My road on benzos

I am too depressed and exhausted to post my full experience tonight.I have been on Ativan and the Klonopin over the past 8 months.I was never at a set dose originally, at the most 1 mg Ativan and .5 mg Klonopin a day.

I went off rapidly because my doctor told me all kinds of ailments I was experiencing were due to the sedatives.I asked if I should taper, and he told me to just stop taking them...Over about 2 weeks I dropped both benzos.I didn't have much problem at the time, but 4 days later withdrawal kicked in.I went and saw my psych(who of course blamed anxiety)and told me to go back on them.

I reinstated only the Klonopin at .25 am and .125 pm.I had horrible increasing withdrawal over the next few weeks, so I went to .25 am and pm.This did nothing to help my symptoms.I stayed at this dose for 30+ days with no improvement.I put myself in the ward hoping they would help, but of course it could not be the meds, so I checked myself out.This was exactly one week ago today.(at this point I couldn't eat or sleep and felt like I was going crazy)

The past few days things have lifted some.I have been slowly switching over to valium and maybe my body is getting used to this smaller dose?I actually felt pretty good yesterday and today.

I just become so depressed and down that this will never end, but I guess this "window"should prove to me otherwise.While on these meds I have become a totally different person.Weak,agoraphobic,suicidal,depressed,gad,agitated,restless....etc.

I guess what I really need is someone to talk to who understands.My partner of 4 years is basically leaving me and I've lost a good job.No one tries to learn or understand what I'm going through and that I can't just suck it up and get over it.

Well, this posts seems long, but seriously there is so much more.I would appreciate any guidance,encouragement,or just an ear(if I can figure this site out!)

 

 

Hi tiffj,

 

You have come to the right place. I am so sorry for what you are and have been going through. It is truly unfortunate that doctors do not understand the scope of these drugs. It is mind boggling to me that they can be so uncaring and down right stupid. Is a doctor helping you with a cross over to valium? I do not have the expertise to assist you with your valium, but there a quite a few people here that can. They drop in and out all day until about midnight. They will offer you some advice, encouragement and their experiences. All your symptoms are probably caused from basically a cold turkey. Once you have stabilized, you can start a sensible taper program.

 

Please hang in there and someone should be by with more help!

Sorry for being such a downer :'(.I think it's possible I have started to stabilize at this dose.I do have a doctor willing to help, but he wants to do things too quickly.Benzoisland has helped me some with the crossover.The passed two days have been remarkably better, although not great, so I am in hopes that I am stabilizing....

tiffj,

 

No apologies needed here. That's why we're here! That's great that you are stabilizing. Just take one day at a time. Let us know if and when you're ready for a sensible taper and we'll be here to help.

 

Take care! 

 

I have actually been switching my night dose of clon. to .125 with the addition of 2.5mg valium equivalant over the past few days.Hopefully I will take to the valium okay once totally switched over and begin my taper approx 2 weeks from now if all goes as planned.At least I have a plan, I've spent the past 2 months undecided and not knowing whats going on---tolerance withdrawal?

tiffj,

 

Once you are ready for your tapering schedule, give Colin at least two days to draw up your schedule.Post your request in the titration forum and he will let you know the information he will need to draw up your schedule. In the meantime, if you have any questions or need any advice, just let us know.

 

Take care. 

Okay, will do.I have been using benzoisloand also for support, but they aren't always quick to help.

Thanks a lot

Hi Tiffj,

 

Welcome to the forum.  Like you, many of us have found that most people do not understand what we are or have been going through.  You will find people here who can really relate to your situation because they have been there or are currently going through it.  You will pull through this and get your old self back.  The good news is that there is no permanent damage from benzo use.  It's all temporary and you will get better.  We will be glad to help you.  Speaking from my own experience, this forum has been of tremendous help and comfort. 

 

As far as figuring out this site, it will come to you with a little experience.  And, we will be glad to answer any questions you have on using the site.

 

So, welcome aboard and we hope to hear from you soon...

 

Best regards,

Elwood

It is more encouraging with people who understand.If it weren't for these help sites I don't know what most of us would do.

Today is a very down day, but still not as bad as I have been experiencing over the past month.Hopefully my body is stabilizing finally.

