`One Year Off Xanax`

In the late 1990's I started to experience palpitations and tachycardia, which in turn generated panic attacks

that got worse and worse as time went on.  I soon developed an intense fear of the panic attacks

themselves, anticipatory fear, which is common in "panic disorder."  When I was prescribed xanax for the

first time in 1999, I thought it was a gift from heaven.  It worked beautifully, no more palpitations and no

more panic attacks.  I took it for many years before I developed tolerance, which I first noticed when i began

to run out of pills before the end of each month.

 

To make a long story short, I eventually realized that xanax was a double-edged sword which was sapping

my mind and my creativity.  I'd been a successful painter (animals, birds, plants), even making a living from

my art.  But while on xanax I lost all desire to paint, or do much of anything.  I made two unsuccessful

attempts to get off xanax in 2005 and 2009, reinstating at a higher dose each time.  Then finally, in early

2012, I rapidly tapered, crossed over to valium, and off on March 18, 2012.  My prescription had been cut

off, so I couldn't do a longer taper.  But the taper went smoothly, and I only had symptoms once I was off.

They were overwhelming:

 

 

Withdrawal Symptoms at 0-5 months off:

 

 

Anxiety:        Extreme anxiety in the mornings, waking at 4 am, hypervigilance, out-of-the-blue panic

 

Senses:        Altered, distorted and extremely acute hearing, smell, taste, hyperosmia

 

Eyes:            Red, painful, dry,  Visual distortions, minor hallucinations, floaters, etc.

 

Head Sys:      Congestion, pain, cog fog, head zaps, earaches, headaches, sinus problems

 

Body:            Extreme flushing, sweating, chills, pains, temp. hair loss, vertigo, insomnia, vivid dreams

 

Muscles:        Stiffness, pain, twitching, facial tics, hand tremors, restless leg syndrome

 

Nerves:          Raw, exposed, "open wound" feeling all over--absolutely excruciating!

 

Mental:          Depression, obsessive, intrusive thoughts, morbid thoughts, racing mind, agoraphobia,

                      DP/DR, and  extreme hypochondria with countless imagined health issues!

 

Starting in month 5, my symptoms began to lessen, and slowly but steadily got better.  I had windows and waves.

A non-linear rollercoaster ride, but in general I still felt worst in the morning and much better by evening each day.

 

When I started having severe mental symptoms I desperately looked for a way to regain "control."  I found it in

self-distraction, which I applied obsessively at first.  It became an ingrained habit, and I began to look forward

to my favorite distractions.  I began to relax a little, and during months 6-12  the healing really accelerated.

 

Besides distraction, I've done meditation and other spiritual practices.  All of these took my mind off my symptoms

for awhile.  In the afternoons when I started feeling better I'd relax, read, nap, or watch tv.  Nothing strenuous.

I eat what I want and drink half/caff coffee (helps the cog-fog). 

 

 

Remaining symptoms at one year off:

 

Head symptoms, though slowly improving, are still with me.  The zaps have stopped, but congestion, foggyness,

and at times, pain, remain, especially early in the day.

 

Physical symptoms:  almost all gone, with the exception of occasional restless legs, and rarely, mild vertigo.

 

Mental symptoms:  mostly gone, but  I still have occasional racing thoughts when in a "wave,"  My anxiety level

is now much lower than it was before benzos.  This is remarkable since I was prescribed xanax for anxiety!

 

When I took my last benzo a year ago I didn't really have any faith that I could do this.  I'd tried it twice before and

failed. But with the help of BenzoBuddies, I finally managed it.  At three months off I got rid of my stash of xanax,

and I never took a "rescue dose."  The hardest thing for me was learning how to live and cope with my

anxiety without xanax.  I never thought I was a particularly strong person, but now I know I am.  I've proved it!

 

If I can do this, you can too!

 

:smitten:

Megan this is amazing..

 

Im so happy for you. You fought everyday and night to get to where you are rt now and it will only get better and better. The worst is now GONE!

 

Best of luck in continued recovery..

 

~Jenny

That is great Megan.  It is sooooooo encouraging to me when I see a long time user get well.  i am going to go backi and read many of your posts.  ia m 5 months off and feeling better.        mark

Megan this is amazing..

 

Im so happy for you. You fought everyday and night to get to where you are rt now and it will only get better and better. The worst is now GONE!

 

Best of luck in continued recovery..

 

~Jenny

 

Hi Jenny,

 

Thank you -- I found your own success story very inspiring when I was at my worst!

 

That is great Megan.  It is sooooooo encouraging to me when I see a long time user get well.  i am going to go backi and read many of your posts.  ia m 5 months off and feeling better.        mark

 

Thanks, Mark.  It sounds like you are on course for a full recovery!

 

Megan,

 

I am so happy that the third time was the charm! 

 

It's amazing what strength we can draw upon when we are determined. It takes determination and courage to do what you did and you succeeded. 

 

You will continue to improve day by day.  Every day will be brighter and there will be more joy and appreciation for every small part of life.

