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Xanax Sucks


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My wife was diagnosed as  bipolar.  I quit my job and and shut down a company, lots of blood sweat and tears down the drain.  Watched her for months then went back to work.  Her episodes were intense and usually included the police, child protective services and ended up with her being admitted into a psychiatric ward.  My family doctor gave me Xanix. It felt so great to feel normal while going through this ordeal.

 

I ran out of the pills while consulting and flying around the country.  So basically I was without pills and a thousand miles away from my doctor.  I called his office in a fit of rage, I had no idea why I felt so crappy.  He refilled my Xanix and life went back to normal.

 

 

My wife wasn't responding to the grocery bag full of medications they prescribed her for her bipolar condition. I looked up doctors around the country in search of answer.  We found a doctor in Northern California with the precise answer. 

 

She wasn't bipolar, she had a brain tumor the size of a swollen grape fruit in her left frontal lobe.  An MRI five years early when she was complaining of headaches would have located it.  The list of doctors we paid for bad advice is longer than the white pages for small town.  To this day, I am amazed that this happened. 

 

So that left me, craving more Xanax, switching to Klonopin, back to Xanax, trying new drugs to fight anxiety.  I quit cold turkey and was almost home free.  I wasn't aware of the protracted withdrawal.  If I was I would have not gone  back to the drug.  The interesting part is I remember filling up my car about a month into the cold turkey episode feeling normal.  It felt like the sun was shining again.  Wow. 

 

 

It was my son's birthday and I was feeling crumby. The pits, body lit like it was on fire.  I started popping the pills again.  There was no instant relief.  That was five years ago. 

 

Life was turning into a bowl of nothingness.  I knew it was the drugs.  I googled away for a couple of hours and found the whole ashton manual.  What stuck out in my mind was the 90% success rates.  Hmm, this needed more attention.

 

I began my taper about 6 weeks ago.  Things haven't been smooth but there were a few wrinkles.  I had to switch from Xanax XR to Xanax 1 mg.  I have been had to book five appointments with my doctor since I decided to start this journey.  He's a good friend, and has turned out to be supportive.  At first he took it as a slap in the face.  Last visit I saw the Ashton manual in my chart.  He had highlighted and read it.  If your considering this journey, print the manual.  State your intentions to your doctor, be up front.  If you live in the US remember they don't like to  be told what to do.  I found you can get the same result from your doctors by  being gently persuasive.  Give them time to read and see that your for real.  Let them know that your not joking around.  In my case this worked out for me. Yes it was stressful.  After the first visit I though he was going to drop me.  This would have been a set back, one I didn't want to deal with.

 

 

Enough for now.  Thanks to all I have met on this journey. My goal is simple.  Finish the taper, meet new people and give back as others have done for me. Currently I don't think I am the right person to give anyone advice.  So I will try not to.  I enjoy reading blogging, and trying to put a smile on peoples faces. 

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this. 

 

 

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Hi Jeff,

 

Welcome to Benzo Buddies.  I remember reading your story before and it touched my heart.  You have traveled a very tough road but you can come out restored in the end. 

 

You are doing something positive for yourself, probably the first time in a long time, and you can succeed at this.  It's tough, there's no doubt about that, but you can do it.

 

This is a great support place, just hang out and find your way around.

 

Ts

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Hi Jeff,

 

Nice to meet you.

 

Many people aren't aware of the protracted withdrawals. I myself got caught by that many years ago. This time I know better.

 

Welcome. Hope you find your stay here beneficial.  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

Tony

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Hi Jeff, 

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!! Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear about your wife. The medical system has become sooo incompetent, it's scary! You'll find many people here that will offer you encouragement and empathy. Glad you're here! Take care!

 

 

T2 :smitten:

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I drastically reduced to 30 mg a day.  I held since April 11'th.  On April 30'th I am making a 2.5 mg cut.  I don't foresee any problems. In reading what most people are going through its the last few cuts that scare me.  No reservation, but I am not close to being done with this junk. 

 

 

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I drastically reduced to 30 mg a day.  I held since April 11'th.  On April 30'th I am making a 2.5 mg cut.  I don't foresee any problems. In reading what most people are going through its the last few cuts that scare me.  No reservation, but I am not close to being done with this junk. 

 

Drastically reduced to 30 mg? Maybe it's the benzo-fog, but I can't find what you reduced from.

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Jeff :)

 

Thanks for visiting me - and I know what its like to take Phenergan and the likes, I get some sleep and then pay for it the next day!!

Dont like feeling groggy all day long I hate it.

 

Thanks for the advice about the Melatonin as well, I havent got any yet but I have ordered just the 1 mg tablets I wouldnt start at a high dose!

 

I have tried everything that they recomment for sleep Jeff, warm baths, drinks, c.d.'s, darkened rooms, deep breathing the lot!!

 

Nothing work for me Jeff apart from as you say getting a 6 hr night once every 3 or 4 wks!

 

If you find some miracle cure that's not on presc let me know!

 

Wishes

 

lin x

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Hang in there Charles.  Always thinking of you. 

 

Dear Jeff,

 

I have to say "Thanks" you really help me!

 

If you need anything ... let me know!

 

Charles

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I'm sorry for what you and your family has gone through.

You will get off these poisons and start to get your life back. :thumbsup:

 

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I am awake.  Today I will cut to 27.5 from 30.  Nothing drastic.  I tossed and turned and thought about cutting 2.5 from my morning afternoon and evening dose.  I am not going to do that.  Weird dreams prevail.  The feeling of constant loss and lethargy are no fun.

 

I have some plans to better my lifestyle, not in terms of possessions and keeping up with the jones.  I am done playing that game.

 

Its difficult to get the plans off the launch pad.  Part of this is due to the fact that I work 10 hours a day and ready and study books to stay in the IT game another 2-4 hours a day.  This is no life.  I have to find myself a new one.

 

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I am in awe that you can work and function so whilst in benzo witdrawals. You da man!  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

http://www.tonypirog.com/tony.jpg

 

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the fact that I work 10 hours a day and ready and study books to stay in the IT game another 2-4 hours a day. 

 

It's amazing to me that you can do this.  You should congratulate yourself everyday.  :yippee:

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Jeff,

 

Thanks for writing me.  I am very sick this cut, I'll try to write when I get better.  The lower the harder right?

 

E.

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Well, the Valium continues to win over energy and enthusiasm. I would like to take the time to read and post more. Truth be known, my motivation is in the toilette. Sitting at 27.5 mg. next cut is coming up. I will continue a steady taper and slow reduction. I will put a twist on this if needed. There will be no major reductions. I will not be in a hurry to completely get off the drug. The rules of engagement state not to go back to a higher dose. With that in mind I am preparing myself for the 10 and 5 mg ranges. Last night was restless. Partly my fault and I ceratainly could have used a Xanax last night to help me sleep. Instead I tossed and turned. Not a great feeling.
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Motivation is a toughie, and seems like it may be the last one to go, but one must believe that too will pass.  :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
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Jeff,

 

Thanks for writing me.  I am very sick this cut, I'll try to write when I get better.  The lower the harder right?

 

E.

 

Many people report feeling better as their dose drops - so long as they have followed a sensible taper plan, of course. Lower doses mean less fogging and, often, less side effects.

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Dear Jeff,

 

I am trying to figure out that "Shoutbox"

 

Hey .. that might take me a month!  ;D

 

Charles

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Dear Jeff,

 

I am trying to figure out that "Shoutbox"

 

Hey .. that might take me a month!  ;D

 

Charles

 

Type in a short message where is says 'message', and click the 'Shout' button - that's it! ;)

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