My intro

Hi, I'm Sara and I'm 26 years old.  I just registered.

I'm tapering off clonazepam, again.  This will be the second major taper.  I really can't believe that I was so stupid as to start using these things again.  I feel like a shell of who I used to be--yeah, when I started taking these I was stressed and having trouble sleeping, but that would have passed.  This?  This has been my life now for four years. 

I was first prescribed Klonopin four years ago and didn't start taking it regularly until a year or so later--during that first year, it was semi-regular use, but not daily.  When I started daily, I was on 1.5 mg for nearly a year and then quit cold turkey July of 2006.  It was hellacious.  I missed several days of work about a week into my quit b/c I felt so ill, sweaty, clammy, feverish, headache--but probably the worst, was the contsrticted chest, the feeling of weight on my lungs, the inner trembling.  The physical symptoms passed after a couple of weeks, but my anxiety was TERRIBLE for the next four or five months. 

I was clean of clonazepem for a total of eight months and then my anxiety got out of control and my doc put me back on it--I planned on going back on it only very temporarily b/c I knew how very hellacious the withdrawal from benzos are, but, ironically, the fear of the withdrawal kept me from stopping the clonazepam, and now, here I am, facing what's been happeing to me, facing the fact that I have to do this again.  Hating that I'm here.  I hate this.  I hate this cycle.  I hate the wimpy, whiny, helpless woman I've become.  I hate that I feel emotionally shattered.  That I panic.  That I want to stay inside my house.  That I'm scared of everything.  I WASN'T LIKE THIS BEFORE.  It feels so awful.  So very, very wretchid.

It's now been 14 months since I started again.  Last Spring my doctor put me on on 3 mg a day, and by November of 2007, I had tapered down .5 mg a day, at night before bed.  I'd been holding steady at .5 mg for five months until last week when I decided to cut the dose in half.  (I talked to my doctor about it.)  I'm six days into it and it's starting to get awful.  I know that I'm on a low dose, but man, that doesn't seem to matter.  I'm trembling, my chest is tight, my stomach knotted.  My limbs are heavy.  I'm tired.  I'm weepy. 

I'm so disappointed that I've given the last four years of my life over to this drug.  I hate who this drug has made me, and I want to be free of this.  I really, really want to.  And, I don't really mind how sick I feel, if I think about it, if I know that this will go away and I'll be able to find the strong woman I know I am again.    Others out there, have you found yourselves again?  When you quit, how long did it take you to feel like you used to, before the benzos?

It's good to have an outlet for this pain. Thank you for reading.

Sara

Hi Sara and welcome. 

That was a really large cut you made and it's no wonder you are feeling bad.  Sadly, drs. don't really have a clue how horrible these drugs are and how to come off them.  It's recommended that you make only 10% cuts every 7-14 days.  He had you cut 50%!!!! 

You are on a low dose of K, but K is a very strong drug.  Maybe you should reinstate, stabilize and then start a safe taper.  You can taper off K or switch over to valium (which is the recommended drug to taper) and do it that way.  Someone here will get you a schedule you can use.

Have you read the Ashton Manual? 

Let us know what you want to do, but I do recommend that you reinstate and start a safe taper.  You've only been off 6 days and wd symptoms could increase.

You can certainly do this and we are here to help you. 

Oh boy, Sarah! I know girl, I really do.

T

Hi Sara,

Yeah, some of us found the strong person we used to be.  He/She/It was in there hiding the whole time.  It is good that you remember what you used to be.  You will get her back and then some because this whole process makes you much stronger in the end.

Best of luck,

Elwood

Dear Sara,

I can't remember ever reading such a poignant and accurate account of Klonopin addiction.  I have been there, and am there now.  Your desire to be free and back to the person you were will get you off these damn pills, but please take the suggestions and advice given by the great people here who have made it through to the other side. 

Even the Ashton Manual says that Klonopin is one of the worst to w/d from.  I was on Xanax years ago for 13 years, and within a few months after stopping, my old self, no, a better and stronger self than before the pills, showed up.  It was a great 4 years.  Then came Klonopin, for almost 3 years.  I tapered (a bit too quickly, but that was long before I became familiar with the Ashton Manual way) from 1.5mg Klonopin, and again, after some pain during the first few weeks after the last dose, the newer, stronger, better me came back.  I let myself get back on these 4 years ago.  This is an illness, so I place no blame anywhere.  Self-pity and punishing myself will only hurt my chances of recovery.  However, I accept that I have this illness and can put it in remission.  I won't give any dosage or change advice, I'll leave that to those on this site with much more experience with this taper method. 

We both have done this before in the past, and I'm just starting the journey myself again.  We can do this!  A newer, stronger Sara will emerge, but please give time time.  Your attitude and desire will set you free.  Don't beat yourself up about this!!!  We both need to be patient and let it happen the right way.  Message me anytime on this site, this journey is much better when others are holding each other up!  You are not alone Sara, not by any means. 

Hi Sara,

Welcome to BBO. You have come to the right place to get help getting off this poison. I agree with Tropical Soul that you may want to reinstate to .50 until you stabilize and then begin a sensible taper. I am currently tapering off klonopin by .125 every two weeks. You may want to take a look at my signature line to see my progression. Others here have crossed over to valium for an easier taper or used titration which also allows for a smaller, slower reduction of dosage. Which ever way you want to go, we will be here to help you.