 

Do you guys think supplements are bad?I don't really take any, but have read both positive and negative about them.I do take magnesium for pain.Seems to help

Hi Tiff,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

When the time comes, I can certainly help with titration if that's the way you would like to go. Most people tapering of Valium do not need to use titration, but it is always helpful to have options!

 

Your taper rate should be guided by your own experience - there is huge variability it what taper rate an individual can manage with relatively few withdrawal effects.

 

If use the forum search function, you find all kinds of posts about supplements. You can start your own thread too, of course. Personally, I'm rather skeptical of supplements during withdrawal. I am not saying that they can never have positive effects, but the results do seem rather hit and miss, and some are just 'miss'. I have no personal experience of supplements during withdrawal though, so I'm not the best person to comment. Some members would swear by the results of some of the supplements they have tried. If you do try something, start cautiously, and keep a diary. Keep a diary anyway! You might start a thread on the Blog Board as a sort-of-diary if you like!

 

Take care.

I'm so sorry for the rough time you are having. Doctors can be quite stupid when it comes to benzo's  ! I'm sorry about your partner and job. People cant understand when they've never been there. My husband tries to understand but he gets ticked off at me sometimes too. Just try to hold on and know that things will get better. I've been quite depressed too but the people here can always make me feel better. You've definitely found a very good site with caring helpful people.

Hope you feel better soon!

Amanda

It still amazes me every time I hear about a doctor telling someone to "just stop taking it"...Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  They should have learned in "Medications 101" that abrupt benzo withdrawal after taking it consistently for any period of time....could cause severe withdrawal symptoms at best and seizures or even death at worst!!

 

I can totally relate to every word you wrote.  I too checked myself into a psych ward hoping for help.  They did help by switching me to klonopin but other than that...it was a nightmare.

 

I hope in some way you are reassured that all this will come to an end by knowing that I am off benzos and doing very very well.  Benzo withdrawal is not a lifetime sentence.

 

Hang in there..it does get better!!

 

Love,

 

Jen

It does help to hear people that have made it.When I read horror stories it just makes me feel like I'm never going to get through this.

I see you were switched to Klonopin.Did you do a direct taper from that?I do think possibly I could taper from it, but I keep being told it's so much easier crossing to valium first,which I am in the process of doing.I'm so afraid the crossover won't take and then I'll be in withdrawal all over again.It took over 30 days for my body to half way stabilize after I did a basic cold turkey before.

 

Right now I do feel that there is hope, I just hope the cross doesn't set me back.I don't want to go back to that horrible place again.It's so hard cutting the clonazepam as they give me 1 mg tablets.Maybe I should check into titration methods

It does help to hear people that have made it.When I read horror stories it just makes me feel like I'm never going to get through this.

 

You'll find a far more optimistic atmosphere around here. And honestly, there is every reason to be optimistic. If you look around this place you will find post that are pessimistic are not edited or censured in any way, and yet they account for only a very small proportion of the total number of posts. Of course, some people experience a tougher time quitting than others, and sometimes people hit a rough patch and need to vent, but if we created an atmosphere that dwelt upon such feelings and encouraged such negative attitudes, people would be bound to feel worse and more likely to fail. It is about taking a positive attitude, and yet this is a realistic attitude to adopt. Truly, there is every reason to be optimistic when planning a benzodiazpine withdrawal. One way or another, if someone is determined to quit, 99% of the time they can manage it with the right support and attitude from others, especially from those going or have gone through the same thing. You'll be OK.

I'm uncertain what's going on.The past 2 days I was feeling like I was stabilizing after basically cold turkey, but today I feel the withdrawal again.I have been switching my night dosing from .25 clonazepam to .125 clonazepam and 2.5 valium equivalant.It has been 4 days I've been doing this.I'm wondering if it's the switch or just another bump in the road?Any insight???????????

Probably a little of both.  I did switch over to Klonopin and direct tapered from that.  It took awhile for my body to adjust to the Klonopin but it was much better than the Xanax.  I've heard that Valium is easier to withdrawal from...but I wasn't able to get it.  My doctor didn't believe that it was the benzo causing all the problems in the first place...so saw no need to switch.  Actually, it wasn't her idea to go off the Klonopin...but I knew in my heart of hearts that that was where the problem was and I was right.

