Psych drugs and depression

I can honestly say I have never felt a black cloud of depression until starting psych meds.I never had a true suicidal thought or been so lacking in motivation.

Of course everyone has down days in life, but with benzos and withdrawal it has become so extreme and unavoidable.Some days I just feel so hopeless.I hate being run my a medication.I have always had such control over my life and had so much going for me.I was so happy until these meds.I want me back......................

I had terrible depression on klonopin, almost from the start. It lifted halfway thru my taper, and it has not returned. 

Hi tiffj,

 

That's why we are all here, to help each other and offer encouragement and try to brighten someone's bleak day. We are all here and we all want to be like we used to be. We will get there!!

 

Hang in there, it will get better!  

Thank you.I need it, bad on some days.It's nice to see you are so optomistic on your journey

I want ME back too Tiffj. I have gone from being popular, out-going, confident, up for a laugh etc to none of these things.  All due to valium, citralopram and trazodone. I never felt suicidal either but did c/t from the citralopram and trazodone and 6weeks later - wham bam I took an overdose and ended up in hospital. I am so glad I am still alive but I still feel so dark and lonely and irrational. I have doctors and addiction workers telling me they are worried about my mental state but I refuse to go back on another anti-depressant. I am on a valium taper after almost 4 years and I know now that they cause profound depression.

Everyone on here is so optimistic that things work out in the end; it must be going to happen to us too....  we must live in hope! Even though sometimes for me it is just too dark to even spell hope.

 

I completely understand.

 

One day....we WILL get OURSELVES back though (PLEASE). 

Hi Blue,

 

I sometimes forget just how ill I felt during withdrawal, but reading your post reminds me of how tough I found it at the time. Honestly though, going through all that was well worth it in the end. I think I was very much towards the hard case end, but I did it and so can you.

 

I just read your other post about your additional 20mg - you know that you cannot do this and hope to get off. A one-off up-dose like this is no big deal, so long as it was just a one-off. Please, revert to your normal dose and stick to it. You might be better to stick at your present dose for a while until things improve a bit for you.

 

Take care.

Colin, I don't think you meant to send that to me?Blue perhaps?

 

Blue,it helps to talk to someone else going through horrible depression during this.My partner was going to leave me because of all these horrible changes these drugs have caused in me.Over the past week things have become stronger for us, but now she left for Hawaii for 8 days with family and all I can do is cry.I don't want to feel so dependant on her, but she really is my rock and I think I was doing better because we were doing better.I'm stuck in the black hole today.I am such a "what if"worrier and can't control it on this crap.I hope aI can pick myself up and be strong through this time.

If you need someone to talk to PLEASE contact me.Talking helps

Hi Tiff,

 

I did mean my post for Blue, yes. I addressed it to Blue. I guess you must have missed that!

OIC

I missed your original post - I can why you thought I might have been addressing you. Much my post could have been written in response to your opening post.

I took a supplement today with 5htp, gaba, and some other things because I'm having a terrible day.I think it made it worse...I'm freaking out with racing thoughts and depression and can't sit still.May just be my situation too, but I won't be taking that again.Hope it doesn't have long term effects.

I took a supplement today with 5htp, gaba, and some other things because I'm having a terrible day.I think it made it worse...I'm freaking out with racing thoughts and depression and can't sit still.May just be my situation too, but I won't be taking that again.Hope it doesn't have long term effects.

 

If weather permits, why don't you go outside and take a brisk walk, and so some deep breathing?

If weather is too bad, there is a really good meditation you can try. I'll get you the link.

http://www.benzobuddies.org/buddiesguide/insomnia-aid

 

Body scan meditation.

Thank you.It's cold and raining which doesn't help

Thank you.It's cold and raining which doesn't help

 

tiffj,

the sun will shine again. 

Thank you.It's cold and raining which doesn't help

 

tiffj,

the sun will shine again.  In more ways than one.

