20 months after my c/t, slowly I'm getting better -yeah

Hello to anyone reading this or to myself later,

 

Today I am 20 months benzo free.  That is huge!!!  It is something that I struggled getting to and should have bragging rights to.  I don't feel like a celebration and I just don't know why. 

 

Ok maybe if I look at how far I have come then I'll be able to see the healing that I have done. The healing that isn't over yet.

 

Before I c/t I had intolerance sxs that I didn't know they were.

 

high resting heart rate, high heart rate if I even walked - could hardly go up steps. When I had a stress test it was done chemically because I wasn't well enough to do treadmill.  I was hospitalized 3 xs in 5 months for my heart sxs, was referred to Cleveland Clinic but never went because I c/t off benzos and all these heart conditions went away.

 

I had burning pain in my hips when I slept on my sides. We tried various mattress pads but nothing eased the pain. I slept with a pillow between my knees. That pain is 100 % gone and don't have to use the pillow anymore.

 

My left ear had a pressure feeling in it. I had my hearing checked and it was normal but it didn't feel that way. I later developed bad itching and burning in one area on my ear right above the hole. As the months have gone by the hearing pressure has gone and all the itching pain is now gone.

 

My agoraphobia that I developed as I was on Xanax is now 100% gone. I go where I want mostly alone and definitely with someone.  I had gotten where I couldn't even go to a fast food restaurant with my family, nor to even family gatherings for holidays. Now I'm planning a graduation party for my son who is graduating from college. When he graduated from high school I wasn't able to do that, my sister had it, and I didn't attend until almost everyone was gone.  So agoraphobia is gone!!

 

Migraines gone 100% - was bedridden off and on for days over the years with migraines. Haven't had a single one since I c/t.

 

Fibromyalgia 100% gone - was diagnosed with fibro 5 years prior to going on benzos - took Darvocet as needed for 20 years - not when pregnant nor nursing. After c/t fibro pain gone.

 

CFS - I believe the fatigue that I was having, bone weary fatigue - it was the benzos. I'm tired now but not the deep bone weary fatigue. I was even put on Adderall - my mommy medicine the Dr called it, to give me the energy to take care of 3 children. Total teeter totter effect.  Fatigue gone.

 

Ok if I just look at these sxs then that shows me there has been tremendous healing to my body.

 

Now sxs I have had since I cold turkeyed:

 

*jerking - gone

*shaking - gone

*jelly legs - gone

*tunnel hearing - gone

*light sensitivity - gone

*smell sensitivity - gone

*taste - can taste foods again

*stiff joints pain bending, moving - 100% gone

*muscle pain - gone 100%

*agoraphobia - 100% gone

 

Sxs I still have that are much better:

+>agitation - don't have most days - 90% gone

+>vibrations - 80 % better, when they do come they aren't as often

+>burning skin - 80 % better, just hit and miss firing, where early it was all over my body

+>heart palpitations - 80% better, once in awhile I have the sudden surge just as I drift off to sleep, or I awake with them, but this is happening less frequent where it was daily.

+>weight - have lost 8 lbs past few weeks

+>blurry eyes - has come back since I got low on Lyrica and up dosed, but tolerable

+>sleep - getting better now that I have up dosed on Lyrica

+>energy - still low but not fatigued

+>pins and needles - gone most of the time 90%

+>tinnitus - gone most of the time, but when it does come it isn't real loud anymore

+>hair falling out - slowed down but started up more when Lyrica got low

 

Sxs that I still have but have improved but not as much:

-->anxiety - much better than early months, have some days where it is 100% gone, do have more than I hope to when this is over. Probably one of my main sxs still, but better.

-->fear - I use to have horrid spells that was like deep panic was happening, now I just have almost a constant fear that I'm not going to get well, or fear of being on or off Lyrica. I just don't feel positive or sure of my recovery. This has come just in the last two months.

-->benzo belly - swelling isn't as painful, band feeling across top of belly is gone more than not. I haven't gotten any larger in several months, and am flatter in the mornings

-->depression - have developed this around month 19, is it depression or just tired of recovery and disappointed with tapering off Lyrica?

-->intrusive thoughts - came back some when I got too low on Lyrica - have up dosed - helping

-->nausea - still have it most days, think tapering Lyrica affects this

 

?>akathesia - was gone 100% but came back when I got too low on Lyrica, up dosing took away again

 

_food sensitivity to chemicals - still very sensitive to MSG, watch caffeine intake. Had prior will always have. No big deal can live around this.

