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Total and complete 100% success after 22 months


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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

heck yes!. i think this every time i read this success story. Im at 20 months still struggling but ive noticed the change around 18 months like he said. Hopefully you will too dude

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  • 1 month later...
hi all  ...this is one of the better healing stories as it shows that within a month or two things can change and we heal after such a long and horrible journey .....most stories just say healed  and then i wonder ,maybe they weren't so bad and they gradually healed over time,,,,,,,congrats on the healing and well put journey that  gives us hope to hold on as a miracle could be waiting around the corner for us no matter how bad our journey is ..............
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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

heck yes!. i think this every time i read this success story. Im at 20 months still struggling but ive noticed the change around 18 months like he said. Hopefully you will too dude

Yes,I 'm starting my 20 months off and I really feel a big change, especially for the mood and for the sleep. I'm so afraid, waiting for the next wave...But I feel it's going to be better and better. After many tough months, you KNOW  the way this story is going

Do you believe it...?

19 months of hell...It's just ridiculous, unbelievable...

What can I say...?

Time is the healer, the only one .

I wish the best for you and all the buddies. Keep the faith

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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

heck yes!. i think this every time i read this success story. Im at 20 months still struggling but ive noticed the change around 18 months like he said. Hopefully you will too dude

Yes,I 'm starting my 20 months off and I really feel a big change, especially for the mood and for the sleep. I'm so afraid, waiting for the next wave...But I feel it's going to be better and better. After many tough months, you KNOW  the way this story is going

Do you believe it...?

19 months of hell...It's just ridiculous, unbelievable...

What can I say...?

Time is the healer, the only one .

I wish the best for you and all the buddies. Keep the faith

 

so good to see a fellow traveler on this road with the same scars, mission and wariness. But month 20 has been something remarkable for me, that change that last dog describes. I dont want to jinz it but somethings definitely happening. Ive had 3 weeks of relative normality out of 4, thats unheard of. and my sleep was well, sleepy for like 2 weeks out of this month. this is all unheard of. I feel like im on a vacation almost. Dont get me wrong theres still the malfunctions but this is great compared to where i was. definite big step in the right direction....AND it seems to be holding!

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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

heck yes!. i think this every time i read this success story. Im at 20 months still struggling but ive noticed the change around 18 months like he said. Hopefully you will too dude

Yes,I 'm starting my 20 months off and I really feel a big change, especially for the mood and for the sleep. I'm so afraid, waiting for the next wave...But I feel it's going to be better and better. After many tough months, you KNOW  the way this story is going

Do you believe it...?

19 months of hell...It's just ridiculous, unbelievable...

What can I say...?

Time is the healer, the only one .

I wish the best for you and all the buddies. Keep the faith

 

so good to see a fellow traveler on this road with the same scars, mission and wariness. But month 20 has been something remarkable for me, that change that last dog describes. I dont want to jinz it but somethings definitely happening. Ive had 3 weeks of relative normality out of 4, thats unheard of. and my sleep was well, sleepy for like 2 weeks out of this month. this is all unheard of. I feel like im on a vacation almost. Dont get me wrong theres still the malfunctions but this is great compared to where i was. definite big step in the right direction....AND it seems to be holding!

Incredible ! I could have written all what you describe...

It's so reassuring to see a fellow traveller on this unknown and dark path.

I think it could be useful and informative for "psys" and "doctors" to study all these testimonies of recovery process.

They would see many troubling similarities.

 So they could be able to provide an estimate of the  recovery time even rough for few withdrawal profiles.

They could describe in the same way symptoms  and turning points associated .

It will be a major step in the withdrawal support.

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This is one of the Success Stories I regularly come to read, again and again. I can relate to the suffering, the long list of mental symptoms... and the long months of seeming status quo. Going through the same hell day in and day out for the last 19 months now... and still not seeing any light shine through.

