My ongoing battle

I finally decided it was time I joined a forum for help. Here's my story:  My doctor put me on .5 mg Xanax in fall of 2006 after death of a family member.  In April I did not want to take it anymore and he said to just quit.  Bad idea.  I wound up in the ER where they gave me Klonopin.  I finally found a new doc 6 weeks later who would give me valium and wean me off.  After months of this, I was finally off in late fall of 07 but still having bad symptoms.  In January, I had a drink with dinner and that was a huge mistake since I had had problems with alcohol in the past.  I could not quit.  I had replaced valium with alcohol.  In March, I quit the alcohol.  10 days later after not eating, having fever and extreme anxiety, I went back to my doc, who put me back on a low dose of valium.  I did not want it but I was losing my mind and wanted relief.  I've been back on it for 9 days, and I think it is making me worse.  It helped for two days, but now does not help.  I am afraid to just stop cold turkey again, and think I need to wean back off.  I reduced the dose last night and feel horrid.  Someone told me to just quit taking it since I've only been on it 9 days, but again, I am terrified of seizures like I had when I ct the Xanax.  Lesson learned:  I can never ever have a drink with dinner, and one should never reinstate.  But I guess my doc thought it would help me with the alcohol withdrawal.  I could use some advice as to what to do.  Even though I don't feel well back on the valium, I am fearful of just quitting again since I'm already having severe anxiety, fever and other symptoms.  Can anyone give me advice?  I see my doc again next Wednesday.

Hi, Missy, and welcome to BenzoBuddies.  You have come to the right place for information and support for getting off of valium.  You are lucky to be on valium rather than one of the shorter acting benzos (like xanax).  You should be able to taper off of it with minimal withdrawal symptoms. 

 

You said you were on a low dose of valium for 9 days.  How much do you take each day and when do you take it?

 

One of the moderators will undoubtedly be along soon to offer you some expert advice.  In the meantime, you might want to check out the Ashton Manual and related web pages.  http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/index.htm

 

Hang on. Help is on the way. 

Hi Missy!!

 

That's my daughter's name...well, Melissa, but we call her Missy.  Anyway, welcome to Benzobuddies!!!!  You have come to the right place for help and support in getting off this poison.  I would not suggest that you quit cold turkey as you have already seen that that can cause seizures.  Instead, you should taper off gradually so that your body has a chance to adjust with each cut.

 

Benzos are not the answer to your problem.  I am a very anxious person and at first thought Xanax was a miracle drug.  I soon found out otherwise!!  If you would like to read about my story...it is in the welcome forum under the "You can do this" thread.  I have fully recovered from this nightmare and am doing very very well.  You WILL heal.  Everything you are experiencing is classic benzo withdrawal.  I know it is horrible and scarey but it will pass in time.  Try your best to relax, accept that this is withdrawal and don't let it freak you out, and educate yourself as much as possible about this experience.  The Ashton Manual is a good place to start.

 

Hang in there and make yourself at home here.  You are not alone!!

 

Love,

 

Jen

Welcome Missy. Beeper gave good advice (Read the manual  ) and also asked good questions. If you can get back to us with details, I'm sure we can help you with a taper plan that will fit your needs and situation.

Nice to meet you! 

 

Tony

Thanks for the response.  I read the Ashton Manual before and that was how I was able to get of the benzo's last fall.

 

My doctor reinstated me on only 1 mg 10 days ago. I know this seems really low, but I've always been hyper-sensitive to any kind of drug, so even on this low dose I have bad side effects (depression, rashes, etc.)

 

I'm wondering if this reinstatement of valium is what is causing me to have anxiety through the roof, dizziness, unable to eat, brain zaps, etc. (it's been 20 days since I had a drink) and if it is simply prolonging my agony.  Could I be having a paradoxical reaction?

 

Also, I had my thiamine checked and it was really low.  So they gave me a shot and an oral pill to take...that was 10 days ago and the day that I felt myself going insane and the day my doc put me back on the valium.  B vitamins always caused severe w/d for me when I tapered last year.

 

I just don't know what to do.  The valium really does not help when I take it at 5:30 pm each night and I'm afraid it may be hurting at this point.  But it's only been 10 days so I doubt it's had time to build up in my system. So the questions is:  do I need to let it build back up before I cut, or is it the valium making me ill? I'd really like to try and cut...but for how long and at what level?  I'm so confused right now and feel so incredibly sick.  All I can do is lay on the couch and stare out the window.  It reminds me of last year during my Klonopin to valium switchover.  Who would think that such a low dose could have this effect.  My body must really be screwed up.

 

Thanks you so very much for replying.  I really need some help. :'(

So 1 mg Valium per day?