 

Ok this took a while to do, and I probably focused on my sxs more than I need to, but I hadn't done an extensive list like this before.  It shows that healing is really happening.  I also can see that I have more emotional / mental sxs than the physical ones.  But even with them there has been healing, except the depression which is new and it does leave when windows come, so it is nothing that needs to be treated with medication.  I think it is a mixture of longevity and tapering.

 

So even though I don't want to be doing this anymore, dah do any of us? I am getting better and will continue to. If I have gotten to this point on higher levels of Lyrica then tapering down, I'll continue to improve on this lower level - holding - and tapering more in the future.

 

So Happy 20th Month Benzo Free Sally!!!   You are doing it girl.  I'm proud of you.  From you doing this your children and nieces and nephews will never take a benzo.  Your two children that plan to become drs will treat patients differently from experiencing this in their lives, that will impact volumes of people.  I know this is so hard, but you have come so far and hopefully the worse is behind you.  You will never have to experience a c/t again, so that is definitely behind you as are those early months.  Just continue to hold and stay on course and continue to heal. Now go take a pamper bath and put on those maternity pants and drive down to Sonic for a cherry limeaid to celebrate the day. lol  Life has been worse and you made it thru, you can make it thru the rest of the way.

 

After doing this I do feel like celebrating, sometimes you just have to put it all down in writing to be able to see the progress.

 

Healing to all of us,

love,

Sally 

Sally,

 

I think your recovery is miraculous. When I read what it was like for you before, were you are now seems amazing!

Hi, congrats on 20 mos. out! Could you tell me how you are tapering Lyrica? I have to taper 300mg gabapentin one day. Thanks and good luck to you!!!

Sally,

 

I think your recovery is miraculous. When I read what it was like for you before, were you are now seems amazing!

 

Thanks gaer for posting. Yes I have come a long way. I was so sick on benzos to the point I wasn't able to do anything, hardly even able to eat.  I'm not there yet but I am better, a lot better and I will continue to heal.

Congrats on getting benzo free.  I hope your healing goes smooth but even if you have the sxs they will grow less as time goes on.

Sally 

Good for you Sally, happy for you 

Hi, congrats on 20 mos. out! Could you tell me how you are tapering Lyrica? I have to taper 300mg gabapentin one day. Thanks and good luck to you!!!

 

Hi daisy mae,

 

Thanks for writing me.  On tapering off the Lyrica I'm doing water titration.  I post under the General Taper Plans - my thread is  "water titration taper off Lyrica".

 

I don't know if Gabapentin is water soluble - if it is I would definitely do water titration verses making large amount reductions.  If it isn't water soluble - I don't know why some people use baby food or other solutions but maybe that would be an option.

 

I'm going to hold here for I don't know how long. I was in a window yesterday but today I feel iffy. This is how I felt when tapering down or holding before. I never knew whether tapering was causing me waves or if it was benzo recovery. I leaned more on the later, until I got down too low and I really felt it was Lyrica then.  It is a hard call to know what to do.

 

I think you will know when to taper down, if it is the right thing to do for you. 

 

Thanks for writing me lately daisy mae. I hope you are doing ok, you are getting close to 18 months being off. That's good each day we pass is one day closer to being well.

hugs,

Sally 

Thanks Moe,

 

I hope you are doing ok and seeing healing at 16 months. My 16th month was good for me, more good days than bad. I hope the same for you.

 

healing to all of us,

Sally 

WooHoo! Yeeeeeee HAH!  Whooppeeee. Back flips! Cartwheels! All the happy things!

 

If I was Sampson, I'd be wagging my tail so hard my whole body would shake!

:clap: :clap: :highfive: :balloon: :yippee:

 

I am SOOOOOOOO proud of you, Sally sweets, my dear friend. You have fought one the longest and most difficult battles of any of us here and you are making it through. It took a lot of courage and plain old guts on your part.  It took VALOR! You know I love that word during this time because it is the only word that even comes close to describing what it takes to make it through this nightmare. Uncommon courage in the face of adversity. That's what you have displayed.

 

You know, I expect there will be more hurdles and more dark times in this journey. That's OK. You now know what to do and you've been doing it all along. You are SO close to healed! You're accounting of it blesses us all and I, personally, could not be happier if it was me. This struggle has brought us all so close. We cheer each other on. We understand what it took.