 

Braddis and Pinky, I'm so glad you are both seeing improvement at 19 or 20 months out, you have earned it!!! Keep going guys, you now know it is happening. It will continue to do so until you no longer need to think about wd and healing, you will be living life, in the moment, not second guessing your wellness and happiness, it will just be you and yourselves again. Trust that that's where you are headed!

 

I am very grateful to those who share their success but also words of hope, as the light begins to shine again in your lives. That's how I cling onto hope that it will start happening for me too someday. And when it does, it will be my turn to share my light with those of us still walking in the dark.

 

Best Healing Wishes to All, and again, Thank You!

Julz xx

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It's incredible how this journey look the same of what I'm going  through ...

Of course, it's not exactly the same, but the timing of evolution and improvement is really close to mine. The symptoms too ! Amazing...

 

Thanks so much for sharing, I'm  18 months off, still struggling, it give me hope.

 

heck yes!. i think this every time i read this success story. Im at 20 months still struggling but ive noticed the change around 18 months like he said. Hopefully you will too dude

Yes,I 'm starting my 20 months off and I really feel a big change, especially for the mood and for the sleep. I'm so afraid, waiting for the next wave...But I feel it's going to be better and better. After many tough months, you KNOW  the way this story is going

Do you believe it...?

19 months of hell...It's just ridiculous, unbelievable...

What can I say...?

Time is the healer, the only one .

I wish the best for you and all the buddies. Keep the faith

 

so good to see a fellow traveler on this road with the same scars, mission and wariness. But month 20 has been something remarkable for me, that change that last dog describes. I dont want to jinz it but somethings definitely happening. Ive had 3 weeks of relative normality out of 4, thats unheard of. and my sleep was well, sleepy for like 2 weeks out of this month. this is all unheard of. I feel like im on a vacation almost. Dont get me wrong theres still the malfunctions but this is great compared to where i was. definite big step in the right direction....AND it seems to be holding!

Incredible ! I could have written all what you describe...

It's so reassuring to see a fellow traveller on this unknown and dark path.

I think it could be useful and informative for "psys" and "doctors" to study all these testimonies of recovery process.

They would see many troubling similarities.

So they could be able to provide an estimate of the  recovery time even rough for few withdrawal profiles.

They could describe in the same way symptoms  and turning points associated .

It will be a major step in the withdrawal support.

 

Today I woke up groggy and sleepy - no cortisol rushes making my hands tremble and giving me anxiety for the first hours, just boring quiet calm and peace. I didnt realise it wasnt there until lunch. I had to recall how terrible i used to feel each morning for months like it was a memory and it was just startling.

 

Agreed I wish more was being done to compile the experiences on here into data. I know that alot has been done through surveys etc. Im not sure if youve seen the part of the site where all that data is. I saw it very early on somewhere and thats how i knew that the majority of us seem to heal up within that 24 month period. it was reassuring but i never believed it until very recently id say and i still have doubts, such is the benzo experience. Always doubts. More can always be done though to improve withdrawal support, totally agree. Hope your well and still holding at this new threshold.

 

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This is one of the Success Stories I regularly come to read, again and again. I can relate to the suffering, the long list of mental symptoms... and the long months of seeming status quo. Going through the same hell day in and day out for the last 19 months now... and still not seeing any light shine through.

 

Braddis and Pinky, I'm so glad you are both seeing improvement at 19 or 20 months out, you have earned it!!! Keep going guys, you now know it is happening. It will continue to do so until you no longer need to think about wd and healing, you will be living life, in the moment, not second guessing your wellness and happiness, it will just be you and yourselves again. Trust that that's where you are headed!

 

I am very grateful to those who share their success but also words of hope, as the light begins to shine again in your lives. That's how I cling onto hope that it will start happening for me too someday. And when it does, it will be my turn to share my light with those of us still walking in the dark.

 

Best Healing Wishes to All, and again, Thank You!

