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The Voice of Withdrawal; silenced.


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When I first decided that I wanted to be free of clonazepam (klonopin) I had no idea where that journey would lead. How lucky am I that it lead to all of you and this wonderful forum? I am happy to say that I am me again. My symptoms are all but gone and I foresee no problems in the future.  I do still have a problem with insomnia but then I always have so that's normal for me, even before benzos. I also tend to feel very mild tremors when I'm very tired but they disappear with rest. These tremors happen less and less as time goes on. None of these symptoms cause me distress. I am very glad to have come so far.

 

I started my taper completely oblivious about benzodiazepines and the problems they could cause. When I decided I wanted to stop depending on clonazepam to get through the day, I wanted off right then and there. I wanted off “Now!”. I decided to cut 50% of my dose. I wasn't buying what I read on the internet. I didn't think tapering was necessary but I thought I'd play it “safe” and cut my dose in half rather than just stop taking it. Not surprisingly, about 3 days after cutting my dose in half I got hit big time. I was stunned that my body was dependent. That's when I started really researching benzodiazepines and found BB.

 

I became a member of BB and started my taper in June of 2011. I finished my taper in January, 2013. I hit some bumps in the road along the way. Some much more difficult than others. I felt depression, anxiety and so many sensory symptoms I thought I was crazy or damaged. Then a wonderful thing started happening; the lower I got in my dosage the better I felt. My anxiety diminish significantly. My w/d symptoms got better as I got to the lower dosages. I knew it was time to end my long taper so I did. I jumped.

 

I am no longer a slave to clonazepam. I am free of that crutch and it feels wonderful. After 7 years of taking this medication daily, this is the first time in a very long time that I am not taking benzodiazepines. I feel like me again. I am proud and relieved to have this behind me. I feel whole. I feel confident in myself. I'm happy that I don't have to worry about running out of medication. I'm happy I don't have to pay for this medication. I'm happy I don't need to sit at my dining room table on Sunday night and cut my week worth of pills. My husband is ever happier. I made him to all the math.  ;D

 

In a rather long winded way, I want you to know you will get through this. All that you're going through now is temporary. I know it's hard to see that when you're in active withdrawal but it's true. Whatever you're feeling right now will be a thing of the past one day. Ignore that little voice in your head that's telling you that you're damaged. I had that same voice in my head. That voice seemed hell bent on convincing me that I was never going to be well. It was very convincing and compelling. It was hard not to listen to. But the proof is in the pudding. Now I have a much different voice. I have a voice that's telling me I'm free of all of this for the rest of my life. That's an even more convincing voice. It's not being drowned out with all the static of withdrawal as it once was.

 

My message to you is, hang on. Don't give up. Don't let that voice over-power you. You will be well one day.

 

Thank you for all your wonderful support. This forum has been such a comfort to so many, myself included.

 

You can view my Progress Log here if you like.

 

I would also like to encourage you to read this post by a wonderfully knowledgeable member named Parker. It's easy to understand and really explains what's going on with our brains while we are healing. Many members have found a great deal of comfort in this understanding. Knowledge is power. ;)

 

Hope1962

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edit: added hyperlinks

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This is great, Hope! You've done such a gReat job. Thank you for sharing your story and yourself with all of us here.

:smitten:

Flip

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Thank you Hope,

  Your message was just what I needed this morning as I cope with the last bits of a Xanax taper. I am encouraged by your story...my heart is warm knowing you are enjoying your post benzo days. Thank you and good health to you.

Carita

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Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this and sticking around to share your success!  I have felt very discouraged after a bad wave yesterday. I wished I had known about doing a longer taper and a cross-over.  Thank you for not giving up on yourself. 

 

 

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This is great, Hope! You've done such a gReat job. Thank you for sharing your story and yourself with all of us here.

:smitten:

Flip

 

I'm so glad I could post this. I hope it helps others. Thank you for your support Flip.  :)

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Thank you Hope,

  Your message was just what I needed this morning as I cope with the last bits of a Xanax taper. I am encouraged by your story...my heart is warm knowing you are enjoying your post benzo days. Thank you and good health to you.

Carita

 

I'm so glad this helped you today, Carita. That's what this board is for. You'll get through this, just as I did and just as hundreds (thousands?) of BB members have.

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Im so happy to read this ...This is wonderful Hope I know you fought hard and long. Its OVER!!!

 

 

 

:smitten: ~Jenny

 

Thank you Jenny..and thank you for your support of me and the team.  :)

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Oh, Hope, this is so wonderful!  I'm happy to hear that you're healed now.  Congratulations!

 

:clap: :clap: :clap:

Megan

 

Thanks Megan...and thank you for all your support and work here. When I was admin I couldn't have made it without such a wonderful team backing me up.  :smitten:

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Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this and sticking around to share your success!  I have felt very discouraged after a bad wave yesterday. I wished I had known about doing a longer taper and a cross-over.  Thank you for not giving up on yourself. 

 

 

 

Hi Healingnow,

 

I remember those discouraging days. They always get better but it's hard to see that while you're in the thick of it. Hang on. You'll get through this.