 

Can you tell I'm proud and happy?? 

 

You deserve every single thing good that comes your way.

I love you, Sweets!

Flip

 

Dearest Sally,

 

Whew.......... I just read this.  God love you always.  What a strong person you are.  What an accomplishment... CONGRATULATIONS!

:thumbsup: That Healing Door is just up ahead and it won't be long for you.  My good strong healing thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

Always, Pattylu :smitten:

My dear BB,

 

I am 21 months since my c/t and I am honestly healing.  I have had the best two weeks since - well it has been years.  I am calmer internally than I don't know when, probably back to pre benzo days. I went on xanax for PMS Oct 1995.

 

I am not healed 100% but honestly I am getting closer.  When I do have sxs / wave - like I did some last night, it wasn't intense and didn't last past a few hours.  Two Saturdays ago I was in a wave and still able to have a graduation party for my oldest son. I had help planning and preparing the menu for I couldn't really think due to my wave. But I talked to every person that came and I wanted to chat. I stayed til late into the night. 5 years ago when he graduated from high school I could not have his party, one of his aunts did. I wasn't even able to attend until most people left and then I could hardly visit with anyone. It has been a complete turn around now.

 

I started having acupuncture treatments - I have had two treatments.  I don't know if they are helping but they sure aren't revving me.  My dr is treating me for insomnia and nausea, the nausea is gone. Is it the treatment - who can say but I'm staying on this course. I guess time will tell, if my sleep improves then the acupuncture is working.

 

I have started to do needlepoint again.  I'm able to think my process out. I made up my design and picked out my colors of yarn.  It feels great to be creative again. I haven't done needlepoint for years, because of dull brain.

 

I finished reading a book and have started another one.  I can recall what I have read and remember characters.

 

I'm wanting to be around people.  I am engaging in conversations and having chats that are real life.  I am able to talk about what had happened to me without it causing anxiety. I can share the seriousness about medication choices rationally where before I couldn't express my feelings verbally. I can discuss it and then move on to another subject - just go with the flow.

 

These are the things I notice have started really changing for the positive in my last few weeks. I am feeling well enough to be planning a trip in August to my in laws.  I haven't been there in 3 years where I had a melt down at a family reunion, now I want to return this new well - almost healed Sally.  I'm excited and proud of my changes.

 

I'm probably not finished with waves, but I do believe I'm finished with the worse of this road. I do believe we will heal. I believe we get past this and return to the real world. I will never forget what benzos did to me, forget what they took from me but I will and am taking back my life.

 

If you are new on this road, or mid way through, or even a long timer and not there yet - just keep holding on.  We all heal at different rates but I honestly believe healing does happen.  Our bodies will heal from this and eventually the waves and sxs will stop. It doesn't happen quickly but it does happen. And I Am Getting Closer!!!

 

healing be with all of us,

love

Sally    Stillbelieving we will heal 

Oh Sally, I loved reading that gorgeous post.. All I can do is offer you hugs and say that YOU did this..You hung in there and you stayed the course. You are a wonderful and courageous lady.  I feel so uplifted by reading this news and I know you will offer comfort to so many by your experience.  Thank you for letting us know this news!

 

Many hugs coming your way my friend.

 

Love, Bets 

To a very nice lady,

 

Your unwavering determination, your kindness, and your courageous spirit is sure to inspire, and guide the many folks who are still venturing down that long, and often times very lonely road towards recovery.

 

Because of the strength and perseverence that you have shown, people will get up every morning more determined than they were the day before, to be healed, and to be free to follow their dreams.

 

Sally, you are an Angel of hope, and inspiration.  I wish you the very, very best as you continue to heal.

 

pj

 

 

Sally,

 

What a beautiful post, you deserve all the good things that life can give you.  What a long and difficult struggle, no one can really understand how difficult this can be but us.  That is why it is such a triumph to read about your success.  You did believe and so should everyone here, that healing will happen,

 

pianogirl  :smitten:

Just a note from one piano teacher to another:

 

Today I felt 100% normal, maybe better than "normal" used to be. I had no trouble teaching, felt connected.

 

I don't expect every day to be this good.

 

But every day wasn't this good in the past either.