 

PG 

Congrats Megan,

Wishing you all the best.  Wishing you nothing but happiness and continued health improvement in the days, months and years to come. 

 

Thank you for sharing your story,

M

In the late 1990's I started to experience palpitations and tachycardia, which in turn generated panic attacks

that got worse and worse as time went on.  I soon developed an intense fear of the panic attacks

themselves, anticipatory fear, which is common in "panic disorder."  When I was prescribed xanax for the

first time in 1999, I thought it was a gift from heaven.  It worked beautifully, no more palpitations and no

more panic attacks.  I took it for many years before I developed tolerance, which I first noticed when i began

to run out of pills before the end of each month.

 

To make a long story short, I eventually realized that xanax was a double-edged sword which was sapping

my mind and my creativity.  I'd been a successful painter (animals, birds, plants), even making a living from

my art.  But while on xanax I lost all desire to paint, or do much of anything.  I made two unsuccessful

attempts to get off xanax in 2005 and 2009, reinstating at a higher dose each time.  Then finally, in early

2012, I rapidly tapered, crossed over to valium, and off on March 18, 2012.  My prescription had been cut

off, so I couldn't do a longer taper.  But the taper went smoothly, and I only had symptoms once I was off.

They were overwhelming:

 

 

Withdrawal Symptoms at 0-5 months off:

 

 

Anxiety:        Extreme anxiety in the mornings, waking at 4 am, hypervigilance, out-of-the-blue panic

 

Senses:        Altered, distorted and extremely acute hearing, smell, taste, hyperosmia

 

Eyes:            Red, painful, dry,  Visual distortions, minor hallucinations, floaters, etc.

 

Head Sys:      Congestion, pain, cog fog, head zaps, earaches, headaches, sinus problems

 

Body:            Extreme flushing, sweating, chills, pains, vertigo, insomnia, vivid dreams

 

Muscles:        Stiffness, pain, twitching, facial tics, hand tremors, restless leg syndrome

 

Nerves:          Raw, exposed, "open wound" feeling all over--absolutely excruciating!

 

Mental:          Depression, obsessive, intrusive thoughts, morbid thoughts, racing mind, agoraphobia,

                      DP/DR, and  extreme hypochondria with countless imagined health issues!

 

Starting in month 5, my symptoms began to lessen, and slowly but steadily got better.  I had windows and waves.

A non-linear rollercoaster ride, but in general I still felt worst in the morning and much better by evening each day.

 

When I started having severe mental symptoms I desperately looked for a way to regain "control."  I found it in

self-distraction, which I applied obsessively at first.  It became an ingrained habit, and I began to look forward

to my favorite distractions.  I began to relax a little, and during months 6-12  the healing really accelerated.

 

Besides distraction, I've done meditation and other spiritual practices.  All of these took my mind off my symptoms

for awhile.  In the afternoons when I started feeling better I'd relax, read, nap, or watch tv.  Nothing strenuous.

I eat what I want and drink half/caff coffee (helps the cog-fog). 

 

 

Remaining symptoms at one year off:

 

Head symptoms, though slowly improving, are still with me.  The zaps have stopped, but congestion, foggyness,

and at times, pain, remain, especially early in the day.

 

Physical symptoms:  almost all gone, with the exception of occasional restless legs, and rarely, mild vertigo.

 

Mental symptoms:  mostly gone, but  I still have occasional racing thoughts when in a "wave,"  My anxiety level

is now much lower than it was before benzos.  This is remarkable since I was prescribed xanax for anxiety!

 

When I took my last benzo a year ago I didn't really have any faith that I could do this.  I'd tried it twice before and

failed. But with the help of BenzoBuddies, I finally managed it.  At three months off I got rid of my stash of xanax,

and I never took a "rescue dose."  The hardest thing for me was learning how to live and cope with my

anxiety without xanax.  I never thought I was a particularly strong person, but now I know I am.  I've proved it!

 

If I can do this, you can too!

 

:smitten:

 

 

 

 

Hi Megan

 

 

Congratulations  and thank you for posting your success story. 

 

 

I can completely relate to all of you post and look forward to the day I can join you.

 

 

peace love and healing

towardsthesun

 

 

 

 

Thank u Megan. That is so inspiring. I will be ending my 5th month in a few days and look forward to starting my 6th month of healing.

Megan,

 

I am so happy that the third time was the charm! 

 

It's amazing what strength we can draw upon when we are determined. It takes determination and courage to do what you did and you succeeded. 

 

You will continue to improve day by day.  Every day will be brighter and there will be more joy and appreciation for every small part of life.

 

PG 

 

Thank you, pg! 

Congrats Megan,

Wishing you all the best.  Wishing you nothing but happiness and continued health improvement in the days, months and years to come. 

 

Thank you for sharing your story,

M

 

Thank you.  The same to you! 

Did your hair loss stop? I'm experiencing this now. 50%of my hair is gone. For a woman this is devastating.

Did your hair loss stop? I'm experiencing this now. 50%of my hair is gone. For a woman this is devastating.