 

Love,

 

Jen

Thank you.I have had such a bad time after my "ct" I don't wan2 go back down that road.Of course I am going to have some withdrawal, that I know is unavoidable, but I just want to keep it as smooth as possible.I am going to continue switching over to the valium.I didn't really have a problem when switching from ativan to klonopin, so hopefully same story here.

My dr is willing to help, but wants to do it too quick and I'm slightly afraid he may not prescribe enough valium in the long run.He has been good about this so far.I need to stop worrying about the unknown!

How much Klonopin were you on and how long?

Today is a VERY sad day.Mostly personal life, but I can't control my emotions going through this and I hate it.When I'm sad I'm overly sad, when I'm stressed I feel it in my whole body.My muscles tense and I shake and panic.I hate this.I have to try to be strong..........I'm trying

I'm so sorry you are having such a sad day.  :'(  Would it help to talk about it here do you think?  I usually find that the more I try to deny what I'm feeling, the worse it eventually becomes.  I hate crying uncontrollably but it often relieves some kind of pressure I feel building up inside me when I'm stuffing down those "bad" feelings.  Right now, my little dog is slowly dying of cancer and I can't look at him or think about him without tearing up.  I think I need to take my own advice and just cry it out so I can think of something else. :'( :'(

I'm sorry your having a bad day. You should talk about it and let it out.

You are strong and will get through this. Just hold on. There are sooo many people who have been in your shoes and have made it through this. You will too!

Hope you feel better,

Amanda 

Basically I have lost my partner over everything bad these drugs have done in changing who I am.We were engaged and together 4 years.Over the past week I have been feeling much better and things have become better for us.

The biggest problem is that she's turned into someone else and has basically been leading a seperate life and was seeing someone else for about a week and hiding it from me, then eventually throwing it in my face(both things she would never ever have done before).

At this point she said she is sorry and will spend the rest of her life making it up to me, but still insists on beimg friends with this other person and hasn't spent much time with me at all or done much to show she cares.I know this has been hard on her, I just want her to be herself again, but that's what she's wanted from me over this whole ordeal too.

I just want to share our life again.I can't take it on top of all this mess with these benzos.I do believe that there is nothing physical going on between them, but I still feel that she has this seperate life and we aren't communicating.She left for Hawaii with her family this morning for 8 days.I woke up in tears missing her so much and realizing what a basket case I'd be without her right now.I have never been so needy, but I never thought that I would lose her.All of our friends are so dumb founded also.We were so happy and so in love.

I know you guys can't do anything to help, but it helps me to let it out.I just don't know what's worse.Her having a seperate life or not being with her at all.I hate this.I'm hoping her time away will make her realize and not push her away more.

Thanks to everyone for listening to me babble. :'(

I"m sorry tiffj,

Many of our members have relationship problems. Sometimes things work out, sometimes not. Drugs wreak havoc on relationships. It's not your fault. People change. You may not realize it now, but pain and loss and disappointment more often than not leads to something better and richer in our lives.

 

((((((((((((hug)))))))))))

Thank you

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  This whole ordeal is not only hard on us...but it is so hard on our loved ones.  But, to me, that's what real love is all about.  Getting through the tough times together...leaning on each other for support.  There will come a day when she needs you to be strong for her but right now you need her to be strong for the both of you.  I truly wish she could see that.  Someone who has not been through benzo withdrawal cannot possibly understand what it is like though.  You can say you are nervous, don't feel good or whatever...but you can't possibly get across to them how you truly feel.  There are no words to describe it.  At least I never found them.

 

I hope you work this out and she doesn't throw away a lifetime for this temporary setback...but if she does...it's better to find out now rather than later.  I know that doesn't make you feel any better right now...but sometimes a crisis brings out a person's true colors.

 

Love,

 

Jen

I know and that's what I keep telling myself.If she truly loved me and we were to spend a lifetime together she would be here for me right now.It's just very hard to acccept and I'm so afraid of having to lose her and go through all this.I don't know if I can handle it