 

I wanted to thank you for suggesting that this would happen. It has been slowly coming back for me for a couple weeks. I suppose it isn't real until it is real, if that makes any sense.

 

Donkey aka Gary

Stillbelieving, CONGRATULATIONS on 21 mos. out!!! So proud for you!!! Thanks for posting!!

This is exactly the post I needed to read today. Thank you!!!!!

east

Hi everyone,

 

Thank you to all of you that have posted words of encouragement to me, Betsy, PJ, Pianogirl, Gaer, Daisymae and Eastcoast - my heart is with all of you.

 

I am almost 21 1/2 months now and I am totally feeling so positive.  I wanted to share something that I didn't mention before but really believe I have something that would be very beneficial to all of us.  Several months ago Flip had told me about a technique called EFT.  I started watching some youtubes by a man that practiced a method called FasterEFT.  I was seeing some results, enough that I seek-ed out a workshop.

 

Last weekend I left the security of my home and went an hour away - spent the night with a sister and attended a workshop of EFT - emotional freedom technique - tapping.  I had signed up just for day one, but from what I experienced and saw I signed up for the full course.  I went home got more clothes and went back to day two and three.  It was absolutely the best thing I have done for myself in years.  It was life changing in a positive way.  I have an appointment tomorrow for a one on one session with Aila Accad the practitioner that taught my classes.  I am using EFT at home but I did have an experience while at the workshop that showed me I needed deeper work than I'm able to do on my own.  I have PTSD from going c/t.  I didn't realize I did until I was taken back to my c/t trauma through a tapping session.  Aila was able to take me thru and bring me back to present day.  It was deep, yet very freeing.  I want all this trauma, hell out of me, I want to purge my body of the negative.  I want to have the power and through EFT I can do that.

 

Here is a site on a documentary called The Tapping Solution.  It shows the lives of 10 people who go to a 4 day EFT therapy and how their lives change.  None of these people are in benzo wd but this technique can apply to us.  I don't know if it would take away the wd physical sxs that we go thru, especially in c/t. Maybe that is just something we have to go thru as our bodies chemically change.  I don't know, I wasn't doing this technique back then.  But I do know that it changes the cortisol levels.  There is proof of this in studies done - one by Harvard Med school.  People that practice EFT their cortisol levels were lower on the average 24% sometimes as much as 50%. That greatly affects the anxiety, depression and overall psychological sxs.

 

Before I forget here is the documentary site. It is over an hour long but worth viewing.

 

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/8738/The-Tapping-Solution

 

Here is a youtube by a former benzo user - showing how to use it with benzo wd.

 

 

And here is a site to help find an EFT practitioner world wide.  I highly suggest everyone check into EFT, research - watch the documentary, youtubes, read the Tapping Solution book, and if you can work at least once with a practitioner to help you get started.  My practitioner guarantees her work, money back guarantees - not any drs or therapist do that that I'm aware of.

 

http://www.tappinginternational.com/practitioners.php

 

Healing does happen, but having a tool to help us get through this - a tool that I really am seeing results from is awesome.  I have a thread in the alternative therapies board on EFT.  Others are practicing or discovering it also.  It is empowering to have a way to deal and be pro active toward this journey. 

 

I said in my post on the alternative board - I don't understand how electricity gets thru the wires but it does, I don't understand how cell phones work without wires but they do. I use these form of energy being transferred from one location to another, so why not use the energy of EFT in my mind and body?  I'm telling you it is really amazing and helping me.

 

Healing is definitely happening,

Sally 

Sally - Great job!  At what month did the agoraphobia go away?  I still have it really bad at 13+ months off and had it for longer due to tolerance w/d.  It's definitely tough due to the zig zag pattern, one day I can do something, but the next day I can't do 1/10th of what I did the previous day.

Sally - Great job!  At what month did the agoraphobia go away?  I still have it really bad at 13+ months off and had it for longer due to tolerance w/d.  It's definitely tough due to the zig zag pattern, one day I can do something, but the next day I can't do 1/10th of what I did the previous day.

 

Hi inw,

 

Just keep hanging in there about the agoraphobia it will go away. It sounds like it is lessening being that you are able to do something one day, then not another.  I had it like that for months. Now it is just gone 100% gone.  I also had it prior to my c/t - for years I couldn't go into even a fast food restaurant with my family, could hardly go even to visit my siblings and their families. Now I go where I want with or without someone. 

