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Xanax Madness


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Hi Cool Cats,

 

My name is George and I'm addicted to Xanax...lol.. Sorry that just sounds funny, like I should be in AA or something. Which brings me to this, I have been taking Xanax steadily for many years, 4 years at least. Wow, can't believe how long its been. Its odd being a part of that blurry statistic of people who have become addicted through legal drug pushers aka pharmaceutical companies.

 

Well here's my story folks. I have started Xanax years back due to panic disorder. I was very against taking such drugs at first but after I found out how effective it was in making me feel calm and normal it became an everyday thing. I started at .25 mgs, after a while I built some tolerance and suddenly I was taking 4-5 Mgs daily which made me build up a massive tolerance quicker kangaroo on crack.

 

My doctor has tapered me off pretty quick over the past few months, I am now suppose to be taking four, .25mg tabs daily which reeeaally doesn't do much. If I don't take it though, I will literally be in full non-stop panic on the floor. I will twitch, get into a very odd and indescribable state of mind, thoughts will race, all my muscles involuntarily tense up, my nerves seem like they are hypersensitive, I become incoherent and mumble my words all with extreme disphoria. Thats all before I go into panic attack mode. The only thing that seems to temporarily stop some of the symptom is taking more Xanax. I seem to be in this dream like, stoned feeling state at all times now. I am numb to a lot of feelings except my anxiety, lucky me.

 

I have been told that I am experiencing depersonalization syndrome which can be associated when you feel this crappy everyday. I would just like to be my old self again and so does my girl friend. Getting off of Xanax has probably been the worst thing that has ever happened to me, its caused work stress, emotional stress and it seems that I'm living a daily nightmare.

 

The withdrawals have become very bad the past couple weeks, I have been waking up in the middle of the night looking for a fix. I start shaking, shivering and twitching as if I'm freezing but its about 80 degrees in my house (summer time in Cali). The only way I can go back to bed is to take more Xanax to take the edge off but I wake up 4 hours later with the same thing. It looks like my body is flushing out the Xanax super fast then freaks out when I start to run on empty. I have missed the last couple days of work, I just can't seem to function in the morning. Its so bad that I just have this overwhelming feeling to visit the hospital and just tell them to make it stop... Tried that, they don't care much unless you're having a seizure.

 

Guys, I need to do something but I am so utterly lost. I just switched from an HMO to an expensive PPO thinking that I would have better options to see a doctor.  Now that I have it I just don't know who or what kind of doctor to see. Most of them just want to shove crazier drugs down my throat now that Benzo's aren't an option.

 

I want to live again- please, please help. I need guidance... :wacko:

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Yep, that's how it is. Fact is the medical community has absolutely no understanding of our predicament and so is unable to help, other than to treat the symptoms with more drugs, which doesn't work.

 

Hopefully help will be along shortly. Thanks for joining us George.

 

Tony

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Hey george, i just wanted to chime in and say that ive been there, and i know exactly how your feeling.... its indescribable to say the least,

 

just stay strong buddy and keep your head up and stick to tapering and i really hope things look up soon

 

-bj

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My doctor has tapered me off pretty quick over the past few months,

 

I just switched from an HMO to an expensive PPO thinking that I would have better options to see a doctor.  Now that I have it I just don't know who or what kind of doctor to see. Most of them just want to shove crazier drugs down my throat now that Benzo's aren't an option.

 

If you came down from 4-5mg/day dose to 1 mg/day over just a few months you very well may have tapered faster than Ashton recommends.  My previous doc thought I could get off ativan in 2 weeks.  That would have been a very bad idea.  Is your current doc a psychiatrist?  I had to call around to find a doc that would help with my taper.  She wouldn't do the valium crossover thing but thought a slow taper was a good idea and gave me the scripts to sustain it. 

 

I can't advise you on a way to make the bad symptoms stop.  As you said, even when you take another dose of xanax the symptoms return in 4 hours.  Several of us take calcium and magnesium supplements for the muscle spasms and they seem to help.  I hope you can find a doctor who can support you in completing your taper.  Things can't really get right again until all that poison is out of your system. 

 

 

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These are my opinions. You need to educate yourself about xanax and other benzos. No offense intended but you do. I hope you will read about withdrawal and how to do it here: http://www.benzo.org.uk/  . This url is from the "resources" listing at the top of this page.  Read about Heather Ashton and the protocol for switching to valium. Valium is good because of its longer half life (days long) as opposed to xanax (about 6 hours.). The ride on xanax is a very bumpy one and i congratulate you on getting this far with it.

  The stuff you are experiencing is, as far as i know, pretty standard xanax withdrawal stuff. That doesn't mean it's not dangerous. It can be. That's why you need to read lots. Educate yourself. You need to know because the medical community may not know. Tony is right.