Julz xx

 

Its really great isnt it. I love lostdogs outlook at the end and his clear concise success story. Ive thought of it like a shrine, ive come so often to read and analyze every sentence.

 

Thankyou julz for your positive and hopeful words. You'll make me a believer yet, I feel like you will win no matter how gloomy i get. Benzo buddies really need firefly's like you in the darkness, giving us something to look to in the darkness. I hope your feeling like i am today very soon. I wish it for you on swift wings.

 

Hoping your well  :), Pinky

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This is one of the Success Stories I regularly come to read, again and again. I can relate to the suffering, the long list of mental symptoms... and the long months of seeming status quo. Going through the same hell day in and day out for the last 19 months now... and still not seeing any light shine through.

 

Braddis and Pinky, I'm so glad you are both seeing improvement at 19 or 20 months out, you have earned it!!! Keep going guys, you now know it is happening. It will continue to do so until you no longer need to think about wd and healing, you will be living life, in the moment, not second guessing your wellness and happiness, it will just be you and yourselves again. Trust that that's where you are headed!

 

I am very grateful to those who share their success but also words of hope, as the light begins to shine again in your lives. That's how I cling onto hope that it will start happening for me too someday. And when it does, it will be my turn to share my light with those of us still walking in the dark.

 

Best Healing Wishes to All, and again, Thank You!

Julz xx

Hi Julz,

I come regularly here to seek inspiration and hope. Lostdogs is very talented to clearly describe his journey in a simple manner.

 

I remember your nice and wise words Julz, you're on the way too, no doubt. You have a very good understanding of this process.

 Yes, I'm 19 months off now, and I feel better, but this is not over...

Hope you are going to see improvements, this moments of stillness and well-being whom bring  hope and light !!!

 

This kind of moments:

 

"Today I woke up groggy and sleepy - no cortisol rushes making my hands tremble and giving me anxiety for the first hours, just boring quiet calm and peace. I didnt realise it wasnt there until lunch. I had to recall how terrible i used to feel each morning for months like it was a memory and it was just startling. "

 

(Pinky quote)

 

keep the faith, the hardest part is done.

 

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HI all.... 2days to go and its been  19months of hell,,,,,many stories here of people seeing changes from 18-24months so there is some hope.....they say from 6-24months 90% of people heal and from 24-36  98%  heal .......been such a long journey this poison steals your soul and poisons the mind so we wonder if healing will ever come......hopefully there are more people that have seen some positive changes from 18 months upwards and give  us some  motivation ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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  • 3 months later...

lostdog thank you for sharing your journey to recovery. I found it quite amazing and of course related to so many things you went through.

You did it!!

I'll keep following in your footsteps.

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Wow. I found this by accident. I loved this so much I cried!

 

Since benzo withdrawal started, I can't even cry to let out! Not even once I cried!

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Wow. I found this by accident. I loved this so much I cried!

 

Since benzo withdrawal started, I can't even cry to let out! Not even once I cried!

 

I’ve been the exact same. Crushing depression but I cannot cry at all.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have read so many success stories where the person says, I still have a few symptoms but am basically doing fine now. So I wanted to write mine. I have no symptoms at all. I am 100% back to normal, maybe better.

Through all of it I was hoping for some kind of insight into the meaning of life. I thought of ending my suffering so many times but refused to give up because my adult kids still needed someone, even if it was only to talk on the phone once a month. I think I have, however, found greater happiness than before. I appreciate small things like the taste of food, rain, cooking, giving my very old dog a massage. He can’t walk anymore but he can stand so I carry him into the backyard, wait for him to go, then carry him back inside. I would have considered euthanasia before, but I have a new appreciation for life now and he still wags his tail and enjoys French fries so I want him to have as much time as possible.

My speed of thought has increased tenfold in the last two months. My memories are now back and don’t come fluttering out of nowhere like a deck of cards thrown in the wind. My word recall is just as fast, maybe faster, than it was before. I’m no longer sad, or worried, or think about all that’s wrong in the world.