 

I can't remember which month exactly - it was a gradual happening. Just know that it will go away, go out when you can.  I don't know if you have read about my using EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique - it is also called Tapping - it's like acupuncture without the needles.  I think it would be helpful to you to check into this and use it with agoraphobia.  I wish I had started using it earlier.

I just recently read where Bliss Johns had used it and felt it helped her. There are a lot of youtubes on EFT - here is one I googled real fast for you to have a place to go to.

 

another site I found for you on agoraphobia and EFT

 

I honestly am seeing results on EFT.  You won't lose anything trying this for agoraphobia.

 

Hope this helps you,

Sally 

StillBelieving - Thank you for the Tapping recommendation and also great news to hear that you overcame agoraphobia too.  The fact that it started with benzos and disappeared after (even though it may have taken time) is proof again that the benzos cause it in a lot of people here.

Hello BB,

 

Today I am 22 Months Benzo FREE!!! Today I am almost ready to write my SUCCESS Story!!!  Today I Declare there is HEALING after being benzo FREE!!!!

 

I can so remember how important words were to me through this process.  I would log on and read success stories every day.  Some I read over and over, even though I knew the ending - they gave me such hope.  So I know these words that I'm writing are important and I write them hoping to give others the same hope that I so needed.

 

I can't believe the last 6 weeks.  It is as if everything has just clicked. I did have 5 once a week acupuncture treatments and I started doing EFT full version on a regular bases.  Was it my doing these two therapies or was it just recovery timing?  I can't say 100% but right around that point things started changing for the better.  Both of these therapies affect the cortisol level, lowering it.

 

I'm not on here much anymore, for I am doing so many things - just living.  It hit me just a bit ago that I was taking my 2nd shower for the day.  I remember when taking one shower was too stimulating, so I would sit in the tub with just a few inches of water and take the fastest most shallow bath that I could stand.  I couldn't even be in the bathroom alone, I would make my husband or even sisters come sit with me for the process was just too stimulating and over whelming. Eventually the bath water did get deeper and I used baths a lot to soak with Epsom Salt in. It took over a year before I could take a shower.  Still they didn't happen daily - bath and or showers were just too tiring, I would have to rest after having one.  Now I pop in and out without thinking about resting.  It is get clean and on to the next thing.  Something that I took for granted before but dreaded for so long, now it is the norm again.

 

So many things have changed over the months, but so much just these last few weeks. I am truly experiencing life like I am just waking up.  I do such simple things and have a WOW reaction.  Seeing flowers blooming out in my yard that have bloomed for years but never did I care.  I am going outside now and cutting them bringing them in wanting their color in my world. I have never done this before. 

 

I'm turning on music again. For years we never had music playing in our house, at least I didn't, my kids did in their areas but not just flowing through out the house.  Now I have it going through the house or out on the porches.  I dance to it - I want to move with it. 

 

I feel joy!!!  I keep telling my husband that I am just so happy!  I laugh - really laugh - deep like you better sit down or you will wet your pants laugh.  It feels so good.

 

I'm calm, I'm at peace internally.  The horrible worry is gone.  The terrible anxiety is gone.  I can remember others ahead of me writing that and it is true.  Sure I do get anxious - like I heard my brother in law was in the hospital - when I got the call I had a normal reaction for someone I love and am concerned about - it wasn't don't tell me I can't handle that kind of news or omg I will get sick and have to go to the hospital too and they will give me benzos and then and then and then. No I listened and then called my sister and asked what could I do, and I didn't turn it in on me. By the way he will be ok, he is a diabetic and had a pancreatic attack.

 

Friday I did major grocery shopping alone.  We were having people over for a cook out - that we haven't done in a long time. On the way home while driving, I got so overcom-ed with emotion I started sobbing. I was so thankful and appreciative that I am living life again. It felt so good to be doing normal things.

 

So people whether it has anything to do with my receiving acupuncture I can't say for sure, but I'm glad I had the treatments and will once a month for a few more months.  My doing EFT - well I absolutely love doing tapping and plan to do that the rest of my life.  EFT is something I do see the results from within minutes of my tapping.  I tap on so many different issues - like one day this week I was traveling in 5 o'clock traffic with my middle son, he was driving my car which he isn't use to, and it was pouring down a hard rain.  I didn't want him to know I was feeling anxious for that would have caused him to feel the stress of the situation more, so I started tapping on the side of my right eye where he couldn't see me tapping, my nausea went away as did my anxiety. After a few minutes I stopped the tapping and carried on with our conversation, and on down the road we went relaxed and enjoying our time together.  I tap at bed to help my sleep. I tap if I get a headache instead of taking Tylenol.  I tap if I wake with any adrenaline surge.