  A cooperative doc (one who is willing to learn and to support a realistic taper) is who you are probably looking for. Print out Doctor Ashton's stuff, if you agree with it, and be prepared to educate the doc. I think Doctor Ashton is a genius and an angel of mercy. Read her stuff and see if you agree. Good luck!

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Depersonalization is the worst! Yuck! I hate feeling like that.I always have no feelings except depression and anxiety. My daughter is 11 months old and I have felt a single emotion towards her since she was 2 weeks old. How horrible does that sound? I dont feel anything for my husband, my family. Nobody. But I know it'll get better, everyone keeps telling me it will. 

 

I'm sorry your doing so crappy but jsut hang in there. It WILL get better, I swear you can do this and get back to your normal happy life! Stay strong and know we're always here if you need anything.

 

Amanda  :smitten:

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I hear ya paxton1327. I honestly have been a mess and numb to many emotions except my withdrawal, anxiety and the depression that comes along with it. My girl friend told me that she was thinking of leaving me last night. "I might need sometime to take care of things."  She said that I don't realize how I make others feel when i'm not feeling well. I find my self saying all to often "uhhhh, I'm really not feeling sick." Needless to say I would understand if I were in her shoes, I would be very confused what's happening with me... Its nearly impossible to explain what's wrong or how it feels if you haven't been through it. Bleh! I just want to get past this ugly part of my life. I know we can all do it!

 

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Has anybody heard of the Road Back Program? I was thinking of combining that with the Ashton method. Thoughts?

 

 

 

 

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Has anybody heard of the Road Back Program? I was thinking of combining that with the Ashton method. Thoughts?

 

I'm pretty certain a member who goes by the nickname "INB" did that and he said it was a huge rip-off. You might want to PM him and see what he says?

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Has anybody heard of the Road Back Program? I was thinking of combining that with the Ashton method. Thoughts?

 

 

 

Hi Geo,

 

I removed the link to the road back as it's against our policy to provide links to commercial sites.  :) 

 

I've tried a program based on the same thing as the road back and it was a huge waste of money.  It would have been worth it if it had worked but it made my symptoms worse and then it took time to get over that!  GGRRR...

 

I've also known others who have tried the road back and they didn't have good results.  I'm sorry I can't offer you more of a positive answer but I don't want you to spend money needlessly or for you to have a set back due to the products. 

 

Hang in there and you will get through this..

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Thanks tropicalsoul I appreciate your input. I have been looking at the posts and it definitely looks like mixed results depending on the person. Bummer   :-\

 

Well I had a family member order the program for me without my knowledge. I read the whole book and it stresses to not to overdue it. So I guess I'll give it a whirl at low doses and see if it helps at all. I think I should get it in the next few days so I will definitely let everybody know how it goes.

 

Sorry for posting that link, wasn't aware of that policy.

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Sorry for posting that link, wasn't aware of that policy.

 

Not a problem.  That's what we mods are for.  :laugh:

 

If I were you I would take a much smaller amount than they recommend.  Supplements can really send your symptoms into overdrive.  I hope it helps you, you may get lucky and feel much better.

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Welcome geo, your symptoms are shared by many here. Don't know where you are in California, but have heard UCLA doesn't know anything. It might help to call different doctor's offices and ask if you can speak to a nurse and find out ahead of time if they're familiar with Dr. Ashton or slow tapering methods. It can be expensive and dispiriting to knock on doors in person if they aren't educated about these drugs.

 

The slower the better but i agree that it sounds like you tapered pretty fast. I am tapering ativan which is short-acting like xanax, but not as bad because the half-life is longer. there have been people who did taper directly off xanax and have succeeded, but it sounds like a longer acting benzo crossover may be helpful to you. the best thing you can do is find a doctor who knows how to deal with these tapers.

 

Best

Gloria

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I totally agree with you on this, time to go doc hunting. I forked out a ton of money for a fancy PPO and I plan to use it. By the way I live in Northern California, Sacramento area. Its been hard finding doctors in Sac, I may have better luck in San Francisco though. I have a bottle of clonazpam and thinking of switching over i have noticed that it tends to make me feel kinda depressed at the end of the day compared to xanax. Then again, xanax just leaves me out of it and anxious at the end of the day. I was thinking Valium maybe, not sure what would be a better option. I guess I'm just a little scared to move to another benzo, i feel like its just going to make my addiction worse by having a longer lasting drug in my system but its probably the other way around I guess. Not sure the best way to switch over, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

I have to get one thing out there that I am concerned about. For about really a week and half I have been waking up at about 6am like clock work feeling horrific. My nerves feel ultra sensitive, anxious and overall very sick. I feel sick to my stomach and the worst part is I start to shiver like crazy and clench my teeth as if I'm cold. While this is happening I feel like i'm in a very odd indescribable state of mind. Not quite like an anxiety or panic attack more in a zoned out dreamy state.  I usually don't wake up at six by the way. It concerned me, so I had blood work done but it came back normal. This usually only happens in the morning and its very intense. I also have extreme sore and tender muscles in my back, legs and arms. I do find that my muscles tend involuntarily tense up to an extreme. This is one of my biggest concerns right now.