I started Klonopin about 10 years ago at .5mg per night for restless legs syndrome. Gradually I worked my way up to between 3 and 5mg per day. I started having bladder pain and urination problems and asked all the doctors if the Klonopin could be the cause. They all said no and gave me bladder pain drugs and Flomax and said all men my age develop those problems (I was 50). Nothing helped and it continued to get worse. I read everything I could and decided it was a side effect of the drug. I didn’t believe I had overactive bladder and benign prostate metaplasia simultaneously. My options were surgery or quitting the drug so I quit. I tapered for about three months and lost patience, then quit altogether 22 months ago.

Basically everything got worse and worse for about the first three months then leveled off at six months and I didn’t really start making progress until about a year to 18 months. I can’t remember all the symptoms but a few include: Feeling like a time traveler, feeling like I was outside the flow of humanity, obsessive thoughts, constant suicidal ideation, I didn’t sleep at all or in 20 minute periods for about six months. I am not religious in any way, nor do I believe in spirits, or anything remotely supernatural, yet I often felt pursued by a machine-like intelligence that enjoyed making me suffer. I felt like the world had turned evil, most people were bad, I often felt like I was tethered to a string, floating in space high above my body.

I had partial seizures where I would suddenly lose consciousness, then wake up a few minutes later and not know who I was, or if five minutes or a thousand years had passed. I felt like I had to urinate 24 hours a day and had severe pain. I would go the bathroom every ten minutes but it always felt like I had to go. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t but it always hurt. I had spontaneous bleeding through the skin on my shoulders and chest. I guess that’s where the term sweating blood comes from.

I had the typical stuff too: incredible stomach distention, constant itching, my face would bleed when I shaved, my scalp itched, severe joint and back pain, blinding headaches, pins and needles in every part of my body. If often felt like my face was going to explode. My eyes watered constantly and stung and itched. My sinuses would swell and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I had constant heart palpitations and my blood pressure would go to 240/160. I couldn’t watch movies – everything looked like a really bad high school play. I rarely read books, although I previously read up to four or five books a week. I hated music. I would have watery diarrhea followed by what looked like aquarium gravel. My teeth hurt so much and so often they felt like they were all loose. It was hard to eat because of the pain.

I had crying spells that would last ten hours. I envied other people who weren’t going through what I was. I had always tried to be a good person and I wondered why I was being tortured so horribly. My emotions would cycle from profound sadness to anger to extreme anxiety to hopelessness to complete out-of-body experiences that felt like I was spread across the Universe like the surface of a soap bubble. I felt like I was living in an old black and white Twilight zone in a ghost town where tumbleweeds rolled across the dusty streets and you could hear the creaking of the barroom doors swinging in the wind.

I would suddenly get searing pain like a sword had been stuck through my back, or a thumbtack driven into my knee. Those are all gone.

I couldn’t read the credit card swipe machines and had trouble filling my car with gas. My memories were often so unreal I wondered if they really happened at all. Even around 18 months I was convinced I had permanent brain damage and would never be the same.

I could list another hundred symptoms but you all know them. My point is that it has all gone. I feel smarter, happier, and wiser than I have in ten years. I have no anxiety at all. I laugh to myself at silly things, I love people more than ever, I feel connected to every living thing. I think I have actually achieved the wisdom I searched for all my life.

The last symptoms to go were extreme exhaustion and apathy. My depression lifted at around 18 to 20 months but I didn’t care anymore about anything and all I wanted to do was sleep. I still had pretty bizarre nightmares right up to about a month ago but those are now gone too.

My interest in work has returned. My sense of humor and wit has returned. My bladder works perfectly. No headaches, my teeth don’t hurt, my skin doesn’t itch; even my shoulder, knee and back no longer bother me at all. I feel competent once again. I can see better. I can multitask. I can make instant decisions. Even the texture of my hair and skin has changed dramatically.

