it. I know how frustrating it can be, believe me.

 

 

Donna

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The lack of sleep makes most everything worse.  And a couple of nights of little or no sleep just increases the anxiety about sleeping the next night.  It's the pits! 

 

Did you give a look at some of the posts on the Insomnia board?  There a many with details about aids people here have used but this thread has a pretty complete list:

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=8348.msg100576#msg100576

 

I find that alternating the melatonin and benadryl works pretty well for me.  I wake up several times during the night but usually go back to sleep pretty quickly.  However, for those times I can't get back to sleep, I keep a CD audio book handy so I can listent to it in the dark. Eventually I just stop paying attention and drift back to sleep.  Just a thought.  A warm bath before bed, a cup of chamomile tea and session of deep breathing/body scan meditation are also helpful to me. I suggest you make a plan for tonight and incorporate something you haven't tried before.  Then start affirming/believing that your body will get the rest it needs.  Trying to force it never works, but you probably already know that. 

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Shortly after posting here, I ended up taking a 1 mg lorazapam, which of course worked immediately. I feel all kinds of guilt, and dissapointment with myself. My plan with this is, however to only take one per week and write down on my calander whenever I do. Maybe I should just by some over the counter sleeping pills…

I feel so aweful! I should probably have gotten rid of my extra pills instead of stashing them in my closet.

 

Yuck.

 

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(((Marie)))

 

Don't beat yourself up about it.  Sure, going completely drug free is optimum but, often, it isn't realistic.  I would suggest that you try .5mg next week instead.  Since you've been off it or a while, a lower dose will probably work fine.  Have you tried any of the non-benzo OTC sleep aids?  You can still develop a tolerance to them but shouldn't mess with your GABA receptors.  Be gentle with yourself; you are still healing.

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Thanks for your encouragement. I think it would be a good idea for me to buy some

non-benzo sleeping aids, because I am going to be tempted to keep taking that lorazapam, and I don’t want to mess with my GABA receptors any more than they are already messed with (I have yet to completely understand how exactly GABA receptors even work, and what it is that benzodiazapenes do.).

 

I feel so anxious lately, and I realize that my brain is trying to learn how to calm itself down without meds… I almost don’t know how to gauge my progress sometimes because my frame of reference doesn’t exist- Ive been on meds for so long. I really want to learn how to manage my anxiety on my own now. I am commiting myself to it.

 

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Marie,

 

Don't feel bad for taking a benzo to get some sleep.  I would have done just about anything to get sleep when I was going through my nightmare.  Lack of sleep really does make you feel crazy!! Try not to look back, but forward to the day when you no longer need these drugs!  Hang in there!

 

Love,

 

Jen

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