 

Thanks for all your kind help guys, getting closer to finding the yellow brick road to get back home.

 

 

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Yes the valium is a longer acting benzo and that's why it was recommended to me and so many others: it leaves so slowly that there are less bumps in the road. If i remember, xanax has a six hour half life compared to valium which lasts several days. Valium is a smoother ride down and has worked for many people including me.
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zanax has been the devil in descise for me on and off for about 10 years i was up to 10 a day went into rehab for 2 weeks it was horrible but it was a good thing i did because quitting cold turkey from that much is dangerous  i am still trying to taper i switched to ativan sounds like u r cutting down quickly more power to u bud at least u have a relationship  i cant even have a relationship at the moment xanax madness has taken so much from me  sounds like u put a good jolt into quitting no pain no gain right ,but dont get crazy the pain u r having right now i would take another half a milligram at night to me it isnt worth the pain just weed off for another month write it down on paper how much u are taking so that u know u r constantly getting better and weeding  god bless bro we can do it
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Hi, George  -

 

How much xanax are you taking now?  .25mg 4x/day plus_____? It's best if you could get on a stable dose for a week or two and then taper from there.  If you could put your med info in your signature  block it would help us know where you are at in your taper.

 

Since you had blood work done to pretty much rule out medical problems, it seems as if you are experience difficult withdrawal symptoms.  I used to wake up at 5 am every morning and I'd be shaking until I took my 5 am dose.  When started tapering I was breaking my dose up into 5x/day.  Surprisingly, the less lorazepam I am on, the better I feel.  Haven't had that 5 am wake up call in months.  You can see my progress in my signature block below.

 

All these scary symptoms will stop one day. They may come back intermittently but happen less often.  It's a process you just have to go through, I'm afraid.  Your brain and body are trying to heal themselves.  Did you consider adding a calcium and magnesium supplement as I suggested earlier?  It might help with the muscle tensing.  That zoned out dreamy state does sound like depersonalization as paxton said.  It is a very weird feeling and leads some people to think they are going crazy.  (They aren't and neither are you.)  You will feel better if you keep reducing the amount of the xanax in your system.  I can't remember if you considered a crossover to valium or whether that's even a possiblity.  Even klonopin is longer-acting than xanax and so smoother to taper from.  Stay proactive. You can do this.  :thumbsup:

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Unfortunately you need to stabilize and cut again.  I have had some difficult cuts but must admit the further down I get the better the s/x and the better I feel.  I am down to .50 a day which I take .125 6:00. .125 2:00pm and .25 9:30pm. I originally started at 2.0.  I have tapered every 8 days once I have stabilized.  This last cut I actually felt bad the first four days of the cut but days 5,6 and 7 which is today are the most normal that I have felt since I started.  I will cut again tomorrow night which will be day 8.  I just hope that I keep on feeling better.  There were times when I would make a cut and just not feel well!  That is when I asked for encouragement from everyone and I got it.  You will get through this.  Just know they are withdrawls and stay strong!!!

 

mal

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I have to get one thing out there that I am concerned about. For about really a week and half I have been waking up at about 6am like clock work feeling horrific. My nerves feel ultra sensitive, anxious and overall very sick. I feel sick to my stomach and the worst part is I start to shiver like crazy and clench my teeth as if I'm cold. While this is happening I feel like i'm in a very odd indescribable state of mind. Not quite like an anxiety or panic attack more in a zoned out dreamy state.  I usually don't wake up at six by the way. It concerned me, so I had blood work done but it came back normal. This usually only happens in the morning and its very intense. I also have extreme sore and tender muscles in my back, legs and arms. I do find that my muscles tend involuntarily tense up to an extreme. This is one of my biggest concerns right now.

 

 

 

Hi George,

 

I have this same thing but I wake up at 4am.  I did that for months and still do most days.  I now wake up anywhere from 3:30 to 6:30 am but it's still the same stuff going on as before.  I don't understand it but we are not the only ones.  I describe it as being "toxic", it's like a ton of stuff is being dumped in my system while I sleep.

 

Try to get as much rest as possible, that's when the body is healing the most--we just have to deal with the toxic crap, unless you find something that will help.. :)

 

 

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Yes I too wake at 4:30 and maybe fall back asleep till 6:00 then I am up too.  Hmmm strange I wonder why?  I had no idea others were doing that too.  Good to know so there is hope maybe we will get our sleep patterns back???  Good luck to you and know that you have lots of support here and again stay strong you are and will get better!!!