I was taking seven different pills a day for blood pressure and now I’m down to one. My blood pressure is normal. I had gained 50 pounds and I’ve lost 30 of them in the last two months. My stomach no longer looks like I swallowed a basketball and I no longer have nausea or the spins.

I can drink coffee again. I have an occasional glass of wine and I can eat anything without being worried it’s going to result in an anxiety attack or crying spell.

Right up to two months ago I would wake up and wonder if I could make it through another day. Now I wake up happy and eager to get to my list of things to do.

Concentrate on the symptoms that are better or you no longer have. Don’t think about what is still wrong. Compare yourself with six months ago and you can see the difference. If you concentrate on the symptoms you still have it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress. Between 18 and 20 months I was on autopilot. I just kept going, feeling like it would never completely go away and I would never be the same again. I had come to terms with that, and then a month later realized that I was beginning to want to do things again. I noticed my speed of thought was increasing weekly and my cognitive precision was back. My memories are now back in order and I am able to recall them in vivid detail, but now they have time tags on them and no longer just pop up randomly.

Physically and mentally I feel as good or better than I have in ten years. I have recovered completely and have no lingering effects. My success story has no qualifiers. It has been 22 months and I’m like new.

For some reason, 12 to 18 months was the most difficult. I think it’s because you’re so exhausted and feeling hopeless. After 18 months it begins to get better but you feel like you’ll never be the way you were before, that there will always be some lingering symptoms. For me it began to really accelerate at around 20 months. I could tell I was beginning to get better but I had given up on being the person I once was.

I have been waiting to write this until I was positive I was completely healed.

I am.

Thank you everyone for all your help and support during the last two years. It made all the difference to know I wasn’t alone. Neither are you. You will get better. I promise.

 

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  • 1 month later...
Now, that is one success story that I could read over and over again! I love the hope it brings to so many of us!! :smitten:
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I have read so many success stories where the person says, I still have a few symptoms but am basically doing fine now. So I wanted to write mine. I have no symptoms at all. I am 100% back to normal, maybe better.

Through all of it I was hoping for some kind of insight into the meaning of life. I thought of ending my suffering so many times but refused to give up because my adult kids still needed someone, even if it was only to talk on the phone once a month. I think I have, however, found greater happiness than before. I appreciate small things like the taste of food, rain, cooking, giving my very old dog a massage. He can’t walk anymore but he can stand so I carry him into the backyard, wait for him to go, then carry him back inside. I would have considered euthanasia before, but I have a new appreciation for life now and he still wags his tail and enjoys French fries so I want him to have as much time as possible.

My speed of thought has increased tenfold in the last two months. My memories are now back and don’t come fluttering out of nowhere like a deck of cards thrown in the wind. My word recall is just as fast, maybe faster, than it was before. I’m no longer sad, or worried, or think about all that’s wrong in the world.

I started Klonopin about 10 years ago at .5mg per night for restless legs syndrome. Gradually I worked my way up to between 3 and 5mg per day. I started having bladder pain and urination problems and asked all the doctors if the Klonopin could be the cause. They all said no and gave me bladder pain drugs and Flomax and said all men my age develop those problems (I was 50). Nothing helped and it continued to get worse. I read everything I could and decided it was a side effect of the drug. I didn’t believe I had overactive bladder and benign prostate metaplasia simultaneously. My options were surgery or quitting the drug so I quit. I tapered for about three months and lost patience, then quit altogether 22 months ago.

Basically everything got worse and worse for about the first three months then leveled off at six months and I didn’t really start making progress until about a year to 18 months. I can’t remember all the symptoms but a few include: Feeling like a time traveler, feeling like I was outside the flow of humanity, obsessive thoughts, constant suicidal ideation, I didn’t sleep at all or in 20 minute periods for about six months. I am not religious in any way, nor do I believe in spirits, or anything remotely supernatural, yet I often felt pursued by a machine-like intelligence that enjoyed making me suffer. I felt like the world had turned evil, most people were bad, I often felt like I was tethered to a string, floating in space high above my body.