Hope so.Feeling another tough day coming on.Very anxious and trapped in my thoughts.Afraid I may be reaching tolerance already?Could just be a bad day

How are you feeling today Tiffj? What benzo is it you are you on? (I don't know how to get into the signature to put mine in.) I'm having a better couple of days and I put it down to doing the body scan meditation for the past 2 nights for half an hour. I got a cd with it on and I really switched off and was aware of my body for the full half hour - in the 'being mode' rather than the 'doing mode' we are always in. You really should try it. I got a couple of books on meditation and I realise that my crazy mind spinning round and round talking myself down, making me worry etc all the time has to be quietened and its only me who can do that. The CD says to do it every day for 2weeks and then there is breathing exercises and some yoga on it too for the following weeks.

 

I understand your needy feeling too tiffj. I'm different though in the respect that I live alone and work alone and have no partner and feel sorry for myself because of this - I wish I had a rock but I know I am too messed up to have a relationship of any kind so I push people away and don't believe I deserve a proper person to care about me - when sometimes I am really just crying out to be hugged. I hope when your partner gets back your anxiety decreases, try the body scan before she does get back  - its hard for people to understand when they have never experienced this kind of thing - it took me a long time to realise that.

 

The book I bought with the body scan cd included in case you think that it might help was called 'The mindful way through depression' - written by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal & Jon Kabat-Zinn. 

I don't know how to get into the signature to put mine in.

 

Profile >> Forum Profile Information (from the menu on the left) >> Place information in the Signature box >> click Change Profile at the bottom of the page.

Blue,

I am on clonazepam switching to valium before my taper(if all goes well).I am supposed to do the second step of my crossover today, but I am considering holding one more day.I'm very nervous.

 

Didn't have a good nights sleep.Woke and tossed and turned alot.Woke up anxious again and in a lot of pain.

One good thing...........my gf and I had a very good talk and things are good now.I'm just so afraid when she comes back I'll be a wreck again and then I won't be able to truly be there and continue to work on us.On my really bad days I'm very anxious,depressed,agitated,etc and have a hard time getting out of my head and talking or going anywhere.UH.I hate the fear of the unknown.I have a hard time stopping my brain from consuming me.

 

I will try the body scan tonight.I did listen to it some,but have not tried it.Thanx

Good to hear you had a talk with your g/f. Don't think too much about what is going to happen when she comes back - she says everything is good! Shes your rock, remember that! 

 

If you try to actually be 'mindful' you will realise just how chaotic your thoughts can be. I've only started doing this and its amazing... My thoughts destroy me, they almost killed me - I never believe in myself but I am trying so hard to change that. I have good days and bad days and then very bad days then a good day again but Eljay told me about 'windows' where you feel more like yourself for a while - you will start having them too, maybe once you are stabilised on valium you will see a difference... Eljay says they last longer each time (the windows) and its the true you wanting to come out. I don't know anything about the drug you are on T, valium is the drug I battle with but I'm hopefully nearly off it in another couple of months. I can't imagine it but I can imagine life without this awful depression so today I am full of HOPE! I HOPE it lasts into tomorrow as well and I HOPE you have a better night tonight!

I'm having a better couple of days and I put it down to doing the body scan meditation for the past 2 nights for half an hour. I got a cd with it on and I really switched off and was aware of my body for the full half hour - in the 'being mode' rather than the 'doing mode' we are always in. You really should try it. The CD says to do it every day for 2weeks and then there is breathing exercises and some yoga on it too for the following weeks.

 

The book I bought with the body scan cd included in case you think that it might help was called 'The mindful way through depression' - written by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal & Jon Kabat-Zinn. 

 

Blue:

 

  I am so happy to read this.  It worked for me too.  In fact it was awesome.  Many times I felt it was not working or I was too revved up to really think it was working,  but the next day I felt the sustaining effects.  I am so pleased that it works for you. 

 

juleswife

I have been having quite a few decent days or "windows"which scares me about my crossover.I don't know if I should hold where I'm at awhile longer.I guess if I start to feel too rough I can go back and hold awhile longer

How are you feeling now Tiffj? Is the missus back from her holidays yet? Did you change over to valium yet?