(((Missy))),

 

How much and what alcohol were you drinking before you quit 20 days ago? Alcohol withdrawal and continued side effects from your previous withdrawals could be contributing to your anxiety. I have heard that some B vitamins can cause anxiety. I am, by no means, an expert in any of this. Someone with more expertise will be along to help you.

 

Hang in there!

Yes, Tony, I'm at 1 mg valium.  I'm extremely fatigued and now I'm very depressed (which I wasn't when I was just in alcohol withdrawal).

 

Theresa, I was drinking 4-5 beers a night fpr 3 months(I weigh 98 pounds now...can't eat), but on week-ends I'd drink 8-12 because I'd start in the morning for the withdrawal and then could not stop.  Then, before I quit, I drank 9-11 per day for 6 days straight.  When I quit, I was okay the first 3 days, then the 4thday, I started having the confusion, head buzzing, anxiety, sweats, fever, heart hammering out of my chest, etc.  I finally caved on day 10 and went to ER thinking I was having DT's.  They said no I wasn't because I wasn't hallucinating, they gave me a thiamine shot and a vitamin bag IV and sent me home around 10 am.  By 4:30 pm, I'd lost it and the anxiety and tingling became unbearable.  That's when my husband called my doctor ( the one who had weaned me off benzo's in the first place) and rushed me to see him.  He thought putting me back on valium for the alcohol w/d would help.  It did the first two nights, then it didn't help anymore.

So now I still have extreme anxiety plus all the other symptoms I had when I c/t off the Xanax last year.  Extreme anxiety plus overwhelming fatigue.  I don't know if I'm in withdrawal or if it's a side effect of the valium, or if I could be in tolerance withdrawal from having reinstated.

 

Thanks so much for the help.  I am most grateful.

Hi again Missy!

 

I know the feelings you are having seem unbearable.  They did for me too.  I also seemed to be worse on the medication after I reinstated on Xanax after having C/T for 2 weeks.  It amped me up instead of calming me down.  Whatever the cause and whatever the reason, your main goal should be to get off the medication.  Slowly by tapering.  Once I was off the medication, I started to feel much much better.  Make a plan, look forward to your goal and try your best to relax.  I know that is much easier said than done...but you will be whole again...I promise.

 

Love,

 

Jen

Jen,

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement.  Again, I know my dose is so low compared to most, but when you consider the fact that a was an alcoholic for years, then quit, then was given benzo's, then tapered off, then started drinking again a few months ago before I quit again, I wonder since alcohol works on GABA like benzo's if I was actually at an equivalent of 20 or 30 mg of valium?  Does this make sense to anyone or am I loopy?

 

My doc says I've always been hypersensitive to drugs, probably from the years of alcohol abuse.

 

So, again, should I taje the .5 and stay on that for a week then quit?  I'm supposed to take it around 5:30.

 

Also, I have not ben able to eat last 2 weeks.  Started out at 108, and now down to 98.  When I eat, it seems to up my w/d symptoms.  This happened to me last year when I switched to the valium.

 

Any help would be most appreciated.  I really don't feel like I can endure this again, and I just hate myself for taking that first glass of beer and then taking docs advice to take the valium.

Don't beat yourself up sweetie...the how's and why's of what got you here are no longer important...the important things now are getting off the drugs, staying away from the alcohol, and working on getting better.  You need to eat.  I know how difficult that is right now, I also had a tough time eating while going through withdrawal.  I lived on peanutbutter sandwiches for 3 months.  Find something that you can eat and if you can't eat something...maybe ensure, or carnation instant breakfast.  You need your strength!!

 

Anyway, please don't beat yourself up.  Guilt is a useless emotion and a waste of much needed energy.  Hindsight is 20/20 and if we had that....there would be no need for this forum cause none of us would ever have put that first pill in our mouths!!

 

As far as jumping off at .5 mg valium...I'm not an expert in that area.  I tapered off Klonopin and did it way too fast.  I'm sure someone who knows more about that will be along to give you some advice very soon.

 

Love,

 

Jen

Hi Missy,

 

I've heard of alcohol being referred to as liquid benzos and conversely of benzos being referred to as solid alcohol, so there is definitely a similarity even though they feel so different.

 

I am now at 0.9 mg Valium cutting to 0.8 tonight. If you can get liquid Diazepam, you could taper by 0.1 mg every few days like me and we cod. be finished close to the same time.  You're probably taking half a 2 mg pill now, right? It'd be tough to cut that into more than 4 pieces. I guess you could still titrate (we'd have to provide instructions), but if you coudl get your doc to prescribe the liquid that woudl probably be the easiest.

 

Let us know what you decide to do.

 

T

I guess I just wasn't sure if I could make that big of a cut since I'd just been back on for 10 days.  But like you said, booze is liquid benzo, so that would make sense to make a tiny cut.

 

I do have this nifty little knife (can't remember what it's called) that my husband bought me when I was tapering before.  I can shave the tiniest amount off of 1 mg.  I will use that tonight.  My doc looked into liquid valium last year when I was tapering and was told it's not available here.