I had partial seizures where I would suddenly lose consciousness, then wake up a few minutes later and not know who I was, or if five minutes or a thousand years had passed. I felt like I had to urinate 24 hours a day and had severe pain. I would go the bathroom every ten minutes but it always felt like I had to go. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t but it always hurt. I had spontaneous bleeding through the skin on my shoulders and chest. I guess that’s where the term sweating blood comes from.

I had the typical stuff too: incredible stomach distention, constant itching, my face would bleed when I shaved, my scalp itched, severe joint and back pain, blinding headaches, pins and needles in every part of my body. If often felt like my face was going to explode. My eyes watered constantly and stung and itched. My sinuses would swell and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I had constant heart palpitations and my blood pressure would go to 240/160. I couldn’t watch movies – everything looked like a really bad high school play. I rarely read books, although I previously read up to four or five books a week. I hated music. I would have watery diarrhea followed by what looked like aquarium gravel. My teeth hurt so much and so often they felt like they were all loose. It was hard to eat because of the pain.

I had crying spells that would last ten hours. I envied other people who weren’t going through what I was. I had always tried to be a good person and I wondered why I was being tortured so horribly. My emotions would cycle from profound sadness to anger to extreme anxiety to hopelessness to complete out-of-body experiences that felt like I was spread across the Universe like the surface of a soap bubble. I felt like I was living in an old black and white Twilight zone in a ghost town where tumbleweeds rolled across the dusty streets and you could hear the creaking of the barroom doors swinging in the wind.

I would suddenly get searing pain like a sword had been stuck through my back, or a thumbtack driven into my knee. Those are all gone.

I couldn’t read the credit card swipe machines and had trouble filling my car with gas. My memories were often so unreal I wondered if they really happened at all. Even around 18 months I was convinced I had permanent brain damage and would never be the same.

I could list another hundred symptoms but you all know them. My point is that it has all gone. I feel smarter, happier, and wiser than I have in ten years. I have no anxiety at all. I laugh to myself at silly things, I love people more than ever, I feel connected to every living thing. I think I have actually achieved the wisdom I searched for all my life.

The last symptoms to go were extreme exhaustion and apathy. My depression lifted at around 18 to 20 months but I didn’t care anymore about anything and all I wanted to do was sleep. I still had pretty bizarre nightmares right up to about a month ago but those are now gone too.

My interest in work has returned. My sense of humor and wit has returned. My bladder works perfectly. No headaches, my teeth don’t hurt, my skin doesn’t itch; even my shoulder, knee and back no longer bother me at all. I feel competent once again. I can see better. I can multitask. I can make instant decisions. Even the texture of my hair and skin has changed dramatically.

I was taking seven different pills a day for blood pressure and now I’m down to one. My blood pressure is normal. I had gained 50 pounds and I’ve lost 30 of them in the last two months. My stomach no longer looks like I swallowed a basketball and I no longer have nausea or the spins.

I can drink coffee again. I have an occasional glass of wine and I can eat anything without being worried it’s going to result in an anxiety attack or crying spell.

Right up to two months ago I would wake up and wonder if I could make it through another day. Now I wake up happy and eager to get to my list of things to do.

Concentrate on the symptoms that are better or you no longer have. Don’t think about what is still wrong. Compare yourself with six months ago and you can see the difference. If you concentrate on the symptoms you still have it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress. Between 18 and 20 months I was on autopilot. I just kept going, feeling like it would never completely go away and I would never be the same again. I had come to terms with that, and then a month later realized that I was beginning to want to do things again. I noticed my speed of thought was increasing weekly and my cognitive precision was back. My memories are now back in order and I am able to recall them in vivid detail, but now they have time tags on them and no longer just pop up randomly.

