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Intrusive Thoughts


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So last night, I had crazy thoughts... thinking about shapes that were distorted, images that didn't make sense... it lasted for hours and scared the living crap out of me. I hate it because it's like I've lost control of my mind and will I ever be able to get it back?!

 

The worst part was that I just had a two week window... and then this came back to hit me with a damn vengeance... and I mean ALL of my symptoms...

 

:(

 

-Pete

 

I'm so sorry to hear this Petey, hope it leaves quickly. It's good to see you, though!

 

T2 :smitten:

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I have to intentionally fight my mind from going into some deep, dark corners.  Why our minds like to explore grotesque thoughts that are contrary to who we are is so strange.  I have a theory I am working on about that.....  That's another post.

 

I can relate to what AddieBlue said:

I have tons of self doubt and I'm constantly second guessing my decisions, judgments, behaviors, feeling like they're not right or good enough. This has caused me great anxiety when dealing with other people because I'm constantly wondering what they think of me and if my weird feelings show. I've become quite timid because all this. I've lost confidence in what I say and do around others.

 

One of the worst thoughts I have is that maybe this is just who I am underneath all the medication.

 

When we become completely benzo free and are healing, it really puts a spotlight on us and makes us wonder exactly "what is my life all about.....what am I meant for.......why am I here.......what is my true purpose......."

 

One thing I know for sure is that you have to do something to build confidence and not be so self-conscious.  We have to build some self esteem and sense of accomplishment.  I could not sit around and wait for the world to come to me.  I had to make some kind of statement about what I stand for and what really matters.

 

Thomas

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I have tons of self doubt and I'm constantly second guessing my decisions, judgments, behaviors, feeling like they're not right or good enough. 

 

I knew I was feeling this way also and it was confirmed when I had a friend point it out to me recently.  She asked me to go somewhere with her and I just couldn't decide what to do.  She said, "last year at this time you would have just jumped right on board with me".  She is soo right.  I am always unsure as to my decisions. 

 

I'm glad to know that this will pass in time.  I have only been on meds for about 6 months, not nearly as long as you.  I can remember who I was before and know that person is still there.  Even if you don't remember, YOU are still there, maybe you'll just need to look a little deeper :)

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