 

Yes, at about 6-7 months off I noticed fine hair growing in around my hairline.  My hair has always been fine, straight, and thick.  A few weeks ago a hairdresser commented on how "thick" my hair is!  In the last year, many have posted here about temporary hair loss, and about the regrowth.  It does grow back!

 

Congrats Megan!! What a wonderful story.

Could you expound on how you learned to deal with the anxiety after it was all over? This is what I worry about the most, being clean but being a bundle of nerves.

Congrats, Megan, you did the undoable!! Are you going back to your artwork?

 

One question, month 7-8 has shown signs of lessening of symptoms for me. They are still debilitating, but not as intense. They Don't have the same hold on me, and i began driving again. Is this what you experienced in month 5? It sounds like that was your turning point. Also, did you deal with DR?

 

Thank you! 

Congrats Megan!! What a wonderful story.

Could you expound on how you learned to deal with the anxiety after it was all over? This is what I worry about the most, being clean but being a bundle of nerves.

 

I've used a combination of things, meditation, spirituality, distraction, and simply calmly facing my fears.  I also somehow learned to accept the fact that I am, and will remain, a very sensitive person, and will always have a certain amount of anxiety because of it.  Rather than fighting it, I realize it's part of who I am.  Paradoxically, accepting one's "flaws" can help to release the fear and self-judgment around them.

Congrats, Megan, you did the undoable!! Are you going back to your artwork?

 

One question, month 7-8 has shown signs of lessening of symptoms for me. They are still debilitating, but not as intense. They Don't have the same hold on me, and i began driving again. Is this what you experienced in month 5? It sounds like that was your turning point. Also, did you deal with DR?

 

Thank you! 

 

I'm glad you're noticing your symptoms are getting better.  For me it was a slow and back-and-forth, rollercoaster process with waves and windows.  Month 5 was when I first noticed it but in months 7-8-9 it really accelerated.

Thank you for your response about your hair. That makes me feel so much better. I have always had thick hair and now I don't. I pray this is my last symptom. My last sliver of a pill was Oct. 28. so I am almost 5 months out. I am just so ready for this to be over with.  Life is good other than this hair loss.

Congrats Megan!! What a wonderful story.

Could you expound on how you learned to deal with the anxiety after it was all over? This is what I worry about the most, being clean but being a bundle of nerves.

 

I've used a combination of things, meditation, spirituality, distraction, and simply calmly facing my fears.  I also somehow learned to accept the fact that I am, and will remain, a very sensitive person, and will always have a certain amount of anxiety because of it.  Rather than fighting it, I realize it's part of who I am.  Paradoxically, accepting one's "flaws" can help to release the fear and self-judgment around them.

  Thanks Megan! I hope it works out that way for me too!! Keep up the great work!

  Megan- You did it!!! You got yourself back!!! I like to say" I am chasing anxiety,not It chasing me!" You are a brave soul to walk through the withdraws and you made it to the other side. Bravo!!!! :boxer:   Jude

Megan I feel like i've just read my own story.. Every symptom, every time frame.. Exactly the same. Man it's been hideous... I even got rid of my xanax stash at 3 mths off. Good on you for the 12 months, it's fantastic!! I'm now 6 and a half and alot of improvements. The mornings are still bad, the songs are still there and the muscles are not good, quite sensitive still and all the other stuff that hangs around. Thanks for your update, great to read. Can't wait to be a year!! X

Congratulations Megan on being one year free 

 

I'm so pleased you are now doing so well and I wish you continued healing !

 

Thanks so much for sharing your story and your progress.

 

Debbie 

Megan I feel like i've just read my own story.. Every symptom, every time frame.. Exactly the same. Man it's been hideous... I even got rid of my xanax stash at 3 mths off. Good on you for the 12 months, it's fantastic!! I'm now 6 and a half and alot of improvements. The mornings are still bad, the songs are still there and the muscles are not good, quite sensitive still and all the other stuff that hangs around. Thanks for your update, great to read. Can't wait to be a year!! X

 

Thank you so much.  We all think I'm the only one going through this, other people heal but I won't, but then one day we realize, "Oh, I don't have that symptom anymore, or that one, or....."  and that's when we realize healing is really happening!

 

 

Congrats Megan!! What a wonderful story.

Could you expound on how you learned to deal with the anxiety after it was all over? This is what I worry about the most, being clean but being a bundle of nerves.

I've used a combination of things, meditation, spirituality, distraction, and simply calmly facing my fears.  I also somehow learned to accept the fact that I am, and will remain, a very sensitive person, and will always have a certain amount of anxiety because of it.  Rather than fighting it, I realize it's part of who I am.  Paradoxically, accepting one's "flaws" can help to release the fear and self-judgment around them.

 

Congrats, Megan!  Wonderful!  I found your insight very enlightening and will ponder that tonight.  You may have said the magic words...just what I needed to hear at this time in my life.  Thanks so much for sharing your journey. 

 

Continued healing....

Sunnyside

Thanks Megan for letting us know you don't suffer the amount of anxiety you originally suffered before taking benzo's. That's my greatest fear. And someone was posting that once we taper, we'll be back to square one.

  I'm hoping I have a similar experience.