Physically and mentally I feel as good or better than I have in ten years. I have recovered completely and have no lingering effects. My success story has no qualifiers. It has been 22 months and I’m like new.

For some reason, 12 to 18 months was the most difficult. I think it’s because you’re so exhausted and feeling hopeless. After 18 months it begins to get better but you feel like you’ll never be the way you were before, that there will always be some lingering symptoms. For me it began to really accelerate at around 20 months. I could tell I was beginning to get better but I had given up on being the person I once was.

I have been waiting to write this until I was positive I was completely healed.

I am.

Thank you everyone for all your help and support during the last two years. It made all the difference to know I wasn’t alone. Neither are you. You will get better. I promise.

 

How long before you relapse?

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Relapse??

 

I was in contact with him for awhile, maybe years after he wrote the story. He was doing great!!

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To my opinion, Lostdog was really fighting with the withdrawal, he was not sick in his head and his body, that's why there is no relapse in his case.

This success story is always a source of inspiration for me. There's no self pity but an objective and informed look of various symptoms that he was suffering.

And of course, at the end of his journey, he won.

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I have read so many success stories where the person says, I still have a few symptoms but am basically doing fine now. So I wanted to write mine. I have no symptoms at all. I am 100% back to normal, maybe better.

Through all of it I was hoping for some kind of insight into the meaning of life. I thought of ending my suffering so many times but refused to give up because my adult kids still needed someone, even if it was only to talk on the phone once a month. I think I have, however, found greater happiness than before. I appreciate small things like the taste of food, rain, cooking, giving my very old dog a massage. He can’t walk anymore but he can stand so I carry him into the backyard, wait for him to go, then carry him back inside. I would have considered euthanasia before, but I have a new appreciation for life now and he still wags his tail and enjoys French fries so I want him to have as much time as possible.

My speed of thought has increased tenfold in the last two months. My memories are now back and don’t come fluttering out of nowhere like a deck of cards thrown in the wind. My word recall is just as fast, maybe faster, than it was before. I’m no longer sad, or worried, or think about all that’s wrong in the world.

I started Klonopin about 10 years ago at .5mg per night for restless legs syndrome. Gradually I worked my way up to between 3 and 5mg per day. I started having bladder pain and urination problems and asked all the doctors if the Klonopin could be the cause. They all said no and gave me bladder pain drugs and Flomax and said all men my age develop those problems (I was 50). Nothing helped and it continued to get worse. I read everything I could and decided it was a side effect of the drug. I didn’t believe I had overactive bladder and benign prostate metaplasia simultaneously. My options were surgery or quitting the drug so I quit. I tapered for about three months and lost patience, then quit altogether 22 months ago.

Basically everything got worse and worse for about the first three months then leveled off at six months and I didn’t really start making progress until about a year to 18 months. I can’t remember all the symptoms but a few include: Feeling like a time traveler, feeling like I was outside the flow of humanity, obsessive thoughts, constant suicidal ideation, I didn’t sleep at all or in 20 minute periods for about six months. I am not religious in any way, nor do I believe in spirits, or anything remotely supernatural, yet I often felt pursued by a machine-like intelligence that enjoyed making me suffer. I felt like the world had turned evil, most people were bad, I often felt like I was tethered to a string, floating in space high above my body.

I had partial seizures where I would suddenly lose consciousness, then wake up a few minutes later and not know who I was, or if five minutes or a thousand years had passed. I felt like I had to urinate 24 hours a day and had severe pain. I would go the bathroom every ten minutes but it always felt like I had to go. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t but it always hurt. I had spontaneous bleeding through the skin on my shoulders and chest. I guess that’s where the term sweating blood comes from.