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Yay, congrats on full healing. It's a long haul, but you made it  :smitten:

 

Thank you, getting. I appreciate your will wishes.  :)

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Hope,

 

This has truly been a hard-fought victory for you  It's hard for me to imagine the taper let alone facilitating this forum like you did with such grace.  That is a tremendous message of hope, Hope :)

 

May the joy in your life, from here on out, equal or surpass the level of difficulty you withstood.

 

WWWI :smitten:

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That's wonderful news Hope ! Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm so glad you're feeling healed. You've been a wonderful support to me and so many others. We're lucky to have you here.

 

Love,

Lou

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Thank you for sharing, Hope. I'm confidant you story will be an inspiration and a help to many others - especially newcomers.

 

I believe your success is not unique, and I wish more people would share their positive experience with us. Although not as far along as you, I believe I'm on a similar successful path.  As you did, I'm feeling better at lower doses. I wish this could be the experience of everyone.

 

 

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My dearest friend Hope!!!

 

How I have waited for this post, you worked so hard here on the forum while going through withdrawal.  Your tireless efforts at both withdrawal and being in charge of the forum speaks to your inner strength and determination.

 

Thank you so much for posting this, our members look to you and will feel hope, optomism and confidence that they will be where you are now. And they will be!!!

 

Much love,

 

PG  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

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Hope,

 

This has truly been a hard-fought victory for you  It's hard for me to imagine the taper let alone facilitating this forum like you did with such grace.  That is a tremendous message of hope, Hope :)

 

May the joy in your life, from here on out, equal or surpass the level of difficulty you withstood.

 

WWWI :smitten:

 

Thank you so much WWWI. Working here is part of what made it possible to taper. I found the distraction was crucial, so it wasn't all selfless.  ;)

 

Thank you so much for all your support, WWWI. I know you'll get through your taper and when you do, I'll be right here to celebrate with you. I know it's a struggle but you're so strong. I know you'll get there.

 

Thank you again for all your kind words.  :smitten:

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That's wonderful news Hope ! Thank you for sharing it with us. I'm so glad you're feeling healed. You've been a wonderful support to me and so many others. We're lucky to have you here.

 

Love,

Lou

 

Thank you so much, Lou. :smitten:  I'm so happy to still be part of the team and I'll be even happier if my Success Story helps any of our members.

 

 

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Thank you for sharing, Hope. I'm confidant you story will be an inspiration and a help to many others - especially newcomers.

 

I believe your success is not unique, and I wish more people would share their positive experience with us. Although not as far along as you, I believe I'm on a similar successful path.  As you did, I'm feeling better at lower doses. I wish this could be the experience of everyone.

 

 

Hi ZigZag,

 

This is wonderful news. I'm so glad to read this. I'll follow your progress.  :thumbsup:

 

 

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My dearest friend Hope!!!

 

How I have waited for this post, you worked so hard here on the forum while going through withdrawal.  Your tireless efforts at both withdrawal and being in charge of the forum speaks to your inner strength and determination.

 

Thank you so much for posting this, our members look to you and will feel hope, optomism and confidence that they will be where you are now. And they will be!!!

 

Much love,

 

PG  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:

 

pg, :smitten:

 

I couldn't have done any of this or that without you and your friendship and support. You're one of the most grounded and reasonable people I know and I am often the opposite of that ::)... so your support was crucial in everything I've done both here as an admin and through my withdrawal. I'll never be able to thank you enough for your friendship..and for your words of support on this thread.

 

You're the best and the forum couldn't be in better hands.  :smitten:

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Hi Miss Sunshine :)

 

Where there is hope . . .  there's Hope . . . always there for someone who needs a helping hand.  You were a fantastic Administrator who always kept the safety of this unique forum your top priority.  How you were able to do this, when you were still recovering, and i'm sure not feeling all too great on many days, is a true measure of your strength and your character.

 

From the bottom of my lil' ol' pea-pickin' heart, I wish you many happy days that are filled with sunshine and roses ... and a big ol' chocolate Easter Bunny.

 

Be happy, and take good care of yourself.

 

pj 

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What a wonderful, inspiring success story Hope, I'm so pleased to hear that you are doing so well and feeling like your old self, you so deserve this !

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story and I wish you continued healing  :thumbsup:

 

Debbie xx  :smitten:

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Hi Miss Sunshine :)

 

Where there is hope . . .  there's Hope . . . always there for someone who needs a helping hand.  You were a fantastic Administrator who always kept the safety of this unique forum your top priority.  How you were able to do this, when you were still recovering, and i'm sure not feeling all too great on many days, is a true measure of your strength and your character.

 

From the bottom of my lil' ol' pea-pickin' heart, I wish you many happy days that are filled with sunshine and roses ... and a big ol' chocolate Easter Bunny.

 

Be happy, and take good care of yourself.

 

pj 

 

pj,

 

What a nice post. Thank you so much for all your lovely words. I hope my success and the successes of others on this forum help members to know they will recover and go back to their lives as they were. You're always so helpful to our members pj, and your own success is inspiring. Thank you for staying on the forum to offer members encouragement.

 

As for the chocolate Easter bunny....I think I'll start at the ears.  ;D

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What a wonderful, inspiring success story Hope, I'm so pleased to hear that you are doing so well and feeling like your old self, you so deserve this !

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story and I wish you continued healing  :thumbsup:

 

Debbie xx  :smitten:

 

Thanks so much Debbie. I appreciate your good wishes.  :smitten:

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