 

mal

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Thanks for all your awesome words of encouragement. Thank god I'm not the only one with these early morning problem. Yea, I think I'm going to try and get the Valium maybe that will take care of the waking up in the night due to the longer half life. It should be interesting dealing with my doctor though, they are aware of the issue so they give me less everytime I fill a script. I only have 120 qaurter mlg tabs that has to last me a month. Uhh... :socool: Yea, that not happening, its a nightmare just taking what I am.

 

I want to help everybody as much as possible so I'm going to share everything that works for me. Together we can all move on from the ugly part of out lives.

 

Oh yea my girlfriend bought me a ring and asked me to marry her by the way... We were in a casino in Reno, NV, she had a few drinks but it came from the heart.. :2funny:

 

I was caught a little off gaurd since I was planning on doing that at the right time. We agreed to make it a promise ring, how cheezy and great is that.  :smitten:

 

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:smitten:  Awwwww, that's sweet!  Yep, you will move forward from this hell and eventually it will all be a distant nightmare.  Congrats on the promise ring!

 

Love,

 

Jen

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You know,  there are always more doctors out there. You are the customer. Doctor patient relationships that have been successful for me have been based on honesty and willingness to communicate (bot the doc and me). I am always willing to switch docs if they won't help me. The crossover to valium needs to be planned (not a quick switch) because you and your central nervous system need time to get used to the changes.  A mod or somebody on the forum should be able to help you plan a crossover. I probably have some crossover and taper info somewhere. if you want, I'll look for it.
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Hi Geo-Hey

 

I have been where you are now. Depersonalization and all. It was terrifying. I don't know if you can do this but here is what you need to do I my opinion. Increase your xanax until you feel prettty stabilized. I started getting interdose withdrawal symptoms like you are describing at 3 mgs xanax my doctor raised it to 4 mgs per day. That worked for a while then I had to go to 5 mgs. It was the same with me I would wake up in withdrawals. Taking more xanax is all that  would help. I was a fast  metabolizer. About 2 and 1/2 hours and I would need to take more. One day at work I was having withdrawal symptoms very bad and also DP. I had to leave and went to the doctors office. What I did and what I think you need to do is to crossover to a longer half life benzo. I couldn't stand the feeling of valium so my doctor was willing to prescribe klonopin. I began the crossover right away and over all it took me several weeks to crossover completely but I felt some relief the very first week. By the second week the interdose withdrawals were gone. You need to do this as soon as possible. But don't rush the crossover and don't start cutting until you have completely switched over. You can do all this dry, you don't have to change the solid pills into a liquid at least not at this point. Then begin reducing the K in miniscule amounts each day. This is the best way to approach it. Or you can use the schedule provided by a member of this site to reduce your dose. Mainly you need to get off the short acting xanax onto a longer half life benzo. Once you begin to crossover to K or even valium ( I could never stand Valium) it will stop the interdose withdrawals which is the hell you are currently experiencing. Show your doctor the Ashton withdrawal equivalency chart. Klonopin and xanax are equal so once you have found the right amount of xanax where you are reasonably comfortable. Explain to the doctor why you need so much to get started. You don't want to start reducing while you are experiencing symptoms if you can help it. When you have crossed over completely to the K stay there about a week and let your body adjust.  Then begin your taper or titration. I am doing a titration with no with drawal symptoms becasue I started without any symptoms. It is very important to be as free of symptoms before you start you taper/titration which is most likely different then the style they use here on this site.  I don't want to interfere with the way things are done here. But Mainly what you have to do first thing and as soon as possible crossover to a longer acting benzo and this will almost certainly stop the hellish symptoms and the DP you are having. I was at 5mgs of xanax when I switched over to K and i asked the doctor to start me on the k  at 6 mgs. It is easy to make mistakes when you are learning how to change pills into a liquid and measure acurately. I didn't want to be caught short of pills before the end of the month. Feel free to PM me if you would like> I will try and answer any questions you might have. I feel I know exactly what you are going through. I took xanax for twenty years. Familiar with panic attacks and DP/DR. I can't emphasise strongly enough the importance of starting your benzo reduction as symptoms free as possible. 

 

Best of luck

John

 

 

 

 

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Well I started crossing over to Klonopin over the past couple days and today was the first time I didn't wake up shaking! :yippee:

 

I think the problem with me is that my body has grown immune to the Xanax over the years and tries to flush it out of my system asap. With that said I don't think my body will allow me to slowly and safely come off any dosage of xanax. So I'm switching to the klonopin about the same dosage maybe just slightly more (1 & 5/8 Mgs, want to make sure not to go backwords after coming this far :thumbsup: )for about a month to make sure that the xanax is long gone then I will start the titration method.

 

I will keep you guys posted and see how it works out. One weird thing I noticed about Klonopin, it feel kinda cold going down your throught if you let it disolve a little.... Interesting.... Well I guess its much better then the nasty taste of xanax.  :laugh:

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