Thank you so much for the help.  I hope that people who read this will know that it's never, ever a good idea to drink after one has had a problem with benzo's.  I sure wish I'd known what I was doing to myself when I drank that first beer.

 

 

 

 

Hi Missy,

 

Valium is very slow to build up to full blood levels for a given dose. At ten days in, your blood levels are probably still increasing by a significant amount each day. These additive effects levels off (it becomes less-and-less marked each day). So, you are still adjusting to increasing blood levels of Valium. You'll probably notice this less-and-less over the next 1-2 weeks, and will feel less drowsy (you will adjust to your more stable blood levels).

My doc looked into liquid valium last year when I was tapering and was told it's not available here.

 

You're not in the U.S. then?

Tony , I am in the U.S., but in a very small rural community.  I have to drive an hour to see my doctor.  He called several pharmacists before looking for the liquid , including a compounding pharmicist, and they all told them the liquid was not available.

 

Thanks, Colin, for the info. So I'll make a small cut tonight and see how that goes.

I don't see why any pharmacy in the US would have any problem getting it.  Shouldn't the doctor simply prescribe it and then it's up to the pharmacy to fill it? They could call CVS and ask them  how they get it. I got it same day from there and didn't even call ahead.

I am waking up with terrible adrenaline surges and extreme panic the past 4 days. This lasts for several hours.  Also, sleep isn't good.  Wake up after 3 hours and then toss and turn. Honestly thinking I will no longer be able to work. 

 

I'm wondering if I'm actually in tolerance since reinstating the valium.  And, if I am, am I going to get worse and worse as I taper? As it is now, I don't feel like I can function.  Still having the low grade fever I've had for a month, but doc says no infection.  Is it w/d?

 

Would really appreciate some feedback.  Thanks.

If you are like I was, I got better as I tapered not worse.  I was having a very bad reaction to the drugs but was afraid to C/T because of seizures.  Also, I woke up the same as you...day after day.  If I got any sleep at all, I always woke up startled, heart racing, mind racing in a total panic.  After I got off the drug it got a little better and a little better and now I sleep like a log and have a hard time getting up.  I know this is horrible, but it will get better. 

 

I give you credit for working.  You are one strong lady!!  I was a stay at home mom at the time.  Although I still took care of my kids...it's not the same as going outside the home to a job. 

 

Hang in there!

 

Love,

 

Jen

If you are like I was, I got better as I tapered not worse.

 

 

Yeah me too funnily enough. It's no cool top have things go right for a change. I thought I was done for there for a while. Whew!

 

I give you credit for working.  You are one strong lady!!

 

Yeah, no kidding!

 

http://www.freedominmessiah.com/t5.gif

I am having severe w/d today.  Woke up in a panic that has not let up.  Also, my left leg is numb and sometime tingly and I can't walk right.

Actually, both arms are tingly.  Extreme anxiety and a little disoriented.  I shaved a small amount off my 1 mg last night, but I have a few questions:

 

I am having severe w/d today.  Woke up in a panic that has not let up.  Also, my left leg is numb and sometime tingly and I can't walk right.

Actually, both arms are tingly.  Extreme anxiety and a little disoriented.  I shaved a small amount off my 1 mg last night, but I have a few questions:

 

 

Missy, the numbness tingling stuff is fairly common. I believe The Ashton Manual mentions it. Part of it may be you are hyperventilating a bit, without realizing it. This will cause some tingliness. Try slowing your breathing down by doing abdominal breathing. I think we have a post somewhere. I'll try to find it for you.

Oopps.  Hit a wrong button.  Here are my questions:

 

1.  Should I have stayed at the 1 mg for a while before trying to shave a bit off last night?  I never have stabilsed since reinstating on the 19th at 1 mg.

2.   I read somewhere that when people reinstate it can do one of 2 things:  cause paradoxical reactions, or they must reinstate at a higher dose than they originally withdrew from.

3.   I have a rash.  withdrawal or toxicity?

 

I am miserable today.  I feel like I did when I c/t from the Xanax, or when I reduced my Klonopin too fast before switching to the valium. When I switched to valium before, it took me 4 weeks to somewhat stabilise.

 

I really need some help here!  I can't eat and I feel like I'm losing it!  Any advice please?

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=7398.0

 

Here is the link for belly breathing for panic attack.

 

Sometimes it's true, it's hard to restabilize after reinstating. But you may just have to hold a little longer. Since you just reduced yesterday, I would say it would be ok to just stay at 1mg for a while. It's not usually a good idea to increase the dose from the original dose though, except in extreme cases. 

 

Rash is a fairly common wd symptom. I had them.

How long should I stay at the 1 mg?

 

Trying to eat something and I'm breaking out in a sweat.