 

No EFT I don't believe would take away the w/d sxs - I believe sxs are something we just physically have to go thru - but I do wish I had started EFT sooner than I had, and wished that I had talked to a practitioner - someone really trained in it earlier. I believe EFT does help how we deal / react  with the sxs. I was having results from it on my own, but not like I do now that I have started doing the full set up and use the 13 tapping spots. Now I have learned that one or two of those 13 spots sometimes can be tapped without my having to go through all the spots - as I did in the car the other day, or other times like before bed I do all 13 spots.  EFT is really I think the biggest tool I have toward my healing in benzo wd and my future in life.

 

Life is getting better and better all the time.  I'm becoming Sallyann again.  My daughter tells me - I just don't react like I use to - things that she thinks will fluster me - I say oh well if that is the worse thing that happens today then we are having a good day.  I say that quite often, it is so true. After going through this c/t and recovery, most things in life aren't even worth getting upset over.

 

My sleeping is getting better, it isn't where I want it to be but I know with tapping, lowering my cortisol levels it will help my sleep, and sleep will lower my cortisol levels too - vicious circle will end.  My benzo belly is getting flatter - not wearing maternity pants anymore - yeah.  Again lower cortisol levels helps with the belly weight. Bloating is better also.  So not stressing over my weight, it will come down for a more normal range for me.  Majority of my other sxs - burning - vibrations are gone most of the time but might slightly appear if I'm tired - but I know will go completely in time.

 

I am getting so close to writing my Success Story. But until then I'm living life - not just surviving the days.  I'm stillbelieving that healing will happen for all of us, eventually it will to you. Just keep holding on and check into the EFT and tap those cortisol levels down.

 

Healing to all of us,

love,

Sally 

Dear Stillbelieving Sally Ann Sweets Friend,

 

My heart is full when I read your beautiful post. You so deserve this, my friend. I feel joy for you when I read how you feel joy.

 

Your road has been a long and difficult one and there have been times when I'm sure you didn't think you were going to make it. But you really have been a trooper and have made excellent use of all the tools in your toolbox.

 

I wish you 100% healing so that you can enjoy your beautiful family. One day soon, you'll be playing with a new grandchild, feeling contentment and joy and these years of benzo horror will seem like a distant memory. Except you will never take normal for granted...of that I am sure.

 

I'm so happy for you, my sweet, patient, enduring, brave friend.

Much love to you,

Flip

Hello dear Sally - I still remember who you are!  I'm so happy for your wonderful healing progress. You are a wonderful example for all who come your way.

 

M. 

Dear Sally,

 

So wonderful to see this.   I was away from BB for many months, taking a break and I've been wondering how you are doing and did a search for you just now and found this and I am soooo pleased Sally to find you doing well in June here and I know even better now in October.  Wonderful news!!!

 

Love S.

Hello my BB,

 

Today I write this not knowing where else I should post.  It has been 5 months since I wrote on this post last and 7 months since I started this post.  I had written a success story but today I have decided to let that post just get buried for now.  I wish I had never written my success story for I have been having some waves since I wrote it.  Why am I writing in this section of celebrations then, waves aren't anything to celebrate.  Well I'm hoping to show myself and anyone else that reads this that even though I am in a wave today that it isn't anywhere near where I have come from.  I am going to copy and paste my sxs 7 months ago and write where I am today beside each one.

 

Ok if I just look at these sxs then that shows me there has been tremendous healing to my body.

 

Now sxs I have had since I cold turkeyed:

 

*jerking - gone  at 27 months still gone

*shaking - gone  still gone

*jelly legs - gone  still gone

*tunnel hearing - gone  still gone

*light sensitivity - gone  still gone

*smell sensitivity - gone  still gone

*taste - can taste foods again  tasting

*stiff joints pain bending, moving - 100% gone  still gone

*muscle pain - gone 100%  still gone

*agoraphobia - 100% gone  totally gone forever

 

Sxs I still have that are much better:

+>agitation - don't have most days - 90% gone  98% gone

+>vibrations - 80 % better, when they do come they aren't as often 98% gone or diminished in intensity

+>burning skin - 80 % better, just hit and miss firing, where early it was all over my body 95% gone - when I do have it it isn't all over and doesn't last hrs like it use to.