Take care! 

T2

Hello and welcome to benzobuddies! I'm sorry your having a rough time but with the cut you made it's not surprising. I'm not an expert on this but I do agree that you should reinstate to .5mg and start a smart safe taper from there.

I made a .5mg from 4mg of ativan to 3.5mg of ativan which would have been a 20% ( I think somewhere around there, could be way off, benzo brain!!) drop and I couldnt take it so I had to go back up to my original dose, you made a 50% cut! Way too much.

Anyway I hope you follow the advice given here and feel better soon.

Amanda

A reduction of 0.5mg from a dose of 4mg is a reduction of 12.5%.

(Size of reduction/total dose) x 100 = pecentage cut.

lol colin! Was way off. Cant think anymore or have the energy to use the calculator  ...

Boy do I feel like a dummy now!!!

Anyway now that's even better. I couldnt take a 12.5% cut and you did a 50%. That's a very drastic drop.

Amanda

I have read the Ashton Manual--I found it back when I went cold turkey off of Klonopin in July of 2006 and I had already 'quit' for a week--I actually found the Ashton manual when I was looking up withdrawal symptons on the web; you see, I'd gone to the doctor about how sick I was, explaining that I'd stopped the clonazepam altogether and the doctor told me, seriously, nah, that can't be what's causing your flu-like symptoms.  After several days of still being ill, I started to look up benzodiazepine withdrawal and found the Ashton Manual.  But, like I said, I'd already quit and was hesititant to go back on the stuff, so I just stuck it out cold turkey. 

But, you might ask, if I've heard of the Ashton manual, and I'm quitting clonazepam, again, why did I cut the dose in half and go against the Ashton manual advice?  I did it because I'd success cutting doses in half until this point, but I'm having trouble now that I'm tapering from .5 mg. 

I'm hesistant to up-dose--it would be a morale downer and be frustrating to have suffered for the past several days for naught.  Do you really think I should go back up and stablize?  I don't mind feeling sick if this will pass soon, but I just don't know how long it will take.

Thanks,

Sara

Hi Sara,

No one can predict how long you will feel bad after making such a large cut. The main reason to reduce at a slower rate, is to give the brain time to heal after having been on the drug for so long. This could be the reason that you had to go back on klono from your first cold turkey , the brain and cns did not have enough time to heal gradually. Besides having hellacious w/d s/x, the reason for going slower is to allow the brain and cns to adjust being without the drug. It is of course your choice whether to reinstate or not. If you chose not to reinstate, please be sure you are stable (at least 2 weeks or more) before making another cut and would strongly recommend cutting your current dose to .125 (even that being a 50% cut again and holding at least another two weeks or more) instead of jumping off at .25. Either way, we'll be there for you.

Take care! 

T2

Hi

Just wanted  to add , that if you've gone from .5 down to .25 as I understand it, you could just up dose to .375, you dont need to go up to.5 again. As for up dosing its apparent from your previous tapering that you know how badly you feel, and whether or not you should updose, untolerable then yes, but you are the best to judge that.

Take Care

Bobers

lol colin! Was way off. Cant think anymore or have the energy to use the calculator  ...

Boy do I feel like a dummy now!!!

Nah, you're no dummy Amanda, we've all done it plenty of times, lol!

Most of the time I think I have this stuff down pat, and then out of the

blue it completely leaves my brain!   

We love correcting each other around here. 

((((((((((((Sara)))))))))))))

Yes, you will find you again...she's there just waiting to come back.  I went through hell and back with Xanax and Klonpin but I am me again and doing even more than I did before benzos.  I believe it has truly made me a stronger wiser person.  I will never again take another medication without fully researching it first!!

Love,

Jen

Hi Sara.

I was on Xanax, then Klonopin and suffered terrible w/d.  A doctor then switched me to valium and I was able to taper off and felt pretty good. But 6 months later he put me back on the valium (because I made the mistake of drinking and had horrid withdrawal) and now I'm having to start this taper road all over again, so I feel for you.

There are great people on benzobuddies with lots of wisdom and encouragement to offer.  We will all get through this together.

Sending you hugs.

Thanks eljay! Was really off though. Cant help but feel like a dummy  . It's all good though. I'll get my math skills back one day.

Amanda

lol colin! Was way off. Cant think anymore or have the energy to use the calculator  ...

Boy do I feel like a dummy now!!!

Anyway now that's even better. I couldnt take a 12.5% cut and you did a 50%. That's a very drastic drop.

Amanda

It was just meant as a quick 101 in benzo cuts and percentages. I do recall being in a complete fog when withdrawing - your old skills and clarity will return to you.

Thanks colin! I sure hope it comes back or my daughter will soon surpass my math skills  !  Next time I'll defitely do the math beforehand!

Amanda

It was just meant as a quick 101 in benzo cuts and percentages. I do recall being in a complete fog when withdrawing - your old skills and clarity will return to you.

That's comforting Colin. I am getting down considering/think about about how my brain isn't working right and this gives me hope. My therapist told me the same thing. When she was coming off benzos, she said she forgot a client of hers, and introduced herself as new, only to have the client say, "But we already met."