I had the typical stuff too: incredible stomach distention, constant itching, my face would bleed when I shaved, my scalp itched, severe joint and back pain, blinding headaches, pins and needles in every part of my body. If often felt like my face was going to explode. My eyes watered constantly and stung and itched. My sinuses would swell and I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I had constant heart palpitations and my blood pressure would go to 240/160. I couldn’t watch movies – everything looked like a really bad high school play. I rarely read books, although I previously read up to four or five books a week. I hated music. I would have watery diarrhea followed by what looked like aquarium gravel. My teeth hurt so much and so often they felt like they were all loose. It was hard to eat because of the pain.

I had crying spells that would last ten hours. I envied other people who weren’t going through what I was. I had always tried to be a good person and I wondered why I was being tortured so horribly. My emotions would cycle from profound sadness to anger to extreme anxiety to hopelessness to complete out-of-body experiences that felt like I was spread across the Universe like the surface of a soap bubble. I felt like I was living in an old black and white Twilight zone in a ghost town where tumbleweeds rolled across the dusty streets and you could hear the creaking of the barroom doors swinging in the wind.

I would suddenly get searing pain like a sword had been stuck through my back, or a thumbtack driven into my knee. Those are all gone.

I couldn’t read the credit card swipe machines and had trouble filling my car with gas. My memories were often so unreal I wondered if they really happened at all. Even around 18 months I was convinced I had permanent brain damage and would never be the same.

I could list another hundred symptoms but you all know them. My point is that it has all gone. I feel smarter, happier, and wiser than I have in ten years. I have no anxiety at all. I laugh to myself at silly things, I love people more than ever, I feel connected to every living thing. I think I have actually achieved the wisdom I searched for all my life.

The last symptoms to go were extreme exhaustion and apathy. My depression lifted at around 18 to 20 months but I didn’t care anymore about anything and all I wanted to do was sleep. I still had pretty bizarre nightmares right up to about a month ago but those are now gone too.

My interest in work has returned. My sense of humor and wit has returned. My bladder works perfectly. No headaches, my teeth don’t hurt, my skin doesn’t itch; even my shoulder, knee and back no longer bother me at all. I feel competent once again. I can see better. I can multitask. I can make instant decisions. Even the texture of my hair and skin has changed dramatically.

I was taking seven different pills a day for blood pressure and now I’m down to one. My blood pressure is normal. I had gained 50 pounds and I’ve lost 30 of them in the last two months. My stomach no longer looks like I swallowed a basketball and I no longer have nausea or the spins.

I can drink coffee again. I have an occasional glass of wine and I can eat anything without being worried it’s going to result in an anxiety attack or crying spell.

Right up to two months ago I would wake up and wonder if I could make it through another day. Now I wake up happy and eager to get to my list of things to do.

Concentrate on the symptoms that are better or you no longer have. Don’t think about what is still wrong. Compare yourself with six months ago and you can see the difference. If you concentrate on the symptoms you still have it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress. Between 18 and 20 months I was on autopilot. I just kept going, feeling like it would never completely go away and I would never be the same again. I had come to terms with that, and then a month later realized that I was beginning to want to do things again. I noticed my speed of thought was increasing weekly and my cognitive precision was back. My memories are now back in order and I am able to recall them in vivid detail, but now they have time tags on them and no longer just pop up randomly.

Physically and mentally I feel as good or better than I have in ten years. I have recovered completely and have no lingering effects. My success story has no qualifiers. It has been 22 months and I’m like new.

For some reason, 12 to 18 months was the most difficult. I think it’s because you’re so exhausted and feeling hopeless. After 18 months it begins to get better but you feel like you’ll never be the way you were before, that there will always be some lingering symptoms. For me it began to really accelerate at around 20 months. I could tell I was beginning to get better but I had given up on being the person I once was.

I have been waiting to write this until I was positive I was completely healed.

I am.

Thank you everyone for all your help and support during the last two years. It made all the difference to know I wasn’t alone. Neither are you. You will get better. I promise.

 

How long before you relapse?

 

why so pessimistic dude? i spoke to lost dog a few months back. He said everything returns to normal, absolutely everything!.

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