+>heart palpitations - 80% better, once in awhile I have the sudden surge just as I drift off to sleep, or I awake with them, but this is happening less frequent where it was daily. 90 some % gone, do still get it once in awhile as I drift off to sleep, but I can still fall asleep, ignore it.

+>weight - have lost 8 lbs past few weeks as of today lost 19 lbs

+>blurry eyes - has come back since I got low on Lyrica and up dosed, but tolerable don't notice this anymore

+>sleep - getting better now that I have up dosed on Lyrica sleeping really good most nights. I am sleeping in same bed with my husband after not for years. I fall asleep most nights around 11 with waking only once. Big improvement.

+>energy - still low but not fatigued no change

+>pins and needles - gone most of the time 90% gone 98% of time, my legs and feet don't fall asleep as deep anymore either.

+>tinnitus - gone most of the time, but when it does come it isn't real loud anymore same if not better

+>hair falling out - slowed down but started up more when Lyrica got low not falling out bad anymore, just normal.

 

Sxs that I still have but have improved but not as much:

-->anxiety - much better than early months, have some days where it is 100% gone, do have more than I hope to when this is over. Probably one of my main sxs still, but better.I think I am better in past 7 months, not worse with anxiety.

-->fear - I use to have horrid spells that was like deep panic was happening, now I just have almost a constant fear that I'm not going to get well, or fear of being on or off Lyrica. I just don't feel positive or sure of my recovery. This has come just in the last two months. Most days I don't have the fear, that only comes on days of a wave and it isn't horrid when I have it.

-->benzo belly - swelling isn't as painful, band feeling across top of belly is gone more than not. I haven't gotten any larger in several months, and am flatter in the mornings benzo belly is truly better - I have been on anti inflammatory diet for 3 months. I am doing better on the swelling - puffing up.

-->depression - have developed this around month 19, is it depression or just tired of recovery and disappointed with tapering off Lyrica? I wouldn't say I was depressed, yes I get down about this recovery taking so long but not depressed.

-->intrusive thoughts - came back some when I got too low on Lyrica - have up dosed - helping are gone 99% of time, might try and sneak in during a wave but not strong enough to stay - immediately shut the door on such thoughts.

-->nausea - still have it most days, think tapering Lyrica affects this  This sxs is still around - even on the new way of eating, and watching my sugar levels I have nausea too often. It isn't the Lyrica taper for I am holding til after the New Years most likely at 9 mg. Just had a blood test for food allergies to see what that shows up. Otherwise it is benzo recovery being stubborn.

 

?>akathesia - was gone 100% but came back when I got too low on Lyrica, up dosing took away again gone 100 % and never even feels like sneaking back in.

 

_food sensitivity to chemicals - still very sensitive to MSG, watch caffeine intake. Had prior will always have. No big deal can live around this. still have food sensitivity - so I eat a very clean diet - no processed foods in 3 months, nor fast foods.

 

Ok at 27 months I am not finished with this as I wish I were, but I have come so far so it only makes sense if healing has happened thus far it will continue to if I so continue to pamper myself and eat clean, continue to sleep and walk a little several days a week. This next month will add to the stress level being it is preparing for Christmas. I have made it thru 2 other Christmas seasons since I c/t and I can make it thru this one as well.

 

I'm sorry I wrote my success story, I didn't try to mislead anyone but I truly felt healed. I'm obviously not but I am getting better - this just takes some of us longer than others.  I was on benzos for almost 16 years and a c/t too sooooo I'm hoping 3 years or less for my recovery. What ever it will be will be I guess.

 

I must remember that I can do most things I want, like yesterday I cooked the Thanksgiving meal all by myself, I did the shopping and everything alone for my husband was out of town. I wasn't suppose to be home but weather and my oldest son being sick changed our plans for meeting up. So no fluster I just did it.

 

So I have shed some tears today, made my vegetable soup, posted some and life is going on even in a wave. I have to keep believing tomorrow will be better, and when this wave ends go out and live life as I usually do. Some day the waves will stay gone forever and another success story by me will be written.

 

healing to all of us,

Sally